MM hasn't chatted with me in days (EA)

[FriendOrMore]

Hello

I have a long-time friend who started engaging me in online chats a few months ago ... we chatted about life in general, not so much about our own relationships. I was engaged, he is married with kids.

 

I broke off my engagement and have been depressed about the last several years of my life. So this friend of mine coming along sort of breathed new life into me if only for a few weeks. It was fun, seemed harmless and was nice to fantasize about.

 

We never got physical but talked about it ... he would only go so far though, he said, but we never got to that point. We both met up a few times just to talk and neither of us made any sort of move other than a hug. No kissing, no sex, nothing like that...

 

He started backing off a few weeks ago. I don't know if it was his guilt that he said he was feeling or something I said in chat ... I did tell him I was starting to have feelings for him and neither of us intended for this to happen.

 

He told me one night last week that he wasn't sure where the lines crossed between having "hot" chat/flirty chat and actually "doing something". I guess he saw no harm in what he was doing. Maybe he's confused why I started to like him. I guess I am confused too.

 

We haven't chatted in days and I miss the friendship and the chatting a few nights a week. With me being depressed about stuff going on in my life, he's been a nice distraction and helped me keep my mind off of the depressing stuff.

 

Now, I am even more depress than I was. I know it's Easter week with family stuff going on so maybe that's part of it, but he seems to be avoiding me intentionally and it bothers me because I do not know what *I* did? How did we go from having fun to nothing at all.

 

I wanted to talk to him but don't want to chase after him ... so I guess I am sitting here waiting to see if I will hear from him again or not.

 

We are both in our late 30s by the way.

 

I'm just really sad. Anyone have any advice? Thanks.

[TurboGirl]

Sounds to me like he is feeling guilty for the hot flirty chat. Guys can do that hot flirty chat thing without becoming emotionally involved... not really so with us, I think. It is just entertainment for him, probably, especially if he is a MM.

 

Sometimes they just disappear. Afterall, he is married. Maybe he is embarrassed he "went there" with you. You will find that with MM, sometimes all of a sudden they develop a conscience and realize that that are doing something not good, and then back out. Honey he is married and really, you can't count on him. I understand all about distractions.. but that one can be very dangerous to you emotionally, because he's not really available for more than online chat! And that is not Real Life.

 

Please don't contact him, and when/if he chats with you again, I would turn the topic onto life, his kids, work, etc., and stay away from the hot flirty stuff, even if he starts.

[Irishlove]

Mine had a funeral to go to and couldn't call me. Like there are no cell phones. Yet he is going to break it off with his wife but he can't use HIS phone? They think we are stupid. Go on with your life. While mine is away I've already been asked out of three dates and my phone is ringing off the hook. I'm not falling for his crap. I have men that WANT all my attention not just when it's convience. Move on and find the fun.

[whichwayisup]

Hello

I have a long-time friend who started engaging me in online chats a few months ago ... we chatted about life in general, not so much about our own relationships. I was engaged, he is married with kids.

 

I broke off my engagement and have been depressed about the last several years of my life. So this friend of mine coming along sort of breathed new life into me if only for a few weeks. It was fun, seemed harmless and was nice to fantasize about.

 

We never got physical but talked about it ... he would only go so far though, he said, but we never got to that point. We both met up a few times just to talk and neither of us made any sort of move other than a hug. No kissing, no sex, nothing like that...

 

He started backing off a few weeks ago. I don't know if it was his guilt that he said he was feeling or something I said in chat ... I did tell him I was starting to have feelings for him and neither of us intended for this to happen.

 

He told me one night last week that he wasn't sure where the lines crossed between having "hot" chat/flirty chat and actually "doing something". I guess he saw no harm in what he was doing. Maybe he's confused why I started to like him. I guess I am confused too.

 

We haven't chatted in days and I miss the friendship and the chatting a few nights a week. With me being depressed about stuff going on in my life, he's been a nice distraction and helped me keep my mind off of the depressing stuff.

