missher68 Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 Here's my story, and I'll try to keep it as brief as possible. If anybody has any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. My girlfriend of 6 1/2 years left me, two nights before Valentine's Day. I never knew anything was wrong. She just told me she wasn't happy, and left. Just a few nights before that, we we laughing and joking as we always did. (She works third shift, so I didn't see her every night, or at least not for much time.) I was devastated. I love her more than anything in the world, and I thought she loved me too. I found out that she started seeing some guy from work. Ir took weeks of emails to finally get her to tell me why she left. Other than the new guy, her reasons were that I was never there for her when she was insecure, and that I didn't wash off the cat food spoons (!). I told her I was very sorry that I mistook her silence for contentment, and that if she ever had anything on her mind, she should have just come to me (instead of the guy at work). I told her I'd never have left her suffer in silence. It kills me that she thought I would. She told me, "Bottom line: I don't love you. Nothing to build on, nothing to fix. Get over me. Move on." I know she did love me, from the way she used to look at me with adoration, the things she did, the way she acted, and from her touch (and not just sexually, even though she always made love to me with passion). Now she acts like I'm the enemy. She never gave me a chance to make things right. The backstory is, she was on antidepressants since her mid-teens. She decided a few months back that she didn't need them, without consulting her doctor. She seemed fine for a while, so I let it go. My theory is, the meds finally worked their way out of her system, and she snapped. Honestly, the look in her eyes when she told me she was leaving, and the two times I've seen her since (when she packed up her stuff), was cold and blank, and her tone was cold and borderline hostile. I begged her to get back on her meds, but she still swears she doesn't need them. She says she has "normal mood swings". I've talked about this with friends who've dealt with depression either themselves, or with family members. Most have told me that my ex's behavior is probably due to the lack of meds, and that if she ever reaches the point where she gets help again, she may realize just how much I love her (and how much she loved me), and she may return. That sliver of hope is the only thing that keeps me hanging on these days. She's the love of my life. Nobody ever came close to making me feel the way she did, and the void in my life without her is almost too much to bear. Even though she insists she's never coming back, is there a chance that maybe someday she'll have a change of heart? Link to post Share on other sites
Jerrica Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 I can help out with some advice on the anti-depressants as I am on them currently and have been for a few years now. I don't think these have anything to do with her breaking up with you, do you know if she stopped cold turkey? I do remember one time I kept forgetting to take mine, for a couple weeks and I went into complete utter numbness. I cared about nothing, no feelings. I knew it was because of me forgetting to take my pills and I had faith my feelings would come back once I stabilized so I stayed with my boyfriend and he stuck with me that time. after I felt strong enough I did try to come off them, I warned my boyfriend in advance, and I weened off of them. I had some mood swings, along with anxiety but never stopped loving my boyfriend. It was actually HIM that couldn't handle MY mood swings and after a few months of trying I did go back on them, unfortunately though it did not save our relationship. It helped with my anxiety tremendously, but now I'm realizing that my bf was abusive and that was causing my anxiety, and the mood swings and clingy-ness. I denied his abuse, and the anti-depressants hid my body's way of telling me something was wrong (ANXIETY; FEAR) Link to post Share on other sites
Author missher68 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 She claims she weaned herself off them. I am not the abusive type, and I would have supported her through anything. I love her, and I would never let her suffer, if I'd known there was something bothering her. The reasoning I got from some of my friends (one who takes the same meds as my ex, and the other who has family members with similar issues) is that my ex starting feeling depressed and anxious again, and she decided to blame the person closest to her - me. Worse yet, I'm sure she was turning to the guy at work for comfort. Once again, I know she did love me once, and her entire personality, including her feelings toward me, changed so drastically, and so rapidly, I can't just let this go as a "normal" break-up. We never even had a fight prior to her leaving. She just turned cold, told me she wasn't happy, and left. It's like she's a completely different person. I asked her when she left if she'd even miss me and she said, "I really don't know." Really??? After 6 1/2 years??? We had a very close, loving, passionate relationship, and we also enjoyed the simple things together. I'd give anything to have her back. For now, I guess all I can do is sit back, and hope that maybe she'll realize how much we've both lost from her leaving. Arrogant as it sounds, I'd bet everything - including my very soul - that the new guy doesn't love her like I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Jerrica Posted April 18, 2011 Share Posted April 18, 2011 when I weened of my meds, I did get lapses of depression, anxiety and some insomnia just from my body withdrawing. This is when I felt I needed my boyfriends support the MOST and he would just want to go out drinking with his friends instead and didn't understand. So I find it weird that she would push you away at a time like that instead of going to you for support. Are you sure she felt comfortable coming to you? Unless she started to have feelings for this other guy...... But honestly, 6.5 years is a long time. no matter what no one comes out of that and DOESN'T miss the other person. She may feel like she won't in the moment she said it, but she WILL miss you, believe that for sure! Give her some time, it really is all you can do at this point. I'm so happy to hear that there ARE guys out there that would stick with their gf through anything and not go out drinking with buddies when their gf needs some support you sound like an awesome guy, she has no idea I would have killed for someone like you when I tried coming off my meds. If she doesn't realize this, than you don't deserve her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missher68 Posted April 18, 2011 Author Share Posted April 18, 2011 I didn't even know she quit her meds until a month or so after the fact. She asked me one night, "Do I seem different to you?" When I asked what she meant she told me she had quit her meds, because she didn't want to be a chemically-dependent "zombie" anymore. I asked her if she told her doctor, and she said no. That "zombie" was happy. She laughed at my stupid jokes, she enjoyed life in general, and we made love with passion. I told her if the meds made her feel weird, she should ask about trying something else. Even though she now tries to tell me she never loved me (But she stuck around for 6 1/2 years???), I know differently. Her head's definitely in a different place. I'm guessing (well, hoping) that the new guy is a fleeting fling, and that she'll realize that I still love her. I swear, I'd do anything to make her - and us - OK again. I just wish she'd understand that. The term "soulmate" gets tossed around a lot, but I really always believed she is mine. I used to think she felt the same way. Maybe it's some cosmic test. I'm trying to do my part not to fail. Link to post Share on other sites
Author missher68 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Share Posted April 21, 2011 Still looking for input. All thoughts welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
noleaf Posted April 21, 2011 Share Posted April 21, 2011 Still looking for input. All thoughts welcome. Hey missher Sorry to hear about your break-up. Its always hard when a long relationship ends. This is just my opinion, but i'm not sure that the breakup is purely down to her coming off her meds. I'm not an expert, but i think this other guy at work will have a lot more to do with it. (A similar thing happened with me and my ex from a few years ago. We'd been together for 3.5 years - i adored him - but i fell in lust with a work colleague and ended up leaving my ex) Have you kept communication with her? Are you still able to talk with her? I dont want to sound unneccesarily harsh, but i dont think there is much you can do at the moment, she has made her choice - even if that choice is out of character, for whatever reason. I think the best thing you can do is keep going with your life. Try and move on - you dont have to start hating her or block her from your life - but maybe let go a bit of what you two had together and try moving forward. She might one day feel she has made a mistake and come back - but you can't live the rest of your life waiting for a day that might never come..... I hope things get easier for you soon and sorry if anything i have written has upset you x x x Link to post Share on other sites
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