I need help

[michaelvdk]

My name is Michael, I am involved in a relationship with a women who has a ten year old son. We have been together for three years now. I am 29 years old, she is 34 years old.

 

Our relationship started and we both were drinkers. We both quit drinking 6 months after we started the relationship. We have had many ups and downs. I work f/t in my own company. I make a good living although I have stressful times a work. I have become a good person morally now that I have chosen to give up my old lifestyle.

 

My problem is that after three years I don not know if the women I am with loves me. I am no angel in my relationship. I am always messing up. What I mean is that I screw up by doing or not doing the little things. I am not a cheater, I am not a lier, I support both her and her son who I love like my own. I am work hard, I supply there needs financially but I think there is still problems.

 

I constantly feel like she is better then me, I feel like I am not god enough for her. when ever I go to talk to her she cuts me off and compares her self with me. She will cut me off before I get out what I wanted to say. She is so good at it that I get lost for words and I never seem to get out what I wanted. Now I panic when I want to talk and I try to get out what shoud take 100 words into 10 words in fear that she will cut me off again.

 

She always tells me that bad in me and I think that is why I do not feel good about my self. Thats why I think I do not deserve her cause If I did deserve her I would be better and she would not complain about me.

 

She does not trust me to most degrees. Today for an example two girls pulled up in a car next to ours and asked ofr directions. I gave them the directions, because there were two girls and the were giggling as they asked me she in return got mad at me and said i was wrong for talking to them. She said I was not respecting her. I thought I was doing what most people would do.

 

When I said I was sorry to her for disrespecting her she spent over 2 hours degrading me and bringing up all the things I have ever done. IN MY DEFFENCE i WOULD TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT THERE was no other hidden things going on, but she disagrees and says that if tables were turned I would be just as mad.

 

I just feel like there is no winning with her. Latley it is effecgting my work ethics, I seldom have good days and I have lost my drive. I just want to know what to do. Should I stay in this relationship? Should I change more my self? She always blames me. I feel like she is a 10 and I am a 2. The episode I described is jusy one of many things we go through.

 

Does she love me?

 

I just want a family, I just want to be loved as much as I love them. Her osn is not mine but I love him as he was. I want to settle before I get to old for a family. Next month I will be 30. Also we are engaged but each time we get into a fight she takes it away. Now she has no idea if and when we are getting married, but she says we are still engaged. I want to get married but maybe I dont. I Guess I am mixed up and need direction.

 

Thanks ,

Michael

[meanon]

She always tells me that bad in me and I think that is why I do not feel good about my self. Thats why I think I do not deserve her cause If I did deserve her I would be better and she would not complain about me.

 

Michael I'm afraid it just doesn't work like that, if it did you would get what you truly deserve, a woman who loves and appreciates you. Whatever she feels for you, she treats you badly and then blames you for it. No wonder you feel bad about yourself. If this is love, Michael, then it's a selfish, destructive variety that you can do without in your life.