Unsupportive Parents and college pressing us to get married

[nonessentialgirl]

My boyfriend and I are both 19 and living together for now. His college does not allow us to live together for next year.

 

"All freshmen and sophomores are required to live on campus. Exceptions to this policy are married students, veterans of the U.S. Armed Services, members of fraternities and sororities who have been authorized to reside in their respective houses, and students who live in and commute from the home of their parent(s) or guardian(s) within a 40-mile radius of the campus."

 

Neither of us want to be apart during the school year (I'm going to college 20 mins away and having an apartment)t, his parents will not approve or be happy about it. My parents want us to get married (because they are strict christian and we are living together.) The only way that he could live in my apartment according to his school is if we are married. I don't like the school forcing us into something we are not ready for. Plus it makes us financially unstable, paying for room and board at his college and we'll be paying for my apartment. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this?

[UCFKevin]

Holy CRAP are you insane?

 

You'd even think about getting married just to be able to live together and be together?

 

You should never, EVER, under any circumstances, want to get married for any other reason than legitimately WANTING to, not because you have to.

 

It wouldn't work out. You're both young. The circumstances are very against you. Don't do it.

[nonessentialgirl]

We do want to get married just not so soon. Thats not the only reason we want to get married but its the thing thats pushing us over the edge to do it sooner than later.

[magda]

um, "college pressing us"? You are sounding very immature right about now. The college is the college. If there's any pressing going on it's from you, I'm guessing.

 

Neither of us want to be apart during the school year (I'm going to college 20 mins away and having an apartment)t, his parents will not approve or be happy about it.

His parents won't approve of... what exactly? Your little "marraige of convenience"? You having an apartment? You two not wanting to be apart? What do they have to say about your living together right now?

 

If you both are that ... needy and clingy to each other, I'm sure that you can figure this out without getting married if you use a little ingenuity. Merely the threat to get married over something so absolutely ridiculous will very likely convince his parents to lie for their son and pretend he's living with them off-campus, hoping that he'll get sick of being with only you constantly and wanting to experience college eventually. He can also switch colleges, right? Or maybe you can trying chilling out a little. And think about him. If he's the only 19-year-old guy lame enough to marry over sleeping arrangements at his entire college other than the frat guys, he's not going to be able to make many friends at school.

 

"Plus it makes us financially unstable, paying for room and board at his college and we'll be paying for my apartment." What? I'm trying to make sense of this... it sounds like you're saying that... because the rules of the school that your boyfriend willingly enrolled in state he can't live off-campus... he's financially unstable over it? Why did he choose that college then?

 

I can't get over what a ridiculous statement this is:

I don't like the school forcing us into something we are not ready for.

I'm thinking you should really focus on learning a thing or two in school as your #1 priority.

 

"unsupportive parents" I dunno, if you're 19 with your own apartment going to college your parents are souinding pretty damn supportive to me. His parents are trying to do the same but you're apparently getting in the way. Let me guess, they don't like you much?

[magda]

On second thought,

 

I have to say that I'm very likely out of line with all of my assumptions in my above post. I just noticed I was projecting from a situation involving a cousin of mine who got way involved with this girl who, his parents felt, really dominated his every bad decision. He dropped out of school, pretty much disappeared from the family loop and really hurt his parents and worried them. He and his girlfriend are going to be married soon and his parents got the invitation to attend it as the first time they've even seen him in months. It has really devastated his relationship with them.

 

Anyhow, my response in my previous post was mostly based on that situation - since I really don't know much about yours unless you post more details I apologize for getting a tone with you. I'm really just pissed at other things and apparently feeling reactive.

[nonessentialgirl]

Originally posted by magda

 

His parents won't approve of... what exactly? Your little "marriage of convenience"? You having an apartment? You two not wanting to be apart? What do they have to say about your living together right now?

 

His parents don't approve us getting married. Our wedding was originally planned for July 20, 2006. Its not like we weren't planning on getting married, we just might be pushing it up.

 

Merely the threat to get married over something so absolutely ridiculous will very likely convince his parents to lie for their son and pretend he's living with them off-campus, hoping that he'll get sick of being with only you constantly and wanting to experience college eventually. He can also switch colleges, right? Or maybe you can trying chilling out a little. And think about him. If he's the only 19-year-old guy lame enough to marry over sleeping arrangements at his entire college other than the frat guys, he's not going to be able to make many friends at school.

 

I doubt he'll get sick of me we've already been living together about a year. His parents pay his dorm and he's been living with me helping me pay my apartment. Next year his parent say they can't afford the dorm so he will have to pay it. His parents live more than 40 miles away so that won't work.

 

"Plus it makes us financially unstable, paying for room and board at his college and we'll be paying for my apartment." What? I'm trying to make sense of this... it sounds like you're saying that... because the rules of the school that your boyfriend willingly enrolled in state he can't live off-campus... he's financially unstable over it? Why did he choose that college then?

 

He has a full ride scholarship to the college so he doesn't pay tuition, so switching colleges would most likely make it worse. His parents were originally suppose to pay for his room and board, but they can no longer afford it. So we will have to pay for his room and board, that he won't be using, and my apartment. It's not like we can't live at the apartment, but its a waste to pay for something we are not using.

 

I can't get over what a ridiculous statement this is: I'm thinking you should really focus on learning a thing or two in school as your #1 priority.

 

I'm getting more than decent grades and I have a full time job anyhow so I'm not sure what more I can concentrate on. He's not doing bad in school either.

 

"unsupportive parents" I dunno, if you're 19 with your own apartment going to college your parents are souinding pretty damn supportive to me. His parents are trying to do the same but you're apparently getting in the way. Let me guess, they don't like you much?

 

My parents are unsupportive financially, I have been financially independent since I was 17 1/2, and living on my own (because of problems within the house, and my parents refusing to go to family counseling). I finished my Sr. year of HS working 2 jobs and with my own apartment and got a 4.0. I have to pay my own college with NO help from them.

[tattoomytoe]

ok....it sound like y'all are smart people. how are you two living together now? if your parents do not support this pre-marrital behaviour?

 

my personal feelings is you two are adults and are already living on your own so what is the big funky deal? except for the scholl, but have you tried to get with a conselor at his school to work something out? maybe you could pose as the "good sisiter" who lives real close and her smart scholorly brother can live with her. or leave you out and be like this is where he lives period.

 

just try to exhaust your options first!