I have 1 guy friend

[DreamerGirl27]

I don't care to have friends, because nobody cares to be my friend. I have one best friend that's a girl and one best friend that's a guy and maybe 2 other ppl that I talk to on a regular basis.

 

That's 4 ppl out of 80 that's on my facebook account. Everybody else just flat out ignores me. I don't know why. 3 of those 4 ppl are girls. I'm only in constant contact with one guy. I've tried talking to them first, I've tried letting them talk to me first. The result is the same.

[DreamerGirl27]

but this is talking, like, constant communication. People who will hang out with you and talk to you on the phone. Sure, I have more than those 4 ppl leaving random comments on status updates. I don't consider that a friend, I consider that an acquaintance.

 

I love my friend because he will take hours out of his day/night to really talk to me and he gets upset when he feels like I'm not putting enough effort into the conversation. He went to school on 0 sleep yesterday (and so did I) because he was up late talking to me.

 

Excuse me for mistaking that for he likes me. My bad.

[D-Lish]

DG, judging by how many posts you throw up and how you're often all over the map with your convictions, emotions, reactions, etc... Has it occurred to you that your behaviour in general might be the reason people start ignoring you, or perhaps why you have very few people to talk to?

 

I would have judged from the maturity of your posts that you were about 16. You come off as incredibly needy and reactive. That behaviour could be what pushes people away.

 

Your posts literally scream "me, me, me"... If you act this way in real life, that could be your issue with connecting with people.

 

Are you interacting with people in a manner that is always all about you- or do you ask other people how they are doing and really listen to to how they are doing? Or do you launch into a diatribe about yourself.

 

It could be people are annoyed because they believe you to be self-centered. That's the vibe you give off here in the forums.

 

If you want more friends in your life- lean how to listen to others, learn how to ask how they are doing and acknowledge their responses. Learn to put others first when called for.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean, only as an observation of how you come across here on LS. People don't generally respond well to people that only think about themselves. They might engage you at first, but if you go off about yourself all the time- they will write you off.

Edited April 23, 2011 by D-Lish

[ALonerAgain]

He's the only friend I have that will talk to me!! I have 80 ppl on my facebook account and only 3 ppl on it will talk to me. I just IMed a guy I used to know in high school who was always responsive before and he flat out ignored me. Wouldn't respond.

 

Of course I like the guy I like. He's the only one who doesn't ignore me!! You can't like someone if you have 0 communication with them.

 

Are these FB 'friends' people who share your views? Who (used to) like your company?

 

Would you still appreciate your guy friend if he didn't look like your "Ideal" guy?

 

I don't care to have friends, because nobody cares to be my friend. I have one best friend that's a girl and one best friend that's a guy and maybe 2 other ppl that I talk to on a regular basis.

 

but this is talking, like, constant communication. People who will hang out with you and talk to you on the phone. Sure, I have more than those 4 ppl leaving random comments on status updates. I don't consider that a friend, I consider that an acquaintance.

 

You still haven't answered my previous question: why are you focussing on only guy friends? Why not girl friends as well?

 

LAW OF ATTRACTION: What makes YOU a good friend? Are you choosing to associate with people who you are truly compatible with or who you think 'look cool' (I base this purely cos all you ever talk about is physical traits).

 

So that's 4 people you're close to (do you consider them close friends)? Why do you feel that the remaining can't just be acquaintances?

 

I love my friend because he will take hours out of his day/night to really talk to me and he gets upset when he feels like I'm not putting enough effort into the conversation. He went to school on 0 sleep yesterday (and so did I) because he was up late talking to me.

 

I think you and your guy friend are in a co-dependent relationship. You seem to be both using each other to 'prop' the other one up.

 

Excuse me for mistaking that for he likes me. My bad.

 

I don't understand this last (defensive) comment: nobody, including myself, said he didn't like you. Grateful if you could clarify further.

Edited April 23, 2011 by ALonerAgain

[ALonerAgain]

I don't understand this last (defensive) comment: nobody, including myself, said he didn't like you. Grateful if you could clarify further.

 

Actually, I think I do get why you misinterpreted my comment(s). But it would be interesting if you actually noticed it for yourself.

 

(HINT: it has to do with how you really feel about yourself as a person)

 

Bottom line is, You can walk the walk and talk the talk all you like, but the only person you're (trying to) fool here is yourself.

