its not worth it

[miranda3379]

I have posted before- have been seeing a MM for 5 months. I love him with all my heart. He has treated me better than anyone ever has before. Being married aside, he is so good to me and would do anything for me. I know it is silly but we feel like we were meant to meet. Before I dated him, I would have never even considered dating a man with even just a girlfriend or one who was dating multiple women. I don't really know how I ended up with him under these circumstances. He has had one other affair before- over ten years ago. He and his wife have been married 16 years. No kids of his own. At three months his wife found out. She discovered our texts and phone calls. I will say one thing about my MM- he has been strong. He has not led his wife on- he has always told her that he wanted to be with me ,that he was in love with me, and that he did not want to work things out. But at the same time, he tried to not turn his back on her and be supportive.

 

He may have been misguided at times because he didnt' want to cause her any further pain so he did stay at their house for about a month. Slept in another room and refused all of her advances and attempts to make things work while still seeing me. He tried several things to help her but she doesn't want any help. She just wants him back. I hate to say she's acting crazy because I know she's devastated but she is acting like she can't take care of herself. She threatened suicide and my MM was afraid she would go thru with it. He has tried to be firm. Every day she comes up with something new- wants him to appologize in person for the 50th time, guilts him into feeling awful for her. Almost a month ago he moved out for good and moved in with me. Truthfully I was terrified. I knew he had told me he would miss his house and his dogs. I was so afraid he'd hate living with me and want to go back. But after staying with me for only two weeks, he told me that he didn't miss his house anymore. That it was who he was with, not WHERE he lived that mattered. He would go see his dogs once a week when his wife was at work. On one occassion she was at home and he wasn't expecting her. She started a fight and he told her that he didn't miss the house, that he wanted her to live there and he would keep paying the bills (she mentioned moving out) and she said she couldnt' stay there (but has done nothing to find another place) and he said they would sell the house then because he didn't want to live there. That he felt like he was visiting and that it was no longer his home.

 

So she has since "stepped up her game". he has stopped taking any phone calls from her and refuses to call her back but he does accept texts. He said it is impersonal contact and he can't totally cut her off because he spent so many years with her and even though they are now separated he told her he would be there if she needs something. He meant money, the grass cut, car repaired etc. But she wants to talk about their problems and wants to work things out. That is all she wants. To work things out. no matter what. She says she will forget about his cheating, she will treat him wonderfully etc. Promises him the world.

 

He wants her to move on (and has told her so) He actually told her she will feel better if she met someone else (and he's praying for this so she will take the pressure off him) he suggested she try Match.com or something. That actually made me cry because I put myself in her shoes for a second or imagined someone I desperately loved telling me I need to try an online dating site to find a man (not knocking it just saying that has to hurt). But he truly has NO feelings for her that are anything marriage or romance related. He just loves her as in "I want you to be ok without me"

 

She never gives up. She tries to guilt him into coming home. She won't eat, she stays up all hours of the night texting him and he ignores her one night she freaks out and threatens suicide the next. He is so torn. I know he loves me and wants to be with me. I see it and feel it every day. I make him happy, I know it. but he feels like crap because of the way he has to treat his wife. He has to say "NO" to everything she asks. She actually asks (even though he's living with me) if he willl stop over and let her cook him dinner or take her out to eat. His response is an automatic no. He isn't doing it for me, he's doing it for her because he knows if he says yes to anything she will take it as there is hope that they will get back together. She will contact him and beg him to come home. He refuses.

 

I don't know if I am saying too much about his wife but the last few days have been hell on MM. She keeps texting saying she will never stop loving him and no matter what he does to her she will not let go. That she has no one and she lays all these guilt trips on him. I get mad and I know I have no right too. I have "stolen" someone else's husband. And she blames me 100% for his leaving. And forgives him 100%. But I get frustrated because she constantly tells him that he hates her. This is not true. he is trying to treat her with some compassion. If he hated her he would kick her out of the house (or just not pay the mortgage for her) and change his phone number or ignore all of her texts and go NC. But he is trying to not alienate her or make her feel that he hates her since he was with her for so long. And yes, I know he cheated so that does not make him a good person but at least he is trying and did not throw her away. But she REFUSES to get any help, to involve her friends, to even take a sleeping aid to help her sleep at night. She wants to be as helpless as possible so that he feels terrible. And he does. He feels horrible that he has caused her so much pain. He said that he thought when she found out he cheated on her she would be so angry she couldn't stand him and would move on. But instead she forgives him and wants him back at any cost.

