Meeting Men

[Maria]

Okay, can one tell me where one goes to meet nice men ?

 

I am sick and tired of the nightclub scene. So any suggestions ??

[Tony T]

Well, you could start by stopping by my house...but I probably live too far (my tough luck).

 

Men are everywhere and most people do not meet their life mates in nightclubs.

 

You can meet nice men: at work; in shopping malls, especially the food court; in traffic when you're having car trouble; by taking night classes at a local university or real estate school; by using matching services on the Internet such as www.match.com or digital cities at www.netscape.com, KEYWORD: Digital Cities on AOL or just go to a search engine and enter "dating in the search engine; at restaurants where you and friends are having lunch or dinner; sitting on a bench at a park feeding the squirrels; on an afternoon outing at a local zoo or fun park; by arranging to take tours of your local television stations, newspapers, and other interesting places or businesses in your town...

 

at places where you can sign up to do volunteer work, such as children's wards of hospitals (lots of eligible doctors there); at a gymnasium where you can work out, keep fit and find men at the same time; at political rallies and fund raisers (this is political season if you're in the U.S. and lots of classy men attend these functions...call your local democratic or republican party for locations of these functions or read the papers or just get involved in one of the big races); in downtown areas at lunchtime if you live in a larger city...they'll walk right up to you if you look at them right; at the public library or library of a local university; as you take walks or jog at a nice, safe local park;

 

Your friends are one of the very best resources. If you do some of the above, you will make friends who will introduce you to others. Before you know it, you will have more nice guys after you than you know what to do with.

 

If all else fails, then stop by my house and we can go to a club, have some drinks, and talk about how you can meet some men as nice as me.

[Maria]

Thanks for your advice Tony ! I live in Australia, and you're in the US right? It is a bit far for me to travel (although I'd love to) !! I wish there were more guys around like you (but I am a bit biased - your name - my dad is Tony - and I think he is the best guy in this whole entire world!), you know, maybe that is my problem !!

 

Anyways, I have BIG boyfriend problems at the moment(maybe one day I will write them all down!! - I'd need a couple of hours I think). I really think that I have to get out of my situation, but the problem is that I love him (at least I think I do) and I am not strong enough to leave and he wont leave me (he isnt strong enough either)so what do I do? I lie awake at night thinking about this s***ty problem and how happy I can be (maybe) with someone else, but i just can't leave - WHAT IS MY PROBLEM ?? I have been with him now for 4 years.

[Tony T]

Change is always frightening. Sometimes we would rather remain in an unpleasant situation that is a known quantity than move on to unknown territory. After four years, even though you are NOT happy, you are well aware of what you're not happy about. It's a bit scarry to go out into the world and hunt for someone new...but that's what you're going to have to do.

 

Condemning yourself to a lifetime of unhappiness and depair because you are unwilling or too weak to pry yourself from a bad relationship is not what you want to do. Yes, it does take strength to say goodbye. As a matter of fact, in everything we undertake in life...relationships and everything else...knowing when to leave is the hardest thing to learn and do. Whether we are lovers, gamblers, businessmen or whomever, we have to cut our losses and move forward.

 

I certainly understand your situation and all of the mind things that go into not wanting to leave a relationship or putting that off until later. You may feel you have so much time and emotion invested, you may feel you will not find someone else, or there may be a number of other factors that keep you there. You have to sort those out and determine if you can be reasonably happy in the long term if you remain in your current situation. It sounds like you can't. It is insane to remain unless there are numerous extenuating circumstances.

 

Yes, I do live in America but I think the suggestions I made on meeting men would apply in your country as well, unless you live very deep in the country away from any big cities. Even that is no reason to remain in an unhappy situation. If you are going to be happy in all of your life, you are going to have to become far more assertive and develop the strength and ability to take your life in the direction you want.

 

If you get in the mood to write out some of the serious problems you mentioned that you face, perhaps I could help. You may write me directly at: <e-mail address removed> and I will happily respond within a day.

 

And yes, you are quite right about Tonys. We are all great. After all, our name spelled backwards is: WHY NOT??? I'm sure your dad is GREAT, just like you said!!!

[Maria]

Thanks for your advice Tony. I have printed it out and will read it more in depth and also keep it for inspiration ! I will take you up on your offer - its really nice to think that a complete stranger would reach out and help - I really thank you for that !!!

 

Maria