Man lied about having pregant girlfriend to me!

[Orna]

I was involved with this Russian-Israeli guy while I was living in Israel this past month and I was devastated to find out from another source that this guy had told me a BIG lie!

 

First of all, whenever we were together he always seemed to have some sort of distraction and I never felt he was always one hunderd per cent "there". It was like he was somewhere else, but I just assumed it had to do with the different culture and language barrier, as I spoke a limited vesion of Russian which was half Polish, and he spoke even worse English. Occasionally I used limited Hebrew expressions that I had learned in the country, but basically we had a HUGE language problem. I ended up carrying a Russian-English dictionary around.

 

One night we would stay together at his family appartment, and the next night he would have to be in various cities for "work" purposes. He introduced me to his mother, brother and nephews who adored me! I felt like I was part of the family, but then one day when he was acting strange.

 

(He asked me where I was planning to stay one night and I had assumed it was with him) Well, this time I knew he was lying about something, so I asked one of his good friends to tell me what was wrong.

 

She told me he had a common-law wife who was pregant! When I heard this I just about collapsed, as this was the WORST scenario I could ever have imagined. I confronted Evgeny and he admitted the truth to me. I got so out of control with anger that I hit him on the face, then sobbed out of control.

 

The thing that really hurt me was that he assumed that he would have been able to get away with this lie because he knew I was leaving Israel to go back to America for a while.

 

I just don't understand how he could have introduced me to his family like that. Apparently his family told him he they liked me better than the common-law woman. I just don't understand why he LIED? Can someone explain this to me? I mean, I didn't lie about my situation of being separated from my husband. I told him the truth about me, but he just downright lied! I was thinking of telling his common-law "wife" to warn her of what kind of man she was dealing with. His mother actually told me in secret the name of his common law, and said she didn't like her. How strange! Why would the mother betray her own son's confidence with me?

 

I have many unanswered questions buzzing around my mind as it has been three days since I returned from Israel. Can someone enlighten me on this person's behaviour?

[Tony T]

You had a lot more than a huge language problem!!!

 

This man simply lied to keep you around for his own good purposes for as long as he could. He most likely cared about you more than he cared about his pregnant wife. He was also smart enough to know that if he told you of her, you would be on your way. And he was probably right.

 

Many men in the United States stray when their wives become pregnant because they dislike having sex with a woman who is pregnant. The line they normally use is that they are married but just aren't getting along very well and plan to divorce. All the while, the loving pregnant wife is at home thinking her husband is working late or on a business trip...while he is with the girlfriend he is lying to. Now, not all men do this but I have seen it often so I am letting you know for academic purposes.

 

Many people lie. Some lie constantly, some lie moderately, and some on very rare ocassions. Some people lie to get what they want, some lie to keep from getting into trouble and some lie just to make others happy. Your parents probably told you that Santa Claus flew in a sleigh guided by odd looking reindeer to bring you toys for Christmas morning. Occasionally, I will tell people something about there physical makeup doesn't matter when in fact it may appear quite repulsive...I lie to spare their feelings. (I just can't stand to tell them the truth)

 

Married men lie sometimes, single men do, on the Internet, in person. Business people lie, people trying to sell you something lie, auto makers lie about the safety of their cars, but most often people lie to themselves because they fail to listen to that little voice inside of them that signals the truth.

 

People who you THINK are your closest or most dear friends can be around because you live in a big house, drive a fancy car, or have contacts they feel they may need in the future. That's happened to me and it's heartbreaking because once they have gotten what they want, they are around no longer.

 

What happened to you is not uncommon at all. And it happens to many people, men and women, every part of every single day.

 

You'll be OK. You need to get in the habit of enjoying the present moments and, if and when you find circumstances that signal the end of a happy situation, say BYE BYE.

 

Pay a lot of attention and listen closely to their friends. You'll get signals if something's wrong, I promise.

 

Didn't your parents warn you of stuff like this?

[Orna]

That was good feedback. Thanks. Regarding your question, "Didn't your parents warn you about this kind of stuff" I'm not a little girl living behind the protection of parents. I don't see what my parents have to do with all of this, as I have been on my own for a long time.

 

Anyhow, I forgot to add something important. The man was very diabetic. Only 35, but having to go to the hospital almost every day for medicine shots. He told me that the doctor had told him it was dangerous to have too much sex that particular week because he had a weak heart and his life could have been in danger had the sugar gone too high.

 

Now, I don't know much about diabetes, but it seems rather strange that sex could be singled out as a danger. Do you think he was just making this up?

[Tony T]

I think it is part of good parenting, no matter what age you are now, to warn children of certain problems they may face in the world, the type of deceit you experienced being one of them. Again, no matter how old you are now, I would have hoped your parents would have gone over this issue with you.

 

Now as far as diabetes is concerned, depending on just how bad it is, it can affect a man's ability to have an erection especially if certain medications are given. If he was very diabetic, it could also affect certain mental processes and many aspects of his behavior. Untreated, diabetes can lead to serious complications, including death.

 

Sexual intercourse cannot raise your blood sugar level, that is done through diet. Most literature I have read says sex is actually good for the heart, even a damaged one. The relationship he advances between blood sugar and a damaged heart seems a bit weird as well. The whole story sounds corny and given his history of lying about more serious matters, I would put this in the category of deceit as well.

 

Forget this guy!!! He's not worth expending the energy on.