 

But i Know that he was done with his marriage (mentally) before I even came along. if you can encourage your wife to meet random strangers on the internet so she won't be lonely, then you truly have no interest in making your marriage work.

 

But almost every day I have to live with the fear that this man that I love, that makes me happy every day when I wake up next to him- will be guilted into returning home to his wife. Just because he can't take the pain and stress of hurting her like this. He said he knows he would be miserable if he returns. He said he knows that she will bend over backward to try to make him happy but he doesn't want something faked. That he would just be there as a comfort and not out of wanting to be and she will see that eventually and even though she says she has no problem with his cheating, it will hit her one day and the anger will come and she will hate him and maybe even leave him. He has always told her he has no interest in working out his marriage .And I know this for a fact because I get texts pleading with me, to "let him go" to find a man who is single and not to destroy her family. That he is all she has. Just to walk away and let him come home. And when I don't respond then I get threats that she will hunt me down and beat me up.

 

He says he feels he is stuck in the movie groundhog day just repeating the same day over and over because any time he has any contact with her it is just the same thing- she wants him back and is devastated when he repeats the same thing he's told her for the two months.

 

We both knew that once he left (and I am happy and suprised that he did leave) it would be hard. But I had no idea he would be so torn. That the guilt would just eat him alive. I know the best thing would be for him to go NC with his wife. But after so many years I don't see how that is possible.

 

and maybe this isn't fair for me to say and go ahead and bash me for it, but I think that some of her pain is an act. or that she is just wallowing in it to gain sympathy from him. Because according to him she absolutely refuses to do anything to help herself. She complains of physical ailments but wont' see a doctor. SHe can't eat or sleep but won't do anything about it. She won't see her friends or family. She just sits at their house and cries. so I see it as she is bringing some of the pain on herself. It has been two months since she found out and she should at least have gone thru some anger at him. But no- just horrible sadness and wanting him back at any cost.

 

I guess my story is a warning to those who may consider dating a MM. I love mine with all my heart and he is truly the best guy I've ever been with (I know that sounds sad but he truly does treat me like a princess) but it just isn't worth it. I didn't know if he would even leave and he has done so much for me- he left his home and is trying to make it work with me and our relationship is great. But he carries this guilt and sadness and anger around with him and every day I fear that his wife will push the right button (and the right button with him is guilt that she will never be able to function and move on- and she knows it) and that I will come home and he will be packing his stuff and crying and telling me that he needs to go back to his wife. So I feel my days with him are numbered and I feel like I can never truly relax and enjoy his company like I used to. Because while today could be wonderful - tomorrow could be the day he leaves me and I will miss him like crazy and have a hard time getting over him. And then I have to live with the fact that I messed up someone's marriage, contributed to devastating his wife, and that he went back to it all out of guilt because I couldn't take that away for him.

 

So if I had to do it over, while I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and felt more loved by him than I have from anyone I've been with, I would have to pass because I know if his wife would just get angry at him and move on then we would be happy together (very selfish I know) but she will probably drag him back to her just because he can't live with himself for devastating someone who gave so many years of life to him. It saddens me that he truly doesn't want to work on his marriage but would sacrafice his own happiness to make her ok again. I know he is trying to give it time in the hopes that she will be ok without him, but meanwhile I'm holding onto him every night and feeling closer to him because we are now living together and spending every day and night together and yet it may all be gone tomorrow.

[jthorne]

Well, that's interesting. As of April 10, the BS posted that he was still living with her.

 

Also... it's VERY interesting how you BOTH tend to spell your contractions with the apostrophe at the end... didnt' dont' etc. Not many people do that.

[TigerCub]

Well, that's interesting. As of April 10, the BS posted that he was still living with her.

 

Also... it's VERY interesting how you BOTH tend to spell your contractions with the apostrophe at the end... didnt' dont' etc. Not many people do that.

 

the BS posts here?

I'm always amazed, how do some people on here know this kinda thing...

[Minnie09]

Thanks for the "warning", Miranda!

I think people with a tiny bit of common sense know already that "it's not worth it". Duh.

All others will probably do what they do - with or without your warning.

And as far as you are concerned yourself: If you're not a troll, I'm lacking empathy in your particular case.

Otherwise never mind.

