what to do.

[John Boy]

I dated this girl (me=23yo she=18yo) for 2 years. Everything was going really good, and we was planning on getting married someday and everything. I was her first boyfriend. About 5 months ago she dumped me saying that she wants to see what it is like to see other people. She said that she wanted to be friends and we tried for a while but it seemed like everything i said or did pissed her off and i would have to kiss her ass to forgive me. (She is constantly trying to find a BF and nothing ever comes out. She said that she is not happy in life unless she is dating someone. she is still a virgin and every guy she finds that will even talk to her, ditches her after a while because they know that they aren't going to get any.) We never fought like that when we was dating. I finally got mad and told her that i couldn't be her friend anymore. It has been a while since that happened. I haven't talked to her since then. I just realize that i still have feelings for her and i love her, and i have been wanting to call her but i haven't. Im not sure what to do. Should i wait and see if she comes back to me? Should i give her a call? I really want her back and will do anything. Please help........

[Tony T]

I think you should call and let her know you've done some thinking about the situation and you want her in your life. However, I doubt her position has changed regarding to want to get to know other guys.

 

You started seeing her when she was a very young 16. Two years later, she is still very young and still growing socially.

 

From your post I don't think you can handle just being her friend...and I think she needs many more experiences with men before she settles down.

 

If you really and truly love this lady, call her to see how she's doing, wish her great luck, and leave it alone. If she asks you to do something and you think you can put yourself through that, then go for it. Again, don't expect her to have changed her position. If she had changed her mind about wanting to get to know other guys and she was interested in being with you, I guarantee she would have called you already.

 

She is actually doing you a great favor. She is likely to change dramatically a number of times in the coming years. Pinning her down to a long term situation during a time when she needs to find herself in the world would subject both of you to mind trips you really wouldn't want to take.

[John Boy]

Do you think i would have a better chance getting her back sometime in the future if i was to call her and be her friend and work on it from there? If i did that then she would never miss me because she would think that i would always be there for her as an option. Or would i have a better chance getting her back if i leave her alone a little longer to see if she does care anything for me? Maybe if i left her alone a little longer, and when we do talk again later on, then it would be like starting over and everything would be fresh and new. Maybe she will call me sometime. Which way should i go? Thank Tony for the info by the way

I think you should call and let her know you've done some thinking about the situation and you want her in your life. However, I doubt her position has changed regarding to want to get to know other guys. You started seeing her when she was a very young 16. Two years later, she is still very young and still growing socially. From your post I don't think you can handle just being her friend...and I think she needs many more experiences with men before she settles down. If you really and truly love this lady, call her to see how she's doing, wish her great luck, and leave it alone. If she asks you to do something and you think you can put yourself through that, then go for it. Again, don't expect her to have changed her position. If she had changed her mind about wanting to get to know other guys and she was interested in being with you, I guarantee she would have called you already. She is actually doing you a great favor. She is likely to change dramatically a number of times in the coming years. Pinning her down to a long term situation during a time when she needs to find herself in the world would subject both of you to mind trips you really wouldn't want to take.

[Tony T]

I have already given my opnion on which way to go. You can analyze your brains out if you want but I don't think that's wise. You know this girl better than anybody on the forum so you know what she will best respond to.

 

The key is to be cool. I really don't recommend the friend thing because, like you say, she could get real used to you being around. You need to develop your own shrewd innate strategies for dealing with things like this. I think there is a middle ground somewhere here that you need to sight and execute.

 

Think about a plan and implement. But I am still of the opinion that she has lots of growing and experimenting to do before she is ready to settle down and any attempts on your part to try to influence her in any direction will cause your downfall. This girl holds all the aces and she knows it. You need to be holding them so she will know it. Be strong and don't kiss her butt.

 

She really has a desire to be out there in the world. If she comes back because she can;t find anything right off, she will disappear out of your life again in time.