Strange, icky situation

[Amy]

I was on vacation touring Europe this summer and I met this older man around 60 on a guided tour. We had lunch together and he then told me that if I had any trouble getting a place in the youth hostel that night that I could stay in his hotel room for three nights as there were two beds. He didn't seem like the kind of guy who would be interested in a young woman, so I took up his genuine offer.

 

We talked alot, he took me to a nice restaurant, and he seemed like an uncle to me. The next evening, though as I was telling him a story about the problems I was having with my boyfriend he kind of made strange gestures and showed little indications that he was "interested" in me. I just ignored them and he said he was having his own little "problem".

 

The final evening was spent with him telling me all about his past marriages, relationships, children, and sex life, which I really wasn't interested in hearing about. He told me that he was sure we were "missing out on something" and it was too bad he wasn't 25 years younger. I told him I wasn't interested in that type of relationship, but for some odd reason I flirted with him.

 

That night I can't believe that I let him "feel" my chest through my night-shirt. At one point I told him to stop and let me have my "space" which he did.

 

I felt really gross and icky the next morning that I had actually let myself be fondled by this old man. I told him straight out that there was no way we could ever have a serious relationship.

 

"Why not?" he asked.

 

"first of all because you're too old for me. Over thirty years of age difference, and this is just not natural or right."

 

"But Anthony Quinn does it," he pleaded.

 

"Yeah, but he is super famous and rich".

 

He reluctantly accepted this reality, and i was relieved that our meeting came to an end. He told me that if I ever needed help or a job that I could count on him.

 

Now I feel really ashamed and dirty with myself for ever having accepted such a proposition even though nothing happened. I was so worried about not having a place to stay at that night that I went with this man, and I guess I had let him fondle me because I felt like I had "owed" him something for staying and eating for free.

 

This man called me up at home today asking how I was and I told him I did't want his help or anything more to do with him. Did I do the right thing? What is your opinion on this whole situation?

[Tony T]

You did the right thing by telling him you no longer wanted anything to do with him. But you have got a lot more guts than most young ladies by accepting a male stranger's invitation to share a single hotel room for three nights.

 

In America, that would send a loud and clear message to a man of any age that you were open to some serious action. So while you were right to correct a serious mistake by setting this old guy straight, it was a horrendous, if not potentially fatal mistake, to have taken him up on the offer in the first place. You are very lucky it turned out to be a pretty civil gentlemen because there are lots of guys out there who would have forced themselves with a bit more passion and scope than just touching your boobs.

 

Just forget the whole thing happened...except for the part of never doing it again!!!

[Deejette]

I just don't think it is ever a good idea to accept an invitation from a man to share a room (unless you are invovled with him). I have gotten quite a few such invitations and have realized that it is just too intimate to actually sleep with a stranger, even if in separate beds. You really are lucky that he didn't rape you. If he had, some people might say, "You were asking for it." Also, I have been in situations where men have taken me out on expensive dates and I have felt subtle pressure to allow them to get closer to me than I would have normally. So it is understandable, but avoidable.

You did the right thing by telling him you no longer wanted anything to do with him. But you have got a lot more guts than most young ladies by accepting a male stranger's invitation to share a single hotel room for three nights. In America, that would send a loud and clear message to a man of any age that you were open to some serious action. So while you were right to correct a serious mistake by setting this old guy straight, it was a horrendous, if not potentially fatal mistake, to have taken him up on the offer in the first place. You are very lucky it turned out to be a pretty civil gentlemen because there are lots of guys out there who would have forced themselves with a bit more passion and scope than just touching your boobs. Just forget the whole thing happened...except for the part of never doing it again!!!