[miranda3379]

I'm a real person, I couldn't make this up. I'm just looking for some support and thought I could find some here. I don't go on any other forums to browse but have read this one extensively looking for similiar situations or advice. If MM's wife is posting here (and I find that hard to believe since the only person who knows I post there is MM and he can read what I write if he wants to.) And if by some off chance his wife was posting here, as long as she's not posting my real name or info that could identify me I don't care.

 

I can't find many places on the web that support someone in this type of relationship and thats why I've turned here.

 

I really do think that my MM loves me and wants to be with me because I don't think he would have put his wife through this even though it causes him guilt if he didnt' want to be with me. I'm just writing this as a warning that even when you get what you want (I wanted him to leave his wife and be with me) it isn't all wonderful and perfect. Its stressful and hard and I would go through whatever I need to in order to help him through it, I just live in fear that he will give in to her neediness and go back in order to lessen his guilt. And maybe I deserve that after what we did but it still hurts.

[Rose1977]

I'm a real person, I couldn't make this up. I'm just looking for some support and thought I could find some here. I don't go on any other forums to browse but have read this one extensively looking for similiar situations or advice. If MM's wife is posting here (and I find that hard to believe since the only person who knows I post there is MM and he can read what I write if he wants to.) And if by some off chance his wife was posting here, as long as she's not posting my real name or info that could identify me I don't care.

 

I can't find many places on the web that support someone in this type of relationship and thats why I've turned here.

 

I really do think that my MM loves me and wants to be with me because I don't think he would have put his wife through this even though it causes him guilt if he didnt' want to be with me. I'm just writing this as a warning that even when you get what you want (I wanted him to leave his wife and be with me) it isn't all wonderful and perfect. Its stressful and hard and I would go through whatever I need to in order to help him through it, I just live in fear that he will give in to her neediness and go back in order to lessen his guilt. And maybe I deserve that after what we did but it still hurts.

 

 

 

Yes, she is posting here.... Oddly, it has beem pointed out to both of you and neither of you seem to have an interest in reading each others posts... People noticed it the second she put her story up because all the details matched exactly - the 16 years and no kids etc.... very strange.

[miranda3379]

Thanks for the "warning", Miranda!

I think people with a tiny bit of common sense know already that "it's not worth it". Duh.

All others will probably do what they do - with or without your warning.

And as far as you are concerned yourself: If you're not a troll, I'm lacking empathy in your particular case.

Otherwise never mind.

 

 

I don't understand why the bashing. This is the OW/OM forum is it not? So not getting why you saying those with common sense arleady know its not worth it. Just because you get involved with someone who is taken doesn't mean you don't have any common sense. I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy. Just sharing my story. Everyone it seems wants their AP to leave the marriage and that is exactly what I've wanted since about a month into it and my MM was the one who talked about it first and wanted it to happen. And he made it happen. But parts of it are miserable and as much as you want to help the MP you can't.

[Rose1977]

I don't understand why the bashing. This is the OW/OM forum is it not? So not getting why you saying those with common sense arleady know its not worth it. Just because you get involved with someone who is taken doesn't mean you don't have any common sense. I'm not looking for sympathy or empathy. Just sharing my story. Everyone it seems wants their AP to leave the marriage and that is exactly what I've wanted since about a month into it and my MM was the one who talked about it first and wanted it to happen. And he made it happen. But parts of it are miserable and as much as you want to help the MP you can't.

 

 

I don't think people are bashing you because of your situation, this whole thing is just very strange that both of you have posted here with very similar writing styles and details. I am not accusing you of being a troll, it's just that there have been a lot of them on here recently and people get tired of it. It's just a strange situation. If you read the thread on the other board, you will understand why people are frustrated with this situation and starting to doubt this is even real.

[Jane Deaux]

So interesting. Don't you even care to go read the thread that is a "similar situation"?

 

If I were in this situation and my MM's wife was posting her point of view, Oh, I'd be all over that. Reading every word.

[miranda3379]

Yes, she is posting here.... Oddly, it has beem pointed out to both of you and neither of you seem to have an interest in reading each others posts... People noticed it the second she put her story up because all the details matched exactly - the 16 years and no kids etc.... very strange.

