The kids

[OWoman]

remember that no 'friend' is going to come up to you and say "your kid is a sh*thead"

 

Gosh! I'm not sure I would want to be friends with people who weren't honest with me, and with whom I could not be honest, about stuff like that! I would certainly not consider someone a friend if they smiled woodenly and told me they thought my kids were wonderful while inside they thought they were brats! And nor would I ever for a moment consider doing that to a friend! If you can't trust your friends to be honest with you, who can you trust???

 

FTR, I have told friends in the past when their kids have had "problems" - and I'm sure you're as aware as I am that there are more than the two polar options of "your kid is stellar" and "your kid is a sh*thead" - for which they've been grateful, since kids often act one way around the house and another when they're out with their peers, away from parental scrutiny. No parent would like to find out that others knew that their kid was engaging in inappropriate sexual behaviour with other kids in the school toilets, or was experimenting with dangerous drugs in unsafe circumstances, or was exposing themselves to danger naively and nobody alerted them to that - or that their kid was bullying others, was rude, lacked manners or social skills or displayed any other behaviours that one would not like to see in one's own children.

 

I'm really sorry you're unable to have "real" relationships with your friends around issues of parenting. I wonder why you find that such a no-go area? Perhaps there are taboos around parenting in some social groupings that make this such a "hot" topic - which would explain why so many other posters also found this thread so touchy - and were particularly threatened at the prospect of an OW demonstrating that she was a more successful parent than they were!