Broken Dreams Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 This feeling.. it's unbearable... it seriously feels worse than any physical pain I've ever experienced.. I'm trying to do everything I can to occupy my mind so I don't have to think of my ex. Nothing works. Going out with friends, exercising, reading a book.. These feelings of hopelessness, this lack of appetite and energy, I can't take this **** anymore.. Please, I want as many responses as I can get... what is the average amount of time before you feel "normal" again? Someone told me it took them months.. please tell me I'm not going to feel this way for months.. I'll kill myself (not literally, don't worry) Link to post Share on other sites
poorguy Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 This feeling.. it's unbearable... it seriously feels worse than any physical pain I've ever experienced.. I'm trying to do everything I can to occupy my mind so I don't have to think of my ex. Nothing works. Going out with friends, exercising, reading a book.. These feelings of hopelessness, this lack of appetite and energy, I can't take this **** anymore.. Please, I want as many responses as I can get... what is the average amount of time before you feel "normal" again? Someone told me it took them months.. please tell me I'm not going to feel this way for months.. I'll kill myself (not literally, don't worry) Easy answer is It just takes time. Your mind will reset itself. Remember how you felt when you met your ex? Guess what? Sure as lighting strikes you will feel that way again only this time it will be even better Link to post Share on other sites
DollyGirl12 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I think many of us can relate to how you are feeling, as we have been there at one time or another. The time it takes to heal can differ for everyone. Some people take a few months, some take several months. But at least knowing this you can prepare yourself for it. The thing with healing is that you will go through many feelings and emotions. You will have days that you feel like complete crap, and then you will have days that you feel a little better, then you will have days that you feel good, then back to crappy again. You will get to a point that the better days are more frequent than the crappy days. You will go through emotions of sadness, depression, anger, acceptance, and all over again. Come here and write. I found making a list of the pros/cons in my relationship helped tremendously. In my case the cons heavily outweighed the pros due to what my ex did. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I can relate to what you're going through. its been a little over a week and today was byfar the worst. ive cried everyday. and lost 8lbs. not good. this forum is a life saver. reading others stories really helps. youre not alone. one day at a time. soon we'll be smiling again. Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy1984 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Do the Dumpers have these feelings too? I know females claim they are emotional but I wonder if a woman dumps a guy and she still loves him and feels bad for hurting him, does she go through this emotional rollercoaster? I know guy dumpers probably dont feel that way. Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I find that it takes about a month before I see a glimmer of light. Meeting new people in a social context helped the most. It's important to force yourself to do things to keep yourself occupied. But if it really is too overwhelming, take the time out to let the emotions overwhelm you for a short while, but then pick yourself up again and carry on. You will find that as time goes by those overwhelming moments will be less frequent and less intense. If you find that you really can't do anything and that getting out of bed is hard, the bare minimum should be to keep yourself clean, get enough sleep and make sure you try to eat something on a regular basis even if it's just something small like a piece of fruit or a slice of toast. Link to post Share on other sites
ilovedhim Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 Judging from the guys on here, I would say guys feel the same hurt. But I think generally they move on faster. But what if you're not in a state to socialize yet. I go out for a run every morning and end up crying. Would you want your friends to think you're a basket case? Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 This feeling.. it's unbearable... it seriously feels worse than any physical pain I've ever experienced.. I'm trying to do everything I can to occupy my mind so I don't have to think of my ex. Nothing works. Going out with friends, exercising, reading a book.. These feelings of hopelessness, this lack of appetite and energy, I can't take this **** anymore.. Please, I want as many responses as I can get... what is the average amount of time before you feel "normal" again? Someone told me it took them months.. please tell me I'm not going to feel this way for months.. I'll kill myself (not literally, don't worry) I think you should go see your doc. I fell into a horrible depression after my last tour and being dumped at the same time. It's nothing to fool around with. Go get help Link to post Share on other sites