 

 

I'm sure if it truly is MM's wife and she knew I was posting on here she would read everything I write and find something I said and bring it up to MM. She tries to get on Facebook where MM and I post and she doesn't have access to either of our pages so she's made up fake profiles, gotten her friends to try to gain access etc. What forum does she post in? I don't go to the breaking up forums or cheating because there is a lot of pain there and I know I'm part of the cause of his wife's pain (though she blames me for all of it) and I already know what I've done is wrong and regret it. If she is posting on here I would probably read it just out of curiousity to see if my MM is telling me the truth about what happens between them (what he says and everything) but I know it would upset me if I found out something that he didn't tell me about.

[jthorne]

Huh. Well, then can you explain the coincidental spelling, please?

I really do think that my MM loves me and wants to be with me because I don't think he would have put his wife through this even though it causes him guilt if he didnt' want to be with me.

 

The other person, a week ago:

That is why I dont' come here a lot.

I called off work so he didnt' know I would be there

 

The other person posting, circa 2008:

(she didnt' tell us but got VERY upset when we gave presents that didnt' meet her standards)

 

I looked back at her posts, and your posts, and found more than several incidents of this funny spelling. Considering the writing style is similar as well, I think it's a little more than coincidental.

 

Really not cool, as a lot of people have taken their time to respond to "both" of you.

[whichwayisup]

The issue is, your MM is a complete a-hole. While still living at home (WHY????) even though he has told his wife "it's over", HER hopes are still up because he hasn't moved out. HE is leading her on by staying there. WTF.

 

This whole situation is messed up and if you can live with being part of this, good for you. But, my suggestion is, back OFF and end things with him until he IS DIVORCED.

 

And yes, one day YOU could be his wife... Devastated and alone. You KNOW what he is capable of, so what goes around, can come around. Be aware.

 

His wife may not be strong right now, but she will wake up one day and realize the best thing to do is to go on with her life. Not everybody is strong at the beginning of a marriage break up so stop saying she's exaggerating her pain and putting it on. It really pisses me off reading that.

 

Your MM should involve HER family and get her help and support. Instead he's playing a game with her, a game with her life! Treating her poorly, disrespecting her, kicking her while she's down and at her worst. Remember how he's handled this, one day (again) he could do this to you.

[donnamaybe]

Huh. Well, then can you explain the coincidental spelling, please?

 

The other person, a week ago:

 

 

The other person posting, circa 2008:

 

 

I looked back at her posts, and your posts, and found more than several incidents of this funny spelling. Considering the writing style is similar as well, I think it's a little more than coincidental.

 

Really not cool, as a lot of people have taken their time to respond to "both" of you.

Wow, JT. You're right. That is SO not cool.

[Confused4Now]

This whole situation is messed up and if you can live with being part of this, good for you. But, my suggestion is, back OFF and end things with him until he IS DIVORCED.

 

Your MM should involve HER family and get her help and support. Instead he's playing a game with her, a game with her life! Treating her poorly, disrespecting her, kicking her while she's down and at her worst. Remember how he's handled this, one day (again) he could do this to you.

In bold....I looked through all your comments and I don't see any mention of divorce? WTF...that alone would keep me from having this guy move in with me....yuck. If the paper work was in process then maybe but he really needs to be on his own for a while. I have to agree with everything WWIU posted.

[Flabbergaster]

coincidental tpyos can happen with many people that know how to type, have been able to type VERY fast when they were younger, and dont' type so much anymore. The left and right hand get out of sync, one types before it should.

 

It's actually very common to see don't typo'd as dont'. The left index finger is used more often than the right pinky finger, and is faster (if you are a typist).

Edited April 19, 2011 by Flabbergaster
lol...mistyped dont' as don't

[jthorne]

coincidental tpyos can happen with many people that know how to type, have been able to type VERY fast when they were younger, and dont' type so much anymore. The left and right hand get out of sync, one types before it should.

 

It's actually very common to see don't typo'd as dont'. The left index finger is used more often than the right pinky finger, and is faster (if you are a typist).

There's a big difference between coincidental and habitual. Had it been a few times, I could buy your explanation; I considered it myself. However, with "both" of these posters, it is habitual. (I consider it occurring on the majority of "both" their posts to be habitual.)Considering the other factors, it's a little too habitual for me to believe it's a quirky coincidence. I asked the OP for an explanation, and haven't seen one as of yet. I thought it appropriate to post my suspicions, so that others could decide for themselves if they wished to spend their time and effort responding.

 

We're told that if we believe a poster is not legit, to bow out of the thread. So... I am bowing out of the thread(s).

