Sowing the seeds of doubt - what's the best choice in this case?

[freesia]

Here's the issue first:

 

I'm 31, married and mother to an 8 y.o. girl. He is my daughter's best friend's father, a 28 y.o.single father.

 

Last w-end, he challenged me to a rather sordid bet: he's sure that my husband will cheat on me in the following 3 months and I will get evidence on that. If he loses, he offers his appologies and free of charge rebranding and advertising services to my H's company for the rest of the year. If I lose, he wants me to get back at my H by cheating back... with him. He said something like 'one night and what you do from there on is entirely your call'.

 

The 1st thing I thought and asked when hearing his proposition was did he see my H with somebody or does he know something I don't? He said that he's met my husband only once, when he picked his daughter up from our house, didn't know him priorly and he doesn't cheat when betting. It's just that based on his experience with people, he's sure that my H is not as loyal as I think him to be and I am too naive and that he would only do me a favor by letting this happen and come out before too late and I'd have thrown my life to the garbage...

 

Of course, I got very upset at him and refrained from making a scene only because our daughters were sleeping in the other room. I didn't stay a moment longer but kept my nerves in check because I had to return to his house next morning to pick up my daughter from the sleep-over.

 

I've talked to him minimally since then and only because our daughters are best friends and we meet when picking them up from a class they attend together. But I couldn't stop thinking about the proposition, because as hard as it is to admit it, it sounds tempting enough. What I mean is that I've never suspected my H of cheating, he just doesn't seem like that type to me and I didn't have any sign of that from him. So on one side, I'm almost sure that I wouldn't lose the bet and we could really use the money that he invests in marketing for his company. On the other side, if my H does something like that, I'd want to know before other people, because that is quite a serious issue and it would change things a lot...

 

I'm torn between feeling guilty about doubting my H's loyalty and feeling that after 12 years together and 9 as married couple, I could use a proof of his loyalty. We've never really been in a situation that would test our commitment to each other. It's like we've always just been together....

 

Please tell me your opinions on this situation, all the better if you know of something similar or have been in my shoes. Or either way, just give me your piece of mind because I'm tired of the monologue in my own head and need to hear someone else's thoughts.

[coffeecat]

I am confused by your post.

 

I wouldn't let some strange man talk to me like that about my husband. He would have gotten kicked out of my house.

[She's_NotInLove_w/Me]

I am confused by your post.

 

I wouldn't let some strange man talk to me like that about my husband. He would have gotten kicked out of my house.

 

Thank You coffecat! I certainly hope my wife would respond that way also...

 

OP, how would you feel if a single mom offered your husband a similar proposition without your knowledge? I can't believe I am even asking, but it's obvious to me you need to start seeing things differently. If you doubt your husbands loyalty that needs to be addressed directly with him, not some single father who said he would like to have a one nighter with you; at this point I doubt your loyalty more than I doubt your husbands...

[freesia]

I wouldn't let some strange man talk to me like that about my husband. He would have gotten kicked out of my house.

 

I know, I felt the same right then, only that I was not at my house but at his (I had brought in my daughter for a pajama party with his daughter and friends).

 

But then, it goes way beyond my doubts, it's more about my daughter. I mean I would cut all contact with him after this, but I cannot really do this to her. She's only had 2 bfs so far, we moved so she kind of lost contact with the first one. She is a very good kid but kind of shy and chooses friends very carefully and I couldn't tell her she just cannot go to her new friend's house or talk to her without giving her any good reason for it.

I'm also kind of on my own in this, since my husband's work schedule is way too busy to switch places with me, it's pretty much settled who is the breadwinner and who the care taker in our family.

 

I think I could need a parent's advice on how do deal with this.

[Stung]

This guy is trying to drive a wedge into your marriage and create disharmony so he can get some tail. Even IF he has good reason to think your husband is being dishonest with you, the way he is choosing to use that information is absolutely reprehensible.

 

I would:

 

A) Tell my husband. You owe loyalty to HIM, not to the other d-bag. He deserves to know what kind of lengths this other guy is going to to interfere in his marriage, and to partake in the decisions about what to do next.