[ALonerAgain]

DG, judging by how many posts you throw up and how you're often all over the map with your convictions, emotions, reactions, etc... Has it occurred to you that your behaviour in general might be the reason people start ignoring you, or perhaps why you have very few people to talk to?

 

I would have judged from the maturity of your posts that you were about 16. You come off as incredibly needy and reactive. That behaviour could be what pushes people away.

 

Your posts literally scream "me, me, me"... If you act this way in real life, that could be your issue with connecting with people.

 

Are you interacting with people in a manner that is always all about you- or do you ask other people how they are doing and really listen to to how they are doing? Or do you launch into a diatribe about yourself.

 

It could be people are annoyed because they believe you to be self-centered. That's the vibe you give off here in the forums.

 

If you want more friends in your life- lean how to listen to others, learn how to ask how they are doing and acknowledge their responses. Learn to put others first when called for.

 

I'm not saying this to be mean, only as an observation of how you come across here on LS. People don't generally respond well to people that only think about themselves. They might engage you at first, but if you go off about yourself all the time- they will write you off.

 

D-Lish, I agree.

 

I think DreamerGirl has NPD, hence why she doesn't seem to be listening and taking on board any else's advice or points of view (except if they relate on how to get this guy interested in her as a wife).

 

Unfortunately, depending on the severity, it's nigh on impossible to 'cure'.

 

The saddest thing is that I think this has a lot to do with how she was raised. I feel she's been hurt deeply in her past and that the only way she can deal with real life and real people is through her fantasies and idealism. Anyone who seemingly 'attacks' or questions her about her past or her behaviour she either avoids or gets defensive.

 

Unless she's willing to acknowledge this aspect of herself and get help for it, no-one will be able to get through to her.

Edited April 23, 2011 by ALonerAgain

[Eddie Edirol]

From your posts, your idea of having guy friends, is having guys around you that you will eventually date, so you dont really want platonic friends, you want a boyfriend.

 

You only want to be friends with guys youre attracted to.

 

Your body and face type isnt what they want.

 

Those guys you want to be friends with are just like you, they are only friends with women they are attracted to, can get laid from, or women that can point them in the direction of their friends.

 

You have no friends, and they cant get quick sex from you, so they stop talking to you quickly.

 

Sorry kiddo, people dont like you, men and women.

 

Your facebook communication gives that evidence. Youd think your girlfriends would help you get hooked up with guys...but if they dont, youre doing something wrong...really wrong.

 

I hope youre not perpetually pratteling on to your galpals about this punk that pushes you to the side. That would make people ignore you.

 

better figure out what youre doing wrong.

[D-Lish]

D-Lish, I agree.

 

I think DreamerGirl has NPD, hence why she doesn't seem to be listening and taking on board any else's advice or points of view (except if they relate on how to get this guy interested in her as a wife).

 

Unfortunately, depending on the severity, it's nigh on impossible to 'cure'.

 

The saddest thing is that I think this has a lot to do with how she was raised. I feel she's been hurt deeply in her past and that the only way she can deal with real life and real people is through her fantasies and idealism. Anyone who seemingly 'attacks' or questions her about her past or her behaviour she either avoids or gets defensive.

 

Unless she's willing to acknowledge this aspect of herself and get help for it, no-one will be able to get through to her.

 

And people will keep backing off and distancing themselves.

 

The reason I thought she was 16 is because she demonstrates such narcissistic qualities- as most teens do! But someone at the age of 26 should not be in this position anymore- yet she is.

 

But it explains the "me, me, me" posts.

[IfiKnewThen]

hes the only guy you like right now. but you cant mold him into the guy you want him to be. you can expose him to your world and see if he likes it and catches on..but he has to be inspired to do these things.

 

but you cant force what he may not want to be and isnt by nature either.

 

so i would say, keep looking around and don't let him be your dividing wall to having an open mind, when another guy comes along.

[DreamerGirl27]

From your posts, your idea of having guy friends, is having guys around you that you will eventually date, so you dont really want platonic friends, you want a boyfriend.

 

You only want to be friends with guys youre attracted to.

 

Your body and face type isnt what they want.

 

Those guys you want to be friends with are just like you, they are only friends with women they are attracted to, can get laid from, or women that can point them in the direction of their friends.

