I have 1 guy friend

[DreamerGirl27]

likely my last 2 cents on this subject.

 

my mother always told me you don't need more than one good friend. one is all you need. i agree with her, God bless her heart; and now spirit.

 

i however, think its good to have 2 good friends. in case something happens to one of them. you have a back up.

 

anyway, some girls don't get along with girls and get along far better with guy friends. and that's ok.

 

some guys carry out being your friend till...they get married to someone else. maybe they are not that into you for a relationship, but can be a friend and find it worthwhile to 'help" a gal out. guys love being the "hero's".

 

maybe they want you and want to see where it will go. but, if it doesn't go anywhere or takes another turn they are out of there. ( and i am not saying be pressured for sex). i am saying they will eventually need to know this is going somewhere as a possible romantic relationship.

 

really if you're friends ...sometimes they like the chase...and you enough, to wait for you. so that's why he could be hanging around. he may also not like his own home and loves just hanging out with you.

 

there is no telling whats on his mind. but, if he verbalizes this cant go anywhere...take his word for it. he may just be lonely. don't waste romantic time on him if this is the case.

 

the only other thing is maybe once he hears you are into him, he will admit he is into you. maybe he is just saying he doesn't want a romantic relationship, because you haven't given indication YOU want that. so find out now and dont waste anymore time.

 

so i would tell him outright if you like him MORE than a friend.

 

and if he doesnt want that, except that and whatever he has to offer as a friend and move forward. there will be a guy for you someday. and read. read up about how woman really are and what guys want. i would read men are from mars women are from venus. and mars and venus on a date. and even dr pils dating book, and start asking yourself what you really want from a guy and start pursuing it. also be aware of what you have to offer and bring to the table.

 

value your friends. dont count them. and be with friends who value you.

 

its not the number its the quality.

 

good luck and God bless.

 

I already have let him know how I feel.

[BiscuitXOXO]

Ok, so you have verbalized your affection. He has rejected it. Now read the rest of IfIKnewThen's post.

 

there is no telling whats on his mind. but, if he verbalizes this cant go anywhere...take his word for it. he may just be lonely. don't waste romantic time on him if this is the case.

 

...and if he doesnt want that, ACCEPT that and whatever he has to offer as a friend and move forward.

 

value your friends. dont count them. and be with friends who value you.

 

its not the number its the quality.

good luck and God bless.

[DreamerGirl27]

You're right, who would want me anyway, I'm nothing special. I was silly to think he might like me in the first place.

[dispatch3d]

You can't hide stuff like that- no doubt she emanates this selfishness and neediness with everyone she meets IRL. Probably why she isn't able to sustain friendships or meet a guy that wants to take things to the next level.

 

She's not interested in being helped at all- she has a target she's obsessing about and that's where she wants to go- the fact that she's not getting what she wants is the only thing she's focusing on. She doesn't want to change anything about herself to make things better.

 

Everytime she gets a response that doesn't take her closer to her goal- she gets defensive or she ignores it. Like I said, I thought she was a teenager, which is why I didn't take her posts seriously.

 

She doesn't want insight- she wants results. So be it- no one can help someone like this because she doesn't want to be helped, she just sees something shiny and she wants it.

 

I think you're being a little over the top.

 

If I had to guess, I'd say you could be very emotional. That causes unstable relationships, because people are constantly unsure of where they stand with you. Try to get that underwraps. I used to be like that as well.

 

I think you also have a bit of trouble putting yourself in other people's shoes. What are they looking for? What do they want? Ultimately, if you can answer those two questions for anyone, well being their friend isn't very difficult.

 

referencing OP of course. The first is mere conjecture, but could be a common thing that prevents people from having friends. The second one I think is true for your posts. The viewpoint seems singular rather than multiple.

[DreamerGirl27]

I think you're being a little over the top.

 

If I had to guess, I'd say you could be very emotional. That causes unstable relationships, because people are constantly unsure of where they stand with you. Try to get that underwraps. I used to be like that as well.

 

I think you also have a bit of trouble putting yourself in other people's shoes. What are they looking for? What do they want? Ultimately, if you can answer those two questions for anyone, well being their friend isn't very difficult.

 

referencing OP of course. The first is mere conjecture, but could be a common thing that prevents people from having friends. The second one I think is true for your posts. The viewpoint seems singular rather than multiple.

