fool4love Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 At what point should you give up hope? It's been almost 2 months since my breakup, and my ex and I have had limited contact. We were very much in love for almost 2 years, and only within the past 3 months or so, did I notice him slipping away. So my question to you all is, is there a certain amount of time, where you can assume he/she is never coming back? Or is it unique to each individual situation. After a couple days or weeks, one usually still has hope, but after almost 2 months, should you? After 2 months, if he/she hasn't come crawling back for a second chance, is it hopeless? Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 well t is never hopeless, just less likely. But he with drew in 3 mopnths and it has only been 2, so i would definately persue other things...who know maybe he will defunk and come around...but do not hold your breath! Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I would give up hope. The reasons are two. 1. When there is no hope, you will have no more questions about what might happen and you can begin to move on. 2. If he DOES come back, it will be a wonderful surprise. Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Everyone is different. Now looking back to my situation it would have been better if I gave up hope in the first month rather than the second. The sooner you let go emotionally, the quicker you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by tattoomytoe well t is never hopeless, just less likely. I agree! I think each situation is so different.....how long you were together, WHY you broke up, HOW you broke up...all are pieces to the big puzzle. It's impossible to know for sure. All you can really do is give yourself time to pull yourself together and then go on as though it's not going to happen. Build a life for yourself without them having to be in it for you to find happiness. Then, if down the road your paths meet again, you come back into the relationship as a stronger and wiser individual with something new to bring into the relationship. It may even save the relationship from making the same mistakes again. It's a healthier approach than standing in one spot hoping for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 I'm trying to move on, and I've given him his space, but I was left with many unanswered questions as to why we broke up. There was a long distance factor, a religion factor, and for me, a jealousy factor that made me very insecure and needy. But I'm not that person. I'm deep, caring, giving and still very much in love with him. At first, I think he was just confused (and he "claimed" depressed), and took a step back. That was almost 2 months ago. Now, not having contact from him, or any idea of what he's going through, I'm wondering if it's a sign that he's moving on...without me Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 If it's been two months since he has initialized any contact.....I would think it safe to assume that for now....the relationship is over. For whatever reason, it's obviously not something he wishes to persue at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Dear Fool.... Im in the same boat you are. Its been a little over 2 months for us... and I still have no answers. He wanted space for a "few days" after a fight we had...I gave it to him. I AM giving it to him. But I did write a couple letters and then phoned him. But still no answers. Havent seen him since Feb 3. I dont know when to give up hope. I will admit it...I havent yet...Im still in that mode where I keep hoping he is making a mistake and coming back. But I dont know. You are feeling the same as me. All I can say is...Just take things one day at a time. We cant project into the future. Its a bad thing to do. My therapist told me live for the day. Hes not in your life RIGHT NOW...who knows if he will be in the future. He may be...he may not be. But you gotta live for you. Now....If I can only take my own advice... *sigh* Just keep coming here to talk. It makes you feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 Actually he emailed me about a week ago (responding to my emai) and said that he felt awful for hurting me, that he did and still does love me, and that whether or not I replied to his email, I was in his thoughts everyday. The last time we saw eachother (about a week after the break up) he was very emotional, crying, confused, telling me how he was depressed, and couldn't give me back the feelings I was deserving of. For awhile I was worried about him, then with less and less contact, I became hurt and realized that it was probably over. I would love to talk to him, or email him back, but I haven't replied to his last email, and I think that's best for now. That's why I'm looking for outside insight into what he may be thinking or going through? And if there's hope, I would fight to the death for him back! Link to post Share on other sites
