Found Out Tonight My Fiance is Having an Affair With Her Married Boss What do I do?

[dreamingoftigers]

No you GTFOH. Please don't let me get started with you and your situation and your posts.

 

All of my threads and posts are available for your public scrutiny, I would be interested in your insights.

 

Can you stop riding for one second? Jeez.

 

Writing/riding? Do you mean bugging you? We don't cross paths that often.

 

Wasn't really referring to that. I think you watch too much Carhill TV.

 

Gotta say that yes, in general, I am a fan. I find the advice delivered to be often fair, helpful, sincere and practical. Perhaps he should host his own show, or write a book. Hopefully soon he moderates.

 

Folks like these^^^^ aren't under my scrutiny.

 

6 billion people is a little more then a full-time job. Good luck.

Do you believe that you would pass your own scrutiny? Just curious, not insulting, judging or baiting you in any way.

[BetrayedPA]

Well, just wanted to provide you with an update. Over the past week, she has gone (somewhat) out of her way to make an effort to rectify things. She still claims that nothing sexual ever happened with her boss. That she always loved me and always wanted to marry me. And that those things have never changed.

 

I shouldn't have, but I've been seeing her again. In all honesty, it's kind of a limbo state. Her saying she wants us to be together. And, me staying with her because despite all that's happened and knowing she is probably an awful person, I still somehow cling to a false sense of hope that she means what she says and can be a good person.

 

She claims she talked to her boss and told him not to contact her anymore outside of work. And that she hasn't spoken to him outside of work since. She said she'll quit her job if that is what it takes; but ONLY if I financially support her until she finds a new job. I seriously doubt she's telling the truth about quitting her job.

 

She also claims she'd marry me right now; no wedding, etc. Just so that we were married. Because she knows she wants to marry me. On the other hand, I am now moving into the place who's lease we jointly signed and am solely responsible. She is staying where she is currently renting. But claims that she wants to move in with me. She, however, says that she will not move in until I ask her to marry me and give her a ring. A very expensive ring.

 

Since I last wrote, I've also had the time to do some investigating of my own into the phone records she gave me. I can again confirm that she was talking to her boss outside of work at inappropriate hours. In all honesty, it could have been innocent over the past few months. But right around the time we were breaking up and even after the time we got back together there were texts and phone calls late into the night. Some coming from him at 1am. Despite what she claims, I have NO DOUBT in my mind, based on the message and the call records, that something definitely happened. Maybe not recently. But definitely at some point.

 

In addition, her call records show that a few months after we got back together she was still talking to one guy who I know she "hooked up with". There is nothing good for the self esteme like seeing that she was texting this guy (at the same time as me) all hours of the night; at a time in our relationship when she was telling me she knew she only wanted to be with me again and she wanted us to be together forever. She has always claimed that they are just "good friends". Same as what she said about her boss. He has a girlfriend now. Which might explain why they stopped talking a few months ago.

 

Finally, I found out that she likely was considering submitting herself to be on the Bachelorette TV Show two days before I discovered the message from her boss and a week before we were planning on getting engaged and we were supposed to move in together. I can't confirm it, but I would say it's about 90% likely based on the timeline. Of course, I haven't brought it up, because all it will result in is denials. And maybe I'm just paranoid, but after all this; I'm guessing it's probably true.

 

To be honest, it's an awful situation I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I've spent five years of my life completely dedicated to someone. That appears to just do whatever the **** she wants. And only care about herself.

 

I've spent the last few months spending my life savings on a ring. And moving into a place that is extremely inconvenient for me, just to be with her. All the time listening to her tell me how she can't wait to live with me and spend the rest of her life with me.

 

I guess the question really is, why? Of course, only she can answer that.

 

But why would a person tell someone they want to marry them and spend the rest of their life with them? Why would someone spend five years dating someone? Sign a lease to move in with them? And, now after being caught and everything that happened want to reconcile the situation and call and email them and tell them they love them and want to be with them? When they've clearly ONLY looked out for themselves by staying in contact with other men, probably having an affair, and then consider applying to be on a tv show to find a husband?

 

WHY WASTE THE TIME AND EFFORT, WHEN IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE SHE WOULD RATHER BE WITH; SHE COULD JUST DO IT! No need to spend all her time with me. No need to email and call and tell me she loves me. No need to plan to move in with me. No need to say she still wants to marry me. No need to keep doing all of it and then in the background talk to other guys, have affairs and apply to reality tv dating shows.