 

B) Seriously cut back on the amount of time my daughter was allowed to spend at the other girls' house. Since your daughter has trouble making friends, I wouldn't insist that she never see her friend again--but they can spend time together at school, or at lessons, or at YOUR house or the houses of other neutral 3-rd party parents. I would NOT want my child spending significant time being exposed to somebody with that father's twisted ethics and manipulative nature. If your daughter asks why she is spending less time at her friend's house, well, sometimes you just have to explain to children that parents make decisions in their best interest and they won't always understand. Or more simply, tell her that you want to spend more family-only time with her, and then remind her that her friend can come over next weekend.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about the implications on your husband--you have many happy trusting years with him, he has never given you any reason to doubt, and you have obvious proof that the man sowing the seeds of doubt has ulterior motives and the morals of pondscum. But I would feel free to ask my husband about it (without going on the attack), and admittedly I might keep my gaze on him a little more intently watchful than usual, just for a little while, for my own peace of mind.

 

And yes, I am a parent.

[DaisyLeigh]

Are you actually considering such a disgusting and stupid thing like that? I hope not.

[coffeecat]

Ya, I wouldn't let my daughter sleep over there anymore either. He's a single 28 year old man who just accused your husband of cheating on you and propositioned you for a one night stand.

 

Are you blind to how inappropriate that is?

[Lucky_One]

How in the HECK do you get a proposition like this in a casual conversation?? I can't IMAGINE any man asking to screw me without having some sort of teasing, flirting, inappropriate escalation to our interactions. If some guy had said this crap to me out of the blue, I would have left immediately. And for DAMN sure, my H would have been picking our D up the next day, or another mom, or anyone else.

 

Besides the horrible inappropriateness of this entire "bet", IF you participated and IF you won, how in the heck are you going to explain to your H the free rebranding and advertising for a year?

 

"Honey, Dickyboy told me that you were cheating on me and he was going to watch you for 3 months to get some evidence, but you didn't cheat, and so he is going to do all of your marketing for free for the next 12 months! Yay, us! Isn't Dickyboy just a great guy?!"

 

I can just picture THAT conversation...

[dreamingoftigers]

This sounds like a plot to a really ****ty movie.

 

That should tell you something.

 

How can this guy be tempting? Really?

[PinkInTheLimo]

Here's the issue first:

 

I'm 31, married and mother to an 8 y.o. girl. He is my daughter's best friend's father, a 28 y.o.single father.

 

Last w-end, he challenged me to a rather sordid bet: he's sure that my husband will cheat on me in the following 3 months and I will get evidence on that. If he loses, he offers his appologies and free of charge rebranding and advertising services to my H's company for the rest of the year. If I lose, he wants me to get back at my H by cheating back... with him. He said something like 'one night and what you do from there on is entirely your call'.

 

The 1st thing I thought and asked when hearing his proposition was did he see my H with somebody or does he know something I don't? He said that he's met my husband only once, when he picked his daughter up from our house, didn't know him priorly and he doesn't cheat when betting. It's just that based on his experience with people, he's sure that my H is not as loyal as I think him to be and I am too naive and that he would only do me a favor by letting this happen and come out before too late and I'd have thrown my life to the garbage...

 

Of course, I got very upset at him and refrained from making a scene only because our daughters were sleeping in the other room. I didn't stay a moment longer but kept my nerves in check because I had to return to his house next morning to pick up my daughter from the sleep-over.

 

I've talked to him minimally since then and only because our daughters are best friends and we meet when picking them up from a class they attend together. But I couldn't stop thinking about the proposition, because as hard as it is to admit it, it sounds tempting enough. What I mean is that I've never suspected my H of cheating, he just doesn't seem like that type to me and I didn't have any sign of that from him. So on one side, I'm almost sure that I wouldn't lose the bet and we could really use the money that he invests in marketing for his company. On the other side, if my H does something like that, I'd want to know before other people, because that is quite a serious issue and it would change things a lot...

 

I'm torn between feeling guilty about doubting my H's loyalty and feeling that after 12 years together and 9 as married couple, I could use a proof of his loyalty. We've never really been in a situation that would test our commitment to each other. It's like we've always just been together....

 

Please tell me your opinions on this situation, all the better if you know of something similar or have been in my shoes. Or either way, just give me your piece of mind because I'm tired of the monologue in my own head and need to hear someone else's thoughts.

 

This is one sick manipulative person.

 

Please tell this to your husband. As for your daughter, she can remain friends with this guy's kid but you and your husband have to make it clear to this man that his remarks are uncalled for. But as another person said here, no more sleepovers for your daughter. Try to have his kid come over to your place more often. I would not really trust it when my daughter goes to this man's place.

 

Does this guy have a wife?

[freesia]

Thank you all for your replies, you've really helped me get a clear perspective on this.

