He's abusive, I'm scared.

[Kaito]

Thank you, both of you. I'm having some new concerns.

 

I am starting to like this guy I'm talking to. His ideas about what he wants in his future, his likes now, his skills, his attitude -- everything I either find interesting, attractive, or on key with what I want out of life and a partner. I met him from that dating site I joined. I REALLY did not mean to find anyone I liked. I didn't think it could happen! I never met anyone that interesting on it (heck, I met my ex there, and look how he turned out!)... I really just meant to find someone I could casually talk to and clear my head / find a confidence boost / see that guys aren't all bad (even if the communication with them would be superficial at best).

 

Well, this guy.. let's call him Leo (no its not his name). Leo is very handsome. He is very fit. He is WAY above my league, but he doesn't think so. He is kind, he doesn't seem to take offense to anything easily, he is interesting, we have a lot of similar likes, he is easy to talk to, and as I mentioned before he has goals in the future on par with mine. I've only been talking with him a few days, though... so I don't exactly know all there is to know. Still, at first sight, he will mention things he wants / likes, whatever, without me ever mentioning it... and its something I also feel similarly about.

 

He does not seem to be lazy at all. He builds stuff, works out, takes care of his land, this and that. He also likes to teach himself things, read books, all stuff I love to do myself. He cooks too, bonus He is also attending school for a career -- one I find very respectable as anyone else would. He does not work now since he is trying to finish school up. He does want a PT job for the summer though, since school is out. He pays his bills, is good with money cause its tight, etc etc. Personally, I don't care if he works or not right now cause if he is in fact in school for a career (nursing), I think thats even better.

 

Anyway.. to the point. Right now all we do is talk. There is a little bit of flattering here and there, but no serious dating talk, no intense flirting, etc. I'm trying to take this as slow as I can. My problem is... what if this turns into something? I was supposed to stay single! I was not looking for this at all!! I mean it, too. I guess I was playing with fire going on a dating site, but those guys aren't usually this cool!

 

If this turns into something, I'm afraid how I will deal with my ex. I am going to try and keep it at bay as long as I can, hopefully until this separation is as done as its gonna get right now (things like his name on my vehicle's title, the house's deed, etc., has to wait a bit)... but by the end of the month everything else should be taken care of.

 

I know its silly to worry about my ex... I mean, really, I'm letting him GO. He should and will be out of my life completely, I shouldn't even entertain his notion of being "friends"... as you all say I'm sure its just a ploy (subconscious or not) to keep me close, keep an eye on me, maybe get me back, etc. I cannot be friends with him and go on to date someone. Its too soon for that. I have no problems being friendly with an ex if its an OLD ex, like a few years and I'm more than well moved on... (well, my only other ex still won't talk to me though, so I guess I can't really say that lol)... but I can't do that so soon. I know my ex would be weird about it, probably still controlling, probably rude, and I do not need to hear that, nor does he even need to know about it.

 

I guess I'm being silly, actually worrying about how he would react... why? He needs to go!

 

I'm also worried about myself. I thought this would be too fast to move on. I didn't think I could even be slightly interested in someone else yet. But... well, I think Leo is pretty cool! And I definitely would't mind trying to date him. I don't want to wait 6 months though, yanno? Do I really need that long single period? I'm going to try and just be friendly with him until next month, hopefully I can keep it at bay that long. But just talking to him and having my Ex stop over, and not telling him about it bothers me. But i don't want to bother him with the details of my separation either, so I don't mention it to him. It was mentioned in my profile, it said clearly that he is moving his things out until the end of the month... so... I guess he doesn't care.

 

Still... advice? Suggestions? Am I worrying too much? Is it in fact too soon? Does it not matter if I really found a good thing?

 

Thanks!

[Dust]

Good for you with the new guy. Go NC for ever with the old abusive one. He's nice now but could snap and attack you when you start dating the new guy or even when you some day get engaged or something. Just forget him and stop communication.

[coffeeaddict]

I think you have the right idea in being friendly with him (Leo), it's said the best relationships start from friendships. You wouldn't have to formally be boyfriend and girlfriend to continue getting to know him better and spending time together. Just good solid Human companionship at a time when you need it, as long as he's clear about it and doesn't think he's being strung along. I would explain it to him honestly, that you don't want a rebound relationship but you'd like to get to know him better and see what develops. If a month or two down the road you find there's a real connection developing, you'll be in a better position to start a relationship with him, and if not, you'll have lost nothing and hopefully gained a friend.

