borderline suicidal over my ex

[brandnew]

I'll try to make it brief:

We were close friends for five years and then dated for two. We were very in love, he was an amazing guy. Treated me great the entire time. He broke up with me three months ago because he "needed space" and "felt the relationship ran its course." I have been crazy/clingy/psychotic/suicidal ever since the break up. I have no idea what to do with myself. I work two jobs and am in school full time, so staying busy isn't a problem. I don't eat, I hardly sleep. He wants to follow the no contact rule but I just can't. Friday night I went to a party and got very drunk. I ended up sleeping with someone (which is not my style AT ALL). I ended up telling my ex (major mistake, I know - but there's nothing I can do now.) He met up with me and he still tells me he loves me but he doesn't want to be with me. I'm so confused I'm not even sure if I'm making sense. He said he'd call me tomorrow but I can't live with myself anymore. Can you guys give me any advice? I've honestly tried every trick in the book and at this point, the rejection and feelings of worthlessness hurt more than anything.

 

*I want to make it clear that I was NOT clingy when I was with him- this is a recent development ever since he broke up with me.

[BlindRage]

Let me just say... you sound like me and your ex sounds like my ex! She told me she need "time" but still loved me(which was a lie, why would you need time if you love someone?) and that the "relationship ran its course" haha the exact words.

 

Believe me try it seems difficult to go NC but then eventually it happens(or they disconnect their phone because they get so annoyed -my ex did that after me bothering her for months-) and you feel.. indifferent.. about it.

 

I was suicidal too, actually I attempted it and ended up in the hospital for days because of it. Its not worth it at all.

 

Don't bother him.. if you do they at some point tell you they dont love you and it hurts.

[poorguy]

Welcome to LS.... Calm down and read what people have posted on here..you have just begone a journey. I just saw that your new here so I had to comment (and your female and my soft spot in life) lol....start posting..everyone here will help you thtough

[PelicanPete]

Well.. I don't think it is a case of staying busy and trying to power through it. That doesn't seem to be working. I think you just need to start talking it out and identifying why you're feeling this way. Have you talked to anyone else about it? Ill be glad to talk to you about it and help you if you keep posting.

 

Perhaps you became clingy to him because he was your friend before your boyfriend, and you miss having that relationship. 7 years is a long time after all. What is it are you trying to accomplish? Are you wanting to get back together with him? go back to being friends? or just get some sort of closure from him?

[aypforever]

I haven't ever been suicidal, but have been in incredible pain over exes. It's not an easy thing to get over, especially when you are trying to hold on to it. Pick up some hobbies, meet up with old friends, try new things... try not to drink so much, don't talk to the ex or look at pictures/messages/cards/etc from the ex. The more that person isn't in your life, the less you think of them.. supposedly.

 

And really, he may say he "loves" you... he doesn't love you the same way you love him. He doesn't feel the same pain as you do. He has no idea what you are going through, because he isn't you. Your best bet is to give him his space. The bright side, he may say he made a mistake.. The bad side, you will continue living your life and doing what you want to do without him there.

[brandnew]

Hey guys, like you mentioned, I am new here ... so I hope I'm replying the correct way.

 

I talk to myself about it a lot. I talk to a few girlfriend here & there ... but honestly (and I'm sorry this sounds so judgmental) I know for a FACT that they haven't experienced what I'm going through. I was so deep in love with my ex that I can't even put it into words. My mom helps a lot ... but I just feel like no one gets me... you know?

 

I honestly don't drink that much ... Friday night was the exception. But I do annoy the crap out of my ex. I am the stereotypical "psycho ex girlfriend" (don't judge...) I'll call him non-stop, show up at his house, etc... NC seems next to impossible right now. I think he's giving me a false sense of hope to hold onto because he says he definitely sees a possible future with me. He isn't seeing anyone else and has emphasized time and time again that this break up is for him to better himself and grow in life. He tells me how perfect and amazing I am all the time. It just really confuses me and, like I said, gives me a really strong but false sense of hope that I desperately cling to.