 

Yes, she's extremely materialistic and probably thinks I can provide a good life for her. And, yes, she's getting older and probably wanted to be married long before now. But why spend the time and go through all of it, with someone you've betrayed and are just going to betray in the end? It just doesn't make sense.

 

And why do I, after five years and all this ****, still believe her? Still want to be with her? Still believe that she is the only one who makes me happy?

[2sunny]

But why would a person tell someone they want to marry them and spend the rest of their life with them? Why would someone spend five years dating someone? Sign a lease to move in with them? And, now after being caught and everything that happened want to reconcile the situation and call and email them and tell them they love them and want to be with them? When they've clearly ONLY looked out for themselves by staying in contact with other men, probably having an affair, and then consider applying to be on a tv show to find a husband?

 

she's after your money. IF she intended to quit that job - she'd be proactive and looking for another one right now. she would quit too!

 

she's NOT thinking of your best interest - she's simply fishing for a man who will provide a lifestyle for her - and allow her to cheat at the same time.

 

you can buy into this = but you're sure signing up for sheer hell.

 

work on your self esteem. why are YOU even entertaining this thought? you shouldn't be - no matter how much you love someone - she's emotionally bankrupt. a user, taker and a selfish BIT*H. her inner beauty is dark and scary... will never consider YOUR best interest - only hers. that's not loving behavior.

 

life is too short. i'd cut her loose.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I guess the question really is, why?

 

To have a soft landing place and home base between affairs. If you are comfortable with that, then by all means marry her.

 

She won't stop. There isn't any reason to. People only stop when they have something to lose. As it is, she gets rewarded.

[2sunny]

To have a soft landing place and home base between affairs. If you are comfortable with that, then by all means marry her.

 

She won't stop. There isn't any reason to. People only stop when they have something to lose. As it is, she gets rewarded.

 

indeed!

 

she offers to stay as long as you PAY her way - while allowing her to search and try out better options while paying her way...

 

no way! she's a scumbag! tell her that!

[BetrayedPA]

Let's assume she did want someone to pay for her, etc. between her affairs, etc.

 

Why would she want to actually marry me? Go through the trouble of planning a wedding, telling her parents, etc. And physically getting married? That doesn't make any sense to me. Just the sheer embarassment, time, expense, etc. of going through a divorce, if you know you don't want to be with that person and will cheat on that person. Regardless of what she thinks she can get away with and me still stick around, she's smart enough to know that I don't trust her, and I won't be married to someone who has an affair when we're married. I've made this VERY clear.

 

Her claims have always been that she will be a great "person" and "wife", once we are married. But until then "it's not worth it to her to put in the effort", because she's not sure it will ever happen after five years. And she's constantly been burned. The later part of which, I'll admit, she's right. But EVERYONE knows the act of getting married does not change anything.

 

I'll be honest. She DEFINITELY thinks I can provide her with a better lifestyle than she currently has. And pay for a lot of things that most other people can't. But she knows I'm NOT a millionaire, nor will I likely ever be. If she wanted to date someone with a lot of money, she's a VERY attractive girl. I am sure she could find a rich older man (or someone else) with MUCH more money than me - who will pay for whatever she wants and shower her with gifts just to be with someone like her. Over the past five years, I've given her nice things (dinners, birthday gifts, etc.) but for the most part, I don't buy her things just because she wants them (i.e. Channel purses, Tiffany jewelery, etc.). I know a lot of guys she could date who would do that for her.

[2sunny]

Let's assume she did want someone to pay for her, etc. between her affairs, etc.

 

Why would she want to actually marry me? Go through the trouble of planning a wedding, telling her parents, etc. And physically getting married? That doesn't make any sense to me. Just the sheer embarassment, time, expense, etc. of going through a divorce, if you know you don't want to be with that person and will cheat on that person. Regardless of what she thinks she can get away with and me still stick around, she's smart enough to know that I don't trust her, and I won't be married to someone who has an affair when we're married. I've made this VERY clear.

 

Her claims have always been that she will be a great "person" and "wife", once we are married. But until then "it's not worth it to her to put in the effort", because she's not sure it will ever happen after five years. And she's constantly been burned. The later part of which, I'll admit, she's right. But EVERYONE knows the act of getting married does not change anything.

