RoyFisher Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 I'm not talking about a slap that will only sting but a full punch. What if in the most recent argument she punches hard enough that it drew blood from his nose? What can the guy do here? Is this a stage some women (tantrums and mood swings) go through but it goes away in time? What if this doesn't happened that often but only certain times when the woman is pissed off? I don't really write on boards so I'm new. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 Holy shut dude! Not cool! That is full-on physical abuse. No questions asked, tell her that she gets to Anger Management as of YESTERDAY or you are done and she is to never ever ever touch you in aggression in any way again (except if you are doing it). You could charge her with assault, no contest! If you wouldn't treat a woman like that, she doesn't have the right to do it to you, at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoyFisher Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 (edited) She doesn't seem to think anything is wrong and last time said something like Well it's not like I'm doing it on a daily basis, only at times when provoked. It started out with a slap in the beginning but now it's punches just like a man would. I can press charges but then guilt would probably consume me and I might end up withdrawing them. I guess I wouldn't bear seeing my fiancee getting taken away in handcuffs. At times it has come to the boiling point where I thought about pushing her once but it would be wrong and would be feeling even more guilty. Edited April 22, 2011 by RoyFisher Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 No, man, this is physical and violent abuse. Don't stand for a single instant of it. It's absolutely completely totally unconditionally incontrovertibly unacceptable. Oh - and it's illegal, too. She's not your fiancee. She's a domineering intimidating bully - and I would bet a pound to a pinch of schyt that she's comfortable in knowing that "of course he won't report this, he's in love with me, so really, I can pretty much do what I want...." Ferchrissakes, do NOT be putty in her hands, and put up with this! Escalate? get worse? Oh god, yes!! Take action now, before she does some really serious damage. REALLY. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoyFisher Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Take action now, before she does some really serious damage.I told my best friend about it and he said maybe hitting her back once would make her stop (not too hard but enough for her to understand how her hits hurts me) either by slapping her or just giving her a mild shove/shake. I don't know, I still think it's wrong (it's not the way I was brought up) but it's I've been fantasizing about it lately. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 No, you are right, and he is wrong, Tit-for-tat violence just makes you as bad. The way to really show her that her behaviour is unacceptable, is to file charges. Next time she hits you, leave..... (I can't believe I just wrote 'next time'.....) ...immediately and go to the cops and file charges. Seriously. You said yourself, it began with a slap. It became a fist and a bloody nose. You want her to break it next? Your other option is to kick her to the kerb (English spelling, don't worry,) and leave her. go No Contact, completely, and if people ask you why you broke it off - hell damnit, tell them. Shame her into doing something about her destructive personality. This is domestic violence, and as such outrageous. And look - this is 2 women telling you this. But gender is immaterial. Nobody - but nobody has any right whatsoever to even lay a finger on another person to inflict pain and control. it's unforgiveable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoyFisher Posted April 22, 2011 Author Share Posted April 22, 2011 Should I break if off by email or send a letter to avoid another one of her violent confrontations? It's hard to tell when she might go off again because one minute she's sweet/cuddles me but the next, it's like she hates me. I'm starting to hate the fact that she'd always taken advantage of the situation since she knows I would never hurt her in return. If it has been Chris Brown or another dude similar to him, she would have been laying on the floor in extreme pain and guy ends up in jail. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 You're a good person, it's normal to want to fight back if someone is physically abusive to you. The fact you haven't retaliated is something you should be proud of. You shouldn't however stay with her. I'm sorry, but she doesn't deserve the chance to change or apologise or even get the big breakup speech/argument. Get any stuff of yours she has out of her place and then total no contact. Find someone that will treat you how you deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted April 22, 2011 Share Posted April 22, 2011 I told my best friend about it and he said maybe hitting her back once would make her stop (not too hard but enough for her to understand how her hits hurts me) either by slapping her or just giving her a mild shove/shake. I don't know, I still think it's wrong (it's not the way I was brought up) but it's I've been fantasizing about it lately. No, no, no, no, NO!!! This is not a case of 'if you can't beat her join her'. Be proud of yourself for not retaliating - you're obviously a good man. Hitting her back will not help and turns you into a violent man. I'd be willing to bet, if you so much as bruised her she'd call the police on you. No human being has the right to hurt another (physically or emotionally) - not once, not twice, not EVER!!! You need to get away from this woman before she puts you in hospital. Break it off however you think best and whatever way you believe is safest. If seeing her is likely to lead to a violent outburst, definitely don't meet up with her. You don't have to press charges (unless you want to) but make it clear to her that you will do so if she comes near you again. She's banking on you keeping her behaviour a secret so don't. The more people who know about her violent side the better. You deserve a good woman who will treat you with kindness and respect. This woman is not the one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RoyFisher Posted May 3, 2011 Author Share Posted May 3, 2011 I broke it off both by email and over the phone. Her reaction was so weird because on moment she's begging for one last chance and how everything will get better and the next minute she goes through an anger outburst, then goes apologizing & crying again. I received 3 angry messages on my email today. According to her I'm being inconsiderate and don't try nothing at all in understanding her background. She did had a terrible childhood with an abusive stepfather, problems in school and academy and repetitively being raped by an older cousin. I'm really trying to understand her but what do I have to do with her past? I'm getting blamed for things others did to her. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 Well spotted. People like this will always try to project their own personal issues onto the shoulders of others, and justify their behaviour by highlighting negative experiences. "I can't help being like this, my mother was like this, and her mother, and her mother before that....." While I can completely understand that past experiences tarnish our minds and can cloud our perception and behaviour - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY - !! I have every sympathy for those who have had a turbulent, troubled and violent past. I have no sympathy for those who choose to use those things as an inhibiting prop and excuse for current behaviour, and instead of dealing with the issues, choose to take it out on the very people they should be most considerate to. If she needs counselling, therapy and Anger management - then tell her to get them. you're not her therapist, you're not her counsellor and you sure as hell ain't her punch-bag. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 You've split up with her which is the most important thing. If you like, tell her it's okay to ask for help (the Internet, counsellors, therapy, doctors) and that you cannot help her any more. Her mood swings and violence have hurt you and stressed you out. Again, you can choose to tell her this if you wish. Otherwise, well done for not slapping her back. There are men and women who like it, and see it as an acceptable dispute resolution tactic. You're not one of them and you have stuck to your values. Good on you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dust Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 The problem comes when the man is in danger either from powerful punches, rings that might cut his face, or weapons such as kitchen knives etc. Also the girl can get hurt while she punches the man and make the man look like a domestic abuser. Like if she starts punching and the man angrily grabs her arms he might knock her over or put marks on her becoming the bad guy. As a man I’m very wary of abusing my power. Hurting a woman is the same as hurting a child or animal in my eyes. If a girl has put me in danger I’ll try to calm her down by exerting my power in a way that won’t hurt her seriously like pulling her hair or slapping her in the butt hard. You could also pinch her. For the most part stay away from a woman who is violently attacking you. No ones going to care when you explain why you punched her in the face, you will be the bad guy. Dump her. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 You did the right thing by breaking up with her. Nobody should ever tolerate physical abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 3, 2011 Share Posted May 3, 2011 I second that. We all do. Link to post Share on other sites
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