Butterfly5525 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 It's been 3 weeks since he suddenly dissapeared me completely from my life with absolutely no explanation (although we've been broken up for several months now we'd still been talking). It's been 2 weeks since I last tried to contact him. About an hour ago, my phone buzzed & it was him texting me. I so wasn't expecting to hear from him tonight so it really caught me off guard & surprised me. However, all he said was "hi" & so I'm not going to respond to the text since he's probably just trying to throw a "crumb" out to see if I'm still on the backburner waiting for him. Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Way to stay strong, Butterfly5525! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 Thanks 1784. I think he may be a bit surprised that I hadn't tried to contact him at all the past few weeks. Also, although I don't know this for certain, I'm pretty sure he's been seeing another girl (exclusively) for the past few weeks. So, that's another reason I'm not going to respond to his text because (assuming he is with someone else), I'm certainly not interested in talking to him & being just his friend. Link to post Share on other sites
1784 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 I'm sure that there are literally dozens of reasons not to respond to him and only one reason TO respond, and that's desperation; and you're not desperate. You're strong, busy and it takes a lot more than "hi" to get your attention. Excellent work. Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Yeah... "hi" is hardly... "I'm sorry for all the ****-eating things I've done to you and I hate myself for breaking your heart". Sorry... if my exH texted "hi" to me I might respond with "LOL" Link to post Share on other sites
Layzie89 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 The excitement hes been caught up in with his new girl is starting to fade so hes texting you to see if you're still around. You're in control now, stick with NC! Keep at it butterfly, good job so far and good luck. It DOES get easier trust me. I'm approaching the 3 month NC mark so I know =] Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your input 17, Duck & Lazy. My exbf hadn't logged on to a particular dating site (that he's usually on when he's single) at all for the past few weeks. However, I looked at that site early this morning & it said he was online today. So, now I really think that I hadn't heard from him at all for the past almost month because he'd been seeing some other girl & it looks like maybe things just ended with her & that's why he's now active on that site again & contacting me again. Edited April 20, 2011 by Butterfly5525 Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 You gotta stop e stalking him. Believe me it does nothing good. Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted April 20, 2011 Share Posted April 20, 2011 Yeah... "hi" is hardly... "I'm sorry for all the ****-eating things I've done to you and I hate myself for breaking your heart". Sorry... if my exH texted "hi" to me I might respond with "LOL" Honestly laughed at this I was thinking a long the same lines problably would of replied a long the lines of "Lol, good joke haven't heard that one before" In all seriousness to the OP don't reply to this bait. You gotta stop e stalking him. Believe me it does nothing good. Yup I agree with Silvermane. e-stalking, bad get a rubber band and put it on your wrist, each time you e-stalk pull on it until you stop e-stalking. It's not healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted April 20, 2011 Author Share Posted April 20, 2011 You're right silver. I SO need to stop e-stalking him. I've gotten alot better about it then I used to be but I still probably do it too much. Need to keep reminding myself that I have better things to do with my time. Exbf sent me another crumb type text this morning just saying "Hi (my name)" I ignored it. Then, earlier this evening he tried calling me (for the 1st time in close to a month) but I just let it go to voice mail. He sounded pretty nervous at the beginning of the message and he said: "Hi. So, I'm calling you. Just wanted to say hi & stuff. Hope things are going well. Talk to you later. Bye". It ticks me off that he just automatically assumes that he's going to be talking to me later & that he didn't say anything like sorry I just randomly disappeared completely out of your life 3 weeks ago. I need to show him that he can't just pop in & out of my life whenever he feels like it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Share Posted April 21, 2011 He sent me yet another lame crumb type text & when I ignored that he just tried calling & left me a voicemail. It said something like: "Hi. I have a few things I want to say to you so please call me back sometime soon. I haven't talked to you in like 3 or 4 weeks now. Also, please don't tell your mom or __(my daughter) that I called. Just call me back please. Thanks". Why would he freaking say please don't tell my mom or __(my daughter) that he called? Cuz he doesn't want them to be p*ssed off when they realize that he's yet again just trying to jerk me around? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted April 21, 2011 Author Share Posted April 21, 2011 DuckDuckGoose, Just wanted to say that I laughed out loud when I read this: Yeah... "hi" is hardly... "I'm sorry for all the ****-eating things I've done to you and I hate myself for breaking your heart". You have quite the way with words. lol However, sadly, it sure would be nice if he actually said something along those same lines to me me but I'm not holding my breath for it.... Link to post Share on other sites