 

I'll be honest. She DEFINITELY thinks I can provide her with a better lifestyle than she currently has. And pay for a lot of things that most other people can't. But she knows I'm NOT a millionaire, nor will I likely ever be. If she wanted to date someone with a lot of money, she's a VERY attractive girl. I am sure she could find a rich older man (or someone else) with MUCH more money than me - who will pay for whatever she wants and shower her with gifts just to be with someone like her. Over the past five years, I've given her nice things (dinners, birthday gifts, etc.) but for the most part, I don't buy her things just because she wants them (i.e. Channel purses, Tiffany jewelery, etc.). I know a lot of guys she could date who would do that for her.

 

she would - because you allow it. she will also cheat - because she has evidence that you stay when she cheats... rewarding her bad behavior will bring more of her bad behavior. she will now continue to cheat - whether you like it or not - whether you are married or not. now that she understands you will allow it- you've just given her free reign to marry you AND cheat on you.

 

and YOU did it all just by merely staying... interesting eh?

[BetrayedPA]

Well here is a testimate of how she's changed so much in the past few days.

 

All I've wanted to do for weeks was go to this concert. But didn't get tickets because they were sold out and very expensive. Turns out she got tickets through her work for free. Guess what message I get after she gets the tickets.

 

Guess who got tickets? But, sorry, I'm taking my friend. We already had plans tonight and she's never been to see this band. I'll call you after!

 

Never ceases to amaze me how she only cares about herself. If I even said anything, I would look like the a**hole. Maybe I'm ultra sensitive, but this stuff like this happens all the time. I won't even speculate on "who" from her work may be also going as I know the boss has standing tickets at this venue.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot. And, I would have taken her 100 times of a 100. If I didn't. God forbid, and took someone else, god forbid what I would have had to listen too.

 

Starting to realize more and more, how one-sided this all is.

[2sunny]

Well here is a testimate of how she's changed so much in the past few days.

 

All I've wanted to do for weeks was go to this concert. But didn't get tickets because they were sold out and very expensive. Turns out she got tickets through her work for free. Guess what message I get after she gets the tickets.

 

Guess who got tickets? But, sorry, I'm taking my friend. We already had plans tonight and she's never been to see this band. I'll call you after!

 

Never ceases to amaze me how she only cares about herself. If I even said anything, I would look like the a**hole. Maybe I'm ultra sensitive, but this stuff like this happens all the time. I won't even speculate on "who" from her work may be also going as I know the boss has standing tickets at this venue.

 

Put the shoe on the other foot. And, I would have taken her 100 times of a 100. If I didn't. God forbid, and took someone else, god forbid what I would have had to listen too.

 

Starting to realize more and more, how one-sided this all is.

 

she throws this $hit in your face and YOU take it?

 

CHANGE THE LOCKS! my god- why are you putting up with someone being that mean to you?

 

seek counseling - i can't believe you take that crap from her.

 

dump her...

[BetrayedPA]

Therein lies the problem. In her mind; there's nothing wrong and she's not throwing it in my face.

 

She just wants to go with her friend. Probably because other guys from her work will be there and she wants them to buy her drinks, etc. And not have me be there to possibly see it and get upset. And, as a result, that's what she is going to do.

 

I've been here with her a 100 times. She'll claim she's going somewhere and will have an "early" evening with her friend. She'll get drunk and stay out until 1am. And say "I vary rarely do it, so it's fine".

 

If I were to say anything about her not taking me, I know exactly what the response will be: (1) we didn't have plans tonight, (2) I got the tickets last minute and already had plans with my friend so I can't cancel them, (3) etc., etc., etc.

 

And the problem on my end, is every time in the last five years. I would have immediately taken her.

[2sunny]

time to stop being her doormat...

[geegirl]

You need to seek therapy to work on your self-esteem and self-worth. You want so badly to be loved by another that you'll take poop wrapped in a bow and think it's the best gift you ever received.

 

You teach people how to treat you. You've thought her that you're a doormat and she can use you and lie her way through you to get what she wants. And she will keep doing it.

 

You can post here till the cows come home but you won't get out until you have been beaten to a pulp by her emotionally and mentally, or until she wrings you dry and has no more use for you.

 

Everytime in the last five years you have taken her back because you are co-dependent and will cling for dear life because you need someone to validate who you are. It's not love. Love doesn't feel this way and love doesn't treat you like poop. Quit the idea of who you want her to be and what you want the relationship to be and start looking at the reality of who she is and what your future would be like with someone who is toxic to you. Get out of your lala land.

Edited April 29, 2011 by geegirl

[DollyGirl12]

Let's assume she did want someone to pay for her, etc. between her affairs, etc.

