lexnmike4enomore Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=blue][/color] Here is my sisuation. I have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. We just bought a house and we are a good couple. Ever since we have been together he has been controlling. The thing with him is that you cant tell him that. He gets all mad and he thinks that he does nothing wrong. So when i tell him that he is contolling, he yells and screams and says that hes not and blames everything on me. People see it but they are to afraid of him to say anything. He would never hit me or physically abuse me in any way . But lately i have just been sick of all the controll and "father like" behavior. Sometime hes get mad at things that are so petty. I keep telling him that he blames all this stuff on me to make himself feel better, but nothing works. He has a very bad temper and that scares me sometimes too. Hes right an he will always be right.I cant see myself with out him b/c if he is not mad or in a bad mood we are like a newlywed couple. I am a very, VERY easygoing person so when he gets into his moods i just kind of shrug it off and of course thatmakes him even more mad b/c then he blames me for not caring.What sould I do? Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 you may want to re-think this guy. even the most unexpected guy can turn out to be very controlling. i'm afraid, in your case, the situation will escalate. there are guys out there that will not have this problem and who will also supply you with that newlywed feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 He's pretty good at manipulating you using verbal threats and tantrums. Other people are afraid of his violent temper. He's sweet when he wants to be, not when he wants to make you happy. Do you remember the bully at school who used to scream and yell and scare the other kids? Who yelled at someone when they didn't want to do what he told them to? That's what you'll end up marrying if you stay with this guy. He won't get better, he'll get worse. Link to post Share on other sites
lexnmike4enomore Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 What you guys dont understand is that hes not nice beacuse he wants something. He is nice when i dont do anything that would make him mad. He doesnt tell me what to wear or who to hang out with or anything like that. Hes really not a bad person. Hes just the most sensative guy in the world and when people disagree w/ him he gets upset because , JUST LIKE HIS FATHER, they cant be wrong. I mean he treats me like gold its just that sometimes when i do something so petty he will flip out like i just killed his dog. People are only afraid of him b/c he is a BIG guy and they know how he will get if someone disagrees with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Well, obviously, this is bothering you in spite of the fact that he treats you like gold most of the time, otherwise you wouldn't be here, and I'm sorry you are going through this. I hate ill tempers. The bottom line, unfortunately, is that you cannot change nor force him to change his behavior. If you want to stay with him, the most you can do is let him know that this upsets you and you feel it's something he should deal with. Perhaps through anger management of some sort. I'm a very sensitive person, too, and I can tell you that is NO excuse for lashing out at people. Don't make excuses for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Radix Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 I am sort of in the same boat as your boyfriend. I don't try to control my girlfriend but as soon as I feel like she is trying to control me somehow like telling me to do something I don't want to do, I can feel a rage build up inside of me. If I feel like she's nagging me I will fly out of control. I would never hurt her physically, but I end up breaking stuff because in my mind, something has to pay. Try to think of your boyfriends anger like baking soda and vinegar in a soda bottle. If there is no way to vent the pressure on a regular basis, it will keep growing and growing until there is an explosion. I actively look for ways to vent before it's too late. I will beat on my punching bag, play an instrument, or pop in some death metal and headbang until I'm dizzy. I need to vent daily. It doesn't matter as long it's keeping my girlfriend and my possessions safe from my out of control, angry other self. Your boyfriend obviously has rage from something. My guess is he's angry with himself. I would encourage him to talk about it or to least identify with it and try to release his rage in a more productive way. I know that when I lose my temper and go ape**** I have NO CONTROL over my actions. It's like I'm outside of my body watching myself act like a maniac. I am sure your boyfriend is the same. It is still no excuse. He needs to vent somehow. And if you think that he is about to lose it, just walk away. Swallow your pride and walk away. Come back later and talk about it CALMLY. When a person is on the edge their personal bubble expands by another three feet so it's best that they are left alone for a little while. I've lost my temper with my gf 3 times now in the 8 months we have been dating, and every time something has been broken. But I've prevented a tantrum several times, simply by telling her that I am about to fly off the handle, and she needs to get away from me for a while so I can calm down and discuss the problem like an adult. I also sometimes adopt the attitude that I can do no wrong. When that perception is attacked it creates chaos in the mind because that perception is threatened with reality. I can admit that I am out of touch with reality, but can your boyfriend? If not, work on that. Hope this helps you get a little perspective from your boyfriend's point of view. Link to post Share on other sites
lexnmike4enomore Posted April 26, 2004 Share Posted April 26, 2004 thank you so much Radix. You helped me so much. Now i can kind of see it from his point of view. My problem is, is that i dont leave him alone. When he is going nuts. I know that he will never hit me so i keep going and going and going until he punches a door or whatever. . I cant lose, thats my problem. But now that I can see how he thinks that helps me SOoooooooooooooo much u have no idea. thanx alot. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 I used to go out with a guy like that. He seemed so nice most times but other times he would just snap. Start raising his voice at me, accuse me of cheating on him (when I hadn't), just get really angry for no reason. We weren't living together but it drove me on the wall. I could not stand being treated like that. The last straw was when we were at my friends 21st birthday and he raised his voice at me infront of everyone for no reason. I kept asking what was wrong? But that made things worse. He ended up getting bashed up by my friends brothers and I ended up braking up with him. I am so glad I did. Now I have a great boyfriend now who has no anger problems at all that I have seen. Or is messed up in his head. It is such a relief that I don't have to tread on eggshells around him. Link to post Share on other sites
ziggue Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 Oh the reason that my friends brother's had a go at him was because they don't like it when a guy raises his voice to a girl. They didn't get him too bad. He ended up walking home from the party and I never saw him again. Oh and I broke up with my Ex because of more reasons other then that too. Link to post Share on other sites
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