It Happened... Ex wants to talk.

[shawn923]

This panned out exactly as I advised then.

She came up with the goods. Well that's positive....

Is this going to be one of the "second chances" that actually works....?

 

 

Indeed.

Like I said - it will take work On Both Sides.

 

She has to prove 110% commitment to the relationship, and do whatever it takes to prove to you that her remorse and intention to try again, are sincere, dedicated and completely open.

 

And you?

you have to be open enough to give he the chance to prove herself, and if she brings up factors in you as why it went wrong the first time, step up to the plate, accept responsibility for whatever went on in you, and work to effect a good, healthy compromise.

 

Good Luck. I hope it works out, but if not....

Here we all are.....

 

I let her know i was dedicated, as long as she was. I agreed to meet her halfway on everything. Everything she mentioned about me, i told her i would work at/change, because i know i can do it. It was my insecurity issues, which were all in my head from previous relationships... They are now gone.

 

So hopefully this all works out, but i will be taking it slow... and yes, just like before im gonna be on here every two seconds asking for advice

 

Thanks all.

[shawn923]

Great to hear the good news shawn. Good for you.

But surely this "process" is a 5 minute phone call? Why didn't she do it there and then?

Seems to me, that she is not as committed as she claims. Her actions don't match her words. Hope I'm wrong, just seems that she still not 100% decided on her next move.

 

I told her i would be patient... But i wouldnt be waiting for her. Um idk i guess i'll bring it up a week from now. If no actions have been made, then i'll deal with it then... But she honestly sounded serious to me, and she was sad at the fact she needed to end another guy's relationship... So yea i had a soft spot and said ill be patient. But i wont be stupid... I am not her friend.

[JasonRules]

She's not going to dump the current guy. Instead she'll be stringing you along. If she had feelings for you, like she said she did, she would have dumped him before or would have never gotten together with him.

 

Aside from this Shawn, I have to ask you; this girl dumped you because she met this guy and now she's thinking about coming back. You went through hell during this period. How do you know she won't do the same thing again in the future? By taking her back, you're telling her indirectly "Well, if you meet another guy in the future and dump me, no problem. If you regret it later, I'll always take you back".

 

Personally, I wouldn't take her back because in my mind she has tainted your trust. In my situation, my ex kept telling me there is no other guy involved up until the very last time I saw her. Whether or not this is true I can't be certain of, but if I did find out there was another man involved there is no way in hell I would take her back. I respect myself way too much to be someone's "option" rather than their priority.

 

A real man Shawn lives life on his terms and doesn't settle. So in essense what your ex did, was openly cheat on you by breaking up temporarily with you, had her fun but now she's bored of the guy and wants to come back to the "land of milk and honey". Are you honestly willing to accept that?

 

Even if you do take her back, you will begin to visualize how she was physically intimate with the other guy and will start to hate and resent her over time. Personally, I think you're making a mistake; if you want to make it though, go ahead.

[WTRanger]

Glad to hear you two are on the same page, but one question still lingers, and yes, I'm going to play the role of Buzz Killington.

 

She's branch swinging. She didn't break it off with you until she had secured the rebound (yes, you may not have seen it but he was in the picture when you first broke up), so she wouldn't have to deal with the break up. She's not going to break it off with the rebound until she's re-secured you. So again, she won't have to deal with the breakup. She's learning nothing and she'll make the same mistakes over and over again. She almost sounds like a habitual 3-6 month dater. Once the newness wears off, her parasitic ass goes to the next chump host.

 

Just be extremely careful with this one. And when exactly is WHEN she breaks up? A month? A week? A year? When is she going to go back to the rebound guy when you two are back together? When is she going to go out to lunch with him, while she's dating you, and say the exact same load of crap to him? I don't know man, this girl just seems like a ball of trouble and attention seeking behavior. She dumped you like a hot potato, got with some new guy, now is doing the same thing to him.

 

This just reeks of a rebound to the rebound. Shoot, she's getting more rebounds than Dennis Rodman in his hayday.

 

If you said you will be patient, you WON'T pester her about breaking up with Mr. rebound. A week is not being patient, that is being insecure and needy. If I were you, I'd live my life as if she's not in it until she knocks at your door and tells you she broke it off with the other guy. If she's not ready to give you a 100% commitment, then you are out of her life completely. Until that actually happens she's just got a pack of smokes, a length of tube, and she's blowing all sorts of smoke up your ass.

[PegNosePete]

I told her i would be patient... But i wouldnt be waiting for her.

