Please read- I need you all right now!

[bittersweet]

My situation real fast- I was with b/f for 6 years. I found out he was cheating a month ago with the same girl for 3 months. I tried to give him another chance... he dumped me last week. He insisted it had nothing to do with her.

 

We were text messaging each other and talked a few times since then. He kept telling me he has personal things to take of. I kept insisting that he left me for her and he kept swearing she means nothing to him. He talked down on her... he kept telling me he still wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I got weak- fast. Today, he text me "I can't talk right now..." and never called me back. I called him before and no answer. I DROVE TO HIS HOUSE. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I went in, opened his door and SHE was in his bed. I can't believe this. He put me down- denied everything he has been telling me. He chased me out then started saying junk when we were alone outside. He said, "you couldn't just wait?" as if he was being FORCED to be with her. Then he had the guts to say, "thanks for messing things up for me." He expects me to understand his life when each day I find out something new. I sarcastically apologized for intruding. I cried. I yelled... I walked away with my head down and he didn't even care. All he cared about was making sure I didn't mess things up for him. He even called me to prove to her that he told me it was over. He LIED so much just to keep her. She stayed. I told him he was dead in my eyes. He said the same.

 

Tonight- he treated me like he hated me. I can't accept it. I'm going crazy. All I keep thinking about is them sleeping together in his bed. Everything became real tonight. He lost all respect for me. He replaced me and it is killing me. I wish I NEVER went there. The second time in 6 years that I show up w/o telling and both times she was there. The first time is when I caught him... how can he walk away so easily? He destroyed me completely.

[jenny]

o! g-d! i am so sorry that this happened to you - o! {{hug}} lament as much as you need to here; this is wretched.

 

you are not destroyed by his actions though. you are stronger, smarter, and better than him. you will get over this and be stronger for it. you have a better life because he is definitely out of it now. you have the power here - repeat this to yourself like a mantra.

[carla]

You poor dear. My heart breaks for you. I couldn't imagain being in your shoes.

 

I know it's hard but try to look at the bright side. You found out before you married the guy or should I say jerk. You don't need him in your life because he will probably do this again. If she wants him let her have him. Just think of the heart break that one of them will probably give the other some day. Either he'll cheat on her, or vice versa. Thank him for allowing you to move on with your life and seek higher ground.

 

Just think of the new man that is waiting around the corner for you. The wonderful, trusting and respect romance that awaits you, with the man that is ment for you. Chin up. His lose. There is a whole world of wonderful men out there.

[Arabess]

Other than banging your head against the wall whilst screaming "WHY? WHY? WHY?"....there really isn't much you can do other than what the other posters said......which is to take control of your own life.

 

There is no suitable answer as to why someone's heart changes. In his own guilt for hurting you, he has had to convince himself you are a bad person just to save face to his own self. It doesn't mean in his heart he really feels like that about you.

 

Pull away from the sittuation, try to avoid him at all costs....till the dust settles and he quits acting like a clown.

 

Sure, you'll still feel like crap for a period of time....but it'll save you some pride and help you find your way back to feeling normal again.

 

I'm soory.....I know this is a rough time. You'll get thru it though.....

[bittersweet]

He called me this morning. I ignored him a few times then picked up and said "I don't want to hear anymore about how much I ruined your new life." He started apologizing and I didn't take anything seriously like I usually would. I told him I saw all I needed to move on with my life. He wasn't trying to hide much- he wasn't begging for me- but he told me that he realized how much he is messing things up for us. I told him he was right. He text messaged me a lot today saying things like, "I'll prove how much I love you" and " I know deep down what's best for me. Everything will be okay." I replied "TOOOOOO LATE- way to late" and "think about that when she sleeps in your arms tonight and you convince her how much you hate me."

