My female friend is married...(*Warning* -some graphic language)

[SamWilson]

*WARNING* - this post is VERY graphic.

 

I know this post could've went to another board, but here it is:

 

My female friend of several years is married (she gets plenty of lovin' w/her husband). We are very close, we talk about everything. We talk VERY sexual to each other. We have phone sex. We talk about how it would be if we did have sex. We joke with each other that our friendship is 'dangerous'. We have fooled around but never have had actual sex.

 

I have been telling her that I want more than our usual sex talk and occasional fooling around. She tells me that "I am married, it's not right"...but then she tells me that she can perform oral sex on me, because it's not intercourse. I tell her I want to do the same to her, but she feels that is inappropriate. Wtf? I know.

 

I know I'm wrong for doing any of this, but what is the deal with her? Does she just say "Im married, I cant" to make herself feel better?

 

I'm just confused and talking out loud ...(and stupid - I know, for even being involved in a situation like this)

[ShatteredReality]

Umm. She's confused. Fooling around with you is cheating. Touching you sexually in any way is cheating enough that some consider it sex. This era of "it wasn't penetration so it wasn't sex" is just silly. If she makes out with you and fondles you she's having sex with you. She's just not going to get pregnant doing it. If her H found out he'd be just as hurt as if she'd had actual intercourse with you.

 

Basically you either want to stay in this situation where you are with someone who wants her cake and to eat it too - she will use you while you make her feel good but get rid of you when she senses a danger to her "real" life.

 

Or you go NC right away and move on to someone who is available and will do right by you and those around them.

[WorldIsYours]

She's not confused. Both of you know what you're doing is wrong. Nothing else needs to be said about it.

[NoMagicBullet]

Umm. She's confused. Fooling around with you is cheating. Touching you sexually in any way is cheating enough that some consider it sex. This era of "it wasn't penetration so it wasn't sex" is just silly. If she makes out with you and fondles you she's having sex with you. She's just not going to get pregnant doing it. If her H found out he'd be just as hurt as if she'd had actual intercourse with you.

 

Basically you either want to stay in this situation where you are with someone who wants her cake and to eat it too - she will use you while you make her feel good but get rid of you when she senses a danger to her "real" life.

 

Or you go NC right away and move on to someone who is available and will do right by you and those around them.

 

I'd think this might be a big part of right here, but then she won't let you perform oral sex on her either.... Weird. She sounds confused, but one thing is for sure -- she has very poor boundaries as to what defines sex and what is an appropriate relationship for friends. You are the Other Man (OM) here. Don't expect her to change or that you'll ever get to have intercourse with her. Ask yourself if this situation is what you really want. If not, you need to go NC and get her out of your life. You should also consider what her husband might do to you if he found out about all this and if it's worth the risk.