nikkilove Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 for your own wellbeing, it's best not to worry about what he's thinking or feeling, and move past this........I know it's hard, I've been there too........but you have to move on, the quicker you get past the "what ifs" , the quicker you can move away from the emotional turmoil you are putting yourself through. If he wants you back, wants contact, believe me.......he'll initiate it. You will be a much stronger person if you let it go. You never know, he might be like "hey, why hasn't she called me??!!" and get ahold of you. Sometimes, I think they expect you to be pining away, and you are much more desireable if you get on and get busy with your life...........and leave them wondering, instead of the other way around, ya know? I had a guy break up with me when I was in HS and I never called him after that ...........and several times over the years, he found a way to get ahold of me........we're talking even 10 years later, he'd call out of the blue........another guy I went out with, it ended, and again, I let it go.........he found me on classmates.com and started emailing me.........I'm such a big believer in keeping your dignity and pride intact especially when they end it, and cease further contact on my part. I honor their choice and curiosity usually gets the best of them and they call wondering why I didn't...... they've actually told me, they expected to hear from me, I'm like "why, it's over just like you wanted, why would I call?"......... They always seem to regret it, and everytime they got ahold of me, by then, they were less desireable, and I had moved on. Every single time! Not that there's a whole lot of ex's in my life, but I'd say I was dumped 4 times and all 4 of them found ways to get ahold of me, since I didn't call them after that. Have faith, it will get better Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 What if I just sent an email...explaining that I'm glad he responded to me w/friendly closure, and that being in love taught me a lot about myself, and relationships so much so that despite the pain of us ending, I am forever grateful for the chance to get to know him. I want to keep the lines of communication open, on friendly terms, and I worry that if I don't contact him back (it's now been well over a week) that he will move on more quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
nikkilove Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 Originally posted by fool4love What if I just sent an email...explaining that I'm glad he responded to me w/friendly closure, and that being in love taught me a lot about myself, and relationships so much so that despite the pain of us ending, I am forever grateful for the chance to get to know him. I want to keep the lines of communication open, on friendly terms, and I worry that if I don't contact him back (it's now been well over a week) that he will move on more quickly. I wouldn't do that. I always wonder why women (yes, me included) worry about what the guys think, when the guys the one who dumped them? No can do, you have to do what is best for you, but since you asked: I wouldn't contact him and tell him any of this. Personally, I think it can come off looking desperate (he dumped you remember??!), and you will look much better not contacting him at all and leave him guessing as to how you feel. TRUST ME, he will contact you if he has any thoughts to be with you again, if not, take it for what it is: he's moved on and so should you. I don't mean this to come off harsh, as I only wish you the best. You asked, so this is how I would handle it. You do what is best for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 I haven't contacted him...yet and each day that goes by, I'm glad that I haven't. There's just so many what if's in this situation. What if there hadn't been long distance, what if we had a chance to discuss the issues of the breakup (besides his depression, or confusion over the future), what if I were jewish? I just can't seem to move on. It's a sickening, haunting feeling that won't go away. I know that no contact is the right thing, and you weren't too harsh, just honest. But what if he's on the fence, I would at least like to stay in his thoughts if there is still a final decision to be made over us. If not, if he doesn't love me, if there is someone else, then yes, I will move on... Link to post Share on other sites
tom_gbr Posted April 9, 2004 Share Posted April 9, 2004 im hoping for a second chance and im hoping that it will happen through no contact. on day three so far...she will start to wonder soon why i havent contacted her...she knows i still love her and that im missing her like hell...im hoping that time apart from each other is what it will take for her to miss me and realise what i mean to her. she knows what im like with contacting her...this is the longest we have ever gone with no contact at all...i would love for a second chance as i have learnt so much from this break up. when we were together i was so worried about loosing her that i came over possesive and jealous at times...but now i know what its like to loose her as its happened i would give her so much more space and the jealousy wouldnt be there as if she wants me back why should i be jealous of other guys?....if that makes any sence Link to post Share on other sites
Author fool4love Posted April 9, 2004 Author Share Posted April 9, 2004 I think some people are just the jealous type. Unfortunately, that's us. And that is something we both need to work on for ourselves. But I feel, that sometimes, jealousy can stem from insecurity, or a lack in feelings that your partner isn't reciprocating. In my situation, he had a lot of platonic girlfriends. It drove me nuts. One of whom he was particularly close to. They were in school together, she depended on him for emotional support, and they lived in the same complex together the first year him and I dated. It was hard. I harbored such negative, jealous feelings for her. Eventually I popped, and lost my cool, and cried, and showed how insecure I was of his female friends. I think that too, was one of the reasons he broke up with me. But I just tell myself, that if he isn't willing to prioritize me first, and work through issues of jealousy or insecurity, how would we ever handle to big stuff in life that you have to go through after marriage. The "one" never leaves you. She/He will want to work through your issues and keep you close. Link to post Share on other sites
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