Edited April 19, 2011 by jthorne

[miranda3379]

The issue is, your MM is a complete a-hole. While still living at home (WHY????) even though he has told his wife "it's over", HER hopes are still up because he hasn't moved out. HE is leading her on by staying there. WTF.

 

This whole situation is messed up and if you can live with being part of this, good for you. But, my suggestion is, back OFF and end things with him until he IS DIVORCED.

 

And yes, one day YOU could be his wife... Devastated and alone. You KNOW what he is capable of, so what goes around, can come around. Be aware.

 

His wife may not be strong right now, but she will wake up one day and realize the best thing to do is to go on with her life. Not everybody is strong at the beginning of a marriage break up so stop saying she's exaggerating her pain and putting it on. It really pisses me off reading that.

 

Your MM should involve HER family and get her help and support. Instead he's playing a game with her, a game with her life! Treating her poorly, disrespecting her, kicking her while she's down and at her worst. Remember how he's handled this, one day (again) he could do this to you.

 

 

Can I ask something? Have you ever been an OW? Or were you a BS? I'm not saying my MM is a great standup guy. If he was, he wouldn't have cheated at all. But I'm here on this forum because I'm involved with a MM. Thats what is it for I'm assuming. No, he is not living with her. He stayed about a month (because she was threatening to committ suicide) and he thought it was a real possibility. I'm sure he also stayed too because he was afraid of losing his home. He is no longer there. And it was his choice. I never asked, never gave him an ultimatum. He has not been back even once since he left even though several times she has begged him to stay at least one night. I don't think it is feasible for someone to immediately move out and just abandon someone they have been with for so long. What he did do (and again she didn't want this) was to move to the toher bedroom or sleep on the couch. So he was not doing anything to lead her on.

 

 

The stories I've read on here- most MM have affairs for years and might leave and might not. My MM left after 4 months. And it wasn't because his wife kicked him out. She wants to do anything she can to make their marriage work.

 

I don't know what he is expected to do. He hasn't gone back and forth (leading her on), he hasn't made false promises, he hasn't EVER told her he wanted to work things out. I know that constantly saying no to someone's every request (to work things out) and telling them to move on and find someone else might be cruel but what else is he supposed to do? Honestly? Please tell me. Is he supposed to go no contact? is that even possible in a separation? As far as a divorce, he will be filing but right now he feels she needs to be stable before he files. (I know.. maybe just another excuse) He has tried to involve her family but they see him as the bad guy and won't return his calls. He told his wife he wants to talk to her best friend but she refuses. I'm sorry that me saying his wife is exagerating her pain offended you. It does sound harsh but it is partly true but I think I said it wrong. I know she is in a great deal of pain and there is no time limit on grief. But she will literally do nothing for herself. She won't take any of his suggestions, she won't talk to friends (according to him) she won't pick herself up and try to help herself. She wants him to do it all. And he feels guilty that she has been reduced to helpless.

 

I say she is "playing him" because she can do simple things just to pull herself up a little, to help her sleep and she refuses because she knows her pain and suffering is a link to him and that he will worry about her as long as she is helpless.

 

I still haven't been able to find her threads and I wish I could now just so I can see all these similiarities to mine and to see if she really is devastated or maybe my MM is just playing me and saying she is all distraught and sad and helpless as an excuse to have one foot out the door. I have no idea.

 

And yes, I know that he might someday do all this to me. I know what he is capable of. I don't understand waiting for him to get divorced though. Why would you interupt a relationship to wait on that? Sorry if I sound naive, but a contested divorce (I know she would contest it right now) could take more than a year. Why would I wait around for him? Our affair is already out in the open. People he works with know, his family, friends etc.

 

I only wrote my story as a warning or a caution to those who are waiting for their MP to leave. When they do it is not all great like you think it would be.

[PhoenixRise]

I'm a real person, I couldn't make this up. I'm just looking for some support and thought I could find some here. I don't go on any other forums to browse but have read this one extensively looking for similiar situations or advice. If MM's wife is posting here (and I find that hard to believe since the only person who knows I post there is MM and he can read what I write if he wants to.) And if by some off chance his wife was posting here, as long as she's not posting my real name or info that could identify me I don't care.

 

I can't find many places on the web that support someone in this type of relationship and thats why I've turned here.