Rosa Tamora Posted April 25, 2011 Share Posted April 25, 2011 I kept up my resolve to NC or only talk about non-emotional stuff and ignored his "so how are you doing" for a week and then I caved today!! Ack! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3363699#post3363699 I wish I hadn't. Is it too late to get my dignity back?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted April 26, 2011 Author Share Posted April 26, 2011 Hey Rosa, Try not to beat yourself up over breaking NC, okay? No, it is definitely not too late to get your dignity back. We're all here for you girl. ((HUGS)) As for me, my ex has continued to send me texts & leave me voice mail messages almost every day since he first started contacting me again on the 19th (after disappearing completely from my life for 3 weeks). So far though, I'm still ignoring him because all he's been doing is leaving "crumb" type messages.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 Hey everyone, Just thought I'd post a bit of an update on things with my ex. The info below are actually cut & pasted from another mesage board that I sometimes go to & they're in chronological order from a few weeks ago up until the present. If you guys could please read this & give me your input/advice about all of this, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks! Since I last posted on here, he has attempted to contact me almost every single day via texts & phone calls. Nothing too extreme, on average usually 1 to 2 texts a day & sometimes 1 or 2 phone calls a day in addition to the texts. I still haven't responded to him. Partially because I'm still feeling really p*ssed off when I think about how much he's hurt me. Sure, he had every right to end the relationship once he decided he wasn't happy with me but he did not have a right to since the break up, keep jerking me around & sending me mixed messages. Also, although he of course has a right to date other women now that we're broken up, it still hurts & p*sses me off that when he knew he could have gotten me back as his GF, he choose to ask two other girls to be his GF instead of me. As far as I know, he's single again now & I think that's why he's contacting me again but since he's not even coming right out & saying I want you back, wtf would I even want to talk to him?? I've made it perfectly clear to him before that I have zero interest in being just friends with him nor am I interested in being f-buddies. Also, since in the past the very longest I've ever gone without contacting him is two weeks, I feel like he's never even had the opportunity to REALLY miss me & to REALLY see what life without me would truly be like. So, I think keeping up the no contact for at least a little while longer can only be a good thing. Plus, NC is giving ME more time to get a better perspective on things so I can better decide whether or not I'd even WANT him back if he asks me to go be his GF again. Well, it's now been 30+ days since the last time I had any sort of contact with my exbf although he's been continuing to try to contact me, kind of sporadically. He kept trying to contact me last week & I didn't respond & then I didn't hear from him at all over the weekend. However, he then started trying to contact me again both yesterday & today. I used to want SO badly to get back together with him. However, this NC has helped to give me more perspective on things & now I'm having doubts about whether I not I even WANT him back. Doesn't really matter at this point because he's not asking to get back together with him nor is he even saying that he misses me or anything like that. In the messages he's been leaving me lately, he just says stuff like "Hi. Haven't talked to you in awhile. Would be really nice to talk to you. Please call me". Why does he think I'd even WANT to talk to him though when he's not even telling me WHAT he wants? IF he wanted me back as his GF, then I'm sure he'd be VERY clear about that. Since he's NOT saying that though, I can only assume that he wants to either be just friends with me (which I have no interest in) and/or he's hoping to reassure that I'm still right there on the backburner waiting for him, just in case he does decide at some point that he wants me back. I just got a text from him that said: "Aww i want to talk tell u something can u call". He's mentioned in his messages a few times recently that he wants to/needs to tell me something. That kind of aggravates me actually because I figure if it's something that's really that important, wouldn't he just go ahead and leave me a voicemail (or text me) about it? It's almost like he's trying to manipulate me into calling him by trying to make me really curious about whatever it is that he supposedly wants to tell me. Sometimes I have my moments where I cry and/or really do miss him alot but I also have been feeling really angry at him for choosing to be with other girls after our breakup, when he could have been with me. I mean sure he absolutely had the right to breakup with me & start dating other girls, but if he really wanted to be with them instead of me then he should have just left me alone all this time, instead of saying stuff that gave me false hope about us reconciling. I think he may be starting to get a bit nervous that it's been this long since he last heard anything from me. Yesterday, he tried calling me twice & also sent me two texts. Instead of his usual upbeat, happy sounding self, he sounded either kind of agitated/stressed/sad on yestedays voicemails. Here's what his texts from yesterday said: "Are you seeing anyone now? What are you doing?" "Does your offer still hold"? I think what he might have meant by does your offer still hold is will I get back together with now if he wants to. A long time ago, I was dumb enough to basically tell him "Look, I have no interest in being friends with you. So, unless & until you're serious about reconciling, then just leave me alone". I can see now how that was probably a big mistake saying that to him because I think it gave him the impression that I was just sitting around waiting for him (which I basically was). Anyways, since he's not actually asking me to get back together with him as his GF, I can only assume that he's just looking for reassurance that IF he decides he wants me back, that I'll still be available/interested in being his GF again. Do you guys think I'm right about that? Do you guys think I'm doing the right thing by ignoring him, not only because he has yet to say anything apologetic for the crap he's put me through by stringing me along, etc. but also since all it seems like he's doing is tossing "crumbs" to me? Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Wow, I would be leery of him since he seems more desperate than genuine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 Thanks for your input Don'tWorryBeHappy. I should mention also that while I said before that he (after ignoring me for 3 weeks straight) now lately has been contacting me the past few weeks almost every day, that on the weekends I often don't hear from him at all. I'm guessing because he probably has dates lined up with other girls on the weekends but then come Monday, he's always right back to trying to get me to talk to him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 If anyone else could please give me input on my last update post (in this thread), I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. I actually have been doing alot better lately (probably from doing NC) but last night when I went to bed, I pretty much bawled my eyes out. It's like the loss of him just kind of hit me all at once & I was really missing him & also feeling really hurt & angry about everything he's put me through. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Sounds like definite back burner stuff, I know because I went through it for almost a year. Being strung along makes you feel good sometimes, like you know you meant something because they still want contact. You deserve more. He is not the hopeless romantic type which you appear to be. e-stalking is normal, I've done it - it seems as though many on here have done it. That doesn't make it healthy. Any addiction which leads to feelings of guilt/shame is something you need to get rid of. You need to not care about who your ex is with, easier said than done I know. I think NC includes e-stalking. No contact of any kind, for me its not looking at the website for an event I know my ex will be involved with next month. I'm at the 24 hour mark of NC right now, so no expert. I just know how good it feels, how proud I am of myself and how it is making me a better person. LS has literally changed my life, the people on here - this community - the caring atmosphere to vent and move on. Cheers! and good luck. Don't go to that dating site! Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 It's like the loss of him just kind of hit me all at once & I was really missing him & also feeling really hurt & angry about everything he's put me through. A year later all I can say is it will get better. It hit me again hard at the one year anni of it all happening. Time does heal all wounds, just not at the pace you might want it to. Be glad you are not one of the robots out there who seemingly turn emotion on/off easily. Truth be told they also deal with negative emotions, just not in the same way. Be strong. Avoid that dang dating site! Link to post Share on other sites
Ghosst Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 (edited) Why were you crying? You have been strong. You know it is over and there is truly no hope of a great relationship. His continued messaging you is not because he suddenly realized how great you are....it is selfish on his part.....he is alone and wants attention....it does not matter who it is. On weekends he is getting that attention elsewhere, just like when he was dating someone else and he did not contact you. I think you do need to send him one message because his constant messaging you is hurting you. Text only.....I have moved on. Do not contact me in any way ever again. Either that or change your phone number, that way keeping up the NC that most seem to value here. Save yourself from continuing to experience the pain of loss over and over. Edited May 7, 2011 by Ghosst Link to post Share on other sites
maryhadalittlelamb Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 Im going through almost the same thing. You are the only one that can make the choice of seeing what he wants or just continue the NC rule. After 3 months of him dropping of the face of the earth he called me but I didn't answer. I texted him a few days later to see what he wanted. He only said he wanted to tell me something but couldn't remember. I cut it off right there. Since that call I have moved 10 steps backwards in my moving on phase. It might be in your best interest to see what he wants. It might hurt for a bit if it is not what you want to hear and it might feel like you just took 10 steps backwards but at least you know and can continue to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 Thanks so much for your input everyone. Im going through almost the same thing. You are the only one that can make the choice of seeing what he wants or just continue the NC rule. After 3 months of him dropping of the face of the earth he called me but I didn't answer. I texted him a few days later to see what he wanted. He only said he wanted to tell me something but couldn't remember. I cut it off right there. Since that call I have moved 10 steps backwards in my moving on phase. It might be in your best interest to see what he wants. It might hurt for a bit if it is not what you want to hear and it might feel like you just took 10 steps backwards but at least you know and can continue to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterfly5525 Posted May 8, 2011 Author Share Posted May 8, 2011 maryhadalittlelamb, Sorry to hear that happened to you. That's exactly why I'm reluctant to respond to him, because I can totally see something very similar happening with me & my ex. In one of the texts he sent me yesterday, he said: "Why won't you call me back? You always do this". Not 100% sure what he meant by you always do this but... A long time ago I basically told him look I have zero interest in being just friends with you so unless & until you're actually serious about us reconciling, then just leave me alone. For the last several months though (since our break up), he basically ignored my request & kept contacting me anyways. Many, many times I tried to go total NC & up until recently, the very longest I'd gone was 14 days. (It's now been a little over a month since I last spoke to him). I think he figures that (as usual), he'll be hearing from me again soon. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnbethesda Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 This exact same thing happened to me. He's selfish and lives on Planet me - if you look at his texts, they are all why are you ignoring me; i have to tell you something...all various forms of "poor me," I am the victim...designed to make you feel bad and then go back to him. If he REALLY wanted to be with you or repent, he wouldn't be texting/calling, he would show up at your house and beg. Men who are in love don't let a woman go easily through various lazy forms of communication - you know that for certain given the amount of guys on this website heartbroken over women. If he reallllllly wanted you he wouldn't be on dating websites either. He would be groveling at your doorstep, totally heartbroken as you are totally irreplaceable. I think your guy is a commitment resistant person - he's chasing now as he overestimates what he can offer to you and he does miss you. But, the second you are back, he's going to bolt again eventually. If you do decide to respond for whatever reason, do it because you are truly over him and know you will never go back - my suggestion would be to keep things short and end the conversation so he cant just stop responding and leave you hanging again. This being said, once you have that talk you run the risk of being sucked back in again, and really it does NOT sound good. I would stand your ground, having figured out that he's a commitment phobe and not relationship material for you. He's just not good enough. Good luck!. Link to post Share on other sites
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