 

As far as worrying about the ex's reaction, did he worry about your reaction when he was flaunting pictures of himself posing with girls? Nope, your sadness and emptiness was just a useful tool to manipulate.

Edited May 4, 2011 by coffeeaddict

[betterdeal]

I think you're worrying too much! Be discrete around the ex to keep the separation process going as smoothly as possible, and keep an open mind about Leo. It's a marathon, not a sprint. From the way you're handling this split up, and the fact you sound so grounded and balanced anyway, I don't see any reason to be worried regards moving too fast. Move at whatever pace suits you.

[Kaito]

Update, and then I'll answer people:

 

This morning my ex texted me and really pissed me off. First, he contacted me by saying, "It needs to start hurting less." I said I thought he was doing fine now that he was on a dating site. He said, "They don't match up to you by a long shot." I ignored this for a while and finally mentioned something good about work. He said congrats, asked if I was going out tonight to celebrate. I said no cause I'm exhausted... talked about it a bit.... anyway, I eventually said I was really tired, cause.. well .. I was. I had spent a long time last night talking to an old friend on the phone -- a guy my ex didn't like because I used to confide in him when my ex was being a jerk to me. This friend and I lived together for a short while.. we were living together when my ex and I met. We have NEVER had ANYTHING romantic between us, we are strictly friends and its always been that way. Anyway, he moved out the same week my ex moved in because he missed his friends back in his home state (he hadn't been with me long, moved in to try and find work but it wasn't going so well). Anyway, my ex never liked him, not that it matters for this story. Continuing... I mentioned I was tired, he said: Why?!

Me: 6 hours total sleep in the past 72. Its my own fault for staying up so late.

Him:Talking to all those new guys /gag

Me:Lol. And my friends, Facebooking, reading, etc (I told you about my friend to signify that I wasn't lying here.. I actually stayed up late talking to my friend about the whole situation with me and my ex because I haven't spoken to him in so long. It was always hard and I didn't like hiding it from my ex.. if he knew he'd have been mad. We talked about my friend's plans to move in with this girl he's totally in love with. Very cute story. Moving on)

Him: Well I hope you start dating soon.

Me: Why?

Him: I just want you to be happy. Oh and figure out everyone on earth is pretty much trash and I'm not so bad

Me: I don't have to date anyone to be happy. I'm happy now. Who else is trash?

Him: Well its good one of us ended up happy. Other than this 1 girl I could really fall for the rest have been a waste of my time. And the 1 I like idk if she wold go for me at my current weight.

I said: Well all you need is one. Go slow and by the time you meet her hopefully you'll be at your goal. I'm trying to lose weight too. The one I'm talking to is kinda "out of my league" fitness-wise. (I foolishly felt safe mentioning this since he mentioned having one girl he was focusing on first)

Him: Eh **** all that ****, drinking and parties are so much more simple.

Me: And unsatisfying. Did you really give up exercise already?

Him: Nope going to meet with Danny Monday (danny is an MMA instructor)

Me: Awesome!

Him: I told him the whole story and he is giving me a discount and no contract.

Me: Wow! that's really nice of him!

Him: Well he feels bad for me lol.

Me: I can't imagine why if you told him the whole story. (okay okay I admit that was a little instigating) But I'm glad he's helping you.

Him: Because I've told everyone everything and only u think I'm dirt. Happy it was so easy for you to move on. Makes me feel 100% better knowing you don't care enough to even mourn for a month (okay, I'm like: what?! Okay I instigated a little but I was just being honest.. ouch! And I've talked to plenty, including his mom,dad and sis, who are on my side. And hell, I've been mourning since he became an *******.. mourning that sweet guy that never was there!)

Me: Actually I did care, I mourned every time you treated me badly. You clearly didn't tell them about the depth of it cause you haven't even admitted it to yourself. I don't think you're dirt, you just have a problem and you're not addressing it. But I don't have to worry about that anymore.

Him: I can't wait until the *******s you date **** around on you. And your eyes are opened.

Me: Thanks. (I decided to take some advice from you guys and make it impossible for him to argue. My mistake for that last text, shouldn't have even bothered)

Him: I'm sorry I've seen lots more than you. I'm not the devil you think I am. I hope you truly never have to find out and can live your fairy tale.

Me: Ok.

 

And then nothing for a while. He's okay now it seems. Contacted me again to say an emergency came up and he's not coming to get stuff tomorrow like planned. I didn't want to see him anyway.

