"have sex" or "make love" with your new partner

[CurlyamI]

Hi!

 

Was just wondering about the first time you get intimate with a new partner (in a relationship)... Is possible to "have sex" first and reach the level of "making love" afterwards? I know it usually depends on each relationship, but I'm really curious about how men see this, as I can sooo feel the difference between the two

 

Thanks

[Dug]

I can only speak for myself obviously, but I believe it is nearly always this way. First time sex with a new partner may not even be the best it could be simply because of the lack of familiarity with what rocks your partner, so as this evolves, you may very well feel the earth move and distinguish Love making from simple carnal sex.

[CurlyamI]

Thanks, feel a bit better now... still how about the emotion you're supposed to feel the first time you touch his body etc etc... You think hormones make themselves heard louder ?

 

I've got nothing against pure sexual desire , just wondering about the emotional aspect and its presence during the first times

[Dug]

Well.....I'm not so sure the "first time" is everything you think it will be once it happens. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that the first time they had sex was the best they've ever had.....withanyone. For me....there is a period of getting to know my partner...physically and emotionally. There is an obvious attraction needed to initiate some action, but true Love making usually comes a bit later....or it doesn't at all...hence the "one night stand" etc. Hormones play a big role, but so does respect...for your partner and yourself. Not all guys are procreation machines....we do have emotions and feelings when we are with the woman who rocks us.

[CurlyamI]

Ok, Dug, guilty as charged I must confess those stereotypes about men kicked in and combined with my own insecurities... kinda hard to handle it.

 

Thanks a lot!

 

May I ask how is it then that there are men crazy about a women after they hit the sheets? Sexual compatibility, something she does (I mean a woman who enjoys having sex) or just after doing it sometimes it comes only natural to men to ask for more?

 

To be more specific: do you believe desire can be built and what exactly triggers it, if the first time is not revealing? What makes you stay(and hopefully want more )?

[faux]

Originally posted by CurlyamI

Thanks, feel a bit better now... still how about the emotion you're supposed to feel the first time you touch his body etc etc... You think hormones make themselves heard louder ?

 

I've got nothing against pure sexual desire , just wondering about the emotional aspect and its presence during the first times

 

This is why I like to hold off on sex for a while, so far as actual intercourse goes. I like to do a lot of foreplay so I can learn what it is my new partner likes. When we finally have intercourse I find that I do a much better job of it, and it's actually quite amazing the first time. Always pay close attention to what your partner likes, and have them guide you.

 

I'm not sure if this makes the sex more love-oriented, but it certainly makes it more pleasurable and relaxed.

[CurlyamI]

Faux, you've just answered the question regarding why women prefer staying with you, at least form this point of vue (gooood technique, by the way ).

[Dug]

I believe faux has a good point....and that is why spontaenous sex with a stranger rarely if ever evolves into anything meaninful. My preference has always been to wait a bit and make it mean "something".

[CurlyamI]

I personally don't think it's possible to "make love" to a stranger (e.g. a man I've met that very day). And even in a relationship it's damn hard to make sex mean something from the beggining, because you aren't quite sure (at least I'm not) about your feelings.

 

A sensible reply to my post there would be to wait until you know for sure it's love. It sometimes takes time, a lot of time... too much time ?!? I am too damn impatient, I know!