Girlconfused Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Are internet affairs just as dangerous as real life? I have a boyfriend (of a year) and I found out that he had a two month "affair" with another woman. He was actually calling her is girlfriend, telling her he loved her, sending pics from his camara phone, and telling her that he would one day come to see her. Should I be concerned about his "internet infidelity" or does it not matter because she lives far away, and she's on the internet. P.S. They are over now because she found out about me, and We've been together for a year. Link to post Share on other sites
wideawake Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I don't think I would react any differently to this than I would to a 'real' affair. Bottom line is that he has been doing things behind your back and lying to two woman. You think he only has this kind of behavior online? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 An affair is an affair. It is up to you how and what you done about it, but if he has done it once... more than likely he will do it again. And the next one may not live so far away... Best of Luck ~ Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 They can be very serious although your guy's doesn't sound like it was. Internet affairs have become the sport of choice of the new millennium - a kind of interactive TV. It is, however, a highly risky 'extreme' sport and can break a marriage if allowed to go too far. They start of as nothing more than a fantasy/flirtations but if someone is attached rarely end before trust is destroyed and feelings hurt. It doesn't sound as if your boyfriend was doing any more than messing about but it may be good to sit down and fix the limits as to what you both feel is and is not acceptable in a partnership in this regard since 'Internet affairs' are highly addictive and he may be tempted to go back for more at a future date. Link to post Share on other sites
Girl Confused Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I'm not really sure what to think, but I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter because she lives far away. Or because they never "consumated" their relationship. On the other hand it still bothers me because he called another female his "girlfriend." And I think that he said that he loves me, but he also said that to her. He said that he was going to take care of "their kids together" (if they ever had any). He was on forums going on & on about how she was his girlfriend, and I just wonder could the relationship actually work out after all of this... Do you know anyone whose relationship actually worked after long term cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Even though he is not with her physically, it is cheating. It is just as bad. He will do it again. Did you confront him about this? He doen't love either one of you. He is playing you both. Time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlconfused Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I confronted him with her on three way. He denied knowing her, and then when he heard her voice he hung up. Since then he has apologized, and said that she was just "some girl on the internet." But when I went to the forums I read how many times he referred to her as his girlfriend. So, I asked him how was she his "girlfriend" but she was "some girl on the internet?" and he was just quiet. Then I sit here wondering what could he have possibly wanted with an internet affair, he could talk to me on the phone, and he COULD'VE called me his girlfriend on the forums, but he didn't, he claimed her. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Ditch him. He's lying to you both. Don't be a pawn in his game. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 I know it probably feels good to be able to tell yourself that this girl is far away and that he never had any contact with her, etc. but the bottom line is that he cheated on you and it's likely that if he can get away with doing it again, he will. I hate to say that, but it's what I've found to be the truth. The fact that he is able to throw the words I love you around to more than one woman shows it's more than likely that he has no clue what the word means. The fact that he lied to you so easily demonstrates a lack of respect. My advice would be to get out now. Cheating is cheating, whether it be physical or not. Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 no i dont think you should worry at all i it happens again. talk to him and tell him how you feel.. or do wut i would do rip the power cord out the wall......... lol ...... but only if he doesnt stop when you first talk to him............ -natalee Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 no i dont think you should worry at all i it happens again. Worry about it. Better yet, don't let it happen again. Ditch the bastard. Guys like that make me sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Be concerned, be VERY concerned. The fact that your boyfriend took up with someone else, told her that he "loved" her means that his heart does NOT belong to you. IF you decide to stay with this philanderer, accept the fact that you will be second choice. Also accept that your actions (just like his) speak volumes. You staying with him after something like this gives him PERMISSION to do it again. Good luck to you, I know it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 internet affairs might not be 'dangerous' as real ones -at least you don't get aids from internet affairs- but they are JUST AS BAD. He is a cheater. If he was just messing around and playing the girl along to have some fun, he's an immature idiot. Stupid way to risk losing your girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 if he apologises for it and you realy truly do love him then u canthelp but to forgive him....love is about forgivness when those you LOVE make bad choices...... or mistakes.....as long as he decides to quit. and change -natalee Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by i love him but.... if he apologises for it and you realy truly do love him then u canthelp but to forgive him....love is about forgivness when those you LOVE make bad choices...... or mistakes.....as long as he decides to quit. and change -natalee Hello? The only reason he "stopped" his thing with the other girl was because he got BUSTED. Had he not been busted, who knows how long he would have continued. Life is short, there's a million good fish in the sea, why bother giving second chances to cheaters..you'll never be able to fully trust them again. How's she ever going to know for sure that he's quit and changed? She can't be with him 24/7.......he could be chatting it up with all kinds of other women online, doing the same thing..how would she know? What's "BS" is this notion that if you love someone then you MUST forgive them. I dont' recall reading anything here about him begging for her forgiveness or for even being sorry for what he did. As Solemate so succinctly put it, unconditional love isn't synonymous with unconditional crap absorption. Curious why you are so quick to defend her guy ....let me guess, have you ever done what he did, or cheated on your partner?? Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 i have never ever cheated not even cross my mind....... but ive had my bf cheat on me by going out getting drunk with his friends and then his friends paying a hooker to give him head. the next day he told me... yes i was pissed and a little disapointed but it still doesnt change my love for him.. and also left me for another girl we got back together cpl short months later..... but through the whole thing from when we were just friends to when we were a cpl to when he broke my heart...and when he was with the other girl to when he broke up with her and now when we r together again im always gonna be there for him as to him for me. ....and with him being sorry you dont know if he isnt sorry u dont know if hes stoped but just cuz of a bad decision some one makes doesnt aitomaticly mean u loose all feelings what so ever that you have for that person........ Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 but ive had my bf cheat on me by going out getting drunk with his friends and then his friends paying a hooker to give him head. the next day he told me... yes i was pissed and a little disapointed but it still doesnt change my love for him.. and also left me for another girl we got back together cpl short months later..... Your boyfriend cheated on you and then broke up with you to be with someone else, and you still believe and trust in him? Amazing. No cheating doesn't change feelings (love), but it sure does damage trust and without trust, you don't have much. Link to post Share on other sites
pinklove Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Girl yes, Internet affairs are serious Some of these people that cheat online actually meet up face to face with their on-line lovers and have sex with them. He cannot be trusted. Any relationship cyber or not that involves two consenting people other than their spouse is cheating. I am in a similar situation. My friend is in the United Kingdom and I am here in the US. He just will not admitt that he is seeing someone, all the signs of his infidelity is there and I consider the relationship to be over because I cannot trust him. U deserve better because any man that goes online looking for another although he has a whole woman already is considered a low down dirty scoundrel and what he would do online, he would definitely do in person. Go on with ur life and fine someone who is well worth ur time and let him continue loving his computer love who probably is a fraud anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 you do what you want as you can tell every one has a different point on how to love and how to take care of those you love and with the every day **** you go through when some one else gets involved with you or your love... so you do what you feel right. not what me or any of these other people that are on here to because they probably have or had relationship problems....as did i.... ----Natalee Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by sportsloving Your boyfriend cheated on you and then broke up with you to be with someone else, and you still believe and trust in him? Amazing. No cheating doesn't change feelings (love), but it sure does damage trust and without trust, you don't have much. you dont have much? you have love and thats plenty more enough to me . you can build trust back over time.....and if you love some 1 enough it wont matter how long it takes Link to post Share on other sites
kittykat Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I think that you have a problem too. I would not trust him as far as I could throw him. Here'a an idea to find him out to see if he will do it again. SPYWARE. Not sure which company you could get it from but call a computer store and find out, it will monitor everything done on your computer and then you will know if he's worth hanging on to. Most often they will repeat their infidelity but see what you can do. good luck................................from kittykat Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by i love him but.... you dont have much? you have love and thats plenty more enough to me . you can build trust back over time.....and if you love some 1 enough it wont matter how long it takes I totally agree that you can build trust back up over time, I have had to do it. But the difference is that you also learn a lesson from your previous behavior. Did he learn from his behavior and change for the better; realizing how important his current relationship is... or has he only learned how to cover himself for the next time? Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Ahhhh...and just when you've heard it from both camps.....let me say this.....SOME ARE - SOME AREN'T! It just depends on the two people involved and the circumstances. If both people want to form a serious relationship out of it...they can. They can also agree it's a 'cyber thing' and it really doesn't have anything to do with their 'real life'. Some people are more prone to flirt and goof around than others. If it bothers you....you have a right to ask him to stop. Other than that, to 'generalize' net relationships probably isn't fair. There are just too many variables. Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 i do not have a problem. cuz when ever my bf does something bad he tells me the hooker thing was the worst the other is if he was flirting with girls at work ..... but things have got alot better.... ---Natalee Link to post Share on other sites
pinklove Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I agree, U do what's best for u and don't worry about others insight, because when it all boils down, u will be the one to live with the decision u make, but my opinion is my opinion is my opinion and it won't change. But if the two of u can come together and make it work, then that's gravy!!! And I'm happy for u. Link to post Share on other sites
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