madamrip Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I'm new to this forum. In february, I found an email from my husband to a close friend saying he "enjoyed being with her sexually." He claims it was merely phone sex. And my so called friend made reference to the "phone" conversation when questioned separately. I don't think I'll every know what really happened. Since that time, I came back home. My husband & I have been seeing a marriage counselor. He's been trying very hard to keep me in his life. The conselor seems to focus on his childhood abuse. But since this ordeal, I feel as if I can't trust many people in my life. I can't trust my husband, my exfriend, and I found out today I can't trust another mutual friend. Does the mistrust and paranoia every go away? Has anyone been through trying to make a marrage work and made it through these feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
overseas2004 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I have not been married and so I don't think that I can advise you. But I can tell you that I had a really hard time being with a man after I found out he cheated on me. I tried to patch up the relationship but my gut kept telling me to run and I just knew things weren't ever going to be right for me again. Being that your in a marriage I feel you have to try to overcome these feelings. Take it slow, day by day. Belive it or not there are people you can trust in this life. I don't know if your husband will straighten himself out. I hope so for your sake. But if he doesn't then you need to find someone you can trust. I haven't had luck with men and trust. But I believe that since I can be trusted I must have a counterpart somewhere. Good luck Hang in there... Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 You can rebuild the trust.. it does take a lot of time and patience. I was the one who destroyed the trust, and I thought it best that I leave the relationship based on what you are feeling... "can someone trust again?" He was pretty persistent telling me that if we worked together, discussed and hashed things out, we would find trust on the other side. And since that time, it appears that it is true. Although the trust we have now of each other is a different sort of trust than we once had. I don't know if that made sense, but there it is. I had a best friend betray me in a way I would have never imagined, and instead of searching for the truth, I simply believed and trusted in her. She turned that around on me, and proved I was the idiot. Will I trust her again? Nope. But I do still trust others... until they prove me wrong. And if they mean alot to me... I will work on my trust issues with them. I guess what I am trying to say without all the goobly gonk... trust is a precious gift. Sometimes it gets damaged, sometimes it gets dented, but it can be regained if you want it. And only if both people are honest and willing to work on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author madamrip Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 All of your words have given me hope. I truly want to trust again. I guess if you allow yourself to trust, it opens you to get hurt again. I think that is what I'm afraid of : ( I guess there is no simple answer or steps to take to get to that point. But thanks you you all I realize that it is possible if I want it. And I do want it. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
sandy80 Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I have been married 19 years (got married at 22) thought I was in love. By 25 he was drooling at woman in front of me. Then there was phone sex. Well now, it's cybersex. I just had a breast biopsy, meanwhile I found out he had huge naked breasts on his office computer labeled "Bob's wife's boobs". During all of these he was always starting arguments with me every weekend. I feel as though there must have been more to it because he was so angry with me. It wasn't about sex, because he gets it almost every day. I was so devastated because I thought those days were over. I proceeded to find out all he did in the office was have 100's and 100's of porn photos on his computer along with favorite girl folders, etc. He's apologized and promised no more, however is always caught again. I have no trust left. I used to trust, but now I can't seem to get over it. After my own health issue I realized how unsupportive he is. I am devastated and can't seem to trust again. My heart aches and I'm not sure what to do. I packed my bags and left with the kids, but friends talked me back. It's been a year, but I'm not over it and I am currently debating divorce. It's not my American Dream. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted April 15, 2004 Share Posted April 15, 2004 I wish you luck and health Sandy80... sometimes you have to just do what is good for you, even if everyone else disagrees. It isn't their life you are living, it is your own. Link to post Share on other sites
sandy80 Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Thanks for your support. It's amazing how good it makes a person feel. Link to post Share on other sites
sandy80 Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Hi, I just wanted to mention a site that I've read that has helped. It is a legitimate site from a Dr. Victor Cline that has performed studies regarding porn. The article is very long, but worth reading. It explains the association of porn, the addiction, and how porn changes a persons behavior. It has the pros and cons. Excellent read. My husband has read the first three pages. Hopefully, he'll finish it tonight. Good Luck. http://www.moralityinmedia.org/pornsEffects/clineart.htm Link to post Share on other sites
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