But you ARE waiting for her. Actions dude, not words. Call her up RIGHT NOW and tell her ME OR HIM. You need to man up dude! She is still feeding you bullsh*t. Last week you said you wouldn't take her back even if she came begging. Well how did that turn into this? The first time she flutters her eyelashes in your direction, you're right back to being Mr. Doormat!!!

[JasonRules]

I told her i would be patient... But i wouldnt be waiting for her. Um idk i guess i'll bring it up a week from now. If no actions have been made, then i'll deal with it then... But she honestly sounded serious to me, and she was sad at the fact she needed to end another guy's relationship... So yea i had a soft spot and said ill be patient. But i wont be stupid... I am not her friend.

 

 

Trust me on this one Shawn. Do not take her back. Tell her you thought about everything and she should just stay with the current guy. She betrayed you; it's plain and simple. Do not, I repeat, do not take her back. She will dump you again. She's a fickle, immature, and disrespectful woman. You can do way better than this.

[WTRanger]

Trust me on this one Shawn. Do not take her back. Tell her you thought about everything and she should just stay with the current guy. She betrayed you; it's plain and simple. Do not, I repeat, do not take her back. She will dump you again. She's a fickle, immature, and disrespectful woman. You can do way better than this.

 

Read what Jason has to say then imagine, in the core group of guys you always are around, that one of them came up to you and asked your advice on the same situation. This chick dumped him, ran off with some other guy, now is being wishy-washy on what she wants. All she can do is say things, but actions fail to come through. What would you tell your friend?

[silvermane187]

I'm not going to tell you not to take her back, only you can decide if she's worth the risk, but proceed with extreme caution. If you guys get back together and she dumps you again in a couple months you're going to feel like **** for a long time.

[Doodled]

Lol, I swear we are gonna see some thread in about a week from the poor chap she gonna dump for you. Haha, oh the sick and twisted games we play...

[JasonRules]

First off, I don't think she will break up with the new guy because Shawn has stated to her "I will be patient" which to a woman means "I'll wait forever". Secondly, even if she does come back she'll most likely repeat the same behavior since she has suffered no consequences for dumping him, getting tooled by another guy for x weeks, and then wanting to come back.

 

In my book she would be done completely with no hope of return. I think Shawn is making a huge mistake, but I assume he's young so he'll have to learn the hard way.

[Doodled]

First off, I don't think she will break up with the new guy because Shawn has stated to her "I will be patient" which to a woman means "I'll wait forever". Secondly, even if she does come back she'll most likely repeat the same behavior since she has suffered no consequences for dumping him, getting tooled by another guy for x weeks, and then wanting to come back.

 

In my book she would be done completely with no hope of return. I think Shawn is making a huge mistake, but I assume he's young so he'll have to learn the hard way.

 

Yeah I totally agree with your analysis. Even if she did come back it probably would turn out bad. I personally only give each girl one shot and if she screws up that's her mistake. I prefer a clean slate to a dirty one when it comes to women. I was just making a cynical joke.

[shawn923]

Anybody happy that i might be getting my girl back?

Anybody think im more than just a doormat taking back a horrible girl?

Can i do anything right?

[Doodled]

Anybody happy that i might be getting my girl back?

Anybody think im more than just a doormat taking back a horrible girl?

Can i do anything right?

 

Sorry Shawn, not trying to rag on you brother but walking away right now might(probably?) would save you a lot of heart break. I'm glad your happy at the moment but I just think it's a bad gamble your taking.

 

Go ahead with this but please don't get your hopes up. I wish you the best regardless but you could do a lot better if you stood up for yourself and dropped this pussycat.

[shawn923]

***For the record she didnt even meet until after a month after we broke up... Its not like she left me FOR him.

 

So all u guys who disagree with me, answer me this. If your ex comes back crying right now, out of nowhere, and promises to change, says shes sorry, and wants to try again, AND sounds sincere, you wouldnt give her a chance???

 

be real...

 

You guys are being a tad bit pessimistic IMO. All i did was i'll give her time to break up with dude... Idk maybe a week? I havent thought about all that. But damn at least i got her to SAY she was gonna do all this stuff. Now its up to her to come thru on her word. I couldnt be in any BETTER position IMO.

 

And no. If i could do it again i would NOT tell her, right then and there, "him or me! call him right now and dump him! now!" No... We both said our piece, we WANT to be together, now its just a matter of her putting it together...

