Is this marriage savable?

[Le Corb]

It seems like going to court is inevitable, she is asking way too much.

 

We are having a round table meeting with our lawyers on this friday, hopefully we can sort something out.

 

I am slowly giving up on the future now, life just drags me along at the moment, hard to see a new beginning beyond this sometime. I met his beautiful girl, very talented, I had to say no to her because I don't think I can be emotionally available, and I told her I don't want to bring her into all this mess, its not fair to anyone.

 

I am so exhausted, it is really draining me, emotionally and financially. I feel so tired. It seems like its never going to end. It feels like I cannot love and trust anyone anymore even people who are close to me, my heart is mute, I am emotionless, its really scary.

[c0nfuzd]

you did the right thing to say no to that girl; you are not ready...yet

 

I feel a lot of the same emotions as you but I have not even been served yet

 

stay strong and eff the alcohol....smoke cigs if you have to cuz they don't impair your judgment

[IfiKnewThen]

thanks for writing back lecorb. God be with you. may you find the happiness you need or peace....which is so important too. hang in there

[Mauschen]

How are you doing Le Corb? I do hope that you are healing and enjoying life some!

[jaymz]

Hey lecorb, how is it going? Not had a post or seen you in the coping room for a while?

[Le Corb]

Hope everyone is well, my apologies for the silence, I tried to detach myself from the whole divorce thing for a while, stayed over at a family friends place, our lawyers have finally reached an agreement, the draft settlement is ready, waiting to hear back from her lawyer hopefully next week. I am paying her a set amount, and she will transfer the house back to my name, I offered her a percentage payout first, but she just wanted quick cash. I could hear her laughing in the next room, while our lawyers were negotiating the settlement. They say before you die you see your entire life flashing back behind your eyes, it was like that that day, when I was in the other room, 8 years of memories went through my mind, I just cried while she laughed.

 

Got a phone call from my lawyer last week, my stbxw's lawyer went onto a mini holiday without contacting my lawyers firm, my lawyer spent the past 3 weeks trying to contact her. It is very unprofessional, or I don't know what they are planning. I was hoping to leave the country for christmas, now I cannot even book the ticket without signing the paperworks.

 

Now I just hope that my ex wife is not going to change her mind in term of the settlement. I don't know what to feel, it is with mixed emotions, I still miss the old her a lot, but I know she does not exist anymore, to get through all this, it feels like I had to murder some parts of myself, she is dead, so I am, I don't know this new person who she has become, I don't recognize myself either, now I am just this fake facade, trying to be happy, I talk, I laugh, I cry, I drink, I spend time with friends, but really, who am I? I cannot even trust people anymore, and I am afraid of getting too close to people.

 

I am going to mortgage the house and get a loan to her my ex out, the settlement is six figures, at the moment its not a good time to sell houses in australia, the realestate market is going down here. I need to find a way to refinance myself, and start myself again.

 

It has been 8 months now, I have learned so much about human nature, I learned to be selfish, not to trust people, perhaps after all it is a good lesson to learn in life.

[findingnemo]

Le Corb,

 

I read your whole thread today. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. Like everyone else has told you, this woman is heartless, malicious and materialistic. You did nothing but love her and she is now using it against you. She will end up in a very bad place judging by her behaviour.

 

Did you say the settlement is six figures? How? I don't understand that. She contributed almost nothing!! Did the judge give her that? Your lawyer agrees?

 

How is your work situation? Have you got something yet? How are spending your time?

 

The global economy is going to sh*t again. Why give her a cash settlement? I hope the cash settlement is like 30% the value of the payout you had offered her.

 

Please don't feel bad for her. As you said, the old her is gone. Instead there's a new person who is horrible, immoral and unrecognizable to you.

[Le Corb]

Thanks Nemo for reading and writing back,

 

Our lawyers think the settlement is a good outcome, it will probably be around the same amount if we go to court, court here is expensive, we are already spending 5 digits on legal fees.

 

Its indeed around 30%, even though she contributed very little, she did work part time, we were living together for 8 years, under australian law even after 2 years, your assets become combined, and we had no prenup agreement, I was advised to, but I was too trusting of her. Even though that is the law but most people don't do this to their former partner. She researched everything all the legal matters and prepared it for months before she left, went to divorce workshops while I was supervising the renovation. By the look of it she even took pictures of the bookshelves and itemized every single book, not to mention other things in the house, she listed everything including couch covers and blankets, as well as clothes and handbags that my parents bought for her overseas, which she could not bring back because her suitcase was too full.

 

I am taking some time off from work, since I can no longer commit to deadline at the moment with everything unsettled. She was not only after the things in the house and cash payment, but also my tools of trade, she wanted half of the second hand values of my production studio, my books, music and artworks.

 

The old her is gone, how can I or anyone love someone who can do this? there is no morality, rationality or logic. I still wonder will I really find someone else again who I can spend my life with? slowly I am losing my faith in love and humanity.

[IfiKnewThen]

quote le corb

 

"I still miss the old her a lot, but I know she does not exist anymore, to get through all this, it feels like I had to murder some parts of myself, she is dead, so I am, I don't know this new person who she has become, I don't recognize myself either, now I am just this fake facade, trying to be happy, I talk, I laugh, I cry, I drink, I spend time with friends, but really, who am I?"

 

 

gosh, who of us doesn't feel this way? we have to all redefine ourselves now in some form. have different self talk, just to get through it all. i dont know any of you here but we all have some common ground. pain, shock....heartbreak...and a sense of feeling lost. I pray God speed all healing.

 

its so understandable you would lose faith in love..with another. but try to keep your mind and heart open. hope is everything. and in the meantime, i guess like they say...love yourself. give yourself the things you need and deserve to get through this. minus lots of drinking of course. that can in the just be added depressant. give yourself time to heal. take care of yourself. set small goals each day that enables you to have some form of happiness or relaxation. i know she was your world. but you truly do deserve better. dont let her define who you are. you chose her, but she didnt create you and she will not destroy you. dont let her. we all somehow have to find a way, when someone stops us from building on our dream with them, to continue a dream despite them, that will find our way back to happiness, without them. build a new road. but the first part of the pavement of that road...has to be made out of hope. even if you have to continue to fake it till you make it.

 

hang in there le corb. we have to take them off the pedestal, and begin to see their flaws and know we are not responsible for all or any of them. even if they dont own that. we have to. i wish i could be more helpful God bless.