how do I deal??

[Lovestruck]

I fell in love with a guy that I have been dating for a year. He was the ONE for me everything in a guy that I wanted but when we got really close I started getting scared because of the way I have been treated in the past. So I kept wanting to break up with him and finally I did. Now I want him back soo back. I wake up in the morning thinking of him and go to sleep thinking of him. I feel deep down in my heart that I am still meant to be with him. I still drop by and call every so often and he is really nice and doesn't tell me to leave him alone or any of that sort. How should I approach getting him back because he has told me he still cares for me and misses me but he is afraid of me making the same mistake again?? How can I get him back or move on????

[Tony T]

Just set up an appointment to talk to him alone and in person. I'm sure you've explained your fears as the reason for the break up. Go over that again and let him know why you no longer have those fears. Let him know all the reasons why you feel you made a serious mistake. Ask for his forgiveness, apologize for what effects your action had on him, and just let him know how much it would mean to you to get back together. That's your only chance.

 

He sounds like a great guy. Nobody wants to be hurt and if, after making your most excellent case for getting back together, he wants to remain just friends, value that and let go of your emotional ties that are beyond friendship with him, and move on. It may be best not to have contact with him until you have healed.

 

If you make a good enough case and he is really as fond of you as you indicate, I don't see how he could resist getting back, at least on a trial basis. But don't expect the relationship to be the same. He will be reserved and cautious. I think this guy REALLY loved you and put a lot of his heart and soul into being with you. You have to understand that. His scars are probably still healing. You may not even like a new relationship with him because you have reversed things and HE will not be the one with the fears but hopefully you will get the chance to see.

 

If things don't work out with this guy, I pray that in your future encounters with men you are extremely close to and fond of romantically, you will see great opportunity for growth and happiness rather than a situation you need to bail out of quickly.

 

I hope you will give some real serious thought to the changes you have made within yourself and stick to them. If you are going to get terrified and break up everytime you are with a great guy who really loves and cares you, you may as well quit dating and become a nun.