day two of no contact...dont laugh!

[tom_gbr]

well im on day two of no contact.....dont laugh.....its really really hard! i dont even know how im going to last a week!...i know one thing though...if i dont contact her for a week she will start to worry as i havnt gone more than two days with any contact with her so im hoping she will contact me.

 

tommorow night should be starnge as im going down the pub with my best mate who is seeing my ex girlfriends best mate. so its gonna be me and them two.

 

this is weird because in the summer me, my ex, my best mate and his girlfriend did everything together all summer as a group of four. these were the best times of our lives. so its gonna be weird me being with them without my girlfriend. im gonna try and play it cool and act like im coping infront my my ex's mate, so it looks like ive come to terms with it.

 

im hoping that when she speaks to my ex it might trigger something.....u never know it might....or might not

 

will have to wait and see..

[tattoomytoe]

if they are your good mates then they will inderstand that this is kinda hard for you. you do not have to break down and cry, but do not play off the fact that you are hurting.

 

try to go out and something you have not done as a 4-some yet....do something new as a trio

[overseas2004]

His aim is for his ex to realize he is ok and for her to come back to him. That I understand and I did the same thing. I am now on two months of no contact and it is still f--- hard. And he has called a couple of times. And I broke the no contact rule.

 

The bottom line I have to remind you of... dont use this just as a tool to get her back. Use it as a tool to re=evaluate your relationship and to figure out if she is what you want. Also make sure that you start to heal as soon as possible in case she does not come back.

 

Good luck...

[tom_gbr]

i cant take not knowing how she is and just not hearing her voice is driving me crazy. im going to phone her in a couple of hours...i feel like i have to

 

i know everyone has said just dont contact her but i just want to know how she is

[magda]

"how she is"?

 

Are you hoping she's going crazy without you? you'll know if she calls..

[tom_gbr]

well the way it has been left between us has made me worse and i just wanted to chat with her.

 

i dont know if u know the story of our text messages to each other at the weekend but it has left me a bit confused. im not going to bring it up in the phone call but i just wanna see how she is with me

[tom_gbr]

ahhhhh this is driving me crazy...i really want to phone her but i know it's not going to help. i want to hear her voice and i want to hear her laugh like we used to.

 

i want to know that she still has something there for me...she must do...everything that we have done together and everything that we have been through she must have some feelings for me.

 

i took her to paris for valentines day and bought her a diamond necklace....i spent christmas with her even though it wasnt want i wanted...i changed my whole life for her and would do anything for her.

 

im hating this....when we broke up she still loved me and wanted me but needed to be on her own to sort out everything in her life....when she's ready why cant i be a part of her life again?....im willing to wait....ive told her this but said it wasnt fair

 

i love and miss her so much....everything bout her...her smile...her laugh....the way she used to turn around in her sleep and kiss me on the shoulder. all our car journeys together...why doesnt she want all of this anymore?

 

i cant understand why she isnt thinking about me and contacting me...shes going out clubbing tonight and im so worried that she will meet some guy and kiss him or something....i just want to feel happy again

 

i know i can be there for her and make her happy....what can i do to get her back?

[Martin Guerrini]

Tom, I feel your pain in my bones since I am in the same situation. Go to the gym, hang out with friends, read some books on relationships, and learn to live with that pain for a while. You will grow out of this eventually. Remember that all your memories are a reflection of YOUR feelings. Try to be proud of your ability to love and release yourself (forgive her). Whether is she or somebody else... true love will find a way.

 

All my support and understanding,

M.

[Velveteel]

Good for you for not calling this morning! Post here instead.

 

You ask what you can do to get her back. I don't know if it's possible to get a sixteen year old girl "back" for a very long time. But I do know that staying strong and controlling your impulse to call her is absolutely the best beginning. If it helps motivate you to keep busy and away from that phone, tell yourself that: this is what I need to do if I'm ever going to get her back.

 

She's well aware that you haven't called! But the fact that she hasn't, either, especially in light of the last exchange you had, shows that she isn't ready to talk with you. And you don't "need" to know how she is. You need to take her cues, and pull back. Show some respect for her; and show some dignity, too.

 

Don't ignore the "let me be" message she just sent you just because you're feeling crazy and needy. Remember how good you are starting to look to her--RIGHT NOW--just because you're not begging and pleading anymore. And remember, too, the impatience of her last text message. She wanted you to stop! You can't control her feelings or her actions. If she meets someone incredible this week, you will only HELP that by calling and embarrassing yourself some more.

 

Get out today and do something good for you--like an hour or two of exercise--and then read the threads on No Contact, and remind yourself that you're strong, and you're okay.

[Arabess]

To me, no contact is best applies once you are ready to get over someone. If you aren't ready....you aren't ready.

 

If the relationship is really over, when you DO make contact you'll feel more miserable than when you don't. Until that happens, don't beat yourself up over wanting to call her. It's only when you get to the point of realizing the contacts are fruitless, the conversation is going nowhere and your wasting your time....will you be ready to say enough is enough and walk away.