[hellon]

Ok, you need to focus on YOU at the moment. I think one of the hardest things about losing a relationship like that is losing the friendship... but you need to let that go, at least for now. You are feeling crazy/clingy etc. because you have lost control of the situation- your ex has been clear about what he does and doesn't want, and is dictating that to you- so you need to take control back by not being in contact with him.

When I realized things were undeniably over w/ my ex, I chased a box of sleeping pills with a bottle of wine. Obviously, it didn't work, and the next day I felt incredibly stupid/selfish... it's not worth it. I get it. I feel your pain. But you have a choice here- you can chose to realize your own self-worth, regardless of this other person, or you can dwell on it and let it define you.

[Rosberg]

My mind is telling me that him saying he still loves you, but needs time is some kind of defense mechanism.

 

Just let it go, it's better that way. You'll find the right one for you later =)

 

I must encourage you to get with NC though, that helped me alot.

[brandnew]

The whole situation is just so weird. The way we left things on Saturday night (the last time we spoke/saw each other and when I told him I slept with someone else) he told me that he was going to call me tonight (Monday night). So, I guess I'm just waiting for the phone call? I'm not really fully prepared with what to say. I want our last conversation to end on a rather positive note and I don't want his last impression of me to be a clingy, desperate person. So, I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "we don't have to talk anymore..." and say something that hints that I'm strong enough to be okay without him without sounding bitter or rude.

 

I just care so much about him and the thought of him being physical or emotional with anyone else makes my skin crawl. I know it's unavoidable and it has to happen at some point, but I was his first. I can't and don't want to picture him with anyone else because it hurts so bad. I truly do let my imagination get the best of me sometimes. Any advice for bracing myself for the unavoidable? We have a ton of mutual friends so I'm sure I'll hear about things I don't really want to be hearing about.

 

Also ... any tips for sticking to strict NC? I seem to come down with moments of EXTREME weakness at times and it's next to impossible not to contact him. Of course, after I do call or text him it just makes me feel like crap because he either ignores me or starts a fight. So, anything to get me out of this rut would be greatly appreciated.

[kimmi]

Be strong , It is a very hard time for you and we understand that. We have also been there and some of us is past it so we can say that within time you will be okay.

When you are friends first I think that you morn the loss of the friendship a lot. Within time that as well will be better as well .

 

Like everyone has said please just be strong and post as many times on here as you need/want to. As well look at different posts from people. it really helped me.

 

I am now on 2 years and 3 months N.C. I as well have never felt better about me and my life. I am single and very happy. It does get better !!

[Eddie Edirol]

What might make you feel so helpless is because you have no idea what you did to turn him off. Thats kinda selfish of him to keep that information from you. You will get over this eventually, it just takes time. Just know that whatever you did to turn him off, he didnt cherish the relationship, otherwise he would have given you a chance to fix the issue as a couple. You pretty much dodged a bullet. Its really not fair of him to say you were perfect after he bails out on you, no one leaves someone who is perfect. its pretty cowardly of him actually.

 

Eventually you will be able to see how things went wrong, and figure out what he isnt telling you. If you are going to break NC, you can pry that information from him, then cut him off if you get it. As it commonly plays out on loveshack, people find out much more than they bargained for weeks after a breakup, things that were going on, but they were blind to because they were trusting.

Edited April 18, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[radiodarcy]

The whole situation is just so weird. The way we left things on Saturday night (the last time we spoke/saw each other and when I told him I slept with someone else) he told me that he was going to call me tonight (Monday night). So, I guess I'm just waiting for the phone call? I'm not really fully prepared with what to say. I want our last conversation to end on a rather positive note and I don't want his last impression of me to be a clingy, desperate person. So, I was thinking of saying something along the lines of "we don't have to talk anymore..." and say something that hints that I'm strong enough to be okay without him without sounding bitter or rude.