 

My last text was, "I set you free. Be happy- I wish u both the best of luck :)"

and he replied, "u have no idea :("

 

I'm so sick of him expecting me to "wait around" and take his s***. I'm not. He texted me "all my love... all my life" I ignored him. For the first time in 6 years... I'm gonna ignore him and realize I'm REALLY gone this time. NO more. He'll realized the loss when things get sour with his useless girl. She has no place to stay b/c she is an immature, 20 year old stripper whose family kicked her out b/c she was messing up. He can go ahead and be her sugar daddy. He tried to tell me this morning that he was ending things with her Friday.. he just felt bad b/c she had no where to go. I told him, "she is a dancer- she can buy a whole lot of rooms in a hotel!" He is playing games with the wrong girl. He rather be with a lazy, worthless, no good b**** and that's fine. I told her to her face that he will do the same thing to her one day. She sat there scared and didn't say a word. The "boss" and his little "servant"- how cute.

[Goatsbreath]

Hey, I had a situation similar to yours. Well, this happened about 5 months ago but like yours.....it was a six year relationship. Kept doing the same things the last few months......telling me how much of a mistake she made. How she loves me and wants it to work.....Telling me how she has told this other guy to leave her alone and she wants to figure things out. That she wants to figure us out. Then I would find out she was still going to his house. She was just telling everyone what they wanted to here so she could have the situation her way. Ill never understand it but its like you said. When hes with her you become the obsolete person and when hes talking to you its reversed. Just move on- I know how hard it is but the longer you entertain his stories the bigger the book. I hate cheaters!

[reasontosigh]

Time wounds all heels. Stay strong - you can do it!!!!

[nycpetit]

This is one of those situations in life where you have to look inward on yourself and seek out, write out, and shout out if need be every positive thing about YOU. And when you find yourself thinking of him, think bad, bad, bad. You need to try and see if it is possible to think of respecting yourself first and foremost...you know this is wrong, you know you wouldn't do the same to someone else...think of him as being put behind bars, you can't see him, you can't talk to him, and he doesn't deserve visitors.

[bittersweet]

goatsbreath-

You are right- he has the nerve to compare me to her and tells us what ever he needs to say to keep us both hanging. If I were her, I would have learned my lesson. Myself, it was a little harder to move on b/c I was with him 6 years and saw my life with him. He doesn't know what he wants and he forgot who I was and all that I meant to him.

 

Arabess- That is what I told him. He destroyed all my goodness while he had to convince this other girl that he didn't want me. Then, when we were together, he would believe I was that horrible person he created in his life with her. It all has to do with respect and the fact that he had to put that out of the way to be able to betray me.

 

carla- I always say that God has a plan for everyone. This was something that was supposed to happen I guess. I try hard to look into the future and hopefully, I find myself laughing at this situation right now. Unfortunately, I don't even have interest in other guys right now. Besides this bad stuff that happened, I was so happy with this guy. I was so comfortable. When we went out somewhere, we seemed so happy and so close. There is something about him that I know I will never find in someone else. It's even harder to know that the good things about him are being experienced by another girl.

 

jenny- That is the only thing that gives me strength. I have the power now and now I need to learn better self control.

 

nycpetit- It is really hard to be forced one day to all the sudden make yourself HATE someone! All the bad things about him were always put to the side and the good always stayed in mind. Now, I have to learn ho to recreate him into someone else (the same way he recreated me into a horrible person in order to cheat on me).

 

 

TO ALL- He has been calling still. He starts telling me things that confuse me and give me hope- I try not to believe anything. He keeps telling me "you'll see," but I told him, "I just want you to be happy." When I act like that, and say things he wouldn't expect, he gets worried even more that things are irreversible. Just today, he called and he was fishing (w/o her) and I get sick knowing she is waiting at his house. I asked him, "what are you calling me for?" He was asking about Easter Sunday and if there was any chance that I would want to go to his mother's with him. I laughed. I said, "why are yo calling me if she is still in your life?" He started talking about this being a phase he was going through and that he really wants to work on things with me. I couldn't say anything... there is too much to say to that. I told him, "have a nice day together" and he said he is telling her to leave later and he has "a plan" to end things with her. I asked, "why, this is what you wanted... this is what you created!" I told him I'm not waiting for him and I have been going on with my life.

 

It gets hard around the weekend- especially holidays and sunny warm days after a cold winter. I miss him. We are both home today and it is so hard to realize what is really happening. He is 5 minutes away and the last 6 years we spent all our free time together... now I have to accept that it can't be that way.