hellon Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 There is no formula for how long it will take for your feelings to run their course, but sometimes just making a conscious decision to let go and start to heal helps speed up the process. Also if you can, definitely talk to a therapist. I just started seeing one- I figure it can't hurt, and they sort of help put things in perspective for you. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 In my case, the first 2 weeks were tough. Week 3-4 were bearable, week 5 was relatively easy, and now I'm on week 6 and am on "cruise control". I don't feel any depression or pain anymore. I would say I'm about 95% healed to the point where I don't care anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 I think depression is a very strong word... I've felt sad and bad, of course, but nothing to take away from me the joy of life... yep, you heard it (or read it) well the joy of life... now, what everyone else thinks about what is the joy of life is another thing altogether, but in sum I've been able to do all the things I love in life, with the same passion, if not a bit more... I've found another interests too and I only regret that life is so short and busy that I won't be able to do all the stuff I want to do before going away from this world... But to answer in a more prosaic way your question, I guess it's been an initial three days arc (because I expected my ex to come back in that period... most times she did) but when she kept away longer, I'd say that after 10 days I was back in track... It helps to convince yourself (or believe deeply) that your ex isn't coming back this last time, so there is nothing to wait for... Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 It can take months if you let it. Just remember that you do have some control over how you heal. If you choose to remain stuck, you'll remain stuck. My last difficult break up, the one that led me to LS was six years ago. It took me a good year to heal. I don't even think I loved the guy and it took me a year (and we only dated for 9 months) It took me so long because I internalized all the blame and embraced the rejection. Sure, mechanically I went through the motions of getting out, seeing friends, doing things for myself- but it was my thought patterns that prevented me from healing- and I had control over that. If you're living in a state of "hope", you're not moving to the next level. With acceptance that it's over comes a new level of healing. By shedding blame, you enter yet another stage of healing. If all you are doing is spending energy wanting to get back together, or internalizing the blame and rejection- you'll prolong your healing process. Embrace the hurt, but not the blame, hope, or rejection aspect of your break up- and you will heal much faster. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 My first 2 weeks were eh (some crying off and on but feeling strong). Week 3 the depression hit and lasted for 1 month through the holidays. I recommend doing what I did: Consider this a kind of flu. You feel lousy but know the illness will pass. It WILL pass. Remind yourself of that as often as needed. Sometimes we'll fight the depression, pulling a stiff upper lip and whatnot. But sadness is a kind of purging. It has it's place. The key is to keep sight of the fact that it will pass. Baby yourself. Allow yourself to cry. Give yourself small indulgences but also look after your health as you're ailing. Don't let yourself go as things will get better. And when they do, you want to be on point. Summer's comin' and feeling better is not far off either. Link to post Share on other sites
JasonRules Posted April 19, 2011 Share Posted April 19, 2011 You need to force yourself to get out of bed, force yourself to focus on work, force yourself to go to the gym, and eventually start thinking about dating other people. I realized that the longer I was clinging onto hope the worse it was for me. Once I let go of hope and accepted that she did not want to be with me I felt much better. You need to learn to accept and move on with your life. The faster you do this the faster you will heal... Link to post Share on other sites
SleeplessRomantic Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 You need to force yourself to get out of bed, force yourself to focus on work, force yourself to go to the gym, and eventually start thinking about dating other people. I realized that the longer I was clinging onto hope the worse it was for me. Once I let go of hope and accepted that she did not want to be with me I felt much better. You need to learn to accept and move on with your life. The faster you do this the faster you will heal... Great advice. The advice from Jason that I'm quoting, while rather seemingly grim ("I let go of hope"), has a latently positive message. Link to post Share on other sites
au_chocolat Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 I think the above posts are amazing. I am now on day 28 and because of PMS the devastation has now set in as I begin to give up hope. At the same time, I know that these people, dumpers as you call them, do not enjoy this great sense of pleasure and relief like you might think he/she is feeling. Your ability to love is a great gift and the right person will cherish this in you. While I'm currently sad, I feel nothing in pain compared to what I felt about the loss of my first ex who I was passionately in love with. My point in saying that is that you do get stronger and that is empowering. You will be so much better after this. This person you were with who hurt you- they do not deserve your tears. Unfortunately for them the laugh is on them, not you. Most dumpers regret it (if they know on some level they had something good), but you will already be moved on (and that is a great thing- don't be thinking about avoiding pain by staying in some state of hope. It'll be mush worse if you do this) and not open to someone who was so careless with your heart and body and mind. Good luck in your healing. You are not alone, I can attest. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Seen a psychiatrist? I urge anyone with such symptoms to not just wander in the dark any longer and reach out now for help--even if that means medication. I'm on Prozac and have been for a long time. It helped me start closing down the "amplification engine" that was my own emotions (relative to my break up). I still take the med because it's harmless and transparent and gives me a level playing field so that I don't go off again on too many tirades. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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