Trust

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Hey Guys,

 

I'm having some issues with trust with my Girlfriend (I anticipate this is going to be a long post just so I can explain my situation as well as I can).

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 4 months, courting for another 2 or 3 previous, I know it isn't a long time and you probably doubt me when I say I love her to pieces but I do. I know it's fast, but I've never felt so happy in all of my life, and she feels the same way, she tells me she does, and I believe her.

 

The problem we're having and struggling to deal with is trust, I think perhaps because the feelings have come so fast and I know trust doesn't come instantly but we've both been left feeling very vulnerable and it's becoming difficult to trust each other.

 

We're very open with each other, but this is something we've never really spoke about properly until today and it seemed to surface more problems than I thought, I'd never seen myself as a jealous person but I think I'm becoming just that and it's killing me to have doubt for someone I don't feel has justified the lack of trust I'm giving.

 

There's always been small comments about it, me talking to other girls or her keeping things her ex boyfriend had given her (cards etc). Tomorrow night she is going out with a friend, she did invite me here (a lot of her friends are friends of mine too, including her ex boyfriend) and they're all going to be there but I just have a feeling she is only inviting me to make me feel comfortable with it so I don't want to go, I'm not the sort of person that would say to their partner "You can't go there" or "You can't wear that" I try to fair, and don't give rules but for some reason I don't feel comfortable with her being out without me which is so ridiculous and I shouldn't but she also feels the same with me, I go out a lot, and today she admitted she hates the thought that I could be flirting or behaving in a way that I shouldn't.

 

We discussed this tonight, and both agreed it's becoming an issue and promised each other that we wouldn't do or say anything when we're not together that we wouldn't say or do if we were out together (if that makes sense?).

 

Today I had a think, and was trying to think of someone that I could be with and trust 100% and there wasn't anybody, so I know the problem isn't because it's her, it's just an inner demon.

 

I love her, I want to trust her so badly, I really do and I never want to be controlling, I'm just struggling. I guess what I'm asking is will this problem ever go? Is there anything we can do to deal with it and rectify it? Or will time heal our problems?

 

Thanks in advance,

 

Mayfair x

[Professor X]

Give it some more time, this feeling will pass.

Trust is being earned, not taken, and sometimes it might take a lot longer for a person to earn anothers.

 

I think you're doing good. Don't bother yourself to much unless she does something that will make you suspicious.

 

Besides, if you confuse trust for jealousy (which I think you do), than it's perfectly normal.

It will too pass, as time goes by.

[Kelemort]

Your relationship's still young. It's normal to be figuring out your boundaries while you try to establish your security in the relationship. Because 4 months in, you're not going to be very secure, and rightfully so. That will come with time.

 

Hanging out with her ex? I'm going to assume you're both in the 17 - 19 range and maybe her past relationship wasn't that serious. I'd rather die than hang out with my boyfriend and his ex but that's because I suspect he was still in love with her when we were dating.

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Well, there's a massive group of them going out, she was with him for a while, so naturally they share a lot of the same friends, they don't speak and don't get on.

 

Thanks for the replys guys, has made me feel a lot better, I'll make sure I don't say anything silly about it tonight.