 

You have no friends, and they cant get quick sex from you, so they stop talking to you quickly.

 

Sorry kiddo, people dont like you, men and women.

 

Your facebook communication gives that evidence. Youd think your girlfriends would help you get hooked up with guys...but if they dont, youre doing something wrong...really wrong.

 

I hope youre not perpetually pratteling on to your galpals about this punk that pushes you to the side. That would make people ignore you.

 

better figure out what youre doing wrong.

 

My best friend complains about the same guy as well. She's involved in a relationship with a married guy that she expects to dump his wife and marry her. And I'M the immature one?

 

I'm not immature. I'm perfectly normal for my age.

 

ALonerAgain, I'm not responding to you because your posts to me are absurd.

 

I don't need a doctor, I come on here to post about myself because I like to talk about myself. That's a quality in everybody.

 

If I came on here to fix everybody else's problems, I'd be here for years.

 

Please stop pyscho-analyzing me, it's getting really old.

[DreamerGirl27]

hes the only guy you like right now. but you cant mold him into the guy you want him to be. you can expose him to your world and see if he likes it and catches on..but he has to be inspired to do these things.

 

but you cant force what he may not want to be and isnt by nature either.

 

so i would say, keep looking around and don't let him be your dividing wall to having an open mind, when another guy comes along.

 

That's the problem and the whole point of this thread! No other guy has come along!! What the heck do I need to do to get another guy to talk to me???????????????? and WHY is the only one who does talk to me, insist that he doesn't like me like that, but then spend hours upon hours talking to me into the wee hours of the morning and not getting any sleep???? who would put up with that from just a "friend"???????

 

It doesn't make any sense!!!! I'm so confused!! He's so confusing!!

[DreamerGirl27]

From your posts, your idea of having guy friends, is having guys around you that you will eventually date, so you dont really want platonic friends, you want a boyfriend.

 

Why would I be friends with a guy for any other purpose?

[BiscuitXOXO]

I'm a Christian girl as well and can somewhat relate to being old-fashioned I guess. I also had a terrible crush on a guy for years. But I'm over it now (8 months later) and am now dating around. So, let's see:

 

What the heck do I need to do to get another guy to talk to me?

TALK TO THEM! I approach men all the time. Just smile, look into their eyes, and bat your eyelashes and half of them will develop an instant attraction to you. Works all the time. I think I'm average-looking though some guys think better. It has nothing to do with being old-fashioned; it's just being friendly. I'm not asking them out or anything. THEY will have to suggest a date, especially if I was the one who made the first move.

 

Advantages: You get to pick the man.

Disadvantages: NONE. You're a girl; you're not going to get rejected. Most guys are very nice to girls, even ones they find unattractive.

 

Why does he spend hours upon hours talking to me into the wee hours of the morning and not getting any sleep? Who would put up with that from just a "friend"?

I have a guy friend who also does this with various girls; in fact, we've hung out together until late at night. Like 4AM late. He's not gay, and we're just friends. He hangs out with the other girls as just friends as well. So it does happen.

 

You are not going to change his mind. You are going to have to face up to that. I advise going "no-contact." With him around, you will never be forced to seek other male attention.

 

Why would I be friends with a guy for any other purpose?

Guys are fun! And can be great friends. When you need a date to an event...taadaa! When you need your car fixed...taadaa! And they're good practice for real dates! And they can introduce you to their friends and maybe something will happen!

 

Please PM me if you want to talk.

[Eddie Edirol]

 

Why would I be friends with a guy for any other purpose?

 

Stop calling it "friends". You dont want guy friends, you want a boyfriend, and you want your choice of guys. But you dont have a choice. The ones you want desire skinnier women who are gorgeous. And they get to date closer versions of what they want. So they dont need to date you for more than sex.

[somedude81]

He's the only friend I have that will talk to me!! I have 80 ppl on my facebook account and only 3 ppl on it will talk to me. I just IMed a guy I used to know in high school who was always responsive before and he flat out ignored me. Wouldn't respond.

 

Of course I like the guy I like. He's the only one who doesn't ignore me!! You can't like someone if you have 0 communication with them.

Did you at some point reject the guys who are now ignoring you?

 

If that's the case, it's no surprise that they are ignoring you.

[DreamerGirl27]

Did you at some point reject the guys who are now ignoring you?

 

If that's the case, it's no surprise that they are ignoring you.

