End of my rope Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 Okay...here's the deal. My fiance is jealous of my best friend. My best friend happens to be a guy. We've been friends since we were 12 years old. We started out as puppy love which then grew into an amazing friendship. We have no sexual feeling toward one another whatsoever. We've been thru a lot of things together and have developed a very strong and close bond. When my dad died 8 years ago he was the only one of my friends that stayed by my side during my grieving process. He was my rock. I did the same for him when his Grandpa died two years ago. I'm one of the few people who have ever seen that side of him. To everyone else he's a narrow-minded ass who acts as if the world is his. We know everything about one another, things nobody else knows. This friend of mine is very successful. He makes and spends a lot of money. He works hard for it though, he rarely has a day off. With him working the way he does we don't get to talk often. (We live 500 miles apart.) So last night he called me and we talked for 5 and 1/2 hours. It had been 3 months since we had last spoke. So today I told my s/o he had called and just roughly filling him in on our general conversation. ( I like for him to know what's going on in my life and life of those around me.) I was in the middle of telling him about a new truck my friend had bought and he looks at me and says, "Well why don't you just go marry him then" and goes back to playing his video game. He refused to discuss it. Why did he get so mad? Is he jealous? If so, WHY? I just don't understand it! He's met my male friend before, they've been fishing together... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 7, 2004 Share Posted April 7, 2004 If it was the first time he showed jealousy towards your friend, it might just be that he took the enthusiastic talk about your friend's new truck the wrong way. Perhaps what he heard was 'my friend makes a lot of money, he works really hard, look at all the stuff he can afford to buy, I wish you worked as hard as him and made all that money too. ', and he felt inadequate. Perhaps he was wrongly afraid you weren't satisfied with his job. Men -some of them- can be very insecure about money, and would love their girlfriends to be proud of what they do and how hard they work. Just a guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author End of my rope Posted April 7, 2004 Author Share Posted April 7, 2004 Very good point. But I am proud of him. He has his own business doing custom paint for cars and body work and the like. I'm always telling him how proud I am of him for taking a risk and opening his own biz. We are a little tight financially though so perhaps you are right about the feeling inadequate thing... Link to post Share on other sites
MB Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by End of my rope We have no sexual feeling toward one another whatsoever. This is incorrect. Your male "friend" wants to sleep with you. Think about it. Your boyfriend knows this. He knows this because he himself is male. All males want to sleep with as many women as possible. You may not have any sexual feelings for him, but he does for you. Think I am wrong? Ask him. Get him comfortable and say "If you had the chance, would you sleep with me?" and I bet you money he will say yes. Knowing this, now imagine how your boyfriend feels. There's some rich hard-working guy out there that wants to sleep with you. How SHOULD he feel? How should he feel after you talk to this guy for 5.5 hours? Guys don't have girl friends. They have girls that they want to sleep with. Live it, learn it, love it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by MB All males want to sleep with as many women as possible. perhaps in their fantasies. not in reality. I witnessed some friends of mine -who are not gay and were single- push away from them *very* flirtatious girls saying 'what the hell do you think they are doing'? My boyfriend's best friend tried to kiss him while drunk and he got very upset and say to never try that again (he was single then, we were not dating) A friend of mine who looks like a model once got rejected while trying a very phisical approach-she got undressed at a guy's home, she thought he would want to have sex with her once he saw her. She was told to get her clothes back on and leave.Mind he was single. He was just not interested. Guys don't have girl friends. They have girls that they want to sleep with. Live it, learn it, love it. MB, I'd bet 100 to one you are a girl. No man -not even the biggest jerk in the world- would ever write such things. I'm sorry if someone cheated on you or was a jerk with you, but not all men are like that! There are a lot of a**h***s out there but most men have their dignity too Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 EOMR, I think it's a feeling of inadequacy, as someone already suggested. I'm guessing you're both in your mid to late 20s, maybe? It's especially difficult for a guy that age sometimes because there are some of us who struggle to get what we want while others seem to have good fortune and success. I think it's similar to what would happen if he talked to one of his blasts from the past and talked about how well she's doing and how great she looks. Even if it he only said it once, it might be enough to ruffle your feathers if it was said at the wrong time. You shouldn't apologize or anything - you didn't do anything wrong. But in a sensitive way, try to address his concerns about whatever's on his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Dug Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I think MB may have thrown too many of us guys into the same category, because not all of us just want to sleep with as many women as possible. As for the jealousy problem.....It is quite possible that your "lifelong friend" does not share your feelings about a non-sexual relationship. Maybe there were things revealed in conversation during one of those fishing trips that bothers your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author End of my rope Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 All valid points. When discussing my friend with my boyfriend I didn't think about the fact that he may feel inadequate compared to the friend. To me there is no comparison. I love my friend, but not on the level that I love my boyfriend. As far as my friend having sexual feelings for me...I just don't know about that. We've both been single at the same time before and hung out a lot during those times and he never came on to me or tried to hook up with me then. He's a very confident person so I don't think it would be because he was shy. And I'm not asking him if he has those type of feelings for me because I don't want to know...it might make things weird between us... Link to post Share on other sites
MB Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 "I think MB may have thrown too many of us guys into the same category, because not all of us just want to sleep with as many women as possible." Your female "friends" I am sure you would sleep with. The ones you wouldn't want to sleep with aren't your friends, correct? I don't know any man that hangs out with any woman whom he wouldn't sleep with. "I witnessed some friends of mine -who are not gay and were single- push away from them *very* flirtatious girls saying 'what the hell do you think they are doing'?" Well they probably made him uncomfortable in public. He'd still sleep with 'em. "My boyfriend's best friend tried to kiss him while drunk and he got very upset and say to never try that again (he was single then, we were not dating)" Ex's are a different story. The man probably had banged around with the ex too much as is and was sick of her crap. "And I'm not asking him if he has those type of feelings for me because I don't want to know...it might make things weird between us..." Trust me, it's already weird between you two. And your current boyfriend is picking up on it. Hell, *I* am picking up on it. How do you expect your boyfriend to feel #1 in your life when you already have a #1? MB Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I don't know any man that hangs out with any woman whom he wouldn't sleep with. Wha? There are some, certainly. Link to post Share on other sites
MB Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 "Wha? There are some, certainly." Men don't have female friends. They have females that they want to sleep with. Link to post Share on other sites
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