 

Why would she want to actually marry me? Go through the trouble of planning a wedding, telling her parents, etc. And physically getting married? That doesn't make any sense to me. Just the sheer embarassment, time, expense, etc. of going through a divorce, if you know you don't want to be with that person and will cheat on that person. Regardless of what she thinks she can get away with and me still stick around, she's smart enough to know that I don't trust her, and I won't be married to someone who has an affair when we're married. I've made this VERY clear.

 

Her claims have always been that she will be a great "person" and "wife", once we are married. But until then "it's not worth it to her to put in the effort", because she's not sure it will ever happen after five years. And she's constantly been burned. The later part of which, I'll admit, she's right. But EVERYONE knows the act of getting married does not change anything.

 

I'll be honest. She DEFINITELY thinks I can provide her with a better lifestyle than she currently has. And pay for a lot of things that most other people can't. But she knows I'm NOT a millionaire, nor will I likely ever be. If she wanted to date someone with a lot of money, she's a VERY attractive girl. I am sure she could find a rich older man (or someone else) with MUCH more money than me - who will pay for whatever she wants and shower her with gifts just to be with someone like her. Over the past five years, I've given her nice things (dinners, birthday gifts, etc.) but for the most part, I don't buy her things just because she wants them (i.e. Channel purses, Tiffany jewelery, etc.). I know a lot of guys she could date who would do that for her.

 

Simply because some people are like that. She is wired to do what "feels good" to her at the time. You are not going to change that. I'm not even sure this is about money. This is just how she is. If you stay with her you are accepting that the next time someone intrigues her she's gonna go for it. And she knows that you will be there regardless of what she does.

Don't you think you deserve a little better than that?

 

My exbf was doing the same stuff. Little different circumstances but his whole darn family was planning our future. If he hadn't been caught we would still be together. He wasn't doing the things he was doing because he wanted things to end with me. He was doing them because that is who he is, plain and simple. It's what he did with his previous ex, and it's what he will do with his next gf.

[Woggle]

If you marry this women you are out of your mind.

[Chi townD]

Let's assume she did want someone to pay for her, etc. between her affairs, etc.

 

Why would she want to actually marry me? Go through the trouble of planning a wedding, telling her parents, etc. And physically getting married? That doesn't make any sense to me. Just the sheer embarassment, time, expense, etc. of going through a divorce, if you know you don't want to be with that person and will cheat on that person. Regardless of what she thinks she can get away with and me still stick around, she's smart enough to know that I don't trust her, and I won't be married to someone who has an affair when we're married. I've made this VERY clear.

 

Her claims have always been that she will be a great "person" and "wife", once we are married. But until then "it's not worth it to her to put in the effort", because she's not sure it will ever happen after five years. And she's constantly been burned. The later part of which, I'll admit, she's right. But EVERYONE knows the act of getting married does not change anything.

 

I'll be honest. She DEFINITELY thinks I can provide her with a better lifestyle than she currently has. And pay for a lot of things that most other people can't. But she knows I'm NOT a millionaire, nor will I likely ever be. If she wanted to date someone with a lot of money, she's a VERY attractive girl. I am sure she could find a rich older man (or someone else) with MUCH more money than me - who will pay for whatever she wants and shower her with gifts just to be with someone like her. Over the past five years, I've given her nice things (dinners, birthday gifts, etc.) but for the most part, I don't buy her things just because she wants them (i.e. Channel purses, Tiffany jewelery, etc.). I know a lot of guys she could date who would do that for her.

 

 

Yeah, I don't doubt that she constantly gets burned because SHE likes to play with fire! And to top it off, she gets tickets to a concert that she KNOWS you've been dying to see, and she's going with someone else....

 

And just because she's good looking, she's not going to settle for a toad just because he has money. She wants the good looking guy that can provide for her....dude, YOU ARE GETTING PLAYED!!!!!!! She cheated on you, and don't think that she didn't because the first thing she did when you confronted her she wanted to end it with you, instead of fix things and explain what happened.

 

Sorry to say, I think you need to distance from this little girl.

[whichwayisup]

Buddy, where is your anger?????? I'm sitting here reading your updates with my blood boiling! She is such a manipulative, cruel and selfish woman. DO NOT MARRY HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Your heart is calling the shots. Your emotions and heart need to take a step back so your MIND and GUT INSTINCT can take over.

 

This woman is lying to you constantly and you're eating it up! Because you love her? Have passionate sex? List 10 positive things that you love about her, stuff she does for YOU. Then list 10 negative things that you don't like about her. My guess is it'll take you less than 10 seconds to fill up the negative list and alot longer for the positive list.

