Believer69 Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I only received one response, please people, I need advise!! OK, I know I'm not the only one who has had this issue. my BF has never been in serious relationship, and this one happened fairly fast. Anywho, he stated up with an old friend of his who he hadn't been in touch with for several months. Since they have been back in contact, they see each other ALL the time. We live together, and with that, should come some type of communication as to when you will not be home, right? I think so. All I want is to know ahead of time that they will be spending the evening together, so I know to make other plans, etc. Unfortunatly that is not how it happens. It is a phone call from "Jack" and then he's out the door. They do stupid things like play video games, or watch cartoons. Yes, I see that is the "boy" inside, but what about me? I have explained my upset to him, as I said before, its about 4 times a week. My BF is on partial unemployment and only works 15-20 hours a week, and "Jack" is a college student, they spend HOURS together while I'm at work, but thats not enough apparently. So, I get upset, my BF doesn't love me, or I bore Him, and get all drama queen on him, and it doesn't help, obviously. Now I see it in him, the urge to go...but he doesn't because he knows I will be upset. I don't want to be bossy or anything, cant they just make plans!! And occasionally on the spur of the moment hang out, but it was ALL the TIME. I have heard him tell "Jack" he didn't want to hang out, but then some how, "Jack" convinces him. I don't think "Jack" is being very GF friendly. I am sure other people have this issue, what do you do. I don't want my BF to have to choose. AHH its so frustrating! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I went through that early in my marriage. It used to piss me off royally! I just started living my own life and not telling him where and when I was going. If we made plans for something, I would suddenly have to cancel He got so mad at me after about the third time and I just looked at him and reminded him that if his friend Mark had called he would have gone with him and I pointed out several examples. He finally 'got it' and became a bit more considerate of my feelings. He made a firm commitment to me for each week -- just like when we were dating and he used to drop Mark for me. We also had other understandings - like, if "Mark doesn't call on Saturday, what say you and I do...." That let me know that if Mark DID call, our date was off. I was disappointed sometimes, but I couldn't be mad at him because we had previously set our boundaries and agreen upon them. Talk to your guy seriously about this and be very clear on your boundaries. It sounds like he is taking you for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
Indiana Chick Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 To me (just my opinion) it sounds like he is having an affair with this "jack" guy! Have you ever met him? Could it be he is using "jack" as a cover up for an affair with another woman? If you have met "jack" then I would say where there any signs of him being attracted to men? It is NOT normal for a man to spend so many hours (not just in the day but in the night too) with another man watching cartoons and playing video games why doesn't he bring "jack" over to spend time at your house for awhile? Must be something at the guy's house he finds mighty "interesting" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Believer69 Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 I have had the thought that maybe "Jack" is gay. He pulls these guilt trips on my BF so to make him come over. I have met him, he does have a GF of his own, but she is away in college. IT feels like an afffair to me, but I know it isnt. He just doesnt see it an a problem. He says I'm not allowed to have friends? Which he knows is of coarse un true! Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 are they junkies? how well do you know your bf? Link to post Share on other sites
Uno Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 there are things a guy wont want 2 do with girls. or u. i mean i have a girlfriend and i spend more time with my friends than her. i cant do everything with her and she doesnt excpect me 2 do everything with her. i can see from your approach 2 video games and cartoons u dont do them so if he likes playing and watching cartoons he does it with his friend. there is NOTHING u can do about it than thinking and being upset. just relax and give him his time and meanwhile find yourself some stuff 2 do. by the way he might have got tired from seeing u all the time. well not bored from u maybe but needs more time alone. i'd advice u nt 2 do anything about it cause it aint your fault if your parsonalities with your bf doesnt exactly match srry 4 being very negative but this is what i think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Believer69 Posted April 8, 2004 Author Share Posted April 8, 2004 Uno, I dont think that was too negitive. Its the truth you cant expect to spend every minute with your othe half. I think I might be a little clingy, but att he same time it is a little strange to me. I mean, we do live together. BUT, we dont spend all that much time together. No, he isnt a junkie. I can say that with 99% surety. Thanks for the responses. Link to post Share on other sites
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