After reading your comments and re-thinking the whole thing a bit, I'm really starting to become afraid of the kind of the character this man has, I've never before met someone who can give a perfectly normal and trustworthy impression and then all of sudden say something to prove just the opposite.

 

Maybe I'm naive, maybe I've just been around wholesome people, but I can say in all honesty, I'd never gotten any hints from him prior to the proposition and there was nothing inappropriate in his behaviour or in our talks during these few months.

 

Lucky_One - I can see why you'd think that I must've done something to cause this, but I can assure you that anyone who knows me can tell that I'm not a flirty type. I'm actually shy and understated and don't usually worry about getting unwanted attention from guys who barely know me.

That's also a reason why now I cannot go straight to my H and tell him about all of this. Not only he would want to rip the head off the guy immediately, because that's just his no nonsense approach to things, but on return he would feel compelled to question me about my part of the blame in this situation. And I just don't want all the drama because I just don't see where my fault lies in all this. It's also not the time to cause unnecessary stress to my H, because he's been extremely busy since the beginning of this year trying to balance his old job and work on his own project. He's been promising us that things will get back to normal in a short while and hearing about this now will inevitably make him think that I'm lonely or seeking affection from another man, which is total b******t.

 

Stung, thank you, I'll think on how I can apply your advice about limiting my daughter's interractions with this man without affecting her friendship with his daughter. It won't be easy, because I've never had to keep anything big from her, we're very open to each other and I'm afraid she would feel something's off. But telling about it to my husband... I can almost guarantee that it would mean the immediate end of my girl's friendship. He just wouldn't see any if's,but's or maybe's. I can't do this to her so I'm thinking I'll just muster up the courage to confront that guy and tell him what I should have told him right then on the spot about his proposition (any suggestions for this are welcome ) Then we can all put it behind us without blowing it out of proportions.

 

This sounds like a plot to a really ****ty movie.

:

 

Thinking back on it, I actually thought exactly the same and could even find it amusing till it started creeping me out...

[freesia]

This is one sick manipulative person.

 

I now completely agree

 

Please tell this to your husband. As for your daughter, she can remain friends with this guy's kid but you and your husband have to make it clear to this man that his remarks are uncalled for.

 

Knowing my H, I just can't... I'm pretty sure my H wouldn't be able to keep it civilized with the guy if he knew the details of his proposition...he's just VERY protective of his family and I don't want no bloodshed...

 

Does this guy have a wife?

 

He was never married actually. As he told me, he accidentally became father at 20 with his gf of then, they weren't in a serious relationship even before and her parents moved her to another country because she didn't want to keep the baby and was suicidal... The grandparents kept the girl for the next 3 years, but after her mom ran away, they contacted him and brought him the girl because they couldn't afford to raise her anymore. So he's been a single father for 5 years now. At least that's his story.

Sorry for the boring details...

Edited April 22, 2011 by freesia

[Holding-On]

I now completely agree

 

 

 

Knowing my H, I just can't... I'm pretty sure my H wouldn't be able to keep it civilized with the guy if he knew the details of his proposition...he's just VERY protective of his family and I don't want no bloodshed...

 

 

Maybe you don't want any messy fallout but clearly this guy has no qualms about creating emotional mess in your household. He has in essence declared a sort of guerilla war. Either he has seen your husband getting close to someone but is not giving you any details OR he is creating a scenario out of thin air to destabilize your marriage/pull a mean prank probably in the hopes (oddly) of getting some tail. In any case he is creating emotional distress. Avoid him.

 

In my opinion you must tell your husband. He should not be running into this guy and thinking everything is fine and "hey, no problem my daughter can come over to your house anytime". It is completely not fair to your husband not to warn him of the danger this guy poses and he is going to feel betrayed by you for not warning him. Especially if your husband is completely innocent (given how slimey this guy played it, I am inclined to believe this is the most likely case). On the other hand, if your husband IS crushing on someone this will probably nip it in the bud.

 

Probably this guy is going to play it off as a crude and ill-conceived jest. In which case he needs to apologize profusely to your husband and you should NEVER let your daughter stay there again because if nothing else this guy has severely bad judgement.

 

Could you tell your husband with someone there to talk your husband down (a best guy friend of your husband's, your pastor/counsellor.... a close sibling?).

 

What is going to be worse for your daughter? Losing one of two best friends or having her parents be at odds with or (even a little bit) suspicious of one another??

[Toodamnpragmatic]

Why else would he propose something so outlandish???? Forget telling your husband, snoop a bit..... Pretty stupid in any case.

