Big family problem... Unique situation

[jon25]

Hey guys, this situation is something I dont think many have experienced but hopefully someone can suggest something.

 

I live at home with my mum and nan (its my nans house, shes 73). My mum (nans only daughter who is 48) suffers with parkinsons and previously my uncle (nans only son who was 46) lived here and died of it a year ago.

 

I feel sooo useless in this house. My nan has had to look after my mum and uncle which has been hard work for her. 1 known late symptom with the illness is slowness in responding and doing daily things so they both had a lot of care and help with things.

 

The problem is my nan treats me like im the same... (well in my situation its more that im thick and stupid and anything I say is not to be believed) which im sick of.

 

Just a classic example is a few years ago we had these guys up to do new garden fences and a shed. They had rushed it, took the money and left all sorts of problems. Throughout their time here I said to my nan things looked suspicious, and they were making a poor job of it (nails going through the shed roof that you could see, cracks in fencing etc) but she didnt listen because she clearly thought I didnt know what I was on about.

 

It was only a year later where the gate had broke, 1 fence panel had fallen down, the sheds glass left a gap, the door wouldnt bolt and the shed let water in that she said she wished she had listened to me.

 

Now theres another situation.

 

When my uncle died he had more than £20,000 cash that was transfered to my nans bank account. She got a quote off a cowboy builder a while back for £3000 to paint 8 walls and do a bit of wallpapering. Clearly its a ripoff, and the guy can see shes old and has a disabled daughter so put the price right up.

 

I told them shes being ripped off and she wouldnt listen. All she said was "its my house, my money and i'll do what I like with it" and "I dont care what I pay as long as its done very soon and they do a good job". If she got someone reputable and local to do it she could have a new bathroom suite and all decorating done for less than £3000.

 

Clearly £3000 was a ripoff but it seemed no matter what I said she was gonna go ahead with it regardless.

 

Anyways 1 thing that clearly would be included with the price was movement of our furniture and items that are in the way of doing the work.

 

I told her to leave the moving things to them cause thats the least they can do for that price.

 

I then went away for 3 days to see my girlfriend. I came back and guess what? She had moved all the furniture/house items out of the way so they could come in and paint.

 

I didnt want her doing things cause primarily the decorators should be doing it but also my nan is old and any heavy lifting and moving things like that could cause a nasty strain.

 

What also annoyed me about it was I spent 2 weeks clearing the junk out of the passage/spare room (into a skip) and thats where she loaded all this junk into

 

At that moment I was beyond arguing, I was tired of helping them cause whatever I say is never listened to.

 

The decorators were due in today. Last night guess what? they phoned saying that had some other jobs booked and cant come until mid may... I mean what the hell, they knew they had to be at our house, they were fine to confirm a day and then last minute say they have other jobs... wayyy out of order and anyone in their right mind would say dont bother coming and get someone else.... Not my nan though!!

 

I then erupted bigtime with swears and shouts and told her I never wanna speak to her again. Fair enough previously she may of been too naive to see through them but this was the perfect indication that she was being ripped off. It also goes against her original argument for having them here when she said "I dont care what I pay as long as its done very soon and they do a good job" since she could cancel them, call a reputable decorator up and get them to start as early as the start of next week.

 

 

 

I try to help, try to give her advice but im dismissed every time like im stupid or something.

 

I dont want to see my uncles money go to cowboys. I want it spent as he would want it to be spent to help the house improve.

 

 

Its always little things with my nan also where im made to seem stupid. Iv had girlfriends up who she has said things to like "hes gonna have a big shock coming to him 1 of these days", "he doesnt like change" or "that lad has no sence, once he gets an idea in his head he wont stop until he's done it"

[Yumisekai]

Your problem seems particularly interesting since the root of the problems seems very common but the consequences that came with the actions of your nan are pretty unique.

 

Your nan had to take care of 2 persons, both with critical diseases. Mostly like, she developed the belief that only her could handle the situation and only her knew what she was doing since you didn't do such hard work as her taking care of them.

 

This limiting belief spreads onto other situations easily. You know, people only realize things when **** happens. And the surprising thing is that, they aren't even aware that **** is happening.

 

And when **** happens, people stick to their beliefs.

 

Another thing is that the feeling of security arises when there's a lot of money. She probably feels safe that she has a lot of money, and wouldn't probably care as long as she still had lots of it. It's a dead end.

 

Do you really care about your nan? Do you care that your nan is treating you like **** just because she thinks she doesn't need anyone else as long as she has her material possessions?

 

Some people really are much more childish than children themselves. You know the typical children who stick to something new and never get over it until they get bored of it.

 

Imagine such situation with your nan, but worse. The desire is such that interference from others is most likely to fail.

 

Did your nan had an unhappy life as a child? Were her desires as a nanny fulfilled as a child or as a teen? She manifests these childish actions so easily that it's so damn obvious.

 

And ya know, there are also other things to count such as responsibility, common sense, logic, etc... it seems that, from what you wrote on your problem, your nan lacks such skills and you would probably handle money a thousand times better than her. And I believe on that.

 

Lemme ask you this: Did you ever feel a death wish or pure hatred for her? If you reached that point, you know that she's the wrong person to be with.

 

Are these problems draining your energy? Do you feel tired after you argued with her and you just want to go to bed and rest for a while? Being with someone who drains your energy is NOT good for anyone, with no exception. Let's say it's a draining relationship.

 

You of course have pursues in your life. You have your girlfriend to take care of. You have your own time to manage and you don't want negative auras to get on your path.

 

You cannot step one foot on one thing and the other foot on another thing. You either keep getting yourself drained from your nan's irresponsible actions or your pursue what you want and if that means leaving your nan and mom, you do it since you're conscious that it's for your goodness and for the people who give importance to you and pay attention to you.

 

Don't let your need to help and your reasoning fade away. You're just trying to reason with the wrong person. There are 6 billion people around the world and I guarantee that someone would understand your way to see things, including me, if they knew you and could stick around with you.

 

Here's what I do and it's very important for you to learn this in life: Stop giving a ****!

 

Stopping giving a **** is one of the best things a human being can do to leave problems behind that are created by other people and have no other purpose than putting an obstacle on her path and on your path.

 

Not giving a **** allows you to free your mind of unnecessary junk that drains your energy and replaces that junk by allowing you to focus on what's truly important for you.

 

Honestly I don't really think that many people would care that someone's nan is spending money recklessly. How many people do you actually think are going to put their hands on the keyboard and write true advice that makes you think and realize new things? How many people care if you spent 2 weeks cleaning the mess your nan made?

 

You see, not everyone is willing to help you and give advice, but there will ALWAYS be someone willing to do so.

 

The same happens in your case. Your nan may not care about and listen to what you say, but there will always be people willing to do so. You will want to meet these people. And for that, you will need to end old, bad relationships in order for these to be replaced with good, healthy relationships that will keep you feeling energized, not drained.

 

There will be always people against you and making themselves an obstacle and it's up to you to overpass these. They will attack you in many different ways: demoralize you, depress you, weaken you, and if you allow them to do so, they will attempt to change your mindset into something that isn't yourself.

However, if you don't give up, the opposite will eventually happen.

 

Eventually you will feel so motivated for these new things happening to you that you won't want to return back to the old stuff. Trust me, it's a big change that will ultimately make you develop in personality: making you into a better person. Others will notice something in you that can't be seen on the other people. It feels good. And you will feel motivated to do something that isn't against your will.

 

Start fighting, the world doesn't wait for idleness.