 

I just care so much about him and the thought of him being physical or emotional with anyone else makes my skin crawl. I know it's unavoidable and it has to happen at some point, but I was his first. I can't and don't want to picture him with anyone else because it hurts so bad. I truly do let my imagination get the best of me sometimes. Any advice for bracing myself for the unavoidable? We have a ton of mutual friends so I'm sure I'll hear about things I don't really want to be hearing about.

 

Also ... any tips for sticking to strict NC? I seem to come down with moments of EXTREME weakness at times and it's next to impossible not to contact him. Of course, after I do call or text him it just makes me feel like crap because he either ignores me or starts a fight. So, anything to get me out of this rut would be greatly appreciated.

 

i know what you're going through. i got involved with a friend of mine that i've known for a total of 6 years. it wasn't a relationship per se -- but a fwb situation. but i fell for him. hard. it lasted off and on for two years. the whole time i begged and pleaded with him to give a relationship a chance but he refused. i know i should have backed out long before then but he was my first. and i didn't really understand - - or *want* to understand what was going on - - that i was being used. he was my friend - - how could he use me. and whenever i accused him of doing so he would get upset. (most likely because he knew i was right) i was incredibly suicidal and chronically depressed. eventually he ended the benefits situation and said he wanted to be friends. he explained to me why it wasn't working and apologized for treating me the way he had. and said that i deserved to be in an actually relationship- - and he wasn't ready for one.

 

what kills the most is that he is now on a mission to find a gf. he's on several internet dating sites and goes out every night of the week. i told him i couldn't take being friends with him anymore and went NC. i have been NC for over 5 weeks now and that has definitely helped. i try my best not to think about him being with other women. because like you - - it's enough to make me vomit. but after years of begging and pleading i've accepted that this is the way it has to be. i wasn't at all clingy before all this happened either. but i really loved (and still do love) this guy. and there are still times when i miss him terribly. it sucks that things turned out the way they did. and it makes me wish i had never gone down that road and accepted his invitations to hang out (he was the one who pursued me). but there's really nothing i can do to change that now. maybe we can be friends down the line. but that's months - - possibly even years from now.

 

i would suggest getting into some counseling if you havent already. i would also suggest trying to line something up with friends during your free time so that you're not alone and have someone to talk to. just make sure they're not mutual friends that you have with your ex. they might share info with you about him that you don't need to hear. also - - it would be a good idea to stay away from the alcohol; not only does it impair your judgment but it's a depressant. the last thing you want to do is feel worse than you do now.

 

good luck and keep posting on here. it definitely helps!

[stillafool]

My mind is telling me that him saying he still loves you, but needs time is some kind of defense mechanism.

 

 

I'm thinking the same thing. How can he say he loves you but doesn't want to be with you? Does he mean he will always love you because of what the two of you had together? If he sees the two of you getting back together down the road how does he see that happening if you are away from him? I hope you don't contact him again but if you do you should ask him those questions so you will have more clarity. In my experience when one partner wants to break up for no reason there is usually someone else in the wings they want to date. If you are taking the role as the "psycho ex gf" he would be too afraid to bring her to his house or tell you he wants to date others. I think you should ask him to be completely honest with you about where he sees your relationship. To me his asking to go NC with you pretty much says it all.

[hellon]

Agreeing with the last post, if you do talk to him one more time, be honest and direct, ask questions, and try to get some clarity for yourself, try to get some closure from it- but be prepared for maybe hearing things that aren't what you're hoping for. From what you've said, it sounds like he still cares about you, but really doesn't want a relationship right now- so the best you can do at this point is try to leave things with him on the best terms possible, by giving him the space that he wants.

[Irishlove]

I would lie out of my pretty whites. I would say you need to talk to him. That nothing happend at the party and you were being immature trying to get a rise out of him to see if he cared and it was totally the wrong way to go about it and you are sorry.

 

Let him know you care very much and your scared because you've never cared about someone so much you don't know what to do. Allow him his space. During that time work on you.

 

Suicide doesn't do a thing because you can't come back and see anything so why bother. Plus.....when you are older and you have beautiful children you will kick yourself in the rear because you ever thought that way over some guy.