sinkerswim Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I woke up this morning, with such a sense of sadness about my fiance and how I may never see him again. I am soo scared. All I want to do is cry....I just want to see him again. This pain is so bad at times...what am I going to do? It is sooo sooo bad. I just want to call him. But I know he wont give me answers. I love him soooo much...I would die for him. I am so sad... I cant live without him...I miss him soooo much. I need some positive words to get me through the day or something. Please....I am bawling my eyes out. Its sooo bad today. Link to post Share on other sites
Just Visiting Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Aaaawww.....I am so sorry that you are going through this. I have been through the exact same thing a few months ago when my ex left with barely an explanation. Your mind is constantly going round and round trying to make sense of it all. And it hurts like hell. For awhile after he left, it felt like someone pulled the rug from underneath me, and I was struggling for breath. Looking back now, I still have feelings, but know that overall.....he did me a favour. Pamper yourself, you deserve it. Take it one day at a time. Surround yourself with people who truly care for you. That's how I was able to get through it. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Sink, This is still a fresh break up. It takes a long time to get to a place where it doesn't effect your life to the point of being the master of your emotions. There IS NO quick cure. Only time, and lots of it, will mend your heart. Meanwhile, you are stuck at the mercy of your memories. Dwelling on them won't make it better though. Go out and find something to do to get your mind off of them awhile. Catch a movie, visit family or friends....just to something you enjoy....rather than letting this thing eat you up. I'm sorry you are having such a bad day today. I know it's the most horrible feeling in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Sink, <hug> Right now, it's pure hell. Try to hang out with some of your really good friends, go out and have a frozen margarita or six (just don't drive and don't drink it too often). It will get better in time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 Thank you guys sooo sooo much for giving me some positive words. I spent my morning crying my eyes out, that I thought I was going to go crazy. I feel better reading your responses. Anything helps. I think I might go see my friends band play tomorrow night. He is really good. I work with him. That will be like my first night really going out again. Besides going to NYC to shop 2 weeks ago... But If I cant handle it tomorrow...I will just leave. But I will try to keep my mind occupied with that. Yes...this is extremely hard and just not fair. Thats all I can say. You are soo close with someone for 8 years and now Its like I am a stranger to him. Like I never mattered in his life. I dont understand this for anything. Link to post Share on other sites
nycpetit Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 OOH, I know that feeling..like a layer of your skin has been taken off. It will get better with time...and little things will still set you off for a long time. I still wake up with the feeling in my stomach like it's bottomed out...a hole...empty. It's terrible...wrenching, and at times hard to concentrate on anything else. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship (I haven't been here too long, sorry)..but I know he is a fiance, and it's been eight years....and that you are in my home state. But my point is...and so many people will say the same "blah, blah, blah" but if he doesn't come back...then you are truly better off without him. I try to tell myself that relationships are like our teachers, and when the work is done...either the things we teach them, the things they teach us, or the two-way street...it't time to move on. I would say it is rather unlikely given the connection and amount of time you both share that you will never see him again. That would be rather odd. Unless you parted on some terrible terms...and even then....engagement, eight years..... It's hard for men to face closing a door...I truly think it is easier for women...men make it look easy...but inside its tumultuous for them too...please don't think he is moving on and not missing you at all, or has forgetten you completely. I have had men come to me months and years later (there is only one ex that i have not remained friends with...it was too hard for him...and these are not friends with benefits) and things were fine then...we could/can still be in one another's lives and talk, shoot the gab, help one another with relationship woes..even when some of them are ones who made me cry and feel horrible when we broke up...I don't mean they were unduly nasty...I mean I suffered a broken heart like you are now. It takes time...a long time...but you will come out stronger, surer of yourself, with a new and different clarity on life and your desires. big hugs N Link to post Share on other sites
Author sinkerswim Posted April 10, 2004 Author Share Posted April 10, 2004 Thank you so much nycpetit... Your words mean alot to me... I hope you are right...I sure do hope that we see each other again. Let me put it this way... We got into an argument on Feb 3rd about me being possessive and a bit of a control freak over the years. He said he forgave me... but he said it grows old. I told him I was going to get help for it. He told me he wanted space for a few days....Well, a few days turn into 2 months here. I have sent him a couple little letters and a couple phone calls. I get no answer from him. On Valentines Day...I asked if he watned to break up and he said I dont know what to tell you yet, Renee... I told him how I feel about him and how I would do anything in the world for him...he said he knows I would. He said he wouldnt leave me hanging for an answer...but he has. It hurts more than anything. I am dissapointed in him for doing this to me. This is very unlike him. He promised he would never leave me. He also told me over the years what a good girlfriend I was to him. Nobody would treat him as good. Now..look what happened. Well...Every day I cry...ALOT! I wonder if he thinks of me... because it almost feels like I never existed in his world. I cant let him go... He was my first love...my first everything. My one and only. I love him and would take him back in a heartbeat. But him and I need to talk and he doesnt want to do that right now. OH well...my first Easter without him..and its very sad. I hate it. Thanks again for your post. It helps. Link to post Share on other sites
nycpetit Posted April 10, 2004 Share Posted April 10, 2004 Men move slow..and he has said he just doesn't know yet I am going to suspect that he is a good guy, and that you are just sitting there blaming yourself for being controlling or the argument. Hmm...I too can be controlling..but my ex could be a nutcase...I can be stressed out with all my multi-tasking...and he could be the laziest bum ever...needing more sleep than a cat. It's all really redundent at the end of the day. Those things are YOU and HIM..and should not be things that have to be changed..unless they pathologically destructive...which I am again assuming is not the case. I mean..I think that someone needs to be able to accept us first for our faults and appreciate us second for our benefits..our faults are more problematic...right? Shouldn't they be accepted or not first? Really try to let it go for now. I do also believe that we can "project" what it is that we inwardly most fear. Don't project it is over..or it will be....think of the wonderful things you have given to him, and the wonderful things he has done for you...and most important don't call or contact him. I made this mistake with my ex, and it was not good..sure he came back..and likely he will again...this cycle just continues..and we get no where. The person who leaves needs to KNOW that they want to be back completely...they still love you...if they come back too soon out of missing you or feeling cajoled into it..but are not ready...bam...a break again...that has happened to me so many times... and with each break,the link has grown weaker..and I become more and more fed up..wishing I had left well enough alone a long time ago..because the more hurt we suffer..the less chance there is for it to rebuild..and I do believe had I left him alone..moved on..that he would have slowly come back to me... Now I am quite sure it will never work..you have more power than you think..run with it...stand tall...and remember how WONDERFUL you are.... he'll be back..and then YOU'll know what you want turn the tables...cry only in the morning and then say, 'no more" and remain first and foremost true to yourself hugs N Link to post Share on other sites
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