article on being friends with an ex

[tattoomytoe]

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=1781&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544658

[Arabess]

That was an interesting article Tat.

 

I DO believe people can be friends with their ex....but the depth of it may limited to the reason of the break up. There are times when a person has to forgive to get beyond it....but doesn't neet to forgive to the point of forgetting....thus repeating the mistake.

 

I think it's a very fine line. It also gets clouded by people who say 'lets still be friends' when the motive is to actually hope to repair the relationship back to it's original form. This can be very painful for the 'hopeful' party.

 

If I tried to be friends with my last boyfriend, within 3 months I'd be in turmoil all over again. It would be a great big mess. It's best for me not to go there.....and I never will.

 

Maybe it has to be a judgement call....I don't know.

[tattoomytoe]

well i always say "but we can still be friends" even if i do not mean it. i figure most the time you break up it has to do with something bad...so piss on them!

[hurtingandconfused]

so piss on them!

 

I agree. Damn I sound like a bad person eh?

[Heartfelt]

One of my best friends right now is an ex I used to live with. Now granted, it was 11 years ago when we had a year long relationship and it pretty much ended mutually. A lot of time passed where we had no contact, like 3 years, then we would talk on the phone or meet for coffee every now and then just to see how each other is doing. Then we had another period of about 3 or 4 years of no contact. Well, she finally called me one day, she's married to a guy that's wonderful to her and I'm real happy for her. They just celebrated their 2 year anniversary. I kind of envy her because I want to find someone too. I've met him before and I like him, he's a really good husband to her. She said he was a little jealous of me at first but he understands that we are just good friends now, so much time had passed since we were together. I still love her as a close friend, I knew I always would. We never had huge problems. It was just a matter of her wanting to get married and I wasn't ready. Now, she is really there for me as a friend because of what I'm going through with a broken heart. We act like best buddies and sometimes meet up for drinks or lunch. It's real nice to be this close of a friend with someone whom I've known for so long and who knows everything about me. Maybe we're lucky, most couples that close that break up can't do that.

[hurtingandconfused]

It's maybe because I am not completely over my ex, but I feel rage coming out of my heart . (It's hate, the worst kind of it)I don't think that I'll ever become friends with my ex. Maybe that's how it starts out eh? Hate then forgiveness? I honestly think that I cannot do it..well see within a couple of years.

[Heartfelt]

Originally posted by hurtingandconfused

It's maybe because I am not completely over my ex, but I feel rage coming out of my heart . (It's hate, the worst kind of it)I don't think that I'll ever become friends with my ex. Maybe that's how it starts out eh? Hate then forgiveness? I honestly think that I cannot do it..well see within a couple of years.

 

 

Ya, you definitely can't do it while it's still a fresh break up. It was 11 years ago when she and I were living together.

I hate fresh break ups and heartaches, it really SUCKS. Sometimes you have to get mad in order to get over them and move on.

[lady104]

Yeah. After I was dumped, I said "we can still be friends". I think he was surprised! But I think it's the mature decision. Even if you're not strictly mates, even if you don't relate like your other friends because of that unusually intimate history and being dumped, at least you can avoid things getting awkward. The best way. I thought there might be some hope of getting back, but now I'm sure there isn't. At least there was an option at some point!