Getting back a girl and getting back a guy are different. Aren't they?

[JourneyOpenArms]

Hello everyone,

 

I've read a lot of posts and information about methods to get back your love but I am wondering if there is a different way to re-attracting a girl versus re-attracting a guy. From what I've read and seen,

 

girls are more emotional creatures

-attracted to guy who create an emotional stir within them.

-girls are attracted to guy who are somewhat of a challenge. Someone who keeps them guessing.

 

guys on the other hand,

-are more visual creatures

-we attracted to visually pleasing women. also for the most part guys don't dealing with emotional baggage.

 

I know these statements are sweeping generalizations and I'm sure we all fit somewhere on the spectrum. But I'm also wondering this is why many couples don't get back together.

 

When a girl dumps a guy, he becomes almost no challenge to the girl. There is no emotional stir because she know he's waaay too available. She doesn't feel any initial attraction and any (what's he really like?) feeling? She knows a lot about you so there are no surprises. Why go for that when there are others out there who creates that feeling for her?

 

When a guy dumps a girl, he's found someone else that's equally or more attractive. If he's single, maybe he doesn't want to deal with the emotional baggage. Maybe he wants to experience different girls too. I've only dumped one girl in my life in a relationship and it was because the new experience was gone and I lost attraction for her.

 

What do you guys/gals think? Any input? Any difference in opinion?

 

Maybe with this knowledge we can work towards acting smarter in getting back our love.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by JourneyOpenArms

we can work towards acting smarter in getting back our love.

I find that statement paradoxical. If you're working towards smartness, how can you maintain a delusion?

 

I think, for both sexes, the idea of going back to something that has failed is unappealing. You don't even have to have someone new to know you don't want someone old. People who break up with you rarely change their mind, and I question why anyone would want to be 'taken back' by someone, as it seems more of a false solace for something that hurt you (as in you lose the responsibility of dealing with the issues, lessons, and aftermath of a relationship ~if only~ things were how they were before) rather than an actual second chance.

 

I don't believe in going back in time. That's not to say you can't go back, I just don't think you can go back to the same emotional time that you were before, you can't undo the damage entirely, and while it may seem easier to dwell on it and try to 'get em back', the chances of you both being satisfied with such a venture are so slim, that there's not enough hope to even begin to make gender comparisons.

[JourneyOpenArms]

Perhaps you are right. I just wanted to throw that question out there.

 

As for the delusion part, I'm not so sure it has to be. We need to grow and change and improve. I'm a guy so here's my perspective.

When you see her, don't tell her how you have changed. Let her see for herself. Let her from others. Don't reveal all your cards. Keep her guessing. Make it fun for her to chase you. Don't tell her that you want her make. But make her laugh and happy. That's the easy part. The change part is hard. It takes time, work and discipline. I'm not saying change and turn into a different person, someone who you aren't. I'm saying fullfill your potential and be the type person you want to be and someone she can admire.

 

Just my opinion. Maybe I overly optimistic.

[dyermaker]

Oh, but you need to change for yourself, and I still call it delusion (over-optimism?) if you're changing with the hopes of regaining something lost. If you made neccessary changes, and you're that much closer to perfection, wouldn't you want to find a girl who likes you for who you are, not what you became?

[dario]

I think it's called love.

[dyermaker]

Delusion, love, over-optimism, we could devote a thread to all of it's nomenclature and pretexts.

 

Anyways, I'll quit dominating the thread, I'm sure someone has sufficient gender comparisons.

[gamelessgirl]

uh isn't love compromising nobody is perfect for each other or are they I am young and don't know much but I've come to find that you have to compromise to be a perfect fit

[hurtingandconfused]

This is why second chances are rare:

 

I just don't think you can go back to the same emotional time that you were before, you can't undo the damage entirely

[Clarity]

Arent women a lot more forgiving than men?

 

I mean honestly, I know many more girls who take back the jerky ex-boyfriend than guys who take back a girl they dump. And usually when the guy does go running back to the girl they "dumped" he remains undecided and fickle and continues to pull her heart strings whimsically while so often the girl still loves him and repeatedly gets hurt but lets him back in hopes things will change.

 

By no means do I mean always as there are always exceptions. You can bet though, I've seen it over and over. Even in places like women's shelters when I was a voluteer. But am I being biased here somewhere?

[CaterpillarGirl]

Originally posted by Clarity

Arent women a lot more forgiving than men?

 

I mean honestly, I know many more girls who take back the jerky ex-boyfriend than guys who take back a girl they dump. And usually when the guy does go running back to the girl they "dumped" he remains undecided and fickle and continues to pull her heart strings whimsically while so often the girl still loves him and repeatedly gets hurt but lets him back in hopes things will change.

 

My opinion (a huge, blanket generalization, so sorry to both sexes):

 

I think girls are less likely to take back a man they dumped than one who has dumped them. Women usually try to save failed relationships while in them. Once they come to a realization that the relationship cannot be saved they slowly distance themselves from the relationship until the break-up, and will not be as likely to go back.

Men on the other hand, if they see their relationship is failing will try and find an alternative girl to have ready to date after the impending break-up. Thus, they are also less likely to return to the first girl that they dumped.

 

I think getting back together occurs if: a) the man has no rebound girl or b) the woman failed to remove herself emotionally from her partner before breaking up. You decide which situation occurs more often. I don't have a clue.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Clarity

Arent women a lot more forgiving than men?

Generalizing, women hold grudges... like... forever.

I mean honestly, I know many more girls who take back the jerky ex-boyfriend than guys who take back a girl they dump.

Thats more willing, delusional self-destruction than forgiveness.

[hurtingandconfused]

Women usually try to save failed relationships while in them. Once they come to a realization that the relationship cannot be saved they slowly distance themselves from the relationship until the break-up, and will not be as likely to go back.

 

Men on the other hand, if they see their relationship is failing will try and find an alternative girl to have ready to date after the impending break-up. Thus, they are also less likely to return to the first girl that they dumped.

 

Damn you are good. Or I guess we think alike eh?=P