Why does my Wife want to dress so revealing?

[Moose]

Here's the update:

 

We really didn't say much to each other on the way home....I tried to talk about it but she didn't want to driving so I shut up and listened to the radio all the way home. When we got there of course the house was a mess cause the kids have been home from School for a couple hours. So I went and changed into my, "Evening clothes" and started picking up the living room while she started dishes. After things got a little more organized I started supper and we sat down in the living room.

 

I started off by apologizing for making it look like I was trying to control her....that I didn't mean to come off that way. I told her that it did bother me that she discarded my feelings about this so fast that it made me feel like my feelings and concerns didn't carry any weight with her. I told her how sick I was about it all day that we left each other yesterday morning the way we did.

 

It took a while for her to understand that I wasn't so much upset about the outfit she was wearing, ( Although I did point out, and she agreed, where I thought her outfit was too much ), but more upset about how she took my concerns and feelings and tossed them to the way side. She goes, " Can I borrow your cell phone?" and I"m like why? She took it and looked up a text message that she sent me right after she dropped me off that morning. It was an apology saying she was sorry and didn't want to fight, to please forgive her. Man I about lost it, she thought I had got the text message and was just too peod to call her back and tell her that I'll be ok and that I still love her.....that's usually what we do to let each other kinda know we are still gonna talk about this....you understand?

 

Anyway....things turned out great....she was having an allergy attack and a migraine so I dropped it and never got out of her why she wants to dress the way she does. I got her a glass of ice water and put her to bed.......

Thanks everyone for your input and now, I'm gonna make a donation to the forum and I hope everyone else will do the same....I think that with the input I got from everyone I was able to calmy get this taken care of which makes this forum a usefull tool to me....I hope you feel the same and won't mind sending a 5 or 10 dollar bill to them......anyway....Thanks again!!!!

[sportsloving]

Iam glad that things worked out for you

 

Best wishes for you both~

[Juggs]

I am so glad you had the chance to talk things over with your Love. It sounds like you 2 really do have a very comfortable line of communication between you. I am happy it all worked out for you.

[echocrush]

Awwww! Sounds to me like things are going to be just fine, not many couples can communicate in such a productive manner. Good Luck!

 

She probably doesn't know why she dresses the way she does either, not really. But A thought just came to me. Perhaps the two of you could go shopping even online... whatever and see if you can both find something that you like. And the other thought I had... I know sometimes I have to dress differently than I like, a bit more conservative. So I will wear something underneath that makes me feel like I'm still "me", nobody is going to see my underwear right???

 

Anyways... Good luck you two... I'm all warm and fuzzy inside! lol

[FolderWife]

nag nag nag nag nag nag nag. My husband nags me to death. My hair doesn't look right, my clothes don't look right, my perfume isn't the kind he likes, I need to lose weight, I'm a slob nag nag nag.

 

I always try to adjust to fit what he would like, because he's my husband, and I want him to find me attractive!

 

The reason I said this, is because you mentioned in your first post (I didn't read the entire thread) that she USED to care what you thought.

 

Maybe she feels like she can NEVER PLEASE you. I'm getting to the point of where my husband nags me to death about everything, and I'm to the point of where I don't care what he thinks any more, and as long as I like it, and I'm comfortable, then he can just get over it.

 

Maybe she is to this point. After 15 years of you "nagging" her to change how she looks, and never getting it right, maybe she's to the point of not worrying about what you think any more, because if she hasn't gotten it right yet, she might as well give up.

 

Lighten up.

 

My husband gets this huge grin at the thought of other men wanting me. In fact, he revels in it. He'll sit and talk about a shirt he thinks I should buy or something, and say, "Can you imagine the guys looking at you!" Then he laughs. He gets turned on by the idea of every man wanting me, and only HIM being allowed to have me. Maybe you could look at it that way

[Moose]

Monday,

I appreciate your thoughts....I really wish that you would've read the whole thread, then maybe you'd understand what the underlined problem was. It was the fact that she took my feelings and concerns and didn't value them.....quite the opposite...she tossed them right out the window.

 

It wasn't really what she was wearing....it's how she treated the fact that it bothers me. And to be perfectly honest with you, after our talk I discovered there are a lot of things that I can be doing differently myself so she's not the only one to blame....

 

Thanks everyone!! Remember to donate to the forum!!!

