Bumped into the Ex's Best Friend...

[ALonerAgain]

I've always had fantasies (or rather, nightmares) of what would happen if I 'ran into' the ex.

 

And today I almost made it come true.

 

Heading into a bar in an area of the city I've not really explored to check out some guy's live music night (I'd only met the guy through another random girl I met last week) I literally met my ex's best mate sitting on the sofa opposite me.

 

For a second I couldn't breathe and thought I must have been dreaming, but no, he was def. there and, sure enough, looked up as soon as I said "OMG!"

 

We hugged and exchanged pleasantries, the old "Fancy seeing you here!" type comments - but not once did I mention my ex (neither did he). I promptly excused myself to go downstairs where the live music was supposed to be happening and said that if there wasn't much happening I would come back up and catch up with him properly.

 

I immediately went into the restroom to compose myself. Heart racing, telling myself to calm down. And if we did end up in conversation to not ask or mention ex.

 

I went back up and didn't bother speaking to him again - after one last exhange of asking him where the nearest cash machine was. By that time my contacts had arrived and I was too busy dealing with them to try re-connecting with 'my past'. But out of the corner of my eye I saw him leave not long after (and no it wasn't anything to do with me).

 

Seeing ex's best mate - this random exchange - just reminded me that I still have a lot of healing to do. I mean, what if it was actually my ex? What if he had been waiting for him to arrive (no doubt with his new girlfriend). God, I don't know if I'd been able to enjoy the evening.

 

[sigh]It's been over a year now. It just makes me wonder how people ever get to this point of indifference? How do you do it?

 

And has anybody had a similar experience - either with ex or a friend of the ex?

[Hules]

When I was with my ex we went on lots of double-dates with her best-friend and her boyfriend (I became pretty good friends with the boyfriend).

 

The boyfriend reached out to me a couple of months after my ex dumped me. It was kind of awkward at first because I didn't know what he wanted or was trying to get info from me, etc.

 

Eventually met up with him and his GF (ex's best friend) for dinner. Now I talk to both of them couple of times a week and we usually meet up once a fortnight. At first I had similar feelings to you I was anxious and worried that they might invite my ex to come along to something in some hair brained scheme to try and get us back together. After spending some time with them these feelings faded honestly don't care if I bump into my ex now.

 

I never have brought my ex up in conversation with them, though her best friend started dropping comments about her a few months ago, to which I ignored. Then about a month ago when I was just hanging out with the boyfriend he straight out asked me about my love life since the breakup. Asked what I thought of my ex, had i contacted her, would i ever consider getting back with her etc. Then started telling me stuff about my ex, was a bit awkward but by then I was at the point of indifference.

 

Even though I get the feeling they are trying to coax me into re-establishing contact with my ex (I won't she dumped me, if she wants to contact me she knows how). They have become good friends and have been very supportive of me since the breakup (which was last September).

 

This is the first time I've stayed in contact with an ex's friends (especially ex's best friend + BF) I now see these two + several of other of my ex's friends on a semi-regular basis.

[ALonerAgain]

When I was with my ex we went on lots of double-dates with her best-friend and her boyfriend (I became pretty good friends with the boyfriend).

 

The boyfriend reached out to me a couple of months after my ex dumped me. It was kind of awkward at first because I didn't know what he wanted or was trying to get info from me, etc.

 

Eventually met up with him and his GF (ex's best friend) for dinner. Now I talk to both of them couple of times a week and we usually meet up once a fortnight. At first I had similar feelings to you I was anxious and worried that they might invite my ex to come along to something in some hair brained scheme to try and get us back together. After spending some time with them these feelings faded honestly don't care if I bump into my ex now.

 

I never have brought my ex up in conversation with them, though her best friend started dropping comments about her a few months ago, to which I ignored. Then about a month ago when I was just hanging out with the boyfriend he straight out asked me about my love life since the breakup. Asked what I thought of my ex, had i contacted her, would i ever consider getting back with her etc. Then started telling me stuff about my ex, was a bit awkward but by then I was at the point of indifference.

 

Even though I get the feeling they are trying to coax me into re-establishing contact with my ex (I won't she dumped me, if she wants to contact me she knows how). They have become good friends and have been very supportive of me since the breakup (which was last September).

 

This is the first time I've stayed in contact with an ex's friends (especially ex's best friend + BF) I now see these two + several of other of my ex's friends on a semi-regular basis.

 

Hules,

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

Sounds like it's just a matter of 're-adjusting' to a different set of circumstances, where your ex is no longer in the picture, despite the fact that some of your mutual friends are.

 

I had one g/f of one of my ex's friends 'reach' out to me a couple of times after the break-up. But after I made the mistake of bringing up my ex in conversation with her, I figured that I wasn't going to move on properly if I carried on communicating with her. So unfortunately I've let her - and the remaining of my ex's friends - go by deleting them off my FB.

 

I must admit that after the initial 'panic' of running into someone so closely linked to the past, it wasn't as bad as I thought and I'm pleased that I managed to handle it corteously, without trying to 'force' anything. We simply acknowledged each other, said a brief few words and then let go, each going about our own business.

 

I hope that I can be the same if I ever did run into the ex for real...

[Adi]

In me experence you will never be friends with a ex unless they never really ment that much too you, or something allot better comes along.

[ALonerAgain]

In me experence you will never be friends with a ex unless they never really ment that much too you, or something allot better comes along.

 

That's true. I've never managed to become friends with exes - even after a significant period of time since the break-up has passed.

 

But I also think it depends on how good a friend each person was outside of a romantic context.

 

I think this may be partly why my ex hasn't bothered contacting me since we broke up.