 

But he did apologize:

Sorry I blew up on you this morning. I was just sad by how easy it was for you to move on. (There's the truth! And I thought he was mad about me saying he wasn't telling the whole story... it had nothing to do with that. Loser can go drink and touch half naked girls and kiss them and tell me all about it, and I offer encouraging words when he's upset, but god forbid I'm talking to one guy I never met and now I'm the heartless one.. as if it mattered anyway, WE'RE BROKEN UP.)

I decided here to "play nice" again and act hurt like he wants me to. I figure I need to butter him up again after this morning so I still get my contract signed... it was supposed to be done tomorrow but now its looking like next week. Ugh!

 

Now to answer posts:

 

Dust, clearly you were correct! I want to go NC soon but still gotta get stuff signed and dealt with. Its easier for me to play nice right now. The guy I'm talking to is very understanding and still seems interested in me, which I greatly appreciate. Its funny, I have butterflies in my stomach quite a lot lately but I'm not like feeling that "puppy love" high that comes with new relationships. Its more like a slow, steady excitement of a developing connection, and the developing of my respect for Leo... he's a lot like my cousin (she's a girl but, let me explain). They're both low key, smart people. Both VERY passionate about what they believe in. You cannot argue with them without firing them up, and they are very knowledgeable. I love to debate, but I'm not as black and white or fiery about most things. The passion in his voice, and the blunt honesty of, "I tend to get excited about certain topics." ... was just really attractive. I felt like I could learn a lot from him, but felt safe that I could think differently and it would be okay. I wasn't about to debate with him though lol, he knew a lot about what we were talking about and it was certainly a hot topic argument.. I just really didn't have much thought on it because I haven't looked into it.

 

Okay why did I go off on a tangent about him? Moving on.

 

Coffee, I am totally loving this "slow and steady, friends first" approach. Not that I've dated a whole lot, but I tended to rush forward in the past, I think due to uncertainty and a desperate need to feel loved... then again I was much younger and not as strong / confident back then. Now I have no problem with this... I love it. I admit I'll be hurt if he ends up not wanting to take it further in the future, but I'll get over it and move on. If its not meant to be, then that's okay too.

 

Ugh now my ex is saying he misses me and is sad without me. He used a petname he had for me. u.u;; Sigh.

 

Thank you betterdeal, I like to hear when I'm over-reacting lol.

 

Sigh. In better news, a guy I arrested today got in the center on 500,000 bail. w00t!

[johan]

Sigh. In better news, a guy I arrested today got in the center on 500,000 bail. w00t!

 

What does that mean? Do you get commission?

[Kaito]

Lol no its just exciting, makes me feel like I did a good job writing up the probably cause. But this guy made it easy lol. He deserved it. It mostly just means the commissioner did his or her job lol.

[betterdeal]

Do you get to say "Book 'em" and "Place your hands on the hood" and all that? Cool! Actually, women in uniform... mmm. I digress.

 

You handled that conversation the Universe's stroppy toddler (aka your ex) really well, I thought. Once you've convinced him to hand back the TV remote (sign the contract) you can hand him back to the Universe, ending your extended baby-sitting period.

 

When you snapped in that conversation it was when he made pointed remarks about your behaviour. It's almost impossible to avoid taking it personally when an upset ex lashes out so much. You have trigger points, softspots, mental bruises that they appear to be prodding to get you to react. And sometimes the best way to piss someone off is to not get pissed off. For instance:

 

Him - "Happy it was so easy for you to move on. Makes me feel 100% better knowing you don't care enough to even mourn for a month"

 

You - "Yes, it's weird, isn't it? Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

 

The implication here is "so what?" without giving him anything to work with.

 

The more you disengage from him, the more you'll see an upset toddler in front of you. On one hand, you'll feel for them, but on the other you'll be glad their parents are coming to take them back, so you don't have to listen to the constant bawling and mood swings.

[blueskyday]

oh, I love that, Betterdeal! By saying, "Yes, weird isn't it? Anything else you want to discuss?" he gets smacked down and his emotional blackmail doesn't work...It's agreeing and and drawing a boundary at the same time...

 

My abusive ex would always try to bait me, saying things like that. I learned to never argue with him or try convince him that (in this case) I mourned him or that I was a good person....

 

Bottom line, never reward that kind of talk with defending yourself and explaining...save that for a real relationship when the person you are with is actually looking for validation, not control like this dumb a** guy.

 

A one line response is the best. I also said a lot of "That's your opinion, I guess, but not mine."...then moving on...

