Women, If You were a Man, Would You Marry?

[StoneCold]

Well the statistics (which aren't always correct IMO) say 50/50, that's not quite majority.

 

No its not..... but lets make a logical adjustment.....lets factor in all those couples we all know about that dont divorce and stay in a bad marriage and "tolerate" it; getting by day to day for various reasons (stay for the kids....religious....); they just waste away inside...we all know a good number of couples like this.

 

Factor that in and now the scale has tipped.

[dreamingoftigers]

This is a little scary to think about. How many people are internally balanced. What does a marriage that's a "ticking time bomb" look and feel like? I think I can guess.

 

I can safely and honestly say that I am not entirely "internally balanced" but I have made long strides to get to that point. I think maybe after another year I will be very close to having those skills down.

 

A marriage that is a ticking time bomb would look incredibly a lot like mine and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

A marriage that doesn't look like a ticking time bomb would look mostly calm, serene, gentle, supportive, sexual, affectionate, loving with patches of conflict that could be reasonably resolved.

[Lauriebell82]

A marriage that doesn't look like a ticking time bomb would look mostly calm, serene, gentle, supportive, sexual, affectionate, loving with patches of conflict that could be reasonably resolved.

 

This would describe my marriage.

 

However, I do agree with the concept that a lot of couples do stay in a bad marriage, my best friend is a case point. I also have a friend who divorced her husband after 4 years. I also have many friends who are very happy in their marriages.

 

I would agree that there are a lot of bad marriages out there, but I just try to concentrate on having a great and healthy marriage and don't focus on the negative or the statistics. I just try to enjoy what I have.

[StoneCold]

but I just try to concentrate on having a great and healthy marriage and don't focus on the negative or the statistics. I just try to enjoy what I have.

 

its good that you have a positive attitude.

 

But the numbers are simply an unacceptable risk for me

[J200]

I'm a woman and I don't ever want to get married.

 

I have never been with a man who earned more than me.

 

OP, you do know that in America, many WOMEN OUTEARN their husbands now? I was making six figures at one point and dating a guy who made less than $10 an hour and he was like 25-26 at the time. There are lots of women who earn more than their SO's now.

[Lauriebell82]

its good that you have a positive attitude.

 

But the numbers are simply an unacceptable risk for me

 

Thanks! A lot of people feel like you do, they are scared of divorce of have gotten divorce and are now scared to death to get married again. I would say that it IS scary though, I mean I did risk becoming a statistic when I got married. Not that that deterred me made me want to marry my husband less, but everyone is taking that risk when they get married.

[musemaj11]

Well it's difficult for me to think like a man because of course I am not.

 

The only suggestion I could offer that, is while these 3 concerns are valid and paint the disadvantage towards the man, millions of men STILL get married. So I would assume that if a man choses to marry, it is because he willing to RISK all 3 of these things because he is in love with the woman and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. In other words, married men probably feel that the benefits out way the potential consequences in regards to marriage.

Countless men are still getting married because either they are not aware of the danger they are getting into or they think they are exceptions to the rule.

 

But the fact is that more and more men are becoming aware of this and more and more men today are refusing to marry,

 

OP, you do know that in America, many WOMEN OUTEARN their husbands now? I was making six figures at one point and dating a guy who made less than $10 an hour and he was like 25-26 at the time. There are lots of women who earn more than their SO's now.

They wouldnt have married their husbands in the first place if they met under the current situation. And I cant imagine how many of those women are resentful of their husbands and start to feel attraction toward their bosses or their male colleagues.

[dreamingoftigers]

They wouldnt have married their husbands in the first place if they met under the current situation. And I cant imagine how many of those women are resentful of their husbands and start to feel attraction toward their bosses or their male colleagues.

 

I haven't noticed this as a standard by far. Women that I have known getting married do so with eyes wide open and there isn't a sense of bitterness about his earning power.

[musemaj11]

I haven't noticed this as a standard by far. Women that I have known getting married do so with eyes wide open and there isn't a sense of bitterness about his earning power.

A woman with options would not marry a man who has less money than her. In my life I only know one woman who married a man with less money even though she could have gotten men who were wealthier than her.

[dreamingoftigers]

Then it would appear that we go to different schools

[musemaj11]

Then it would appear that we go to different schools

More like different planets because here on earth women marry richer men.

[dreamingoftigers]

More like different planets because here on earth women marry richer men.

 

LOL, the Earth I come from is a changing place with a variety of people, including some friends and acquaintances I know that have married not as rich men and are quite happy.

 

Although my marriage is not a happy one, the financial status of my husband did not weigh in on that and I was incredibly happy with him until his infidelity crept in. Other then that the income disparity in the start of our relationship neither bothered me nor threw me off. Since that time I have made more and then he has made more and then back and forth. Atm, I make more and probably will until he is completely done treatment.

 

This does not make any other men more attractive to me in the least.

