Cheating ExBF won't go away, so NC isn't an option?

[NeverendingJourney]

How do you deal with a lying, cheating, SOB exbf who will not exit your life?

 

Background is in the linked thread, but relevant part is he cheated on me the entire 1-1/2 years we were dating, supposedly very seriously with a sex toy he kept on the side that he had before he even met me.

 

I brought him into my sporting team last year... it's something I love and have been doing for over 4 years. I even said, okay but if we break up, you need to stop coming. We practice 4 days a week and a group of us hang out as a team afterwards. We also travel on weekends and hang out together. It's beyond wrong of him to keep participating, I don't care how much he enjoys it. I've asked him clearly to stop participating and exit my life. He says he doesn't see anything negative about it so he won't stop coming.

 

I want to figure out the mature way to let this go, but I'm so angry, I can't. He hung out after practice having beers with everyone acting like nothing has happened. They are not mutual friends and don't know what he did. I could go that route of just telling people when they ask, but I don't know if he would even care or if that would just make it worse.

 

I've tried the direct route with him... failed.

He has no decency... if he did, he wouldn't have cheated.

I refused to not participate myself... I've done this 4 years and love it.

 

These friends are casual so I'm not sure if I approached some of them and asked them to talk to them if they would get involved that way. Some might, but I'm not sure and I don't want to bring drama in the team, so I need to figure something out on my own.

 

I do also have his FB list and contacts from LinkedIn. I could ask him again to just gracefully exit my life and stop coming or he'll leave me no choice but to start a campaign to embarrass and humiliate him the way he did me with what he did. It's extremely immature to go that route and not something I would ever do, but if he won't respond in a mature way, what else can I do that will get him to go away?

 

What's the best way to make a man uncomfortable so he'll leave!?!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t274368/

[PegNosePete]

Well you can't control his actions. Only our own. You can't force him to quit if he doesn't want to. And if he's just staying to annoy you then telling him to stop coming will just make him stay even more.

 

Affairs thrive in secret. So I would bust it wide open. The others must have known that you were together, and they must now know that you've split up. What have you told them? Tell them the truth. You don't have to tell everyone, just the ones you're most friendly with. The gossip will spread to the rest quickly enough. If they know what he did to you they might not be so friendly to him.

 

Is there a manager/coach of the team you could talk to? If this goes unchecked it will lead to you not enjoying it any more, which will lead to you quitting. So the coach should take action now to keep you happy. Naturally he will try to keep everyone happy and wouldn't kick anyone out except as a last resort, but if you've been doing it longer than him and are considering quitting because of him........

[NeverendingJourney]

Yeah, I think that's one option. I've thought about that but was trying to avoid it if I can come up with anything else.

 

Also, had a typo... they are NOW mutual friends. He's very likable and charming so he's mr. funny guy, buddy, buddy when he's there.

 

The coach is married with kids and I believe very honorable. I do think he'd be disgusted with what he did.

[PegNosePete]

Well this will no doubt impact your performance, enjoyment and future participation. Therefore it is a subject for the coach. Don't think that it is a personal problem and therefore should be left at home. If it affects your performance and might even prevent you from participating (bluff it ) then the coach needs to know.