 

If you continue with her, be prepared for her to make a fool of you over and over again. Putting you last, making you feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected and used.

 

Seriously back off of her and end this. She is NOT wife material. This is who she is..A selfish, using and cheating materialistic woman who shows no shame in treating you like a piece of sh.it. Sorry to be so harsh in my words, but it really burns me that you're allowing her to treat you this way and still want her.

[2sunny]

Why would she want to actually marry me?

 

 

because you put up with her selfish, self serving nature. because you allow her to be the total jerk she intends to be to any man she keeps around... and cheats on while she works over other men - so she can get what she wants from them at the same time she's screwing you over.

 

she the kind of gal that give women a bad name...

[geegirl]

Good grief. All you do is question why she does what she does and how it does not make sense to you. What about cheating, does not make sense to you? Who cares what her intentions are as to wanting to marry you. Past behavior is pretty strong indication of future behavior. Everytime you eat up her excuses and lay on the floor like a doormat, you are telling her loud and clear that it is okay to play you like a fool. And a fool you are.

 

People get married everyday for all the wrong reasons. You're already starting off on lies and deceit. Cheating even before making that ultimate commitment?! You think getting married is going to turn her into a faithful wife and mother? NO! If anything she is going to have the doormat of a husband who sits there in the background waiting to lap up whatever bs she dishes out, who also provides the stability of a home, an income and a warm body while she gets her bells jingled outside of the marital home. And she will do it, you know why? You taught her cheating is okay. You will put up with it because all she has to do is feed you cockamamie bs and you're back to being her doormat. So she will do it again and again. You think that just because she puts in the effort for a wedding, it means something? Trust me that after you are married and you find her cheating, it's going to be much harder to leave. Don't fool yourself into thinking you can. You can't even leave now!!

 

It's one thing to have a wonderful relationship, get married and down the line divorce because things didn't work out. Sometimes it just wasn't meant to be. In your case, it's pure and utter delusion on your part to enter into a marriage when the red flags are flying so high and expecting/hoping for it to work out and rationalizing it 100 different ways.

 

I hope you grow a backbone. I do believe she has also lost all respect for you because of the way you have allowed her to treat you. The more you lay down and let her wipe her feet on you, the more she disrespects you. Either you man up or you let her deplete you emotionally, mentally and financially. Life too short to waste away on someone that won't piss on you even if you were on fire.

[BetrayedPA]

I thought I would give an update. I tried going NC. It didn't work. Just not strong enough to shut it all down after five years. For some reason, I keep letting her back in my life. But am unable to deal with the reality of who she is. I can't stop keep holding onto hope that I am just overly critical or that I am the one that is making things out to be way worse than they are.

 

It's an awful situation. I think in my head, I can fix this. She has been with me for five years, she tells me she still wants to marry me, etc. That should mean something... how could a person act like this if it didn't?

 

She continues to call and email and want to see me, everyday. But when I see her or talk to her it is evident that all she cares about is herself. When my sister was in town, she asked to come out with us for dinner, then she acted like she was inconvenienced being there the whole time. Didn't say two words to me. This caused a fight, and I thought, it's finally done.

 

Then it happened again the next night. She asked to go out with us again. This led to her telling me that night that I'm "a d*ck" for going out with her and my friends and not paying for her drinks. She gets drunk then tells me she is leaving by herself because "I am not fun to be out with". When I ask her why, she blames it all on me, saying "I barely spoke to her all evening", or "I'm acting stand offish or like there is something I can't get over", etc. And that she just won't put up with that. The next day, everything is great for her again.

 

She finds no fault in herself. And claims she acts the way that she does because when she is confronted by 'b*llsh*t" her response is ALWAYS going to be to get mad.

 

Despite this, I continue on. Why? Because after every time she continues to claim that I'm the person she wants to be with, etc. and that everything is great in her mind... it's "just me that has the problem I need to get over".

 

Our conversations have become short and non-existent and usually end in hanging up without even saying good by. I think, it's obvious that there is something extremely wrong. Despite this, the next day, she calls or emails, "Hey, just wanted to see what you were doing tonight", or this is what I did today, or how is your day going?

 

Just like when she lied about the message from her boss. She's got me convinced this is all my fault... That it's something I can't get over.

 

I keep wanting to call her and say, I can't do this anymore, I need some time/a break. But every time I try, I can't do it. For some reason, it's so much easier for me to go on daily living with things the way they are with her still telling me she wants to see me, wants to be with me, etc.