[Baroness67]

The father of your daughter's best friend is no friend to your husband, your family or you.

 

Anyone who would make the happiness or unhappiness of a family unit into something to wager over, like some game, is no one I'd want anywhere near me.

 

Why are you having conversations like this with him???

[lordWilhelm]

Not sure what this guy read into your husband's character, but he did read a lot into you. I mean, you were seriously considering going along with his ridiculous proposal! And now you don't want to talk to your husband about this! I'm seeing some major communication problems here.

Edited April 24, 2011 by lordWilhelm

[TurboGirl]

Ya, I wouldn't let my daughter sleep over there anymore either. He's a single 28 year old man who just accused your husband of cheating on you and propositioned you for a one night stand.

 

Are you blind to how inappropriate that is?

 

 

That was my first thought. This man is totally inappropriate, and I would not trust my most precious gift, i.e., my daughter, in the presence of someone who has such evil nasty thoughts. NOT FOR ONE MINUTE!

 

I don't care about your daughter's BFs - sometimes you, as a parent, have to make a stand and tell your child who he/she can associate with, out of love and caring for their safety & well being. AND the safety of your family unit! Your daughter will make new friends.

[freesia]

The father of my daughter's friend asked to talk to me and I accepted because it was in a public place (a coffee shop near the club where our girls were at the dance class). He apologized for what he said that caused me to avoid him and forbid my daughter to stay overnight at his house.

 

He seemed to be very sincere, he said he realised how out of line he was to word out that proposition to me only after I had left his house. He said it was only a joke taken to the extreme, but he has the bad habit of saying shocking things when he is around someone that he likes very much, because he gets too nervous. He shortly confessed his feelings for me and said something corny like 'I've not met anyone like you before', but he said he knows that he must act mature and keep them in check because i'm married.

 

Talking about how affected his girl has been that I didn't allow my daughter to come by their house since then, he also assured me that he would never in his life do anything to harm his or my daughter or any of their friends because he's not a sick or perverted man.

 

I tried gathering the courage to tell my H about all of this, and I actually told him part of it, when I had to explain why our girl was upset that I wasn't letting her sleep at her friend's house anymore and I hadn't given her a clear reason for that.

I told my H that the friend's father had said some disrespectful things about women in general and I don't like his personality much and that for as long as our girls are friends they should not meet at his house because he might not be a good influence.

My H didn't seem to want to go into details, he just said ok, but if the guy gives me anymore trouble, just let him know and he will deal with him personally.

 

I didn't tell him about the odd bet challenge only because the friend's father had apologized about it and he seemed to mean it and I believe in giving people one more chance to redeem themselves. I just find it hard to believe that he is a total villain and scumbag like most of you were quick to label him. That's mostly because I've spent almost an entire weekend in his company a few months ago, at an out of town dance competition where we were accompanying our daughters and during those 2 days and 2 nights he didn't try anything and did nothing inappropriate or something that would leave me thinking he had some hidden agenda with me.

 

I don't know to this day what caused him to act so out of character and I told him that I'm disappointed because I believed that we would be friends and now it will take me a lot to be able to trust him again, and he said that he understands.

But, however, if he crosses that line once again, I'll definitely hand him over to my H.

 

I was a bit shocked to see that the replies so far have been consistently harsh, scourging either him or me so now I'd like to know if anyone reading this thread can understand or sympathize with my (admitted more forgiving) take of this situation.

 

Thank you all.

[UnsureinSeattle]

I just don't understand why you wouldn't tell your husband about this thing entirely. Essentially, you're keeping a secret from him. Regardless of his "apology," I think you should probably come clean with your husband... and not talk to this guy any more. I mean, come on- he even "confessed his feelings for you!" Ick.

[OldOnTheInside]

It is okay to be forgiving OP. But how about naively trusting?

 

I would think carefully about this situation however.

 

Read your first post. He made you doubt your husband's loyalty with his comments. This suggests (to some extent) that he knows how your mind works and how to take advantage of your insecurities. The fact that you are unwilling to tell your husband the whole truth suggests that you do have some problems with trust.

 

When you chose to give him the cold shoulder, he calls you over and apologises. He comes up with every excuse he can think of and wants to remain friends. He also explicitly states that he has an attraction to you. Judging by your last post, you are disappointed but willing to forgive this man in time. Again, you don't tell your husband the whole truth.

 

You don't see anything unusual about this situation?

 

Look, this guy may just be a bit socially awkward and careless with his words. But maybe not.

