chucksagent Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 I have a friend who brought up an interesting question to me and I wasn't sure how to respond: His gilfriend told him she doesn't go to the gym for attention or to socialize. Yet, she wears concealer (to hide zits and what not-granted no makeup), earrings, and does her hair in a pony tail with hairspray (exact way she wears it for work and many times out in social situations - formal stiuations she wears down with a flat iron). My friend asked me why someone not looking for attention or to socialize would wear concealer, earrings, and put hairspray in. HOWEVER, he did tell me she wears old beat up mens style tee's that cover her butt and baggy yoga pants (not tight) so it's interesting. What does everyone think?
tman666 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Confidence. Women love to look good and feel pretty, even if they're not trying to attract attention. This is a no-brainer.
creighton0123 Posted April 21, 2011 Posted April 21, 2011 Why do some guys put hair gel in before they go to the gym or supermarket? Same reason. Looking good and put together is done for more reasons than seeking attention or socializing.
Kelemort Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 I'm one of those women who don't care. I go to the gym in my worst clothes, zits and all. But I'll admit sometimes there's a fear of, "Well, I don't want to look COMPLETELY trashy." I think the boyfriend here has nothing to worry about.
laRubiaBonita Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 i do the same. hid the zits and blemishes, hair up, but if i do not add something i get all these fly away hairs that get in my face, i always keep my earrings in, and i wear a loose fitting/ comfy shirt i can easily move in- yet that is long enough to keep my tummy covered and then shorts. i sweat and i do not really care.
Dust Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 Your friend sounds insecure. What is she supposed to do look as bad as she can when ever she goes out from here on out because she is with him? I’m a guy and 100% not looking to hook up at the gym, yet I’m going to wear a work out outfit I like etc. Girls are the same way, they like to look good, pretty etc, so how ever she wore her make up and dressed when she was single is what he should expect from her when dating.
Feelin Frisky Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 If she hides her zits at all it stands to reason that she is going to hide them in public wherever. Women wear earrings. Does she put on special ones for the gym? Now hairspray makes me wonder a little.
Cee Posted April 22, 2011 Posted April 22, 2011 The gym can be intimidating in that there are a lot of women there who look gorgeous. And there are mirrors everywhere. I don't wear makeup when I go to the gym, but I wear my nicer workout gear. It helps me from cringing when I look in the mirror.
Author chucksagent Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 i get all these fly away hairs that get in my face, i always keep my earrings in, and i wear a loose fitting/ comfy shirt i can easily move in OMG HAHAHAH That's exactly what his girlfriend claimed about the hairspray - that she uses the hairspray to prevent the fly away hairs (getting in her face, etc)...hmmmm...maybe my buddy is in the wrong...lol. I thought it was an interesting discussion to be had, glald I posted it. Sorry dude, but coming from a guy who played high school and college football, I haven't met many guys who PUT hairgel in specifically to GO to the gym...lol..Maybe if we were going straight from class or something. For men, usually, the gym is the last place you care how you look at. Unless, of course, you're looking to impress the ladies and maybe use it socially...but if you're going to use it to get into shape, you probably don't care too much about appearance. However, the women on this thread made a LOT of great points...women just like to look good moreso for themselves or other women - doesn't mean they are trying to meet men.
Lauriebell82 Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 These don't seem like real red flags to me. I think that your friend probably is insecure that she is trying to impress. I don't get all dolled up to go to the gym, but I do try to at least look presentable by putting my hair in a nice neat ponytail. I don't use hairspray but I do put bobbypins in my hair to pin up my bangs so they don't get in my eyes. If she says she isn't trying to impress anyone then your friend should trust that she is telling him the truth. Now if he doesn't believe what she is saying then THAT is a different story...
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 When does she go to the gym? If I go the gym right after work, I (and the rest of the professional women there) have eye makeup on. I sometimes use a Ponds face wipe to take off any face makeup/powder, but I don't remove my eye makeup - too much of a pain. Sometimes I leave it all on if I'm in a rush to get to a class and just sweat it off. I often still have earrings in, especially if they're small. I don't leave it on for attention. And I use hairspray too...keeps the crazy fly-aways in place when working out. Now, in the morning...no makeup at all. I think the outfit and gym behavior (is she working out HARD versus not even breaking a sweat, focusing on exercise versus the mirror, lots of socializing) is more telling of attention seeking.
