am i a prodigal son?

[Boosted]

Hi everyone, I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice regarding my problem. This problem is regarding my brother, my mother and I. This has been going on for years now and I don’t think I could still change the way my mom is. I’m not good at conveying what I feel so I hope that you guys can somehow tell what I’m going through after reading this.

 

My mom is in her 50’s already. She takes good care of the family and raised us well. She was a breadwinner before most of the time. She had been a good mother but I couldn’t stand her claiming to be a worrywart. She claims she inherited it from her mother. I know all parents worry about their children but I believe that my mom is overdoing the worrying part. I feel that it’s more for her than it is for us, more like being selfish.

 

We live in a country full of corruption and crimes but it’s a part of life already and if you just want to be safe then don’t go out and just stay home for the rest of your life. There’s no difference if you go out in the morning or night coz no guarantee anymore that it’s safer in the morning.

 

Through all these years, the major conflict between us is she always worries when my brother or I go out at night with friends. It’s always like that for years and I’m not joking. To be honest, each time I go out there’s not a single time I don’t worry about what my mom’s behavior will be when I go home except if I go home early.

 

During my high school days, she would ask me to call her in the morning every time I reach school so she’d stop worrying. This doesn’t stop something bad from happening but just to ease her worrying. Every time I would go out with friends, there’s always an interview session on where we’re going and with whom.

 

One time I went out with friends to have our intramural uniforms fitted and I have asked permission. That same day, I also have a dentist appointment. Since I have no control of time, I was a little late, she angrily rushed to my school looking for me and asking people if they’ve seen me. I was so embarrassed and people would call me a “mama’s boy”.

 

If there was a long weekend and she have to go to another country for religious matters, she wouldn’t let us mind the store. She would rather close the store for a week than let us mind it. When asked why, she’d always say that she worry about us getting rob. I counter her that what difference does it make if she’s in the store or I minding it, she just said at least she’s there and could see what’s happening should robbers strike.

 

She’s the type of person that wouldn’t give you allowance when you go to school because she feels that we are still young then and couldn’t handle money so I told her, the parents are responsible for teaching their children and disciplining them how to handle money and depriving them or us of money is not going to change things. She doesn’t care and chooses not to give us allowances till we are already in 4th year high school.

 

I thought she would change, as I grow older so I hope for it. Did she change? NO, she did not and I was very disappointed. She would still call my cellphone if I was 10-15mins late coming home from work. She’s acting like there’s no traffic and I have total control of time. She doesn’t think of how I or others around me would think as long as she eases herself from worrying.

 

Just last week, we had a fight again and that’s where I said all the stuff that I’ve been hiding inside. It was a big fight and I was shouting at her already but for the first time in my life, I didn’t feel guilty about it since I believe that I’ve said something right or at least convey what I feel about them.

 

You know, I can’t go out every week with my friends coz I was worried if she’d get mad. I don’t want to push it since we would just end up not speaking to each other for weeks and she’d always show she’s upset by banging stuff and I find it irritating. She would go so far as not to sleep ‘til we get home even if it’s 3 or 4am already.

 

I’m so very frustrated in my life that sometimes I wish I were not born anymore. So many times I have thought of ending my life but my conscience bothers me so much that I couldn’t do it and the fact that I’m still hoping she would one day change. But after our latest big fight last week and I’ve told her everything I feel, I no longer feel guilty each time I think of ending my life.

 

I know I’ll be a coward if I end my life but I have no other way. I know my mom won’t listen to what I’ve said. She would still put importance in her “worrying” than what we feel. I know she would think that she won the battle if I end my life, but I can’t do anything anymore. If only this is like US, I would’ve find a job and move out but that’s not possible from where I live even if you have a job so I’m stuck. Besides, I feel that she would rather want me dead than for her to worry about me.

 

Well, I hope I’ve given you an idea on the personality of my mother and what we always fight about. I’m not saying I’m all correct but I believe I’m not all wrong. I’m firm about her being selfish in her worrying and is overdoing it. What are your thoughts?

 

btw, i can't give out my age(i don't want to be laugh at) but i'm old enough to have my own family.

 

P.S. please forgive me for writing a novel.

[moimeme]

and move out but that’s not possible from where I live even if you have a job so I’m stuck

 

Why is this not possible? Don't you need a job and a home of your own if you want a family? Can you explain?

[nikkilove]

Sounds like maybe some counseling might help you break the noose your momma has over your head and get you living your own life. You can't be a prisoner to her worrying personality, and you certainly are from what you describe. You need the courage to break free from that and establish your own boundaries. If you are old enough to live on your own, I'd highly suggest establishing your own independance.

 

As for taking your own life to get away from your Mom, DON"T!!!! Please, try counseling if it is so bad, or do a search online for suicide support. We had a family member in our family choose this escape and let me tell you, it sucks for the family left behind. And we are not only hurt and grieving, but PO'd that she would do something so stupid, instead of getting help.

 

You took the first step by posting here, please get counseling or go online for a suicide help site or check your local phone book.

 

Good luck.

[tattoomytoe]

you just need to get out of the house...obviously your mother will not change.... let her know you are a grown up, set some bounderies..like call her once a day.... it does not sound like you should totally avoid her .

 

but you are also stilling living under her roof, so you do need to respect the fact that she has some expectations that may seem ridiculouse to you. So move out!

[Boosted]

Thank you for all your advice.

 

It's not easy to just move out and live alone in this country I'm in. It requires lots of money, if not, a very secure high paying job. The pay here and cost of living are not balance.

 

I have worked in Canada before and the pay I'm getting there was enough for me to live alone since the cost of living and the wage are balance. You could even buy a decent used car that time even if you're not in a CEO position. It's a different story here, people with good paying jobs barely make both ends meet much more buy a used car. Some of my cousins who are staying in the USA advice me to go back to Canada and far from my family but the problem is, I get so home sick and I miss my friend and that's the reason I came back.

 

Some of my friends even adviced me to find a girl and get married, but I think that's too risky also and I also think that marriage is not the solution. I kept thinking what if I marry someone very much like my mom then I would live like hell in this lifetime.

 

My parents are also pestering me to get married so they can move to Canada but I think forcing me to settle down is not a good idea. Besides, I don't believe they will go there but just wants me to settle down. I still want to be free. I guess what I need is a miracle.

 

Thanks again. I appreciate all your response.

[moimeme]

Do people in your country share housing? Can you get three or four of your friends to share an apartment or house with you? There are always solutions to these problems if you look hard. Is there an elderly person that needs someone to live with him or her to help around the house? Have you any other relatives you could live with - maybe some cousins?

 

No matter where you live you have to get a job. It may not pay a lot, but it will pay something and then maybe you can make some sort of better living arrangements.

 

I still want to be free

 

What do you mean by that? You don't want to work?

[Cariel]

First, you're not a Prodigal Son. You need to read the fable more carefully.

 

Second, your mother will NOT change. She could be mine. I did manage to overcome the guilt she instilled and get away to build an adult life, but many years later allowed her and my father to move in with me when she became chronically ill and severely disabled. I love my mother, but it was the biggest mistake I ever made. You have been warned.

 

Third, killing yourself won't solve anything.

 

Fourth, you CAN afford to move out. You might not be able to live in the place of your dreams or buy a lot of the things you want, but if you sit down and budget it's possible. Few people have ever died from walking or using public transportation (that I know of).

 

Good luck to you.

[reasontosigh]

Originally posted by moimeme

 

I still want to be free

 

What do you mean by that? You don't want to work?

 

I think he means free as in unmarried, since right before that he refers to his family pressuring him to wed.