 

I really do think that my MM loves me and wants to be with me because I don't think he would have put his wife through this even though it causes him guilt if he didnt' want to be with me. I'm just writing this as a warning that even when you get what you want (I wanted him to leave his wife and be with me) it isn't all wonderful and perfect. Its stressful and hard and I would go through whatever I need to in order to help him through it, I just live in fear that he will give in to her neediness and go back in order to lessen his guilt. And maybe I deserve that after what we did but it still hurts.

 

Interesting that you are saying that you didn't know his wife posts here when on your other thread it was pointed out to you that she is here. People even posted the BS's username which you recognized and seemed horrified by. Then that thread mysteriously disappeared.

[PhoenixRise]

So interesting. Don't you even care to go read the thread that is a "similar situation"?

 

If I were in this situation and my MM's wife was posting her point of view, Oh, I'd be all over that. Reading every word.

 

 

Strangely enough, the BS showed absolutely no interested in Miranda's threads even though people pointed out to her that her husband's OW was posting here. Interesting that they are both so disinterested.

[whichwayisup]

Well since you aren't looking for advice, just telling your story, which (sorry) is questionable for many reasons, I'm bowing out of your thread.

 

All I ask is, respect his wife and what she is going through. You do not "get it", 6 months affair vs 16 year marriage, plus their history together. If you can't figure out why his wife is devastated and having trouble accepting this, then you have issues. Sorry to be blunt. Sadly one day you might experience that same pain and good for you if you are alot stronger than his wife, and handle it better. Until then, don't judge her and don't accuse her of faking it.

 

Good luck. You'll need it.

[bentnotbroken]

I'm a real person, I couldn't make this up. I'm just looking for some support and thought I could find some here. I don't go on any other forums to browse but have read this one extensively looking for similiar situations or advice. If MM's wife is posting here (and I find that hard to believe since the only person who knows I post there is MM and he can read what I write if he wants to.) And if by some off chance his wife was posting here, as long as she's not posting my real name or info that could identify me I don't care.

 

I can't find many places on the web that support someone in this type of relationship and thats why I've turned here.

 

I really do think that my MM loves me and wants to be with me because I don't think he would have put his wife through this even though it causes him guilt if he didnt' want to be with me. I'm just writing this as a warning that even when you get what you want (I wanted him to leave his wife and be with me) it isn't all wonderful and perfect. Its stressful and hard and I would go through whatever I need to in order to help him through it, I just live in fear that he will give in to her neediness and go back in order to lessen his guilt. And maybe I deserve that after what we did but it still hurts.

 

What a real piece of work he is. I would imagine hemorrhoids and loose bowels would be better than dealing with him. I pray his wife finds her strength and deal with him the way dodo should be dealt with.

[bentnotbroken]

Can I ask something? Have you ever been an OW? Or were you a BS? I'm not saying my MM is a great standup guy. If he was, he wouldn't have cheated at all. But I'm here on this forum because I'm involved with a MM. Thats what is it for I'm assuming. No, he is not living with her. He stayed about a month (because she was threatening to committ suicide) and he thought it was a real possibility. I'm sure he also stayed too because he was afraid of losing his home. He is no longer there. And it was his choice. I never asked, never gave him an ultimatum. He has not been back even once since he left even though several times she has begged him to stay at least one night. I don't think it is feasible for someone to immediately move out and just abandon someone they have been with for so long. What he did do (and again she didn't want this) was to move to the toher bedroom or sleep on the couch. So he was not doing anything to lead her on.

 

 

The stories I've read on here- most MM have affairs for years and might leave and might not. My MM left after 4 months. And it wasn't because his wife kicked him out. She wants to do anything she can to make their marriage work.

 

I don't know what he is expected to do. He hasn't gone back and forth (leading her on), he hasn't made false promises, he hasn't EVER told her he wanted to work things out. I know that constantly saying no to someone's every request (to work things out) and telling them to move on and find someone else might be cruel but what else is he supposed to do? Honestly? Please tell me. Is he supposed to go no contact? is that even possible in a separation? As far as a divorce, he will be filing but right now he feels she needs to be stable before he files. (I know.. maybe just another excuse) He has tried to involve her family but they see him as the bad guy and won't return his calls. He told his wife he wants to talk to her best friend but she refuses. I'm sorry that me saying his wife is exagerating her pain offended you. It does sound harsh but it is partly true but I think I said it wrong. I know she is in a great deal of pain and there is no time limit on grief. But she will literally do nothing for herself. She won't take any of his suggestions, she won't talk to friends (according to him) she won't pick herself up and try to help herself. She wants him to do it all. And he feels guilty that she has been reduced to helpless.

