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How to cope with ex having a boyfriend?


donelly1

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The NC thing is getting brutal!! I am just finishing up week 2 now of NC but it is really difficult. Despite my efforts to keep really busy I have been thinking and dreaming about her still all the time. I feel like I really havent made much progress since the break up as far as getting over her. From everything that I have been reading on this site I really need to keep up with the NC but it is brutal. I feel like every day that I do NC is one day that she is getting farther away from me and one more day that she gets to spend with her new boyfriend forgetting about me.

 

Im just so confused about what she must be thinking. I feel like she really is a different person, and Im just so amazed at how fast it all ended. We were together for almost 2 years and had a really close relationship, Right now we are in long distance for the last few months but next month she is comeing to where I live. During the first week of April I got that email before work saying "we need to take a break". Its just unbelievable to me that she hasnt called or messaged me or anything. three weeks ago I was skyping her talking for hours joking and everything like normal and we were sending love messages back and forth like usual and then out of nowhere she says she wants a break. She said she was feeling distant from me and that her feelings for me had changed. Im so confused though because she will be in the same city as me in only a few weeks. I talked with her when we broke up and I said we shouldnt make any huge decisions now and talk about it in a month when we are together but she said she just wanted space. She was asking me if it would be ok if we took a break. Of course I wasnt ok with it but I fiture that if she had to ask than obviously something was really wrong and that she wanted one. I didnt want to be like one of those clingy guys so I said that if there is even the chance that taking a break would help our relationship in the future that I would go along with it.

 

After about a week into the break though I realized that "the break" was a horrible deal for me because she would occasionally friendly talk to me while I could see her flirting with other guys on FB and stuff. So a week after the break I wrote a short email saying that I didnt like the limbo of the break and we are done. Since then I havent heard anything from her.

It hurts like crazy to know that she has another guy and is always drinking and staying over at his place every night. The image of them F**** and her loving him is just too much for me. It makes it even worse for me to think about how destroyed I feel by the break up and how she is probably right at this very moment with her new guy. I know that we are broken up but I still love her so it feels like she is cheating on me.

 

I cant believe that she could do this after all that we have been through. She met this guy about a month ago and he was engaged at the time but they became good friends. I always trusted her and thought our love was strong enough for her to be hanging out with other guys but I guess I was wrong. The first weekend after we broke up she was flirting on FB with him and staying over at his house all night.... I defriended her from FB after I saw that. Friends of mine have always told me that I could do better, and that I was out of her leauge but I was really happy with her and loved her personality and have such strong feelings for her. She was my first long term relationship and I thought we had a future together.

 

During the day I really try not to think about it but I have dreams about it all the time. Its been about 2 weeks now and I really dont feel like much has changed since we broke up. Im still obsessivly thinking about it and wondering what the hell happend with us. I know I need to get out and be social and worry about myself but right now I just feel like Im running on empty.

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Hey man, really sorry for what you're going through. I went through something very similar, my ex of two years (who was my best friend for a few years before we dated) cheated on me and then dumped me for the dude she did it with. It took me ages to comprehend how she could move on so quickly, when the day before she broke up with me she was telling me how much she loved me and how amazing I am. But... hey dude, it sucks, but it happens. I know that doesn't change anything, but keep your chin up... it does get better.

 

If anything, this might sound like a rebound? But don't let that give you hope. First of all, I thought my ex's thing was just a rebound, but four months later and they're still together, so who knows. Second, she dumped you, why do you want her back? In all honesty, she probably still thinks about you, but for whatever reason has decided to be with this guy. Accept it and begin the healing process.

 

Screw her anyways, you can do better, trust me.

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Sorry to hear about that heatnsol. Your situation sounds similar to mine. Yeah I knew my ex for about half a year and we were sort of friends with benefits and although she always wanted a relationship I always wanted to keep it open. Eventually things got more emotional and I fell in love with her and we started dating and we dated for almost 2 years. Yeah like your situation she was like my best friend so its really hard to cope with it.

 

Often times I also wonder why the hell I miss her and want her back so much. I know that I really could do better, but maybe because she was my first long term relationship I feel like it will take awhile to get over her.

 

More than anything I am so torn apart by the fact that she could move on and screw another guy so quickly. Seems like the same type of thing happend to you. It was like that for me and just so out of the blue. I thought we were doing great. I feel like overall it was the long distance that really messed it up because despite how hard I try I cant really be there for her.