 

Yes, I am very emotional, I intend to stay that way, too.

[Ms. Joolie]

Do they want more and sense that I don't and then disappear...?

 

This here.

[Ms. Joolie]

If you want guy friends, all you have to do is be a friend to guys.

 

If you want lovers, be a lover.

 

If you want a marriage..... lol. That is asking a lot. But let's start with friends and lovers first.

 

Your love may not be returned (as a friend or as a lover) but you have to at least give to receive. Stop crying about not receiving.

[DreamerGirl27]

This here.

 

so what about when I want more and they stick around?

[ALonerAgain]

I think you're being a little over the top.

 

Ref. D-Lish's comment: Really? Have you not read Dreamer's other posts/threads??

 

I think you also have a bit of trouble putting yourself in other people's shoes. What are they looking for? What do they want? Ultimately, if you can answer those two questions for anyone, well being their friend isn't very difficult.

 

This is exactly what I mean about lacking empathy. DreamerGirl thinks I'm "weird" for pointing this (and many other things) out but funnily enough someone else has picked up on this too!

 

 

If I had to guess, I'd say you could be very emotional. That causes unstable relationships, because people are constantly unsure of where they stand with you. Try to get that underwraps. I used to be like that as well.

 

referencing OP of course. The first is mere conjecture, but could be a common thing that prevents people from having friends. The second one I think is true for your posts. The viewpoint seems singular rather than multiple.

 

Exactly: you project this false image of yourself (your external appearance), but no-body's buying it because they see something different (your internal self).

 

[sigh]Dreamergirl, you want to know the reason why I'm being down on you? It's because I actually see some of your traits in myself.

 

And a lot of posters here can certainly understand the feeling and frustration of wanting someone that you can't have (in the way that you want), due to either blatant incompatibility or because they don't feel the same way you do.

 

It's just frustrating because most of the people here actually want to help you, including myself, funnily enough. But you're acting like a spoiled toddler who insists on staying in her pram with her toys while everyone else encourages you to go and explore your environment. That's how you learn.

 

I'm not saying that you have to give up your morals of "no sex before a committed relationship". That's a trait to be admired. What is crazy is not only to expect someone to give up their own views for you - but to keep hanging around and whining until they do!

 

so what about when I want more and they stick around?

 

Then either they're hoping that you will change (yeah, we know how that will turn out!)

 

Or they like having you around because you provide emotional support for them - because this guy knows that you'll be there he keeps coming back.

 

Have you not read any other threads about people's exs contacting the person they dumped and their exes responding because they're still emotionally attached to them? This is what's happening to you! That's why this guy is sticking around.

 

I also just realised that this scenario has been going on for over a year for you, hence why you keep posting and posting and posting, starting endless threads about it. Do you really think this is healthy, 'normal' behaviour?

Edited April 26, 2011 by ALonerAgain

[Ms. Joolie]

so what about when I want more and they stick around?

 

If they stick around, then you have yourself a new lover or a new friend.

 

It sounds like you are actively pursuing lovers, and while that is fine you will have to put up with a lot more rejection. As a female, you have the advantage of being pursued by men, the ones already interested.

 

I would encourage you to actively pursue friendships, but maybe try going against your grain and see what it's like being pursued by potential lovers.

[Ms. Joolie]

Let me correct myself, being pursued has little if anything to do with being female. Being pursued has everything to do with being desirable. Both women and men are pursued, of course.

 

I'm saying that your desire for what you want, you being so gung ho about it, may be in the way of the desires of what men want.

 

You aren't really interested in what they want in a relationship. It's all about you. You are more demanding with what you want, then desirable with what they want.

 

 

If you keep going at it with your agenda, you may come across someone who fits the bill, or you may not. Experience daters, imo, are more flexible with their wants and needs as they adjust to reality. Building a relationship with that special someone takes building that kind of bridge. You are in a relationship with a person, not an agenda.

Edited April 26, 2011 by Ms. Joolie

[DreamerGirl27]

If they stick around, then you have yourself a new lover or a new friend.

 

It sounds like you are actively pursuing lovers, and while that is fine you will have to put up with a lot more rejection. As a female, you have the advantage of being pursued by men, the ones already interested.

 

I would encourage you to actively pursue friendships, but maybe try going against your grain and see what it's like being pursued by potential lovers.