 

I say she is "playing him" because she can do simple things just to pull herself up a little, to help her sleep and she refuses because she knows her pain and suffering is a link to him and that he will worry about her as long as she is helpless.

 

I still haven't been able to find her threads and I wish I could now just so I can see all these similiarities to mine and to see if she really is devastated or maybe my MM is just playing me and saying she is all distraught and sad and helpless as an excuse to have one foot out the door. I have no idea.

 

And yes, I know that he might someday do all this to me. I know what he is capable of. I don't understand waiting for him to get divorced though. Why would you interupt a relationship to wait on that? Sorry if I sound naive, but a contested divorce (I know she would contest it right now) could take more than a year. Why would I wait around for him? Our affair is already out in the open. People he works with know, his family, friends etc.

 

I only wrote my story as a warning or a caution to those who are waiting for their MP to leave. When they do it is not all great like you think it would be.

 

 

Niave isn't how you sound.

[fooled once]

The issue is, your MM is a complete a-hole. While still living at home (WHY????) even though he has told his wife "it's over", HER hopes are still up because he hasn't moved out. HE is leading her on by staying there. WTF.

 

This whole situation is messed up and if you can live with being part of this, good for you. But, my suggestion is, back OFF and end things with him until he IS DIVORCED.

 

And yes, one day YOU could be his wife... Devastated and alone. You KNOW what he is capable of, so what goes around, can come around. Be aware.

 

His wife may not be strong right now, but she will wake up one day and realize the best thing to do is to go on with her life. Not everybody is strong at the beginning of a marriage break up so stop saying she's exaggerating her pain and putting it on. It really pisses me off reading that.

 

Your MM should involve HER family and get her help and support. Instead he's playing a game with her, a game with her life! Treating her poorly, disrespecting her, kicking her while she's down and at her worst. Remember how he's handled this, one day (again) he could do this to you.

 

Ditto

 

and what kind of guy leaves his wife and moves in immediately with his mistress?

 

I hope she takes him to the cleaners when she finally divorces him; and I kinda hope it is a state where she can sue the mistress for alienation of affection.

 

The fact that HER husband is so conflicted speaks VOLUMES to me. He has no desire to end his marriage; he is playing house with you right now. How pathetic is he that he can't get his own place? Is he so needy that he has to have a woman take care of it?

 

He is cruel and a coward. Like I said, I hope she takes him to the cleaners.

[BB07]

Miranda.....like the others, I don't think you are the real deal. Besides the similar posting style and puctuation errors, the biggie that gives you away is both posters lack of interest in what the other is saying. I'm sure that 99.9% of OW's or BS's that post here would be reading every post on LS looking for similar stories if that had been pointed out, but yet you and the supposed BS don't have an interest in that aspect. :confused: It's hard to fathom why someone would dupe posters and play a sick game that invokes posters sympathy and support. If you are the fake that you appear to be you should look into addressing what has caused you to play this game.

[alexandria35]

I'm sure if it truly is MM's wife and she knew I was posting on here she would read everything I write and find something I said and bring it up to MM. She tries to get on Facebook where MM and I post and she doesn't have access to either of our pages so she's made up fake profiles, gotten her friends to try to gain access etc. What forum does she post in? I don't go to the breaking up forums or cheating because there is a lot of pain there and I know I'm part of the cause of his wife's pain (though she blames me for all of it) and I already know what I've done is wrong and regret it. If she is posting on here I would probably read it just out of curiousity to see if my MM is telling me the truth about what happens between them (what he says and everything) but I know it would upset me if I found out something that he didn't tell me about.

 

Miranda, seriously. Do you think everyone here has short term memory loss? You were told in your last thread that the BW was here. Actually you were asked if your MM had a neice named Lexi which you confirmed and then you were told the BW was posting from her neices acct who happened to be named Lexi. Which in itself is kind of suspect because usually people don't use their real names as a username. For the fun of it I will ask you again...does your MM have a neice named Lexi? Then suddenly your thread was removed. Now you're here pretending this is new information to you. Oddly the BW has shown the same indifference to being told by posters that you are posting on this board. I'm also amused by the way you re-tell your whole story every single time you start a thread here. You post as if you are a brand new member telling your story as if it's the first time you've written it. Do you have short-term memory loss? Why was your previous thread completely removed?