 

Breaking off your heart from someone is always hard. It takes a long time....depending on how long and serious the relationship was. Be kind to yourself and don't feel your weak because you called.

[tom_gbr]

thanks so much guys for all your advice.....i didnt call! : ) im quite proud of myself....3 days now of no contact. getting really drunk last night didnt help...at the time it did but this morning i have never felt sooooo ****...

 

i kept myself busy today.....i went round a mates and watched a film and had a good chat...tonight i think im going out for a drink with some other mates to keep my mind of the ex on her night out.

 

i really need to bury my head into my work as im waaaay behind....ill start tommorow

 

i dont know what id be like if i hadnt found this website

[sinkerswim]

Stay strong Tom...

You can do it!

 

I have a hard time too... but I am on 3 weeks since my last phone call.

Hang in there!!

Its the toughest thing to do. I know.

But you are doing good.

[tom_gbr]

thanks sinkerswim im quite proud of myself just takin one day at a time and trying to look forward to certain things in the next couple of weeks.

 

i suppose im also coping because of hope.....hope that no contact will make her miss me and want me back. i do know the chance of this happening is very very slim but also no contact will help me in letting go and moving on.

 

ive gotta keep saying to myself that there is someone else out there who can love me the way she did

[tom_gbr]

just finished day three of no contact...this one was a hard one as she was out clubbing tonight...i feel good about myself...i feel strong

 

i still miss her and love her like you wouldnt believe...been thinking loads about her today about me and her going to disneyland paris for valentines weekend.

 

i remember walking to the restaurant in the evening and i was thinking to myself at the time that Im so lucky and happy to be holding hands with this gorgeous girl who loved me. the holiday was like a dream come true. the best weekend of my life.

 

im just so lucky that i have had her in my life for six months...we met on holiday the first night and slept together....i tell u what the last thing i was thinking when i woke up the morning after was that i was going to be taking this girl to paris...lol

[amish]

Good job Tom. My experience is that it gets easier, and I can tell from your post today that it is true for you. Hang in there.

[nikkilove]

Great job Tom! Hang in there! If you see some of my previous posts, you'll notice I'm a firm believer in the "no contact" rule!

[much_better_off]

I am very proud of you, congrats. I am coming up on a full three weeks of no contact. Well, I had a moment of weakness earlier, though, wrote an email, and now I'm back to day zero of no contact. Humph. Well, at least it wasn't a plea or anything, it was actually a response to an email I got from him, it was quite curt and instead of using my name I signed it "Much Better Off." I don't regret it, yet, and perhaps it's because subconsciously I think it's part of my grand plan to get him to crawl back to me. I am sad about the break up in part because we have several friends in common. Apparently, though, he's getting told that he was much better off with me.... tee-hee. OK, that's enough; see the twisted games that I let myself play? It's not ok.

 

The point is, I feel like I have a lot of love to give, and somehow I've convinced myself that a good portion of it has to go to this one person, who obviously isn't making good use of it, or even realizing that it belongs to them. There are only dozens of other people in my life worthy of some more attention, love, and time from me. So I have to focus my energy on them, as well as myself, and another more appreciative and reciprocating love will happen across my path. Hey, that's pretty good, I just have to write that out a hundred times and post it all over any computer or phone that I might use to call him. It's easy enough to say these things, the practice is more difficult.

 

Well, good luck, keep posting, even though this is the first time I have posted on here, I think it's helping. Sigh.

 

~N

[tom_gbr]

yeah thanks guys im quite proud of myself...she means the world to me and this is so hard.....she was my first proper girlfriend...my first love....and she also took my virginity so it was like a nightmare when it ended.

 

im still having trouble sleeping...i finally get to sleep around 4am and wake up around 8 or 9....when i wake up is the worst...as in your sleep you forget what has happened and when you wake up it's like getting punched in the face.

 

im really hoping that no contact is going to help.....as im wondering if she will ever contact me at all...and knowing this is making my depression worse.

 

today will be as hard as yesterday as fridays was ' our day '....it was the day that we always spent together...so if i am going to hear from her it will probably be today...last friday she sent me a text message sayin that she was missing me which i made a big deal out of and i think i ended up upsetting her....if she sends one saying that tonight...which is unlikely i wont reply.....or ill just send one saying that same back.

 

at the end of the day i just want both of us to be happy.....im not happy right now but im sure everything happens for a reason so ill ride this out and see what happens.

[tom_gbr]

cant stop logging in to this site...so many things are rushing through my head...loads of things are bothering me

 

she wants us to come out of this relationship as close friends but why has she blocked me on msn?....she hasnt been online for over a week which isnt look her so its obvious she has.....why would she do this?...is it because of the confusing text messages at the weekend?

 

i just want to know what she's thinking and if shes missing me...i want to know if shes wanted to get in touch with me and hasnt because she might think it will make me worse.