 

Now, I am even more depress than I was. I know it's Easter week with family stuff going on so maybe that's part of it, but he seems to be avoiding me intentionally and it bothers me because I do not know what *I* did? How did we go from having fun to nothing at all.

 

I wanted to talk to him but don't want to chase after him ... so I guess I am sitting here waiting to see if I will hear from him again or not.

 

We are both in our late 30s by the way.

 

I'm just really sad. Anyone have any advice? Thanks.

 

It sounds like he just changed his mind, which he is allowed to do. He's married and probably figured that nothing was going to happen either way, so to flirt and talk sexy talk, was too much. That and he may have felt guilty.

 

Whatever issues that made you feel down and out, depressed are still there, your MM friend filled a void. I suggest you work on you and not rely on someone else, let alone a married man to make you feel better. He was just a bandaid, a quick fix to whatever your problems are that's been bothering you and making you feel depressed.

 

Don't chase him..He was never yours to begin with.

[fooled once]

Hello

I have a long-time friend who started engaging me in online chats a few months ago ... we chatted about life in general, not so much about our own relationships. I was engaged, he is married with kids.

 

I broke off my engagement and have been depressed about the last several years of my life. So this friend of mine coming along sort of breathed new life into me if only for a few weeks. It was fun, seemed harmless and was nice to fantasize about.

 

We never got physical but talked about it ... he would only go so far though, he said, but we never got to that point. We both met up a few times just to talk and neither of us made any sort of move other than a hug. No kissing, no sex, nothing like that...

 

He started backing off a few weeks ago. I don't know if it was his guilt that he said he was feeling or something I said in chat ... I did tell him I was starting to have feelings for him and neither of us intended for this to happen.

 

He told me one night last week that he wasn't sure where the lines crossed between having "hot" chat/flirty chat and actually "doing something". I guess he saw no harm in what he was doing. Maybe he's confused why I started to like him. I guess I am confused too.

 

We haven't chatted in days and I miss the friendship and the chatting a few nights a week. With me being depressed about stuff going on in my life, he's been a nice distraction and helped me keep my mind off of the depressing stuff.

 

Now, I am even more depress than I was. I know it's Easter week with family stuff going on so maybe that's part of it, but he seems to be avoiding me intentionally and it bothers me because I do not know what *I* did? How did we go from having fun to nothing at all.

 

I wanted to talk to him but don't want to chase after him ... so I guess I am sitting here waiting to see if I will hear from him again or not.

 

We are both in our late 30s by the way.

 

I'm just really sad. Anyone have any advice? Thanks.

 

Try to not base your happiness on a guys attention. You are more than that.

 

Figure out who YOU are; learn to like who you are. Start engaging with life instead of sitting behind a computer talking to a married man. Get out and live.

 

It sounds like he just changed his mind, which he is allowed to do. He's married and probably figured that nothing was going to happen either way, so to flirt and talk sexy talk, was too much. That and he may have felt guilty.

 

Whatever issues that made you feel down and out, depressed are still there, your MM friend filled a void. I suggest you work on you and not rely on someone else, let alone a married man to make you feel better. He was just a bandaid, a quick fix to whatever your problems are that's been bothering you and making you feel depressed.

 

Don't chase him..He was never yours to begin with.

 

I agree and the more you chase a man, the more needy you are perceived to be.

[FriendOrMore]

Hmm, well you all are confusing me as much as he is.

 

He actually emailed me last night and chatted with me tonight.

 

I was just glad to hear from him.

Edited April 25, 2011 by FriendOrMore

[whichwayisup]

Hmm, well you all are confusing me as much as he is.

 

He actually emailed me last night and chatted with me tonight.

 

I was just glad to hear from him.

 

He's playing you like a fiddle and you're falling for it.

 

Did you not read the parts about how we're all telling you not to rely on him (or any man) to make you feel good and happy? It's like your life just STOPS and you go into a depression when you don't hear from him and then he contacts you, life is good again and you're not down anymore. That's false hope and false sense of security and happiness to put THAT MUCH into someone else and HAVE to rely on them to make you happy. It's already messing you up.