 

Your theories often hit the wall with me. Why do you think that that is? I am not trying to be difficult or make things up to be argumentative. My life simply is the way that it is. I would love to hear your theory on why that is, or is everyone simply a paper cutout of what our biological urges "should be"?

[Eeyore79]

I think it's fairly true that women want a wealthy and successful man. Personally I'd be prepared to marry a man who earned the same as I do, but on reflection that's because I'm doing pretty well; if a man earned the same as me I'd consider him to be successful. If I was a less successful woman earning half my salary, I'd still want a man who earned what I earn now.

 

As far as the sex thing goes, I've never understood why women stop having sex with their husbands. Sure, I've dated men who I didn't love or who were crap in bed, but I dumped them and didn't marry them. If a couple are married, there must have been love and sexual compatibility at some point, so I'm not sure how that can evaporate. Maye those couples just married for the wrong reasons and were never truly in love or sexually compatible to begin with?

[Eeyore79]

Many of the women,marrying, or dating a man, are with the guy because there's no one better around

Hence why I said "Maybe those couples just married for the wrong reasons and were never truly in love". I don't think I could marry someone just because there were no better options available, though I know that other people do it, and their relationships subsequently break down. Once a couple is married and neither partner can walk away, that's when their true feelings start to show, and if they're not in love the sex stops. However that's what you get if you marry for the wrong reasons!

 

I always figured that if a couple got married they must have been in love and having good sex, because it's stupid to marry someone if you don't have that - but I guess some people are stupid. This is why I always say that couples who get divorced probably shouldn't have got married in the first place - you can vastly reduce the possibility of divorce by making a sensible choice of spouse.

[OWoman]

All the time we hear women whining about their men not wanting to get married. But it seems to me that women are so blinded by their own want that they fail to see from the men's point of view.

 

When you expect a man to marry you, you are basically asking him to make at least these three sacrifices:

So imagine for a minute that you are a man. With this knowledge in mind, honestly would you want to get married?

 

I suspect that, if I was a man, I would be more likely to want to marry than I did being a woman. Married men score higher in terms of health and happiness than single men, while married women score far lower than single women.

 

Married men who wish to breed do not have their career compromised, while married women who wish to breed almost always do.

[denise_xo]

All the time we hear women whining about their men not wanting to get married. But it seems to me that women are so blinded by their own want that they fail to see from the men's point of view.

 

When you expect a man to marry you, you are basically asking him to make at least these three sacrifices:

So imagine for a minute that you are a man. With this knowledge in mind, honestly would you want to get married?

 

Well, I'm married. I make much more money than my H, and there are definitely times I wish I could sleep around with whoever I wanted. But I don't.

 

If I were to choose all over again, I probably wouldn't marry, but that has nothing to do with the financial aspects. I just think I'd otherwise be better off on my own, as I don't want children and also would rather not be tied to one person for the rest of my life. I'd prefer to orient my life towards my various work related projects, and towards my friendships.

[denise_xo]

In India, one married man commits suicide every nine minutes. Of the total 1,25,017 cases of suicide in 2008, married men alone accounted for 57,639. While the number of women taking the extreme step did not lag far behind, men appeared more vulnerable to mounting social and economic pressures. In the case of women, the trigger was more emotional and personal.

 

Well, that's not very surprising if men are tasked with being the financial providers. In many non-Western countries where I've lived, men have to provide for the family even if the woman makes money (as in, his money is their money, her money is technically just hers, although in reality both will usually contribute). Where I live now, finances are definitely defined as a shared responsibility and there is no way a woman would get away with saying the man should provide, unless they have agreed that she should stay at home being a house wife and taking care of children. Full or part time work is much more common, though.

 

Good luck guys. if she doesn't cheat on you, she's growing bored and stopped 'having' attraction for you, so the sex you guys thought you were going to get like going to the kitchen to drink tap water, is gone, never there really, and if you are lucky, you'll get to see your kids 2 weekends a month while some other guy is boinking your ex-wife and raising your kids.

 

Men have cheated on women throughout history, so I'm not sure why you frame that as a problem that only affects men. After my father's infidelity, my mother was left with raising me while my father was out boinking other women and refusing to pay child support. So the picture is a bit more nuanced than you're setting it out to be.

[denise_xo]

In many of the European Countries, even if the woman marries and his paired with the men in terms of financial income, he can have his life entirely ruined by a scheming judge or by exploiting of the pre-nup(which any student of the law can do).

 

There have been cases where even with a pre-nup, and with both parties being of the same level in income and education, the man became rich, or built himself a great business, and now the woman(if she took no part in it) has a right to his money and to his assets.

 

There have been cases of men having a divorce handled to them, having their assets depleted, and decades later the women came up for more AND the judge gave her just what she wanted.

.

 

Well, this seems to me to be an issue of problems of legal frameworks and of rule of law, rather than a problem of marriage per se. It would be impossible to get away with that where I live.

 

Look, marriage is not that great for women either, but to have women telling me that studies show that men who re married are happier?

 

Well, these studies exist and I've seen them referred to several times. Maybe you should talk to those who undertook the studies.

