DreamerGirl27 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 and he's the best guy friend I've ever had. Every other guy I've ever been friends with eventually falls off the face of the planet. Needless to say, I'm in love with him, just for sticking around. But that's not the point of this post. I can't get or keep guy friends to save my life. They all stop texting, IMing, or just flat out ignore me after awhile. Girlfriends, however, I have an abundance of those. I'm not even that girlie. I mean, I am in the sense that I really just want to get married and have a family. That's my only goal in life. maybe I give off that vibe to guys and they are scared away? I am pretty girlie, actually, now that I think about it. How do you get and maintain guy friendships? Why do all of them ignore me after the first couple times of talking to me? Even if all I'm interested in is being their friend? Do they want more and sense that I don't and then disappear, or do they think I want more and get scared? It doesn't make any sense to me that only 1 guy on the face of this planet will continue to talk to me. He also knows he has a shot with me, though. That's the only difference. The rest of the guys I talk to... Don't have a shot. Maybe they can sense that, too? As a guy (asking the guys on here) what makes you stay friends with a girl? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Why do you want guy friends? As for guys not wanting to be friends with you. What they probably wanted was to date and or sleep with you. Once they saw that it wasn't going to happen, they took off. A lot of guys believe that there is no point in having female friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 fun personality mutual interests/activites shows interest in each others lives a real friend not just trying to use a guy for a free meal or a back up plan respect and trust both sides give and receive good friendships are built over time. Should be natural and easy Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Why do you want guy friends? because the one guy friend I do have doesn't like me like that and I like him and I would like a guy that I like that likes me back. I've never been able to find that. Ever. As for guys not wanting to be friends with you. What they probably wanted was to date and or sleep with you. Once they saw that it wasn't going to happen, they took off.This is what I tend to think, but try telling my "friend" that. The majority of his friends are girls. That bugs me. A lot. A lot of guys believe that there is no point in having female friends.I'm a girl and believe there is no point in having male friends. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 As a guy (asking the guys on here) what makes you stay friends with a girl? Sexual attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Sexual attraction. What about a guy who insists he has no romantic or sexual feelings for you, yet continues to stay up and talk to you into all hours of the night almost every night, and invite you places like concerts and insist on paying for the ticket? But we're just "friends". Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 What about a guy who insists he has no romantic or sexual feelings for you, yet continues to stay up and talk to you into all hours of the night almost every night, and invite you places like concerts and insist on paying for the ticket? But we're just "friends". He's gay..... Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 He's gay..... Maybe, maybe not. If read about some guys seeing a female friend sort of like a little sister. They are protective towards her and have no sexual interest in her. DreamerGirl27, have you ever tried to kiss him? Link to post Share on other sites
Crow9726 Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Unless I'm mistaken...you've mentioned a few times that men and women cannot be platonic friends. Yet, here you are asking why that seems to be the case with you...no male "friends". Perhaps the vibe you are giving off mirrors the attitude you have reflected on these forums. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Maybe, maybe not. If read about some guys seeing a female friend sort of like a little sister. They are protective towards her and have no sexual interest in her. DreamerGirl27, have you ever tried to kiss him? No, I would never make a first move on a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) Unless I'm mistaken...you've mentioned a few times that men and women cannot be platonic friends. Yet, here you are asking why that seems to be the case with you...no male "friends". Perhaps the vibe you are giving off mirrors the attitude you have reflected on these forums. Crow, you would be correct: this is a very valid point. A lot of DreamerGirls' posts are very contradictory of each other: she wants this; but does that; she has this but doesn't want that... This is one very conflicted girl, who doesn't know what she wants (despite her insisting on the contrary) because she doesn't really know her internal self. In short, I think she's running away from herself by building up an image of herself that she hopes will attract what it is she's looking for - except that it's having the opposite effect. And a lot of it keeps coming out in these threads, always