 

The men that actively pursue me are beyond ugly and I'm beyond beautiful. Just stating the facts.

[Ms. Joolie]

The men that actively pursue me are beyond ugly and I'm beyond beautiful. Just stating the facts.

 

Now, now. Patience, my friend. And give the average looking guys a chance. For crying out loud.

[DreamerGirl27]

Now, now. Patience, my friend. And give the average looking guys a chance. For crying out loud.

 

They're not average, they're below average. The guys that hit on me are far BELOW average. I'm talkin', like, 275lb fatsos with wire rimmed glasses, beer guts and no life.

 

Or...guys with such hideously disturbing faces only a mother could love.

 

The average guys are the ones I go for.

 

All I ask is that you not be overweight and have a cute face. That's all.

[Ms. Joolie]

They're not average, they're below average. The guys that hit on me are far BELOW average. I'm talkin', like, 275lb fatsos with wire rimmed glasses, beer guts and no life.

 

Or...guys with such hideously disturbing faces only a mother could love.

 

The average guys are the ones I go for.

 

All I ask is that you not be overweight and have a cute face. That's all.

 

Not sure what groups you are hanging out in but... lol.

 

Get yourself in some decent groups and activities. Get a decent, friendly, inviting profile up on the sites you like to use for social networking/dating. Put pictures of your beautiful self up.

 

Ta-da! You shouldn't have any problem finding your average guys.

[DreamerGirl27]

Not sure what groups you are hanging out in but... lol.

 

Get yourself in some decent groups and activities. Get a decent, friendly, inviting profile up on the sites you like to use for social networking/dating. Put pictures of your beautiful self up.

 

Ta-da! You shouldn't have any problem finding your average guys.

 

On dating sites, I get ugly men attracted to me.

 

Average to me is a guy that looks like a 12 year old boy. That's what I'm attracted to.

[washguy74]

On dating sites, I get ugly men attracted to me.

 

Average to me is a guy that looks like a 12 year old boy. That's what I'm attracted to.

 

I would think any grown man as thin and delicate as a 12 yr old boy would be too counter culture to be on dating sites.

[DreamerGirl27]

I would think any grown man as thin and delicate as a 12 yr old boy would be too counter culture to be on dating sites.

 

There are a few of 'em....I usually try contacting them, meanwhile, getting contacted by all the older, uglier men, and get ignored by them.

 

Apparently I'm not hot enough for my type because my type thinks they're hotter than what they actually are.

 

They generally tend to be musicians and musicians have big heads. They also have heaps and loads of girls willing to screw them.

[DreamerGirl27]

There are a few of 'em....I usually try contacting them, meanwhile, getting contacted by all the older, uglier men, and get ignored by them.

 

Apparently I'm not hot enough for my type because my type thinks they're hotter than what they actually are.

 

They generally tend to be musicians and musicians have big heads. They also have heaps and loads of girls willing to screw them.

 

While I'm waiting for this type to marry me without screwing me first.

[thebody]

So I read the first and last pages here, so if I'm missing something vital, fill me in.

 

Alright... so you went from wondering why you don't have any guy friends, save one, to wanting that guy friend to be a boyfriend? Is that right?

 

Ok ok ok.. so question 1: why don't you have guy friends. Personally and I'm being pretty frank here but you sound like the type of girl I would hang out with. Problematic, fickle, and contradictory. I love em. Always makes for great conversation. But hey if you get a guy friend and you just end up wanting more with him, you're gonna run out of guy friends if you keep dating them. That's just from my experience on the reverse side of things.

 

question 2: having a problem finding an attractive mate, as your expectations are set above average. The problem with finding an above average mate is that well... the odds are against you. I mean... If you look at common mating rituals in humans the rating scale is in full effect. 10's with 9's and maybe 8's, and 5's with 4's or 6's. The upper end of the scale has a steeper curve to it, as the genetics and hormones have to be just right as such all the way from the womb and through past puberty. Now... people at the higher end of the curve are going to be swept up by others on the same curve. You will probably end up with somebody on or around the same level of attractiveness as you, but you may have to play the waiting game.

 

And everything people have said before is sort of true... sexual tension will keep guys and girls as friends. Its sort of sad... personally I've never had a girl as a friend that I haven't slept with (or wanted to sleep with and probably will). Maybe also sad? whatever. =P

Edited May 1, 2011 by thebody