[Doodled]

***For the record she didnt even meet until after a month after we broke up... Its not like she left me FOR him.

 

So all u guys who disagree with me, answer me this. If your ex comes back crying right now, out of nowhere, and promises to change, says shes sorry, and wants to try again, AND sounds sincere, you wouldnt give her a chance???

 

be real...

 

You guys are being a tad bit pessimistic IMO. All i did was i'll give her time to break up with dude... Idk maybe a week? I havent thought about all that. But damn at least i got her to SAY she was gonna do all this stuff. Now its up to her to come thru on her word. I couldnt be in any BETTER position IMO.

 

And no. If i could do it again i would NOT tell her, right then and there, "him or me! call him right now and dump him! now!" No... We both said our piece, we WANT to be together, now its just a matter of her putting it together...

 

No I wouldn't take someone who dumped me back and I've had that exact scenario happen. Came back with the sorrys and I made a mistake and please take me backs. I wasn't an ass but I don't give them a second shot. I've never begged either. You need to have some self respect. We are brainwashed in this society that men should bend to women and that there's some romanticized version of love we can all have. I'm sorry Shawn but there is only reality. She screwed up big time and why would you want to take her back? Especially so soon. Has she even had a chance to change? Have you had a chance to change? I could see getting back with someone after several years but damn dude. Start dating again or just learn to be happy single. You will have a much more fullfilling life not having to worry about an old and ruined (by her) relationship. Your letting short sittedness and emotion take over.

 

Think of it this way. You have your dignity back right? Considering she came back begging. This is the time to part ways on your terms and move on. Don't let her take you down another heart breaking path. If you decide to go back with her I hope it does work out (they do sometimes) but the clear headed thing to do is just part ways and move on with your life.

 

I hope this helps but it sounds like your to caught upon the moment to get much from it. It's not an attack. It's agreat advice. Put your ego aside and do the intelligent thing brother.

[reallyconfused2542]

in all honesty i would but it would have to be a clean slate and a real start over. but i would also be prepared for heartache

[WTRanger]

***For the record she didnt even meet until after a month after we broke up... Its not like she left me FOR him.

 

So all u guys who disagree with me, answer me this. If your ex comes back crying right now, out of nowhere, and promises to change, says shes sorry, and wants to try again, AND sounds sincere, you wouldnt give her a chance???

 

be real...

 

You guys are being a tad bit pessimistic IMO. All i did was i'll give her time to break up with dude... Idk maybe a week? I havent thought about all that. But damn at least i got her to SAY she was gonna do all this stuff. Now its up to her to come thru on her word. I couldnt be in any BETTER position IMO.

 

And no. If i could do it again i would NOT tell her, right then and there, "him or me! call him right now and dump him! now!" No... We both said our piece, we WANT to be together, now its just a matter of her putting it together...

 

No, I wouldn't and didn't take my ex back when she came around. Why? A promise to change is worthless. A month, a week, a day, even a year is not long enough to make anything other than a surface change. She's clearly shown she hasn't changed. All she wants is attention, and since you clearly worship the ground she walks on, it's no doubt she'll keep stringing you along. Besides, you two barely even dated. You didn't even make it out of the honeymoon phase before it was over. Now, this rebound isn't even out of the same phase, and she wants to end it. Now how in God's name do you expect your 2nd chance to even work?

 

And what if she hasn't broken up with him in a week? Are you going to chase her? Are you going to show her that you are just the needy insecure man she left? I'm sure that'll drive her right into your arms. Do you really think you are that special to her that she'll be faithful to you? She couldn't care less about you the first time she dumped you.

 

You are in a horrible position, but too lovesick to see it. You are waiting around for some girl who has kept you on a short leash for the last few months. You've let her toy with you left and right, all the while she was getting mad dick from another guy, now you are willing to wait around until she decides she doesn't want the other guy anymore. She gets to have two guys drooling over her, and you get nothing but words. Oh, I'm sure that's a great position to be in. I do envy you, I really do.

 

She screwed you over, she's screwing this guy over, and she'll screw you over again. Maybe this new guy is leaving for the summer, and she doesn't want to do the long distance thing. You, and your glorious pedestal you have her on, will work just fine for a summer fling. A stand-in boyfriend if you must. Then, in the fall, when a whole new crop of ponies come onto campus, she'll dump you faster than you can spell dump.

