Would I take him back?

[dididarlin]

I haven't been on for so long and much has happened. Previously known as mimidarlin but I can't remember that email

 

This May will mark the one year anniversary of our divorce and it does bring up some emotions. In our state only one person has to go to the hearing and I made him go because I was made to do so much of the work. He wanted the damn divorce so he could go sit in the court. In the end I think the divorce was inevitable because of his lack of dedication. In the end I think it has been good for me because I have reclaimed myself. I'm not walking on eggshells or trying to make someone happy.

 

We've had our ups and downs after the divorce. I think we were successful in trying to be more than civil if not friendly. His family has kept me close and that is nice. The worst events center around his rubber band "relationship" with the other woman. They were both married when he cheated on me.

 

Supposedly it stopped while we went to counseling. He got back with her last fall sometime. I told him I knew it was none of my business but really he should stop or she should leave her husband. He didn't consider it cheating because he wasn't married. (wow!) Still none of my business until she made it my business. When he decided to break up with her she went beserk. Calling me and showing up and my house. Yes I filed a report. All of this was on the one year anniversary of me catching them. Wow eh? How's that for a happy Thanksgiving.

 

Anyway the promise was that he would tell me if their relationship status changed. For some reason she saw me as a threat. Well he didn't tell me....big surprise. I made him pay for a security system because of her. "Made" is a loose term. He has no real obligation besides familial pressure. She's left her husband and they're together. I know they're out in public though she isn't welcome at family events etc. I'm invited to some of them and make sure I won't run into her.

 

I'm avoiding extended and unnecessary contact with him for multiple reasons. The biggest one is to reduce the chance that she will see me as a target for any reason. Sorry for the long story but I had to give some background.

 

Now the most recent random thing happened. The ex texted me during the middle of the work day. "Hey got a minute?" I truly thought he was going to tell me they were getting married. My reply "In a few moments...during the student lunch." Him "Well I'm almost at your school"...WTH? I was truly annoyed...stopping by at my work? Well he had a gift for me. He attended a book reading by an author we both adore. I didn't attend at least in part because of the chance of running into them. He doesn't know that though. He had bought a book and had it autographed for me. WTH again? I've had no further contact and have sought none.

 

Now my friends think he's regretting his choices. That this is very typical about one year out. Is that true? They ask would I take him back again. See Gunny's response to trippy's situation. I'd make him do a version of begging. My response was more...he can go to 6 months of individual counseling and then we can talk. I can't imagine that he is wanting us back and if he does that he is willing to do the hard work.

[trippi1432]

Wow...Mimi (Didi)....wish you could get the old handle back. The Darling triggered me.

 

My exH did something similar at 6 months into the SA...funny story really. I loved Sass Jordan, covered her songs and he was with me when we first saw her live...could only get her on cassette...had 3 cassette players eat her tape...or may have lost one of the cassettes. He sent me a random email one night when she released a new CD...after being out of the spotlight for a decade. I wondered where his GF that he was living with was when he sent that.

 

They don't forget what they lost when times in their own lives are lost...but you know what?? My exH loved to sit on the phone every night talking to his brother about old times....guess I am his "old time" now huh? Just wish I had meant more to him when he had me rather than now when he doesn't.

[Brokenhearttornapart]

I don't know this guy, but I wouldn't trust him. The fact that he could leave you for someone psycho proves that there is at least something wrong with him and that he could leave you again. Maybe a friendship could develop there, but I wouldn't go back to him. You should be first in a man's life, not the "i'm gonna leave you and when things don't work out with the person I leave you for, i'm gonna go back to you" bullcrap. You deserve much much better and quite frankly, I wouldn't even attend his family's functions if I were you. For all you know, they might be telling him about you being there and that would be making him think that there is still a chance for you two. I could understand it if you guys had children together and you went with them, but I haven't read that you do.