Stung Posted April 25, 2011 Posted April 25, 2011 (edited) I don't use hairspray, but I do put a curl-refining style product or leave-in conditioner in my hair every single time I leave the house, because otherwise my hair gets frizzy and I feel self-conscious about looking like a clown. Similarly, if I have a blemish on my skin, I use a quick mineral coverup before I leave the house so that I can forget about it for the rest of the day and feel like I'm putting my best face forward, even if I don't put on any other makeup. I do those things even if I'm only going to put my headphones in and go for my regular three mile walk and then pick up my toddler from preschool, where I won't see anyone but some small children and elderly female teachers. Keeping my hair and skin looking okay before I leave the house is the bare minimum of my regular grooming routine. I might be wearing jeans or yoga pants and sneakers and a hoodie, but I don't feel as clean, confident and put together if I've got visible blemishes and my hair is a mess. I also always wear earrings and at least a couple of rings (besides my wedding ring), because otherwise I feel naked. If I'm going out somewhere nice my jewelry gets bigger and fancier, but even on casual days where I'm just running errands I'm wearing simple studs and silver bands. It's just part of my personal style and grooming routine, and in twenty years of dating and then marriage nobody has ever inferred anything weird about it. If this is something he's actually actively worried about, it sounds like your friend is kind of paranoid and might want to work a little bit on his insecurity. My husband never leaves the house for the day without deodorant, brushing his teeth, brushing his hair and putting a little gel in, it takes him like three minutes and is the bare minimum of his grooming routine. Every guy I've ever been with had some kind of normal grooming routine, too, even just to go to the gym. Honestly I find it pretty odd that your friend is putting a spotlight on this. Edited April 25, 2011 by Stung
Author chucksagent Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 To me it sounds more like a how men and women are different kind of thing. None of my friends, this guy included, specifically wakes out of bed and showers and puts hair gel in to go the gym...only to come home and shower again 1.5 hours later. Obviously deoderant is applied but I don't think he is questioning her use of deoderant. He didn't really make a huge deal about it; to the contrary, he just brought it up to me in passing during a convo. Because most guys we know go to the gym "as is" - it's like moving furniture - you don't get all dolled up to do manual labor. But I totally understand now (and appreciate all the input) that from the women's perspective, it's more to help them feel good about themselves and presentable, then to attract male attention. Ironically, this is exactly why she said she does it. PS: The earring she wears to the gym he said are studs and she wears fanciers one out at night...lol..to that last poster - I guess many of you ladies think alike! Thanks again for all the feedback!
Author chucksagent Posted April 26, 2011 Author Posted April 26, 2011 Since this has gotten such good feedback - let's go a step further. We've all seen the girls with shorts SOOOO short you can practicaly see butt cheek. Should a girl in a relationship wear these CRAZY short shorts?
jennifer4 Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Well I wear make up and shorter shorts to the gym. I do it because that's what I'm comfortable in. I am dating a guy and he doesn't seem to mind. I wear what I wear for me. I am there to workout and that's it but if others see it differently that's on them.
Stung Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 T He didn't really make a huge deal about it; to the contrary, he just brought it up to me in passing during a convo. Because most guys we know go to the gym "as is" - it's like moving furniture - you don't get all dolled up to do manual labor. But I totally understand now (and appreciate all the input) that from the women's perspective, it's more to help them feel good about themselves and presentable, then to attract male attention. Ironically, this is exactly why she said she does it. PS: The earring she wears to the gym he said are studs and she wears fanciers one out at night...lol..to that last poster - I guess many of you ladies think alike! Thanks again for all the feedback! Fair enough. As for the jewelry thing, yeah, I think for women who like jewelry and get accustomed to wearing it regularly, it can actually feel strange to go without it. Also a lot of women have everyday studs that they just leave in ALL the time--when they shower, when they have sex, when they go to the gym--and then they take them out and replace them with fancier dangles or whatever for dressier occasions. They only take the studs out to clean them once in a while or to replace them with something different. I have multiple piercings in each ear, and I can't remember the last time I went anywhere without some kind of earrings on. On to the buttcheek shorts: personally, I think nobody should wear them, ever, because they're kind of tacky. Amusingly, I live in an area with a lot of alternative style women and gay men, so I'm actually more used to seeing them on young gay males than on women--here they're sometimes crudely referred to as "twink shorts" and you sometimes see them in certain gay bars or at specific street festivals. If women are wearing them, they're more often leather, or rubber, and it's at a fetish club. I don't personally think they're a great look on either gender, but maybe I'm old--I do prefer the leather over the denim, though. Anyway, I personally wouldn't judge anybody's relationship on how short their shorts are. Maybe their partner likes them to look sluttyhot so other people will pant over them, a lot of guys both straight and gay get off on knowing they're with the hottest thing in the room. Maybe their partner likes them to look hot just for them, and doesn't give a fig what anybody else thinks. Maybe they just work really really really hard on maintaining fabulous legs and they like to flaunt what they got, and their partner is secure enough to not worry about it. Maybe they have an allergy to pants. Whatever, it's not really my business. I would say that, IMO, if your partner is made uncomfortable by what you wear and you care a lot about your partner's comfort, it should be easy enough to make some reasonable compromises in the interest of mutual harmony--as long as your partner isn't just being controlling and paranoid. But an individual's personal style can be very important to them, as well, and for some people making a statement with their clothing is kind of part of their identity, which is also important to keep in mind.
Lorelei_Lane Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 When I went to the gym, I threw my hair in a ponytail, I always use a leave in conditioner or a spray of sorts in my hair to keep the frizz down, and baggy clothes that are roomy to exercise in. I wasn't gonna get dolled up, but I don't want to look like absolute crap, either. People at a gym don't judge, but when you see yourself in the mirror, you don't want to see a monster that just crawled out of bed.