 

If she really wanted to be with you, she'd have broke up with the other guy already. No excuses, no questions asked. It would have been done already. She wouldn't still be with him. She had no problem cutting you loose. Yes, this current guy was in the picture when she dumped you. You just refuse to believe it. Why am I so confident? Well, look at her actions right now. She's got you hook line and sinker, AND she's also got Mr. Rebound. This isn't a one time thing for her. This is her learned behavior and her standard operating procedure.

[reallyconfused2542]

but then again i read the post above mine and have to agree with it. my judgement is extremely clouded at the moment

[betterdeal]

Anybody happy that i might be getting my girl back?

Anybody think im more than just a doormat taking back a horrible girl?

Can i do anything right?

 

I'm happy that you're happy.

 

Man, all you can do is acknowledge your own feelings, needs, likes, desires and find ways to honour those. As I said before, pay attention to your feelings and work from there. There are no rules, just consequences.

 

Be honest with yourself and you'll do as well as you can in this life. Sometimes these break ups turn into growth points in a relationship. It's often all down to communication, and that starts with communicating with yourself and then with those you choose to share with.

 

Take all advice with a pinch of salt. It's often a form of nostalgia and therefore very personal to the person who gave it. You're doing well. You've told her how you feel, what you want her to do, and what you are prepared to do. What you feel and want may change. In which case, rinse and repeat.

 

Keep up the good work.

[Doodled]

I've come up with a bit of a compromise for you Shawn if your not willing to take my advice thus far. Meet with her and tell her you are not ready to get back together with her yet and that you would prefer to date her for two months and at the end of those two months you and her can talk about a relationship.

 

If she jumps to do this then do it. And be very strict. I would even say for the first month no serious intimate physical contact. If she says no then tell her to **** off.

 

What your doing is asking for her to commit to growing a real relationship. Depending on her reaction to the offer you can determine whether she really wants you back or not. At least in theory. And don't tell her why you want to do this. Just tell her you would rather date for a couple months and take it from there. Keep your cards close to your chest. She docent need to or deserve to know your reasons. Plus there is nothing mysterious or exciting about the proposal if you explain it to her.

 

Be tough with women and lead them. Hope this helps but again I would much rather have you follow my latter advice and just end everything now.

[betterdeal]

Ask yourself, how does each piece of advice make you feel, and act on that.

[JasonRules]

Shawn,

 

 

I think you'll get pounded in the end. I hope I'm wrong, but to me actions speak louder than words and so far she's all talk. And I don't really care that she met him after a month of being with you.

 

Do you know why you haven't been with any women a month after she broke up with you? Because you have feelings for her, but she had no qualms about spreading her legs for someone else a mere 30 days after she was supposedly "devastated".

 

The truth is this Shawn; I'm much older than you and have been around the block a few times.

 

In all likelihood this is what happened; she met him prior to breaking up with you and slowly started becoming interested in him. She then started asking for "space" and slowly becoming more and more distant. The more distant she became the more you started freaking out and the more closer she was becoming to him. Eventually, they started communicating and at some point they had a "talk". You know the "talk" Shawn? The same kind of talk she had with you. She needed affirmation from this guy that she would have a branch to jump to, after she had dumped you. The guy gave her the assurance to go ahead and pull the trigger and she dumped you soon thereafter.

 

Of course you were miserable, but during this period it sounds like she was ecstatic and having fun with the new guy. Fast forward a bit to the present and the new guy is starting to sour to your ex-girlfriend. Why you ask?

 

Because he's either not cut out to be all she made him up to be in her head, he's just a total loser, or he's an a-hole/player which is playing the field and treating her like garbage. At that point your ex started thinking about the good times with you and was thinking "Time to bail". So she sends you bread crumbs and is regretful, but guess what? The only thing she is regretful is that the new guy wasn't all she hoped he was.

 

So like a fool, she comes crawling back because she is insecure and can't really be truly single to you because you're nothing more than a safety net and an "option", not a priority.

[betterdeal]

And so the mind-readers doth spake.

[Doodled]

Betterdeal shut the **** up. He's on here to get advice. Not to have people pat him on the back and ask him how he feels. We are giving honest, intelligent, and helpful advice. Go over to the coping section if you just want to talk about feelings.

[fetish]

shawn923,

 

No one is trying to rain on your parade here but your parade is headed for a devastating crash. It feels good she may want you back now but take it at face value, its just temporary. And yes i agree with a few others on here, especially JasonRules and WT Ranger, you're a back up plan, an option. Really more for her ego and her convience. You have been WARNED!!!

 

I don't see any good coming out of this for you at all. Sorry bruh!