"why can't I walk away"

[socaughtup]

While reading through this forum I saw that a lot of people were in the same situation as me. I was 18 when I met my married man and we've been together for almost two years now! Being young I believed everything that he told me a one point! Of course he filled me with the "he only there for his kids" and "he doesn't sleep with his wife." May sound dumb but I believed it. So many times I tried to walk away but just couldn't! He's 9 years older then me! I hate to think that he's playing mind games with me. I live alone and he recently left his house and came to stay with me! Pretty much telling me that it was over with them and a week later he goes back which left me so broken! He told me that he had to go back to make sure his kids were being taken care of. It hurts and I would tell any one never to do this! I feel for his wife, and his kids! Being only 18 when I met him and him being 27, it was like he knew exactly what to say and do and I thought that soon we would be together! Well soon turned into almost two years and he's still with her! My nights consist of being lonely and crying! I hate when he has to leave and its hard! But I can't walk away! I'm young and I know that I don't have to deal with this but I don't understand why I can't just walk away!

[Girlie]

First of all, you have to lose the word "can't." There is no reason you can't walk away. Of course you can. At any point. You just don't want to. If I were you, I'd ask myself what you're getting out of this. People typically do things for two reasons: because they have to, or because they want to. You obviously don't have to. So ask yourself why you want to. Honestly. And don't just say "Because I love him." Look deeper, and ask yourself if there's one good reason to stay with him.

And then, Look in the mirror and tell yourself honestly that he's not going to leave her, because it is unlikely that he is. He's using the children as an excuse. I don't want to sound harsh, but if you are, quit telling yourself that there is any hope of him leaving.

I know it's probably very difficult, but please try to walk away. This situation is obviously a nightmare for you. It would be better to be alone than to be as miserable as you sound.

[socaughtup]

Girlie,

 

Thank you so much for your advice. I would like to say that I understand exactly what you are saying. I know that the word can't needs to go but its hard! God knows it is! I know deep down inside that he'll never leave and I know that when I get to that point when I'm just fed up there will be nothing that he can say! I'm only 20 years old and my nights of sitting home and being lonely should be over and I should be out! He'll be 29 in a couple months! Its hard but I can do it! I know that I need to walk away and soon I will because its really starting to bug me! Can't is out of my vocab! Thanks again!

[cowgirl]

Hey there girl! The best thing you can do is stop seeing him. Ive been seeing a mm for the last year and Ive been hurt over and over and Ive finally got jack of it and now am trying to move on as hard as it is some days like today. I used to hate seeing him leave but now IF and WHEN he does come to visit I don't feel anything when he leaves. He's a liar to me, himself as well as his wife and little bub.

The less I see and hear from him the better it gets. I think less of him now. I know there's always going to be a weakness in me for him but the reality of it all is that he will never leave his wife and Id never ask him to. I tell myself if he did than I know I wouldn't be able to ever trust him because look how I met him. What makes me think he would never do it to me if he was with me.

 

I want to trust my partner in life and if I haven't got that with someone than Ive got nothing. Id rather be on my own than put up with lies and rubbish. Anyway, just want to let you know that you can get yourself out of this situation in time. Its easier said than done I know. Your only young, get out and have some fun. Lifes too short.

Just take each day as it comes and good luck girl!! YOU DESERVE BETTER! There's someone out there for everyone and he's looking for you to.. CHEERS!!

[reachingskywards]

I've just been reading this good book called

 

"how to break an addiction to a person" by Howard M Halpern... It's really good. You should get it and have a read. I've also read another book called something like 'overcoming love addiction". Both these books really explain why it's so hard to walk away. Don't think it's just you. I'm 37 and having a raelly hard time walking away. And it happens to a lot of people in many sorts of relationships. But you can get over it -- get some help, read some good books on the subject, get a good support network of friends together and you'll be able to slowly ease your way out of this.

[Chrissy21]

socaughtup:

 

I understand exactly what you're going through and this is the first post that I've read so far that mirrors mine in just about everyway. I'm a year older than you and my MM is 26. The exact things he tells you is the exact things my MM tells me. We have been together for a little over a year now. And his child is the exact same excuse. I know the pain of spending your weekends alone, feeling stupid because you know your young and should be out having fun with the rest of your friends. I know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep every night, sometimes going to sleep early just to escape having to be awake to think any longer. I'm where you are right now. It's hard to walk away when he tells you all the things you need to hear. The really sweet things that make you want to stay. And I can't walk away either. It's just to hard and I think my life will never be the same if I do. I'm in love with him. I think about how I will never be able to kiss another guy without thinking about him. How can I fall in love again when he will always have half of my heart? It seems impossible to move on when he's the only one you want to be with.

 

I spend alot of time being scared that he's going to decide to be with his wife again. And it makes me angry because he is the first guy I've ever been in love with. I told him that too. I didn't want to be hurt and I wanted him to know that he was holding someone's heart in the palm of his hand. I wanted him to know that he was the first guy to have my heart so that it would make him think about what he was doing.

 

I feel exactly what you're feeling and I think it's harder for us because we are so young. It's easy to be blinded by the things he says, because he does know exactly what to say. Maybe one day we'll both become stronger, it's just hard.

[Arabess]

Look yourself in the mirror making eye contact....say outloud "If he really loved me, he would have already left her.".........Say it until you cry and realize the truth.

 

Then get mad enough to refuse listening to his CRAP and force yourself to let go.

 

If you don't....your whole life will be a waste when it comes to love. 10 years from now, you will still be alone.

[fredrolin]

Being that I am a man age 40, with child, who is unhappily married, I can understand your boyfriend's point of view.

 

He may seriously want to leave his wife and be with you; but he made a commitment to his family and that is important to him.

 

The main reason I stay and suffer in my marriage is because I worry about what my daughter's life would be like it I left.

I haven't gone out looking for other women but if I do happen to get involved with someone else I will have to make a decision to leave my wife or to stay.

 

-

I know people on this forum, especially the women with say that this guy is playing you and wants a wife at home and a chick on the side.

 

But I will tell you this, if I met a woman and fell in love it would still be tough to leave my family and start new.

 

Until his kids are older he will most likely stay close to them, which also involves his wife.

[unluckylady]

Are the children really an excuse, or do y'all really believe that he wants to stay with his W b/c of the kids. My gut tells me that my MM wants to get caught for the sake of his relationship with his W (that she would know that they have problems), but that he doesn't really want to get a divorce...