 

No, in fact the topic of dating never came up. We've always been just friends, and they still ignore me.

[DreamerGirl27]

TALK TO THEM!

 

I've tried. Numerous times.

 

Disadvantages: NONE. You're a girl; you're not going to get rejected.

 

Oh really? So, the guy I like didn't reject me?

 

 

 

He hangs out with the other girls as just friends as well. So it does happen.

 

I think that's really rude and inconsiderate of a guy to do with girls. Not to mention, something I would not put up with him doing if he were to get into a relationship with me. You don't hang out with your girlfriends until 4am in the morning platonically. You just don't do it. It's leading them on, the same way a woman would be leading a guy on if she did that. In fact, if a girl did that to a guy on here, he'd be on here sobbing and throwing a hissy fit and saying that she led him on and how girls think guys and girls can be just "friends" and that they're preposterous for thinking so. Seeing a pattern here? It's perfectly fine when a guy friend zones a girl, but heaven forbid should a girl do it to a guy. There's a serious double standard going on here.

 

You are not going to change his mind.

 

I thought girls don't get rejected... You are very contradictory.

 

 

When you need a date to an event...taadaa! When you need your car fixed...taadaa!

 

None of my guy friends would even think twice about calling it a "date". and I would never use any of my guy friends to fix my car. Even if I would, they'd never go for it, because I wouldn't get past "hello" on facebook or text. They simply wouldn't respond.

[somedude81]

No, in fact the topic of dating never came up. We've always been just friends, and they still ignore me.

Well I'm out of ideas

[ALonerAgain]

My best friend complains about the same guy as well. She's involved in a relationship with a married guy that she expects to dump his wife and marry her. And I'M the immature one?

 

Is that why you're 'friends' with her, because you both share the same problem? Do you respect her as a person?

 

You have mentioned in another thread how you view your Bible studies 'friend' as being judgemental. And now you're implying that you think your above 'best friend' is immature. Does it not occur to you that these 2 traits are EXACTLY ones that you yourself are displaying, yet you outrightly deplore?

 

These 2 traits: 'judgement' and 'immaturity' seem to simultaneously attract and repulse you. You have even used the term 'immature' to describe your guy friend.

 

I'm not immature. I'm perfectly normal for my age.

 

By whose standards? Your own? Your parents? Society?

 

ALonerAgain, I'm not responding to you because your posts to me are absurd.

 

Of course they're 'absurd' to you, because I'm commenting on your sub-conscious view of who you reallyare! You don't/can't/won't acknowledge it because it's in your sub-conscious - the part of yourself that you are unaware of, hidden by your layers of repressed feelings, childhood beliefs about yourself and the OUTWARD persona you have created for yourself over the years to hide from it.

 

TBH, it doesn't really matter that you are purposely ignoring my posts. Going by your 'silence' and what you have written, you have spoken volumesabout your true character.

 

For example: through your own words, you have tried to portray yourself as a strong, mature, normal (?) woman who knows what she wants and is adament that she will get what/who she wants.

 

What I see is a lonely, confused, conflicted, scared, repressed, narcissistic Adult-child with severe self-esteem issues.

 

In fact, the only trait that we can both agree on is that you are confused.

 

Don't you think that if I, a person whom you've never met and has never met you, can pick up on this vibe, then others - including those who 'know' you in real life - might do too?

 

I don't need a doctor, I come on here to post about myself because I like to talk about myself. That's a quality in everybody.

 

Ah - classic case of denial if ever I did read one!

 

Of course, everybody has self-involved qualities in them. Anybody who believes they don't is lying to themselves. But what you seem to be displaying is a high degree of it to the point that you openly refute anybody else offering you constructive advice or alternatives to your 'my-way-or-the-highway' attitude.

 

So you like to talk about yourself. When you contact your FB 'friends', 'acquaintances' or whatever other label you want to put on them, is that the same attitude you take?

 

If I came on here to fix everybody else's problems, I'd be here for years.

 

Who said you had to? Again, you've chosen to jump to an extreme conclusion.

 

Wow, aren't you glad that that we don't all share the same view, otherwise nobody would be responding to your posts!

 

(PS. Did you know that a symptom of Narcissism includes a lack of empathy - i.e. the ability to walk in someone else's shoes or to imagine what it's like to see/feel things from someone else's perspective?)