 

I lie to her and respond to her general questions, because I dread the devastated feeling of not being able to function that I know will come with cutting it off.

[Mcnulty]

This good people on this post have offered you a lot of advice...you haven't taken it, you don't feel strong enough in yourself to walk away from this destructive person....you walk your own path I guess, but don't say everyone didn't support and try to help....luck is sent, you're going to need it I think.

[geegirl]

You're in a tough spot. I really don't know what to tell you if 5 pages of advice hasn't helped you one bit.

 

Your self esteem is depleted. Emotional abuse, after a period of time can really take a toll on one's perception of what is right and wrong. Most times you end up not knowing what to believe. And by the end of that, you're so addicted on the drama and toxicity, that you can't get out.

 

You confuse abuse for love. You live in la la land. A victim's optimism that their love is so great, feelings are so strong that it will change their partner and all will one day live happily ever after. Bull****. Wake up.

 

You're so afraid to be alone that you'd rather be treated like a doormat rather than stick it out on your own. That's how much you value and love yourself. She validates your worth and you've be become so dependent on her that without her, you are nothing.

 

My ex wanted to have a life with me. But he was cheating on tons of women behind my back. Some people are hard wired a certain way and we will never be able to understand their intent or why they do the things they do. The only way is to understand why you do the things you do and fix it.

 

So what if she wants to marry you? She wants to marry you but she treats you like ****. I recently read about animals getting married. Anyone can get married! Anyone can declare their undying desire to want to marry you. But what about the rest of your relationship. Is it marriage worthy? You are so caught up with her intent to marry you but you're so blinded by her treatment of you. What is the point of getting married to this person when all she is going to do is cheat and treat you like poop. You think once you get married, marriage will turn her into the honest and kind wife? NO. In fact, once she has you, it's all downhill from there. It will get boring, she will get her bells jingled somewhere else, she will treat you with disdain just as she is doing now and then you will come back crying wanting to know how to save your marriage.

 

Be accountable for your actions. Wake up. Find your dignity. Where is your self-respect? As my dad would say, "Get your balls back." You're a man for god's sake.

[DollyGirl12]

Well, it doesn't sound like much as changed. It actually seems as if you are beginning to see her more for who she really is. Maybe this is a good thing for you.

You said that she still wants to get married and that should mean something? Why? What makes you think that? I ask that question because there are plenty of married people who are cheating on a daily basis. Just read some of the other parts of the forum.

My ex always talked about our future together, as well as his mother and sister. I was "THE ONE". He wanted to have children with me......all the meanwhile emails personals on Craigslist, looking up escort services. Doing those things didn't mean that he didn't want to not be with me. He did. Had I not found out we would probably still be together. I'm glad I found out. Why would I intentionally invite something like that in to my life?

After your married then you have a nice financial mess to untangle should you catch her doing the same things again.

It seems as if you are putting alot of this on yourself. Hey, none of us is perfect, and we all make mistakes, but it appears to me that you deserve alot better than this.

[kaycstamper]

If you were married I'd tell you to expose their affair to his family, your family, and the affair partner's. Fight for the marriage. Tell him no contact with affair partner or you'll file for divorce. Have him write a NC letter to the OP and then you mail it.

 

But you aren't married yet. Lucky you. It may not feel lucky, it hurts like hades, but you will get over it in time. Count your lucky stars you found out in time and no matter what, move on, do not stay with him, you'll just be in for more of the same and why even go there/

[BetrayedPA]

So, after constantly going over everything that has happened in my head. I called her and told her I needed "a break" from us. That I couldn't deal with something constantly being wrong, the lying, the acting out, etc. That I needed some time to think about it and we could talk in a few days.

 

Her response. Sent me a 100 text messages varying from everything to telling me "I need to figure it out that night or we're done", calling me "immature", "bi-polar", "insecure", telling me I belonged with all the other "losers" my age who weren't married and that I needed to stop acting like a "b**tch", that "of course I would do something like this because I was selfish". In between the messages she called me probably twenty times. Each time I didn't answer I would get a text telling me I was a "child" and "immature".

 

She concluded by texting me that I "was the one that had the problem", that "I was the one who couldn't get over things" and that "I had issues that no one was EVER going to put up with".

 

Then the calls and texts stopped. Haven't heard from her since last night. And I didn't respond.

[geegirl]

If 100 text messages of berating and insulting you is not enough for you to completely go dark and forget this lunatic, I don't know what else will. If you go back, you deserve what you get. Sorry for being harsh.