 

Do you think there is the possibility that when he proposed the "bet", he was simply testing your reaction? That if you were in a more emotionally vunerable situation, you would have taken him up on his offer? That when you later rejected him, he knew exactly what to say to you at the coffee shop?

 

The above may sound paranoid and harsh to you, but c'mon, you have very little reason to trust him, and many reasons not to trust him. Take it from a man that knows how the male mind works.

 

I am glad that you have decided to minimize contact with this guy. I just hope he doesn't decide to contact you when your when marriage hits one of its darker points.

[freesia]

Thank you, OldOnTheInside, I really appreciate your reply for being insightful and structured and balanced enough to not trigger defensive reactions in my mind. I really needed that.

You are right and very sensible on quite a few points, but I feel that I need to provide a little more background detail to better explain myself.

First, I don't think I've mentioned that me and my family have moved in the town where we live now last year, right before school year started, because my H and I felt that the capital has to offer better job and education opportunities.

 

The father of my girls' friend is the first friend I've made here and I've known him for 1/2 year now. The very little spare time I'm left with after work I usually spend taking care of housework and my daughter, because my husband is busy with his work almost 12 h/day. So the only way I can seem to make friends in this new place is through my daughter.

 

If you're wandering why I didn't try becoming friends with moms of other kids at my daughter's dance course, I'll assure you I wanted to, but chances of that were reduced to almost none since my d's friend's father befriended me. They had different reasons for that: I've suspected the younger women were jealous because they wanted a chance at him (the single mothers but even a few married ones!) and the older ones are just prejudiced because of an ancient mentality in my country that married women should not spend time with single and younger men.

 

I've never discriminated between friends of different sexes or ages, I've always had both girl and guy friends and didn't mix things up, that's why I don't understand such prejudices. My H is exactly my opposite in this: he's never really had girl buddies and just doesn't see how friendship between men and women could ever be possible. After countless talks and even arguments on this matter, he's come to accept my pov and trust that he has nothing to worry about when I have a male friend, but he is still a bit uncomfortable and wary at times with them.

 

That's why I haven't even told my H that I wanted to be friends with the man in question, even more so because the friend's father is somewhat easy on the eyes and has a good job and my H is better at noticing these things than an ole matchmaker. Not to forget that he gets jealous easily.

 

My H knows i'm used to being around good-looking guys, as I've been working in television for a few years now (behind cameras) and I've shared a good amount of gossip and laughs with him about the many players at my workplace. He seems to have gotten used to the idea and not hold trust issues because I've given him no reasons to doubt me.

 

It's more of a reason for me to be disappointed about how things turned out because when my H met the friend's father, before our fallout, they hit it off right away, my H actually said he liked him and I thought he could become a family friend. Now I'm not that cynical to still encourage a friendship between the two of them after what was said.

 

I know there are already so many threads on LS around the classic question 'can women and men really be friends' so I don't know if this should turn into another one. But this is the bottom issue here, or actually it's more like 'do you think friendship can surpass a faux pas of the sort or other?'

Edited May 3, 2011 by freesia

[OldOnTheInside]

can women and men really be friends

Sure they can. You work with men that you would consider "just friends" right?

 

do you think friendship can surpass a faux pas of the sort or other?

I dunno. Can they? What do you think freesia?

 

That's why I haven't even told my H that I wanted to be friends with the man in question, even more so because the friend's father is somewhat easy on the eyes and has a good job and my H is better at noticing these things than an ole matchmaker. Not to forget that he gets jealous easily.

I'm sure you realise that this is a bit of a red flag.

 

Look, I don't know you or this man personally so I am in no real position to judge but just consider what this man has basically said to you...

 

"If your husband is cheating on you, we should have sex."

 

then...

 

"I am attracted to you, but I understand that you are married."

 

^Put the above two together.

 

Let me put it to you this way: Say you are playing Russian roulette, you either fire a blank or blow your brains out. What do you do? Don't play Russian roulette in the first place. Do you understand?

[freesia]

Reading all the replies and my own posts I realised one thing, among many others : I never did actually take into consideration the attraction factor that you guys keep bringing up. I just didn't take it seriously because I thought a guy like him taking actual interest in someone like me is something that happens only in latin soap operas.

 

I mean, I just don't see a reason - and it's not only me - why he couldn't go for an available, younger, more attractive woman than me and I've actually seen a few that matched the description at the kids' club where our daughters go. Come to think of it, I don't even know if he has a gf or is in any type of relationship, it just didn't come up in our talks.