 

It pisses me off though because I moved across the world to be with her. She is doing a study abroad right now. She only has a month left and then has to come back to her home country which is where I now live and work. I dont get it at all because even if she finds some guy that she is totally in love with she will have to do a long distance thing with him across the world after a few weeks and I am right her now in the same place as her. Doesnt make sense at all to me. I feel like she is just being selfish. She probably really wants to screw him so she wanted to "take a break" with me so she wont feel guilty and thats why she wanted to stay friends so when she comes back she can get back with me. I feel like that is her angle but it is a messed up and selfish one, which is why I started NC a week ago. Everyday I hope she will contact me as sad as it sounds, but I really want to move on from this. If she has been f ing another guy I would never get back together with her anyway.

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Oh man, I know all too well what you're going through. But I'm gonna clear it all up for you this way: if you really think about it, really really really think about it, you'll realize that since this was your first serious relationship, if you had stayed with this girl until marriage, you would always have "what if" feelings, feelings of missing out on other people, and you would have ultimately grown to resent her. Trust me, it would have happened. This realization is really helping me cope with the loss of my relationship. Yeah, it sucks, but we're young; think about how many hot, awesome girls we have yet to meet.

 

I know there is this romantic notion of falling in love at a young age and growing old together, and I always valued it and believed in it and was so happy with my girlfriend. But then she cheated on me, dumped me, and I realized that even though it sucks, it happens to everyone, and I will meet someone else. I will give myself time to heal, not jump into something quickly like she did, and in the end I'll be a better person for it.

 

You'll be fine, trust me.

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Heartnsol that was a really good point that you made. Thinking about it that way really does put it into perspective. Yeah to be honest I actually have had some thoughts over the last year about that. I didnt tell her but I was kind of conflicted because even though I love her and wanna be with her I do only get one life, and there are millions of other people in the world that I have never met. I definitly would at least be curious and you are right I probably would resent the fact that I only ever was with one girl. Maybe she was feeling the same thing and never told me.... who knows.

 

This last weekend I ended up going to a bar and getting some numbers of a couple cute girls. Im really pushing myself to move on and get out there and be social. The girls I talked to were better looking than my ex, but strange enough I really didnt feel attracted to them. The whole time when I was talking to them they were having a great time and invited me to hang out with them next weekend at their all girl university. I will defintly go, but as awesome as it may sound though the whole time I was thinking if only my ex could see me now and how much she underestimated what she had. I would still take my ex over them right now even though I know that probably sounds crazy. In a way it aggrevates me that I developed strong feelings for her because I feel like I gave a lot, that I was betrayed, and that she devasted me. With time though that will pass, Im just hoping it doesnt take forever.

 

There are so many reasons in my mind that tell me that this break up wasnt a bad thing and that in the end things will work out. Theres just a disconnect though because even though I wanna be done with it and move on my feelings are totally different. I still hope she calls every day and miss her like crazy. I know that I can get girl that is cuter than her and cares about me more but for some reason Im still emotionally attached. Still its only been about week 2 of NC...

 

I have this feeling that whatever guy she is with absolutly knows that she is leaving in a few weeks so he is playing whatever cards he wants, saying whatever she wants to hear to sleep with her cause he knows she will be on the other side of the world in a few weeks and so he can easily hit it and quit it. That was one thing that I never really liked much about her is that she really lacked street smarts and common sense sometimes.

 

I feel like she is probably being super naive and believing him and going along with thes rebound but when he ends it, which will most likely be in a month or 2, that she will try coming back to me. I have a feeling that she is gonna come back but I think by then I will be mostly over her and its gonna be too late. If I ever "knew" my ex than this is how I think the scenario is gonna play out.

 

Who knows though maybe she will fall in love with this new guy in a few weeks that she is with him and then do a one year long distance thing with him all the while ignoring that me, her boyfriend of almost 2 years is supposedly readily available close to her. Just seems ridiculous to me.

 

Whatevs either way I need to forget about this chick...

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Yeah I have been doing my best to stay busy lately. Its a roller coaster though I feel like. Today I was thinking about her so much. I feel like I still have stuff to say to her but I know that I really cant contact her. It sucks. I was really in love with this girl and wanted to have a serious thing with her. I feel like the few weeks before the breakup I didnt talk to her as much because I was starting my job here. Maybe she thought I wasnt very serious about our relationship because I didnt have time to talk. I feel like sending her a message right now about it. I wont though, from everything on her I know that I cant contact her. Man it is crazy hard though, because I feel like if I dont do anything she is just slipping further away from me....

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