 

Why are you settling for stolen moments when HE feels like contacting you? Is being in contact with him and having those few times chatting with him worth it? Why put waste your love and energy on someone who is married and barely has time to be intouch with you? Do you think that little of yourself?

[FriendOrMore]

I do have self esteem issues. Yes. Wish I didn't.

 

He texted me every morning this week and every afternoon. This was after he went 5 days without contacting me. I just don't understand why he is doing this if he doesn't have some sort of feelings for me.

 

I know, I know... it sounds stupid.

[whichwayisup]

I do have self esteem issues. Yes. Wish I didn't.

 

He texted me every morning this week and every afternoon. This was after he went 5 days without contacting me. I just don't understand why he is doing this if he doesn't have some sort of feelings for me.

 

I know, I know... it sounds stupid.

 

He isn't making you a priority and he'll contact you when HE feels like it. I'm sure he is having quite the ego feed, knowing you're sitting and waiting for him.

 

Maybe he has some feelings for you, but it isn't enough to change his life and come be with you forever. Change his whole life to jump to you.

 

Get out and live life instead of waiting on this guy. You're worth more than this.

 

Please, work on your self esteem and insecurity issues. No man can fix you, no amount of attention from guys, especially this one, will fix you. Get to counselling and make the necessary changes so you can feel happier and love "you".

[TurboGirl]

He was bored and needed entertainment... enter "you." He texted you because he knew that you would respond. A HUGE stroke for his ego... until he tires of you again and doesn't contact you for a week or 2.

 

Hmmm yeah, sounds like fun.

 

Go out with friends! Go to a movie, out for drinks, take a walk to the park, anything, but don't sit home and text/email with this guy. I know you like the attention... but he is married and the big thrill for him is on several levels... he's married, getting over on his W, by flirting with you, and then YOU you respond immediately, even after he doesn't contact you for days!

 

Ignore this guy, he is a user.

[bittersweet memories]

Hmm, well you all are confusing me as much as he is.

 

He actually emailed me last night and chatted with me tonight.

 

I was just glad to hear from him.

 

What's confusing? The part that you don't want to hear.

[veryconfuzed]

I do have self esteem issues. Yes. Wish I didn't.

 

He texted me every morning this week and every afternoon. This was after he went 5 days without contacting me. I just don't understand why he is doing this if he doesn't have some sort of feelings for me.

 

I know, I know... it sounds stupid.

 

I know the attention feels good now, but it won't be worth the blow to your self esteem (and depression) when you come out of the other end of this. I just went through about 7 months of this and it's not worth the crappy way it makes you feel to only be able communicate (in secret) only on his terms. That kind of limited one-way communication (dictated by him) will only make you feel bad about yourself in the end. You deserve so much better, and there are unattached men out there who can provide that!

[vsmini]

I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now but perhaps the "feelings" you feel for him are just your attachments you get out of a possible ego stroke from talking to this guy. He distracts you from your pain, flirts which I'm sure boosts you in some way and is friendly.

Back off of him and accept that he has backed off as well.

[Woman In Blue]

If you've been depressed for years, then get some anti-depressants. Don't look to some guy who sees you as side entertainment - when it's CONVENIENT FOR HIM - as a 'cure' for your depression. Jeez.

[fooled once]

I do have self esteem issues. Yes. Wish I didn't.

 

He texted me every morning this week and every afternoon. This was after he went 5 days without contacting me. I just don't understand why he is doing this if he doesn't have some sort of feelings for me.

 

I know, I know... it sounds stupid.

 

So why do you accept this?

 

Seriously - what do you think is going to come out of chatting and texting?

 

Are you okay with never being important to him to actually have a relationship with him and with him being married and all. There are plenty of OW who are totally fine with being an option and not a priority. If that is your case, then just ride out the times he goes missing. Eventually he will turn up to resume chatting with you.