 

Please, stop discussing things with this guy. You can't help but get sucked in when he does that...it's a numbers game. The longer he gets you to talk, the better chance he has of wounding you into explaining yourself and once again giving him control over you....

 

Just a thought, but when he talks about other girls, you do realize that he is trying to make you jealous, right? I would say, "Good for you. Hope it works out." That's the OPPOSITE reaction that he wants, so score one for you, and his control doesn't work.

 

Also, when he says that you are the only one who thinks he's a dirt bag, know that he is trying to dismiss you and make you think you are crazy. Everyone loves him, but you! You are the one with the problem because you don't see him clearly....WRONG! We know he's a bad guy, and believe me, everyone else who knows him well knows it, too...don't fall for that crap...see it as an attempt to control you and make you feel bad about yourself so you will feel sorry for him and try to build him up.

 

Next time he says that, you can simply ignore that kind of comment...don't compliment him on ANYTHING, don't make him feel better...practice saying "That's too bad." or "I see it differently, but I understand."...then get off the phone...

 

Seriously, you have no idea that he is looking for any little crack in your resolve so he can stick a crowbar in it and break it wide open...seal all of those cracks up...be a concrete wall...

Edited May 6, 2011 by blueskyday

[Kaito]

LOL betterdeal. I have told people to place their hands on the hood. I'm not sure if I've ever said "book 'em" but its entirely likely.

 

He contacted me last night, saying how he misses me, misses pleasing me, making love to me, etc. etc. I can't say I feel the same. Not even close. I didn't answer him for a while and he was like: fine ignore me. All I was texting him was crap like ":(" or whatever, nothing meaningful he could start a conversation off of or get any impression about what I was feeling.

 

 

Betterdeal... love the analogy lol.

 

Blueskyday, I am bad at definding myself, but I'm learning. Last night he didn't necessarily instigate but he was contacting me a lot and I never gave him any info to go on and argue about.

 

I know he's trying to make me jealous. Actually, everytime he mentions a girl I ask how its going, good luck with her, I hope you have/had fun, etc etc. all very encouraging things for him to move on... thing is, I mean them lol. I just feel bad for her...

 

"Also, when he says that you are the only one who thinks he's a dirt bag, know that he is trying to dismiss you and make you think you are crazy. Everyone loves him, but you! You are the one with the problem because you don't see him clearly....WRONG! We know he's a bad guy, and believe me, everyone else who knows him well knows it, too...don't fall for that crap...see it as an attempt to control you and make you feel bad about yourself so you will feel sorry for him and try to build him up."

Ugh, I should have realized he was trying to make me feel crazy. I knew he was wrong cause I've spoken to just about everyone except his friends in MD, and his whole family agrees with me so I knew he was nuts. He probably hasn't even spoken to his own family and is only talking to the people who he knows will agree with him, aka have only heard HIS side. "Oh boo hoo my dream girl left me and took my house, truck, and dog, boo hoo... I was so nice to her, I may not have been perfect but I tried so hard... "Etcetc.

 

In other news... had my counseling today. It was just the preliminary "get to know you" session. But I enjoyed talking about the abuse / relationship like it was a story I read. It didn't emotionally effect me this time around. No crying, no remorse, no nothing. Just: This is what happened to me.

 

I have another one Wednesday, we'll see how it goes. She recommended another book about abuse I'll probably pick up soon. She asked me to try and identify the traits I have that may make me open to choosing abusive men, because my only 2 relationships have been with angry guys. #1 wasn't abusive, just had a bad temper, also like a little kid lol. And he had to be catered to.... he didn't learn how to peel a banana until college...

 

Anyway, I thought about that. I used to be very weak and had difficulty being myself, defining myself. I would often cling to someone growing up, usually a guy, and end up mimicking his likes/dislikes, etc. For the longest time I pretended to love cars and everything about them because of a guy I liked. I even forgot that at one time I didn't like them at all! But he liked them, and well, my dad worked on them so that just kinda made me think I should like them too. I drifted for a few years and enjoyed it, but never got into the "how to" of car stuff like I would with something I truly enjoy. Now I'm not afraid to let stuff like that go and be me. I'm not afraid to find what I like and not have someone else tell me what they like and me copying it. I'm way more confident now, and quicker to anger if the anger is warranted. Before I was prone to letting people walk all over me.

 

I think I'm starting to figure it out, and I'm less worried now about repeating the same mistakes.