 

Eg of the above is how I described in my first post my initial reaction to his bet proposition: the first thing that struck me is not that he wants to have sex with me but that he might have caught my husband cheating on me.

 

I know I have trust and/or confidence issues, I should probably consider going to IC for that because they just seem to resurface at any occasion. My husband has always been very supportive knowing how I am, he makes me feel as protected as I need, I'm more emotionally attached to him than to any of the friends I've ever had and although he's not my best buddy, I can't replace him with no one else.

 

I just don't see myself going behind his back with another man, and if the friend's father were to take things again beyond the friendly zone, I don't see myself being so comfortable to allow the same degree of intimacy with him as I have with my H.

I guess some people who've married their first love maybe understand that?

 

Anyhow, even if I think more seriously about it and I were to be presented with solid proof that my husband has cheated on me, I'd be shattered and the last thing I would want to do then would be jumping in the bed with another man...

 

All in all, I'm just not making such a big deal out of the attraction thing, IMO it comes and goes and most people don't even act out on it. If you think I'm not being realistic about it, please feel free to comment

Edited May 3, 2011 by freesia

[hativelchas]

To me it looks like you are too naive for your own good...

 

And the guy is a professional "hunter". He took his time to assess the dynamics of your marriage, then he targeted your biggest insecurity: your lack of trust in your partner. He understood quickly that you wouldn't be to seduced in the old-fashioned way, so he tried to apply 'divide & conquer' tactics when he challenged you to that bet.

 

What makes his 'perfect' plan fall short is that by disclosing his intentions from the beginning. Not only he put his foot in his mouth with that buy he made you be guarded with his actions. He probably expected you to fall in his trap much easier, so he's not so sly after all...

But he's regrouped and came back with an apology, not ready to give it up so easy now...

 

I'm not accusing him of all the viciousness of humanity, after all I don't even know him or you or your H personally, but judging solely on the facts you've provided, I wouldn't trust that he's repented his misbehaviour and is willing to start afresh and innocent with you. He might still have his eye on the bounty.

 

The good thing in this might be that he chose someone like you for his prey. Go ahead and throw stones at me if you wish, but I admit that on a few occasion I imagined being in a situation like yours and hoped that my husband would make the first mistake and make it easier for me... But it was never because of another man involved and the good thing is that it's not the case with you either.

 

One thing I would have answered right then, when he worded out the bet, would've been :'With who [is my husband going to cheat on me]? By his reaction you would have known if he was just bluffing or not and you'd be in better position to know how to proceed.

 

My recommendation for you now is try solving the trust issues with your husband if you care enough for your marriage and do it soon enough before someone decides to use them against you again.

 

Take care

[Entropy3000]

Essentially you have played right along with this guy. He is seducing you. You are cooperating. His suggestion was meant to tantalize you and make you think about having sex with him. He might even fabricate information about your husband. But mainly he is wanting to seduce you.

 

You and the OM now have a "secret" from your husband. This is a go ahead for the OM and disrespectuful to your husband.

 

The OM is NOT your friend. You should go NC with him as soon as possible you are being pulled into this pretty quickly.

 

I can't believe you met with him after this. Again this just encourages the OM and allows him to probe to see what emotional needs you might have.

Does your husband know you met with the OM? If your husband knew about the improper proposal would he think you were betraying him? I think so. Plus you have opend yourself up to have evidence provided to your husband that you are unfaithful. This will be used by the OM to pressure you to go further. Again he is NOT your friend and just wants to bed you. He is a predator.

 

If you do not see this or feel you can handle it you are already on the edge. This is playing just the tip. At the very least this is the beginning of an EA which will lead quickly to a PA.

 

Just my opinion but if your posts are real and I wonder about that, this is too classic to ignore.

 

Add to this that you are very vulnerable because your husband is neglecting your needs right now. Not blaming him because he is the one that is fighting for your family doing what he thinks he needs to do. The OM knows this and will take every advantage.

 

Again you should NC this OM ASAP .... and no goodbye or explanation.

You should absolutely tell your husband the whole truth. Otherwise he is at a severe disadvnatage. The OM wants you to have secrets from your husband. You now have a bound with a man not your husband.

 

Good luck. Don't continue down the road you have started if you wish to not lose your marriage.

You are probably too vilnerable right now to find new male "friends" in this new place. No doubt it is exciting to you.

 

You can almost hear the train whistles in this thread. A train wreck can still be avoided but I am guessing that in less than a week this will be way too far gone if it is not already.

Edited May 7, 2011 by Entropy3000