 

Please stop pyscho-analyzing me, it's getting really old.

 

I could say the same for your multiple, variations-on-a-theme threads - but that still doesn't mean I'm going to stop posting.

[DreamerGirl27]

okay, we have a weird one. ^

[ALonerAgain]

And people will keep backing off and distancing themselves.

 

The reason I thought she was 16 is because she demonstrates such narcissistic qualities- as most teens do! But someone at the age of 26 should not be in this position anymore- yet she is.

 

But it explains the "me, me, me" posts.

 

Exactly, that's what leads me to conclude that she's had an unhappy, dissatisfied childhood.

 

She may have gotten everything she wanted (materialistically), except adequate emotional attention from either or both of her parents or indeed her peers.

 

Hence why she's repeating a pattern of going after an 'unavailable' man - who's there to fulfil her emotional needs, but not really on her terms. Same goes for the various other guys she's targeting.

 

It's a sad fact that people do seem to sense her desperation, no matter how much she tries to hide it from others (in the real world).

[DreamerGirl27]

Exactly, that's what leads me to conclude that she's had an unhappy, dissatisfied childhood.

 

She may have gotten everything she wanted (materialistically), except adequate emotional attention from either or both of her parents or indeed her peers.

 

Hence why she's repeating a pattern of going after an 'unavailable' man - who's there to fulfil her emotional needs, but not really on her terms. Same goes for the various other guys she's targeting.

 

It's a sad fact that people do seem to sense her desperation, no matter how much she tries to hide it from others (in the real world).

 

This is seriously disturbing...

[ALonerAgain]

This is seriously disturbing...

 

Exactly - that's why I think you should talk to someone!

 

Or at least read a self-help book.

[D-Lish]

It's a sad fact that people do seem to sense her desperation, no matter how much she tries to hide it from others (in the real world).

 

You can't hide stuff like that- no doubt she emanates this selfishness and neediness with everyone she meets IRL. Probably why she isn't able to sustain friendships or meet a guy that wants to take things to the next level.

 

She's not interested in being helped at all- she has a target she's obsessing about and that's where she wants to go- the fact that she's not getting what she wants is the only thing she's focusing on. She doesn't want to change anything about herself to make things better.

 

Everytime she gets a response that doesn't take her closer to her goal- she gets defensive or she ignores it. Like I said, I thought she was a teenager, which is why I didn't take her posts seriously.

 

She doesn't want insight- she wants results. So be it- no one can help someone like this because she doesn't want to be helped, she just sees something shiny and she wants it.

[IfiKnewThen]

likely my last 2 cents on this subject.

 

my mother always told me you don't need more than one good friend. one is all you need. i agree with her, God bless her heart; and now spirit.

 

i however, think its good to have 2 good friends. in case something happens to one of them. you have a back up.

 

anyway, some girls don't get along with girls and get along far better with guy friends. and that's ok.

 

some guys carry out being your friend till...they get married to someone else. maybe they are not that into you for a relationship, but can be a friend and find it worthwhile to 'help" a gal out. guys love being the "hero's".

 

maybe they want you and want to see where it will go. but, if it doesn't go anywhere or takes another turn they are out of there. ( and i am not saying be pressured for sex). i am saying they will eventually need to know this is going somewhere as a possible romantic relationship.

 

really if you're friends ...sometimes they like the chase...and you enough, to wait for you. so that's why he could be hanging around. he may also not like his own home and loves just hanging out with you.

 

there is no telling whats on his mind. but, if he verbalizes this cant go anywhere...take his word for it. he may just be lonely. don't waste romantic time on him if this is the case.

 

the only other thing is maybe once he hears you are into him, he will admit he is into you. maybe he is just saying he doesn't want a romantic relationship, because you haven't given indication YOU want that. so find out now and dont waste anymore time.

 

so i would tell him outright if you like him MORE than a friend.

 

and if he doesnt want that, except that and whatever he has to offer as a friend and move forward. there will be a guy for you someday. and read. read up about how woman really are and what guys want. i would read men are from mars women are from venus. and mars and venus on a date. and even dr pils dating book, and start asking yourself what you really want from a guy and start pursuing it. also be aware of what you have to offer and bring to the table.

 

value your friends. dont count them. and be with friends who value you.

 

its not the number its the quality.

 

good luck and God bless.