Ex won't leave me alone

[Jo2202]

Well, what can I say?

 

I was in a relationship with a 27 year old guy for 4 months. We broke up Sunday just gone coz he said things weren't working out.

 

At the time we broke up, we were in his car in my road and we were chatting about the whole thing for near enough 2 hours. All of a sudden, he began swearing and shouting at me, and calling me names. At one stage I thought he was going to hit me coz of the look in his eyes. I was so frightened of him.

 

But anyway, I texted him Monday coz I had a few family problems at home which my guy knew about and empathised with. The thing is, with my family, is that they tend to smother me a lot, which is really frustrating for me coz I'm an only child.

 

I asked him for advice, and then for some reason, my mind flashed back to Sunday which he verbally attacked me, and then when his reply came through, I ignored it. He repeatedly sent me text after text, until I got to the point where I thought, 'I'll just delete whatever comes through' coz he's really the only person who texts me anyway.

 

But things have started to get worse and we won't leave me alone. He called me from his work and I ended the call by diverting it, and then he texted me at the time where he'd be at home. I keep telling myself that I don't need this, and it was his decision to end the relationship - so why can't he just leave me alone? I don't understand it.

 

I want us to be friends, but after the things he said, I don't think I can forgive him. He's never exploded like this before in front of me, but it's on my mind all the time, and I'm scared of the time he'll drive round to my house and try to work things out, coz I think he'll do it again.

 

Do you guys think I'm doing the right thing by ignoring him, even though he ended it?

[Jamma]

I think you are doing the right thing by ignoring him, it sounds like he needs to calm down a bit. I do think you might be better off without him right now, if he could see that he was scaring you when he was shouting but still carried on suggests he totally lost it. If you do have to see him though just try to make sure you are not alone, so you can see how he is going to be first.

 

If you want to remain friends with him I suggest you try to have no contact with him for a while. It will give you both time to think about where you want to go with your relationship without saying things in the heat of the moment and that you might regret.

 

Do you want to stay in touch with somebody who has frightened you in the way he did?

[grounded]

Why ignore him? You spent several months together. You care about him in some ways. I am not saying get back with him. Yes, he ended it but don't ignore him because of that. People make mistakes. Sometimes people don't know how they feel about someone until they have lost them. If you truly don't want him in your life, sit down and talk with him and explain why. Then let him know clearly but respectfully that you need no contact. And then ignore him if you need to. Even though he ended it, he may not have closure. If you just continue to ignore him without talking to him once more, he may just continue to bug you.

 

It is hard to say exactly what happened when he yelled at you and gave you that look. It does not mean he had any intention of hitting you. If there is no other reason to believe he would do such a thing, I doubt he had any intention of ever doing that. If you are going to allow him to affect you in such a way, make sure you fears are warranted. A person can look really mad yet never have any intention of violence. But if he becomes physically aggressive, don't give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

good luck.

[faux]

Make it clear to him that you do not want any further contact. He has no right to yell at you, but if he is simply attempting to see you again, or contact you, he probably does not realize that you feel threatened by him and do not wish for him to speak to you again (at least at this present time).

 

To me it's odd for him to be acting this way when he was the one who ended the relationship. Be very clear as to your intentions and desires, and do not spare his feelings. You need to make sure he is getting the message so it cannot be misunderstood.

 

After you explain to him how you feel, then it's a good idea to ignore him. Save all those voice mails or text messages, and other forms of contact, just in case he gets out of hand and you need to involve the police.

[uriel]

Maybe he's trying to get back in touch with you so hard because you were in the middle of a texting conversation when you cut out. You texted him asking for help / understanding. He's probably worried that you're a mess.

 

Just because he got angry (even very angry) and broke up with you doesn't mean he doesn't care that you're okay. Sounds crazy, I know, but people work differently when they aren't in the "heat of the moment."

 

Send him a note saying you're okay, thanks for listening. You're sorry you cut out, but you realize you shouldn't be turning to him since you're broken up. Say you'd like to go with no contact and hope he'll understand.

 

Give this the closure it needs. Empty it of drama, and get to work on putting your life back together.

 

--uriel

[shellen]

Do not ignore him. It is very frustrating to be ignored. Even if you do not want contact with him anymore, at least let him know. I think no matter what he still deserves a proper answer from you.