[coffeeaddict]

The translation of, "you need to mourn for a month" is, "give me a month to worm my way back into your life." He's saying you're a bad person if you don't wait a month to even look at another man, but he of course can do what he wants. Then on the back end he claims to want you to start dating other men (that's a lie) so you can, "Find out what a great guy he actually is" because, "Only you think he's a bad guy," that's an attempt to isolate you and make you doubt yourself, "Everyone else loves me, what's wrong with you?" Now he's trying to make you feel sorry for him by proclaiming how sad he is, he's the abuser who broke you down and you're the victim, yet you have to feel sorry for him. I think Dust's advice of NC is the best approach for your long term emotional peace, because he'll intentionally make thing as difficult as possible for you to move forward.

 

Sounds like your previous relationships were with men who sensed that you wanted approval and preyed on that, but as you gain in maturity and confidence you're learning that approving of yourself and loving yourself is the most important thing. Best wishes and stay strong.

[Kaito]

Thank you Coffee.

 

Just a quick update -- meeting Mr. Leo today for the first time! Wish me luck.

[Irishlove]

Kaito, I haven't been to this post in a while and wow it's amazing to hear the change in the way you type. hahaha seriously you sound very confident. I have a feeling you are one of the strong ones who WILL get away and finally stop this cycle on your end

[Mike_d]

Just a quick update -- meeting Mr. Leo today for the first time! Wish me luck.

 

Luck, let us know how it goes. Speaking for self, we are all looking fwd to living vicariously through you

[Kaito]

Kaito, I haven't been to this post in a while and wow it's amazing to hear the change in the way you type. hahaha seriously you sound very confident. I have a feeling you are one of the strong ones who WILL get away and finally stop this cycle on your end

 

Thank you, Irish and Mike

 

I leave in two hours. We plan on watching some movies I can barely contain my excitement. No nerves yet though... I'm sure those'll kick in the minute before I meet him lol.

[betterdeal]

Have fun tonight!

[coffeeaddict]

Good luck, though I have a hunch you wont need it.

[Kaito]

I'm in a hurry cause I'm packing to go to my hometown (3 hr drive) but a quick update...

 

I had the best time with Mr. Leo last night. I feel like myself again. Happy, carefree, energetic... and no fear. I literally have no fear of him and that is such a new, shocking feeling to me. The more I see in him the way a man should act only adds to my resentment of my ex, and makes me want to laugh at how foolish I was for staying in such a twisted situation. Its like night and day... and I am SO happy.

 

Also, he is out of my league physically, but he does not seem to notice... so I'm totally just gonna go with it lol. And I have to say the best part of the night was everytime I got to see him smile, and knowing I caused that smile.. I made him laugh, or else made him happy just by spending time with him... and that was enough. That feeling is so wonderful... it really makes a person feel loved.

[betterdeal]

Bless!

 

There are no leagues. Just people.

[Kaito]

Bless!

 

There are no leagues. Just people.

 

 

Thanks

 

Anyway, I'm really falling for this guy. We were pretty physical last night (no sex) which to me always meant "dating", but I know its not the same to everyone. Well he is smarter than me in that he still wants to take it slow, hang out a bit more to see what develops instead of jumping in. I admit that I have that problem in the past of wanting to get started. My thing was always: if we get along like friends and we are very attracted to each other, what's the wait?! But I know I need to take it slow. He mentioned getting hurt in the past by going too fast. I obviously have too. But like I said... I really enjoyed my time with him. I know I need to watch myself falling too hard too fast, but... well... Lets put it this way. I had made a mental list of things I wanted in a guy a few times when my ex and I were having problems. I always thought my list was too strict and I'd never find anyone with all these traits. The more I find out about Leo, I just mentally check off another trait that he has that I put on that list. I'm starting to have to force myself to focus on things besides him and the time I spent with him, force myself not to dwell on the thought of seeing him again. Its not THAT hard, but I'm a big day dreamer and love to think about things that make me happy, and I tend to focus on one thing at a time... I kinda get attached, not just to guys, I mean to stuff in general. For instance, I wanted to learn about chickens and get some a while back, so for a month at least all I did was read about chickens in all my free time. It was all I talked about, all I thought about. I learned, made plans, prepared, and I loved every minute of it. Now, my focus is shifting to Mr. Leo and I have to stop it cause that's just not healthy to do with a person... I know better now.

