Goldenspoon Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 I trust him with my life. Up to this point he's never given an indication ofwanting to share me. I do believe that he fears being bored with our marriage. If I was to find out he cheaed he knows I will leave him. Yet, I know he isn't cheating and I know he isn't the type to cheat on someone. He's very open and up front about his feelings. I trust that when I told him no, and he agreed, he fully intends to stand by that. He's never went back on his words thus far. Wow, good for him for never going back on his words for the last 48 hours. Good luck to you for the next 48 weeks, months, and years. He had and has the desire to go outside, and one day, when he is bored, he will. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 I trust him with my life. Up to this point he's never given an indication ofwanting to share me. I do believe that he fears being bored with our marriage. If I was to find out he cheaed he knows I will leave him. Yet, I know he isn't cheating and I know he isn't the type to cheat on someone. He's very open and up front about his feelings. I trust that when I told him no, and he agreed, he fully intends to stand by that. He's never went back on his words thus far. This isn't about him sharing you, it's about you sharing him! Don't you see that? One day he'll get bored. Let's hope he is creative with you, in the bedroom and has good communication skills, is willing to work with you, otherwise he'll be looking outside of the marriage to cure his bordem. I suggest counselling for you two as a couple now so he really understands what committment and love is all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 I have friends that live in NYC that I visit when I'm there. I've known them for years (him first) and was surprised to discover that they had practiced open marriage. Long story short, he brought it up after they were married and feeling very progressive and open, then ran with it. Thankfully (for me) the details were spared, but it seems after a couple of years, they became more bored with that lifestyle than the monogamous relationship they feared would turn stale. Here was this couple -married 20 years- who couldn't keep their hands off each other. Interesting fact; he said continuing the practice would have eventually destroyed their marriage while she confessed that she had contacted a lawyer to file for divorce. Moral of the story: as 'in agreement' as they were, that situation is designed to fail. And they are great together! Express serious doubts about this man. I'd punt- Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 My boyfriend suggest we have an open relationship. He doesn't want to get bored and fears that if we get married one of us will cheat. He says he's perfectly fine with othr men having sex with me as long as he's knows about it and I guess it's vice versa for me as well. Yet, the more I think about it, the more I'm bothered by it. I don't want to share my significant other. I've been cheated on before and the feeling is not good. I'm a faithful person. I don't want to have sex with anyone other than my significant other. Does this mean he doesn't love me? He says that he loves me and he knows where home is but if during the course of our relationship he ever feels an urge to stray he would like to be allowed to. I don't know. It's all confusing. What should I do? Should I just end the engagement, go along with his suggestion and be unhappy, or tell him no and make him unhappy? Peek Game! This is called the Sht Test. Basically how much sht you are willing to put up with in the name of LOVE. I love him...I love him....I trust him...I trust him....Now good.....hey baby, I want to fk other women and you too...You love me right? Get your head out your ass. he already got someone in mind he want to wet up. FLAG ON THE PLAY. Take your trust back. Lord knows, trusting him with your life..that definately is a no no now. Trust him as far as you can see him. He aint right. he probably too young to be this commited anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Okay, so he wants to sleep with other girls in a LEGIMATE way? Yikes. I don't think you should marry this guy. He probably loves you, but does not respect you at all. I trust him with my life. Up to this point he's never given an indication ofwanting to share me. I do believe that he fears being bored with our marriage. If I was to find out he cheaed he knows I will leave him. Yet, I know he isn't cheating and I know he isn't the type to cheat on someone. He's very open and up front about his feelings. I trust that when I told him no, and he agreed, he fully intends to stand by that. He's never went back on his words thus far. Yes, he wants to cheat, and IS going to cheat. He basically just wants to make sure you will be cool with it by suggesting this "open marriage" crap. If he is going to be "bored" being married to you, then why get married at all? Link to post Share on other sites
yessy21 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Ok... since i know u will not follow urself to any of this... please use a condom with him. please. Link to post Share on other sites
Baroness67 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Interesting time in the relationship (engagement!) to be bringing this up. My basic feeling if he is saying this to you and you are still engaged is that he doesn't want to break up with you, but doesn't want to enter into the same type of traditional marriage that you do. It sounds like he wants an open marriage. They are out there. There are swingers, that's a fact. Some come to it later in the marriage as an alternative to divorce (it works for them I guess). My perception is that if he's being honest, he's saying that he wants to be married to you, you are his best friend and the best life partner, but he's not willing to give up sexual freedom. If this isn't your definition of the marriage you want, it's a dealbreaker. It's like a guy who wants kids marrying a wife who says she'll never have kids thinking that it will all sort itself out later. (It's not, by the way, like a woman who marries a guy who says he doesn't want kids. Women have a way around it.) Your guy will probably be unfaithful. Some people actually do have those marriages. For centuries people have had those marriages! The man does what he wants, sometimes the wife as well, and what they share together in terms of stable lifestyle, finances, family, you name it - their arrangement works for them. If his arrangement won't work for you, you should get out before you are married. I know, easier said than done if you love him, but consider that with this new information, he is no longer the person you thought you loved - there's a new clause in the contract that just may or may not be acceptable. You know? Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 The guy is telling you that he is not interested in being with only one woman. He is not marriage material. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkihush Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) The reasons he has given you for wanting an "open relationship" are ALL THE WRONG REASONS and exactly the things that will turn an open relationship into a broken relationship. You have to first be very committed, very strong, and be very content and satisfied sexually with JUST the two of you, and both very secure in the fact that neither of you would ever want to or need to be with anyone else and that nothing can come between you - - before even THINKING about an "open relationship." Edited April 25, 2011 by nikkihush Link to post Share on other sites
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