Do you find yourself the organiser of most meet-ups?

[ALonerAgain]

I do.

 

I'm not talking about being invited to someone's 'special' event (ie. birthdays, weddings, gigs, etc).

 

But just having a friend invite you out 'for the hell of it', just to hang out with you and only you.

 

Don't get me wrong: I love being invited to events or small gatherings. But sometimes I wish that some of my friends would offer to just hang out with me for my company - not just so that they can 'fill the numbers'.

 

It seems to be me who does most of the reaching out in my friendships. Although there are a couple who have asked me to have lunch/coffee with them on occasion, I can't help but get the feeling that I'm just 'there' and if I didn't pop up and say 'hi - wanna hang out?' they wouldn't ever bother.

 

Anyone else have this concern?

[mikkyedward82]

i don't understand............

[orangelady]

I do.

 

I'm not talking about being invited to someone's 'special' event (ie. birthdays, weddings, gigs, etc).

 

But just having a friend invite you out 'for the hell of it', just to hang out with you and only you.

 

Don't get me wrong: I love being invited to events or small gatherings. But sometimes I wish that some of my friends would offer to just hang out with me for my company - not just so that they can 'fill the numbers'.

 

It seems to be me who does most of the reaching out in my friendships. Although there are a couple who have asked me to have lunch/coffee with them on occasion, I can't help but get the feeling that I'm just 'there' and if I didn't pop up and say 'hi - wanna hang out?' they wouldn't ever bother.

 

Anyone else have this concern?

 

Yes, but give us more of your personality background. Do people naturally want to follow you?

[ALonerAgain]

Yes, but give us more of your personality background. Do people naturally want to follow you?

 

OK, to put things into better context:-

 

 

• I'm naturally introverted, being more comfortable in my own company than hanging out with (big or more extroverted) groups of people.
  
• However, if I get deep into an interesting conversation with someone, I can talk for ages!
  
• I grew up not really having any close friends. The ones that did ended up 'betraying' me or not being a true friend.
  
• I suffer from low-self esteem, yet when I had an honest conversation with one of my old school friends, she didn't ever see me that way as I always seem quite confident.
  
• I learnt by observing others: the 'others' now still want to chase guys, or just talk about superficial stuff.
  
• People have described me as being, 'sweet' or 'funny'.
  
• I see myself as being the same; try to be a good listener - but can also be passive (going along with the group) or a bit 'quiet', which some may perceive as being distant.
  

 

At the moment I'm going through a spiritual journey, so am acknowledging my behaviours and reactions towards people and situations, more now than ever.

 

Over the last couple of years, I have tried putting myself more 'out there' by organising meet-ups and classes for my hobby. Yet, although I have met the most incredible, inspiring people, I still can't seem to 'attract' those who would want to spend time with 'me'.

 

I think for me now, I'm trying to make genuine, lasting friendships - not just the 'high-school/college' type ones where you talk about what you've been up to, places you've gone, people you've met. Don't get me wrong: I love that talk too - but sometimes I just wish people would connect more with me on a more emotional level.

 

I know a lot of this desire goes back to (my lack of) emotional connections with family and peers in my childhood.

 

So, in answer to your question, no, I'm not a natural leader. I tend to lack a 'presence' with people. So I've had to work extra hard at being noticed. Hence the reason why I'm attracted to more retro fashions and unusual hobbies (my main one is hula-hooping).

Edited April 23, 2011 by ALonerAgain