 

However, no one holds a shot gun to a man's head these days in Western countries. If men don't want to marry, they simply don't have to. Sex is fairly available outside of marriage and they can remain single or divorce if they want to, so I'm not quite sure what they slave analogy is supposed to be about.

[sweetjasmine]

If I were a man, I'd never marry. I'd rather spend my life sleeping with a wide variety of hot 20-something babes and playing first-person shooters after work. Or more realistically, dying at 55 of a heart attack and being found glued to my computer chair with my pants down and Cheetos stains on my fingers and t-shirt. No compromising allowed!

[xxoo]

If I were a man, and were enjoying the single life, I wouldn't marry. I imagine most would not.

 

So, why do men marry? There must be some strong appeal, if so many do it. I suspect the single life isn't all that great for many men, making marriage look like a good gamble.

[xxoo]

Many of them think they are going to get sex by marrying. Others have been with their girlfriends for several years and want to do the 'right thing'. Others got their girlfriends pregnant. Others were tricked into fatherhood,and many more others were stubborn, didn't want to listen to the advice of older men, those men who've been married and well, saw how bad it is in many cases.

 

Reason number one (bolded) speaks to the reality of single life for many men. They aren't getting sex while single, so marriage looks like a good gamble.

 

Rates of marriage may change, but I don't think the template of monogamy will change. Women hold the power in this area, and men need to "partner up" in order to get regular sex. I don't see that changing.

 

I also don't see the kid-factor changing. It is difficult to control millions of sperm once you let them loose Married or not, having children with a woman binds you together--financially and emotionally.

 

The bottom line--men are complaining about the situation they create....individually, but not controlling their sperm , or by choosing to marry for sex....and socially, because, let's face it, our society, laws, culture, etc, has largely been driven by the ideas and power of men.

[xxoo]

What about all the men who remarry? What explains that behavior?

 

Again, I believe it is because the single life is ultimately harsh for men.

[StoneCold]

LOL, the Earth I come from is a changing place with a variety of people, including some friends and acquaintances I know that have married not as rich men and are quite happy.

 

Although my marriage is not a happy one, the financial status of my husband did not weigh in on that and I was incredibly happy with him until his infidelity crept in. Other then that the income disparity in the start of our relationship neither bothered me nor threw me off. Since that time I have made more and then he has made more and then back and forth. Atm, I make more and probably will until he is completely done treatment.

 

This does not make any other men more attractive to me in the least.

 

Your theories often hit the wall with me. Why do you think that that is? I am not trying to be difficult or make things up to be argumentative. My life simply is the way that it is. I would love to hear your theory on why that is, or is everyone simply a paper cutout of what our biological urges "should be"?

 

OK Tigers...be honest now.

 

Women in general (maybe not for you but generally speaking)want to be with a man who is a "greater" person than they are. Its not that they have some sort of inferiority complex...its natures programming. Women are programmed to seek security so that they can have and rear children in a proper environment. If they were any other way the human species would die out a long long time ago.

 

Honestly how many women are going to put up with a guy who is...

 

-smaller than them.

-weaker than them.

-earns less than them

-is less ambitious than them

 

I tell ya not too many

 

This is why guys try to impress women with nice cars, jewelry....it may sound superficial to you but face it it works way more often than not. Why? these are all indicators of some sort of a sense of security...

 

"he has money and financial wherewithal to have these things so he also has the ability to create a secure place for me"

[StoneCold]

What about all the men who remarry? What explains that behavior?

 

Social programming that tells us that marriage is something we must do...its everywhere and is a drip style brainwashing that starts as soon as we are able to comprehend that we exist.

 

Stuff like that is very hard to override

[xxoo]

The lack of bills to pay(those that come from being married), the lack of possibility of being cheated on, that missing up on the physical problems that the woman is going to have in her life(and I'd have to deal with), the lack of variants that could or would make me lose years of health, of money, of time: and much more.

 

Do really contribute to how harsh it is to be single, as a man.

 

Oh, and the time that I have to work out hard, the money that I save up(plus the money I've inherited, and the properties), the lack of stress which means that I will not age as fast as everyone else(mainly the married man), if at all, and the experiences i have with women, make it so that I will have a far more active sexual life than most guys, as I age, and with the looks kept or upgraded, and with the amassed wealth, I will still have access to attractive, 20 year old women from the western world.

 

You just have no idea how hard I have it, and I know that it will become worse and worse. I honestly do need to get married so that I can spend my time drunk like the men my grandpas age.

 

That's one perspective And, as I said in my first post, if I were a man who enjoyed the single life, I wouldn't marry.

 

But the single men I know in the 40-60 range tend to be lonely. Sex with random young women doesn't hold that much appeal, because the women are "crazy" and viewed as a risk. The men want companionship. Some want children before it is "too late" (yes, many men WANT children, and want the "family" set up to raise them).

 

I think men marry for the same reasons women do: because they have a fairytale about marriage. It is a different fairytale than women have, but it is equally unrealistic.