revolving around the same issue: her and this obsession with her crush. I think she doesn't love/accept herself, because she doesn't really understand the 'whys' and always focusses on 'it just is' (except for where her crush is concerned and then she's all over the place); hence why she keeps jumping from positive to negative, sometimes within the same sentence. DreamerGirl, I've said this before and I'll say it again: you will never be able to understand why things keep turning out the way they do for you if you don't understand yourself and why you choose the behaviour you do. (yet I can almost guarantee that she'll start an identical thread about the exact same issues elsewhere). Edited April 23, 2011 by ALonerAgain Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 No, I would never make a first move on a guy. How's that working for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Crow, you would be correct: this is a very valid point. A lot of DreamerGirls' posts are very contradictory of each other: she wants this; but does that; she has this but doesn't want that... This is one very conflicted girl, who doesn't know what she wants (despite her insisting on the contrary) because she doesn't really know her internal self. In short, I think she's running away from herself by building up an image of herself that she hopes will attract what it is she's looking for - except that it's having the opposite effect. And a lot of it keeps coming out in these threads, always revolving around the same issue: her and this obsession with her crush. I think she doesn't love/accept herself, because she doesn't really understand the 'whys' and always focusses on 'it just is' (except for where her crush is concerned and then she's all over the place); hence why she keeps jumping from positive to negative, sometimes within the same sentence. DreamerGirl, I've said this before and I'll say it again: you will never be able to understand why things keep turning out the way they do for you if you don't understand yourself and why you choose the behaviour you do. (yet I can almost guarantee that she'll start an identical thread about the exact same issues elsewhere). I'm a conservative Christian girl that wants to change a very liberal, immature young man and turn him into my perfect, dream guy so we can be together because he's the only guy I like. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I'm a conservative Christian girl that wants to change a very liberal, immature young man and turn him into my perfect, dream guy so we can be together because he's the only guy I like. I suggest you become a very liberal girl, then. Consume as much critical political commentary as you can. Also, get addicted to Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, etc. I suggest you walk in this man's shoes for 30 days. You might not win his heart, but at least you'll have something to talk about. And if you reject my advice as downright crazy, then you have proved my unspoken premise that underlies my advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 I suggest you become a very liberal girl, then. Consume as much critical political commentary as you can. Also, get addicted to Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, etc. I suggest you walk in this man's shoes for 30 days. You might not win his heart, but at least you'll have something to talk about. And if you reject my advice as downright crazy, then you have proved my unspoken premise that underlies my advice. I've already tried this. It's why I sound so conflicted. I know who I am, I'm trying to change for the guy I like, because I don't like my fellow Christian "brothers" and the "type" that I want him to be. I like the bad boy type, but I want to CHANGE the bad boy type. It's the "A Walk To Remember" fantasy. Where the girl meets the guy and the guy puts down her "book" (the bible) and later he ends up marrying her and not even sleeping with her until they're married and making all her dreams come true. That's what I want. I hate Christian men, yet I am one myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 It also has to do with physical appearance. I'm really attracted to my friend. He looks like my "type". I don't have any other friends that look like my type, and the ones who do look like my type, it's the same story with them. They're a**hole players who have 18,000 girls as friends and they're manipulative bad boys who think it's perfectly fine. I'm a Christian girl, could care less to keep male friends, only want one guy and I want to get married and start a family. You tell me how I'm supposed to get my "type", the bad boy rocker dude, to fill that role in my life. Not to mention...like I said, he's the only guy friend I have who will even talk to me. As much as I need a guy like me, they don't talk to me either. I have a strict policy to not pursue a guy, so that means, I won't IM him first, etc. This guy IMs me first all the time. He's the only guy that's "pursuing" ANYTHING with me, even if it's just friendship, so I have to take what I can get. I won't pursue a guy. I'm very old fashioned as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 How's that working for you? It works horribly for me when I try and do it any different. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Dreamer Girl, you have a fetish for "changing bad boys into marriage material." It's a fantasy that gets you hot. A lot of men have the fantasy of corrupting the good girl into the bad girl. It's a fantasy of doing something illicit. The fantasy is related to breaking from conformism and finding your true values and your inner sexual volcano. A lot of Catholics have "sinful" fantasies, and before I rejected that nightmare of a religion, I had the whole dirty girl thing going. I'd pull back on the reins of your rigid world view. Christian is a broad category that is quite roomy. Break some rules and see what your true values are. Some of my favorite people are Christians, who are activists in the fight against poverty, racism and injustice. However, other Christians I know are rigid, conformist, and homophobic. And I agree, those people are unattractive. Find out who you really are and then you'll meet a man. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I'm a conservative Christian girl that wants to change a very liberal, immature young man and turn him into my perfect, dream guy so we can be together because he's the only guy I like. What was your relationship like with your parents? What did your parents teach you about love, sex and religion? Were they open to discussion about these things with you? Or were they taboo subjects in your household? Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Taylor Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 It works horribly for me when I try and do it any different. You being passive is getting you no where. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 Dreamer Girl, you have a fetish for "changing bad boys into marriage material." It's a fantasy that gets you hot. A lot of men have the fantasy of corrupting the good girl into the bad girl. It's a fantasy of doing something illicit. The fantasy is related to breaking from conformism and finding your true values and your inner sexual volcano. A lot of Catholics have "sinful" fantasies, and before I rejected that nightmare of a religion, I had the whole dirty girl thing going. I'd pull back on the reins of your rigid world view. Christian is a broad category that is quite roomy. Break some rules and see what your true values are. Some of my favorite people are Christians, who are activists in the fight against poverty, racism and injustice. However, other Christians I know are rigid, conformist, and homophobic. And I agree, those people are unattractive. Find out who you really are and then you'll meet a man. Bingo! I have a feeling she grew up in a sexually repressed household. She's trying to maintain her good girl status, but wants to revel in her sexuality too. Obviously this seems to be causing her a lot of inner turmoil. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 I also notice how you avoid answering questions about your past and how you've been treated (or felt you've been treated) by others and how you feel about yourself - and I'm not talking about your physical or intellectual traits either. It's always about I want, I want, I want. Physically, you may be 26, but emotionally, you're still trapped in your 12-your old head. Makes me wonder what happened in your childhood to make obsessing over an emotionally unavailable guy your sole purpose in life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Do I have to spell it out to you? Look at the title of my post. EVERY OTHER GUY IGNORES ME. What do I do when I IM or text a guy and he doesn't respond? I have.no.friends. Link to post Share on other sites
ALonerAgain Posted April 23, 2011 Share Posted April 23, 2011 (edited) Do I have to spell it out to you? Look at the title of my post. EVERY OTHER GUY IGNORES ME. What do I do when I IM or text a guy and he doesn't respond? I have.no.friends. Guy friends or girl friends? I thought you said you couldn't care less about having any (more) guy friends? I'm a girl and believe there is no point in having male friends. Why does this matter to you so much? Do you feel worthless in some way? Is that it? Do you feel that you're not good enough? Is that why you keep getting you're guy friend to notice you as his potential wife? You're obviously deeply hurt by this (anger and frustration often masks this). Go talk to a therapist. Edited April 23, 2011 by ALonerAgain Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted April 23, 2011 Author Share Posted April 23, 2011 Guy friends or girl friends? I thought you said you couldn't care less about having any (more) guy friends? Why does this matter to you so much? Do you feel worthless in some way? Is that it? Do you feel that you're not good enough? Is that why you keep getting you're guy friend to notice you as his potential wife? You're obviously deeply hurt by this (anger and frustration often masks this). Go talk to a therapist. He's the only friend I have that will talk to me!! I have 80 ppl on my facebook account and only 3 ppl on it will talk to me. I just IMed a guy I used to know in high school who was always responsive before and he flat out ignored me. Wouldn't respond. Of course I like the guy I like. He's the only one who doesn't ignore me!! You can't like someone if you have 0 communication with them. Link to post Share on other sites
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