 

This is just a tiny emotional hurdle. I told myself I want my next guy to be it. I better be damn sure I like him well enough for that, and I should also ensure he likes me well enough for that or else I'm gonna be stuck down the road with another breakup. Everytime I think of it that way its a lot easier to calm myself down and just get back on with my business. Still, I know how I am... I'm terrible at containing my excitement. Its gonna be a bit tough. I'll try this... limit myself to hanging out with him one night a week tops, the rest of my time spent getting my ex's sh*t out (as I should be doing anyway).

 

Gah. I think what worries me.. is I've been told before that another person wanted to "take it slow"... but he ended up really just not liking me and it went nowhere. That's fine, it wasn't meant to be anyway and I got over it, but I like honesty. Leo has been very honest, I don't think he's just saying that... I do think he likes me and I do not think he was just using me. But I feel nervous about it still.. which obviously tells me I'm having trust issues at the moment... hm.

 

That's just totally ridiculous! I always hated it when my ex didn't trust me because (his excuse..) some girl in the past hurt him. That's bs. I will not do that to someone else. I trust Mr. Leo, why are my feelings so on edge? Maybe its just that normal fear of rejection, especially with someone I am beginning to have feelings for. Any other guy... pfft. So little guys really interest me. But ugh... I had so much fun with him. Its hard not to want to have certainty of being able to do that for a long time in the future -- the knowledge that he feels the same way. He acted as though he enjoyed me, both during the playning games and movies, and after. He didn't act put off at all. He was also very generous with the attention he gave me, very polite, etc.

 

Bah. I'm being stupid. I like this guy. I trust him. He's been hurt, so have I. And regardless, going slow is the only way to go right now. I just have to remind myself "I'm looking for a forever partner. There's no rush. Don't jump in to something that may not be it. Just enjoy it for now."

 

Thoughts? I know this is a mess, My thinking is a little ragged due to this and extreme lack of sleep. In fact that lack of sleep might be hurting me more than anything else. I'm gonna take a nap.

[betterdeal]

Work like you don't need the money

Dance like no-one is looking

Love like you've never been hurt

[Kaito]

Work like you don't need the money

Dance like no-one is looking

Love like you've never been hurt

 

Excellent advice as always, Betterdeal.

[Kaito]

Ex was over yesterday getting stuff. He was annoying and we almost got into an argument but managed to avert it. But anyway, he was talking about the girl he's talking to. I encouraged him, said congrats and all that, commented on how pretty she is (girl is 22, he's 28, she's really hot), etc. Never said one mean thing. So I'm thinking he's okay and I can be a little forthcoming too... WRONG. I mention Leo casually, not even in details, and he picks everything I say and makes fun of it... of me for picking him and at Leo. Really?! Unbelievable! I gave up, started hurrying him out the door. He apologized after, saying he was jealous. I don't get it, the girl he's talking to is gorgeous. He showed me a pic, flaunted her practically, wouldn't stop mentioning her. I was very supportive. I mention Leo in two small sentences, mentioning he's in school and we played games and he comes up with like 5 things to make fun of that are totally ridiculous. He's so stupid, its infuriating.

 

I guess I wasn't any smarter for believing he was okay with me mentioning it. Lol.

 

Anyway, he got some more stuff, we exchanged vehicles, and he went on his way. Sadly he keeps reducing my time limit on things... like now he wants the truck out of his name in 6 months instead of 12, and the house out in 2 yrs instead of 5. Okay , I understand the truck, that won't be too hard. But how am I gonna get the credit for the house on my own? Honestly I'm not even sure how these things work. I might just end up selling it in the end afterall. We'll see... I really do love this place and don't want to lose it.

 

Oh, I also spent another night at Leo's last night. We had a good time. I'm hoping to see him again Wednesday, gonna try and get him to my place and cook him some dinner ^_^.

[johan]

Most people roaming LS try hard to find reassurance in the idea that their ex was completely defective, and that's why things didn't work out. Because it's generally not really true, that can be a pretty empty form of consolation.

 

You have the advantage of knowing that your ex truly is a dickhead. That must make it so much easier to move on from him. The only regret you must have is figuring out how you could have spent so much time with him convincing yourself it was the right thing to do.

[coffeeaddict]

I don't get it, the girl he's talking to is gorgeous. He showed me a pic, flaunted her practically, wouldn't stop mentioning her. I was very supportive. I mention Leo in two small sentences, mentioning he's in school and we played games and he comes up with like 5 things to make fun of that are totally ridiculous. He's so stupid, its infuriating.

 

She may be gorgeous, but he's going to have to invest another 3 years getting her to where he had you one month ago. It sounds like he was going for jealousy, but didn't get the reaction he wanted.