Star Gazer Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Since this has gotten such good feedback - let's go a step further. We've all seen the girls with shorts SOOOO short you can practicaly see butt cheek. Should a girl in a relationship wear these CRAZY short shorts? At the gym, why not? If they're functional, why restrict what you're wearing just because it makes your BF insecure? Lame. I wear those tiny shorts to the gym if my workout requires it - like hot yoga, or pilates, or even heavy lifting/cardio on an effing hot day.
Stung Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 Yeah, I could see how little shorts would be practical for something like Bikram Yoga. Not my thing, I absolutely can't stand being too hot and would rather go for a jog at night or even in the rain, or just go swimming--but it is a popular athletic pursuit, a lot of women do it. Why, I'll never understand, but hey: different strokes for different folks.
allina Posted April 26, 2011 Posted April 26, 2011 I think your friend is just being insecure. Like SG, I go to yoga right after work so I have a face full of makeup. Also, I often wear a pair of diamond studs which I don't remove, and I like the short tight shorts for yoga. This has nothing to do with wanting attention, but I don't have time to wash my face as little clothing as possible is best for my challenging yoga class. Also, lets not forget that women like to look and feel good period. Putting effort in to your appearance does not mean you are looking for male attention.
chrissylee Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Since this has gotten such good feedback - let's go a step further. We've all seen the girls with shorts SOOOO short you can practicaly see butt cheek. Should a girl in a relationship wear these CRAZY short shorts? I don't think a single girl or a girl in a relationship should wear that at the gym. Unless she is there to pick up a guy there is no reason for her to dress so trashy. I don't wanna she her butt check, and she should have some self respect and put some clothes on.
USMCHokie Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 I don't think a single girl or a girl in a relationship should wear that at the gym. Unless she is there to pick up a guy there is no reason for her to dress so trashy. I don't wanna she her butt check, and she should have some self respect and put some clothes on. Eh, one person's functional is another person's trashy...you can't please them all... Hell, I'd work out naked if I could...well, I'd wear socks, because I don't like my feet to get dirty...
Author chucksagent Posted April 27, 2011 Author Posted April 27, 2011 I don't know - I think sometimes women use that as a cop out "I do it for me, not for the male attention." Ok, well guess what, somebody cheats on their taxes, they do it for the monetary gain BUT it still might get the governments attention!!! A result someone with a good business (good relationship) shouldn't want. If a dude wore shorts so short his junk was hanging out his girlfriend would ****!!! It reminds me of how women always say "My girls and I are just going to the club to dance!" Well sure, that may be why you're going there, but clubs GENERALLY are places where singles go to meet people. You KNOW single guys are going to be hitting on you. Again, if a guy said to a woman, "My boys and I are going to that singles club just to dance," ANY woman would tell him, "Well, put some music in the CD player and move the couches, you can dance in the living room." It seems to me there are many areas women CHOOSE to be naive in or fail to grasp the bigger picture - whether they honestly don't know how men think or choose to ignore how obviously men think. To me, it's more about respect. I care more about (and somebody else posted this above) my significant others feelings than letting my **** hang out of my shorts or go to a nightclub with friends. There is just SOME stuff committed people shouldn't do. Short shorts aren't the end of the world - but the kind where ass cheek is hanging out - I mean come on everybody, you honestly can't justify that kind of behavior for a SINGLE person; much less a person in a relationship!!!!!! Lol.
Stung Posted April 27, 2011 Posted April 27, 2011 Well, honestly, a man wearing little shorts with his junk falling out of them isn't going to get hit on, he's going to get arrested. I would stop my husband from wearing that out in public because I don't want him scaring children and I don't want to have to post his bail. As for the dancing, again your parallel is off, at least in my experience. If I have ever gone out dancing with my girlfriends while I was in a relationship, it was because my boyfriend didn't want to go with me because he didn't like dancing, so he told me to go without him. My alarm bells would go off if a boyfriend who didn't like to go dancing with me suddenly wanted to go dancing with his guy friends, sure. I have gone to bars with my girlfriends, and my boyfriends/husband has gone to bars with his guy friends. And yes, single guys hit on me when I was at club or a bar--but then, guys hit on women everywhere and anywhere, we don't have to go to special venues for it. Hell, I go to a playground and bored married dads hit on me while I"m pushing my toddler in the swings. Anyway, that's all kind of beside the point. Yes, I think most women know that if they're wearing short shorts with their asses peeking out, they're going to get a lot of male gaze. But knowing that you're going to get a lot of male gaze and just doing your thing anyway for your own reasons, and doing everything with the sole motivation of procuring more male gaze, are two separate things. Now, wearing buttcheek shorts is not my thing, because I don't do Bikram yoga and I'm not comfortable with my ass hanging out unless I'm trying to be sexual, personally. But maybe not everybody has the same boundaries there that I do. Things like body-modesty are highly subjective and largely cultural, and American society sends a lot of pretty weirdly conflicting messages about it that different people absorb in different ways.
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