 

im wondering if she cares about me at all any more and if im ever going to hear from her again

 

i did so much for her i treated her like a godess...i did everything i could for her

 

its turning into one of them days when your head is all over the place...im angry with her for certian things but then i think of other things about her and i start to get so hurt that shes not in my life anymore

 

she wants us to come out of this as friends...im not happy with being just friends but i cant loose her completly....but when will this happen?....if im doing no contact will it be possible

 

ahhhhhh im so confused!

[tom_gbr]

me again.....im feeling so down....decided to go down the pub tonight with my mates and all they could talk about was there girlfriends and sex...i had to leave after an hour

 

i got home and did the wrong thing and got the box out of the wardrobe with all the ex's things in there.....started looking at photos of me and her which made me cry...i miss her so much this is killing me.

 

its been a month now since we have been apart and ive been improving but i think ive gone right back to the start.

 

all the memories came back tonight when i was sitting there in the pub, all those things ill never have again with her. i want her back in my life so much.

 

tonight was always our night, thats why i think im as bad as i am right now...i dont think she realises im still like this she probably thinks that ive forgotten about her.

 

no contact isnt helping.....on day 4 right now and its killing me....im never going to get her back i know it

 

why does my best mate have to be seeing my ex's best friend...i cant talk to him about anything as it reminds me of my ex too much.

 

i would give anything to have her back....i know i can make her happy....as soon as good comes into my life its taken away from me.

 

i just want to be happy and i dont know how right now

[Martin Guerrini]

Oh Tom.... you have to learn to live with that for while brother. Go to some bookshop and buy some book on relationships/self help (e.g. Mars and Venus Starting Over which I am reading now). I know that that first cut is really hurting but also remember that through these experiences you grew up as a better person. Take this opportunity to learn about yourself. The damage was done and she is gone. So from now on all depend on you and you can make it. There is always a new morning and you will find it inside yourself. Release your pain... crying is a way to do it. Live now... the pain was yesterday and now it's time to heal... Go and talk to the persons who really love you: your family, your best friends, etc.

 

Remember, this is all about life.... and everything depends on how you handle it. Hard times can be the best preparation for the best of the times. Come on Tom.... you are more than her!

[much_better_off]

"she was my first proper girlfriend...my first love....and she also took my virginity so it was like a nightmare when it ended."

 

Ah, sugar, I know exactly how you feel. It's not easy, really, right now is horrible, I understand, but it'll get better. If she's the only one you've slept with it's really hard to imagine yourself being that intimate and vunerable with anybody else. Just take a deep breath, have a good cry, take another deep breath and then go out and do something productive. Sit alone at a coffee house with a good book, maybe one of those relationship books, but just go do something, don't stay at home. Preferably find someplace that the two of you didn't frequent together. Or better yet, go do something that she didn't care for that you really enjoyed, see a movie that she would never go see, etc. Take this opportunity to find out who you are. I understand if she seems like the only possible person for you right now, but really, even if that's true, you need to spend some time apart, apparently.

 

Be strong, I'm pulling for you.

 

~N

[tom_gbr]

thanks guys for the great advice...i just had a really bad night...somewhere inside me i thought she was going to contact me as i said earlier friday night was always ' our night ' ... she did last week saying that she was missing me which i reacted to in way that could look bad if u read my earlier posts about it. so im guessing thats why she didnt get in contact with me...shes worried shes making it worse.

 

i know i am getting much better but its just every now and then i got right back to square one...i need to go out and meet some new people i think that will help.

 

good advice about going out and doing things that we didnt do together. in a way its good that we live two hours apart so its not like im going to see her around town or anything.

 

the only problem is that me and my friends and her and her friends are going on holiday the same time as us this july and also the same place!....and it makes it worse that this place where we are going is where we first met.

 

im really not looking forward to that right now!

 

sorry for the amount of posts i write i just find it really helps

[sinkerswim]

Hang in there Tom...

You are doing a good job of not contacting her.

I had a bad day myself...It took everything in me NOT to contact him.

I cant believe its a holiday weekend and we are not together.

 

I think the same as you...

Does he miss me? Is he thinking about me?

I wish I knew the answers.

 

Tonite was always our night to go out...

Well, tonite will actually be the FIRST night since this all happened, that I am actually going OUT.

To see my friends band play at a local bar.

If it becomes too overwhelming...I will leave. Because it may happen.

Im only going to see his band...Im not interested in meeting anyone.

Im not into that..besides..I am still an engaged woman.

(Well, he never told me to take off the ring)

 

Anyway...Tom... Be strong...You will be ok!

You have us to talk to!

[tom_gbr]

i cant take this pain anymore...wht is this happening to me?...she is all i can think about and its driving me crazy

 

its nearly been a week of no contact between us and everyday is getting harder and harder...is there any chance that no contact will get her back?....i wonder if shes thinking of me?...why isnt she contacting me?

 

i really want to send her a text message saying ' happy easter babe x ' ... i know its breaking no contact but i just wanna let her know that im thinking about her.

 

should i do this?...what do you all think?