[ShareHer]

moose,

 

I read where you mentioned starting this thread so I looked it up. I realize that you and your wife got back on the right track emotionally after this but what about the sexy clothes issue? Is this still an ongoing problem? Damn, I wish I had this problem. My wife could dress as sexy as she wanted to in public and I'd be ok with it. She's more on the conservative side (dressing) but she'll occasionally wear something where her breasts are a little more exposed and pushed up and her belly is showing. I trust her judgement to know what's slutty looking and what's not.

 

It's your opinion that your wife is dressing slutty but we can't know if she's seen that way by others in public. I'll bet other men think she's hot. Other women might be envious and older folks and conservative/christian types might think she looks slutty. If she was standing in your living room wearing one of the outfits you don't approve of in public, would it be ok with you? How about if she wore it in the yard? Is it only when other people are around her that the clothes become a no no? If the answer to all 3 questions is Yes, then it's not so much the clothes as it is your outlook on them. I think you shouldn't worry so much about what other people think. Your wife is the most important person in your life and her opinion should matter more than the average person's on the street. If she likes these clothes and feels good wearing them, and you like them when she's wearing them around the house, then try to alter your thinking about when she's wearing them around town. Tell yourself, "I think she looks hot wearing them around the house. Her opinion matters more than everyone else's and I trust her to know what is embarrassing and I know she won't embarrass herself." Short of wearing a clown outfit into town, she is not going to make a fool of herself wearing her little clothes. Let her have her fun with it. A few years from now she won't have the figure or the confidence to wear these things. She's smart enough to know when it's time to give them up.

[Moose]

Well, I think what my main problem was is the fact that she lead me to believe that my feelings didn't matter at all in this situation. I have a different outlook on it now. I know she does it to feel sexy and to boost her confidence. I'm not so much worried that she's trying to find something on the side or not, she wouldn't do that, I'm more concerned that she won't listen to my side of the story when I think she's crossing the line of feeling sexy, to being slutty.

 

It still bothers me sometimes when she wears clothes like that. But I'm more understanding as to why. I do like it when we're out and she looks good and turns heads......it's just when she's out alone I think she should be more conservative as to not put out the wrong signal.

[Mr Spock]

I am a huge fan of boob shirts (shirts that show cleavage. A lot of it) why you ask? Because I consider the girls to be assets. I've got them, and I'm not going to hide them. If I'm ever unsingle again, I don't plan on covering them up. Why? It keeps people on their toes. I like the attention. It makes me feel good. And I'm sure that's the only reason why your wife is doing it.

 

That being said, I must remember to book mark this post and come back to it in a few months if I am unsingle. I hope I won't have to eat my words.

[ShareHer]

Originally posted by Moose

I do like it when we're out and she looks good and turns heads......it's just when she's out alone I think she should be more conservative as to not put out the wrong signal.

Mind if I tell you what that comment tells me? I honestly don't know how to word this without making you angry with me but I'll try. It tells me "She's Cinderella as long as she's with me but she should be the meek little step-sister in the ragged dress when she's not." I know we've gone round and round with the controlling/not controlling topic but that's the indication I get from this. If she only dressed sexy when you weren't around I'd say you had a problem but she's consistant. She dresses this way whether you're around or not. By telling her it's ok only when you're around, you're telling her that she's simply a trophy wife. I'm thinking you have a little insecurity tucked away back there. If everything you've told us about your relationship is true, there's no reason in the world for you to be insecure with her or the way she dresses. You have to trust her and she has to know that. If she sends the wrong signal to another guy with her clothes, don't worry about it. Will she act on it? Of course not. She probably sends the wrong signals all the time and doesn't know it maybe with a friendly smile or a nice gesture. You'll never know what's in the minds of other men. They probably lust for her when she's in sweatpants and a tee shirt so you might as well let her feel good about herself in her favorite clothes.

 

Not even taking into consideration my alternative lifestyle, again, I would love it if my wife wore sexy clothes in public. When she feels sexy, it oozes from her pores and it hightens my desire for her.

 

I'd just like to see you get over this issue.

[Moose]

Well, if you noticed, I said I think she should be more conservative. I didn't say I tell her not to dress a certain way. ( That would be controlling ). I think I've come a long ways from the way I used to think about it now.

[koala bear]

Moose,

I think it is wonderful that the two of you worked it out. I saw that this is an old post but it is a good one. I think a lot of people have this problem.

My husband and I have. I respect his opion of what I look like in different cloths.

I now don't even feel like dressing up when we go out together. But that because we always have the kids and somthing is going to get spilled on my nice cloths. But he understands that too. Like I said I glad you worked it out.

 

 

KOALA BEAR